The Risk

There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.Jean Anouilh

Thanks for the constant feedback, it keeps me motivated. Hopefully this chapter will you some insight into their background.

Chapter 8

"I don't want to sound accusing, Nathan. I just want you to know what I felt. That baby was the most important thing in the world to me, while you choose not to acknowledge it was even born. ……. The moment I found out, I was elated, the constant bouts with nausea didn't faze me or the nutty cravings. I was happy carrying my child. …… The labor was tough, but the baby was so worth it, ten little finger and toes, a light feathering of your hair and my nose, so precious …… then holding that lifeless little body ….. It broke me, Nathan. …. The horror and emptiness …….. Its lighter and more manageable now, but I don't know how I-" Her eyes filled with tears.

Nathan's pain was just as real as Haley's. Yet they have never been able to share it with the other, console the other. The loss had been powerful then as it was now.

They stare across the room at each other, each scared to move or speak. The sound of a log splitting and falling to another area of the crackling embers startled them. They both jumped, then quickly turned away.

Eight years later, and the misery and grief continued to effectively keep them apart. Haley had held it inside too long, bottled up. She knew she needed to let out her feelings about it, especially with Nathan. She longed to share it with him. Then finally the pain would die down and they could get on with the rest of their lives.

"Nathan, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blame you for what happen," She whispered, trying to clear her throat and calm her crying. "I never stopped regretting pushing you out of my life the way I did. I was just so hurt, out of my mind with despair. I was irrational and consumed with bereavement."

The man remembered it as if it were yesterday. It was two months after the birth that Nathan found out about the baby and it's death from Haley's father. He was halfway around the world, but vowed to be there in forty-eight hours. He made it forty-three.

"Mr. Scott. It's nice to see you again." Agnes, the James housekeeper answered the door. "Unfortunately, Mr. and Mrs. James are gone for the evening. Would you like me to set you up in your usual room?"

He shook his no head adamantly, looking up the winding staircase that lead to the upstairs wings and Haley's bedroom. "I came to see Haley."

The elder lady frowned with sadness, her hand lightly tapping his forearm. She had to respect her employees privacy. "I'm sorry, but Ms. Haley isn't taking any visitors." She liked the Scott boy and knew he adored Haley and that the young lady felt the same. On occasion, she even thought there may be more between them, maybe a marriage in the future, a family of their own.

"But, I have to see her. I" He paced the marble entry way in tattered jeans and hiking boots, his button down was wrinkled and his hair in disarray. "I just found out."

She could sense his worry and love. He was respectful of his elders, a good boy, but she was sure he would fight her on this in the end. She didn't want him to witness her in such a dramatic state. It would break anyone's heart. But on the other hand, if anyone could get the sweet girl out of her severe depression, it would be Nathan. Maybe his visit was a good thing.

"Don't tell Mr. and Mrs. James, I told you were she was. She's in Lucas's old room …… been there since she got out of the hospital ……. Hasn't spoken a word …… barely eats enough to survive ……. Spends all her time reading children's books and nursery rhymes ……. The psychiatrist comes three times a week, but she hasn't made a break through. That poor girl just didn't need this, it took close to Luc- It's just so unfair." Agnes fanned herself, gaining her composure. She noticed Nathan watching the stairs but yet to take a step toward them. He caught her stare and looked at her. His body was shaking and his face tight with fear.

"Maybe you should tell her I'm here first." She gave a matronly pat on the back. He was always so considerate.

"I'll be right back."

The housekeeper made her way to the upstairs right wing of the home. She doubted Haley would even acknowledge her presence. Shuffling through the short corridor, the Rubenesque woman finally reached Lucas's quarters. Opening the French door, she examined the clutter. Haley had books every where, all over the floor, every shelf, in the chair cushions, and every table was full of children's books, paperback, hard back, pop-up and slides. She could barely see the diminutive female perched in the center of the bed reading and nibbling on an apple. At least she was eating.

"Ms. Haley, you have a visitor." Agnes instructed. Haley completely ignored her, turning the page of the Anne of Green Gables. "Mr. Scott is here to see you." She gauged hopefully.

"Nathan!" Haley shouted and dropped the book. She then turned around to look at the kindly lady who was more like a grandmother than a servant. This had to be a good sign, she was talking, the old woman hoped. Before Agnes knew what was happening Haley had collected a stack of the book, almost as tall as she was and marched out the door, chanting Nathan's name all way. By the time she caught up, Haley had sat part of her library down by the banister and was eying the young man below. He looked up at her, shocked by her pale skin an unruly appearance, but just as smitten as usual.

"C'mere, Hales." He held out his arms for her only to have his body bombarded with books.

"I can't believe you had the nerve to show up here now, you bastard!" Haley's aim was perfect as she pelted him with the hardback books. "Get out!"

"I didn't know, Beautiful. I just found out from your father yesterday." He pleading, shielding his body as he tried to make his way up the staircase and over to Haley.

"I said get out. You're not welcome here!" She continued to ream him with literature, causing him to back down the steps as she stormed down them, her hands full of her weapon of choice.

"Hales, c'mon, let me help you now." He coaxed, tears already falling down his cheeks.

"You should have been there in the first place!" She screamed as the last book sailed into his forehead. "This is all your fault!" She accused, her eyes filled with rage and ire.

"I know, Beautiful." His body heaved from her words, their loss, his regret. "You were suppose to be there!" She pushed with enough force to shove him backwards. He tried to catch her, but she was quick. Grabbing his larger suitcase she swung it around, making him keep his distance. "Leave! Now!" She drug the luggage to the door, sending it flying and out into the driveway. When she turned for the smaller duffel, Nathan caught her.

"I'm so sorry. I never-" He begged as she struggled in his arms, kicking him in the groin and pushing him out the front door as he doubled over in pain. "You promised Luke you would be there for me! I thought you loved me."

"I did! I do!" He fought back, gathering his own strength. "This isn't all on me! Why didn't you tell me? I been stuck in Borneo for seven months! I would have been there!"

"By the time I found out I was pregnant you were hiding out deep in the jungle, you were a little hard to reach. Murderer!" She spit.

"Haley." He sought her out again, trying to hold her, comfort her and himself, but she refused.

"I loved and trusted you. You abandon me, abandoned our-" Kicking him in the shin and standing in the door way she pointed outside. "You're nothing but a murderer!" He obeyed her wishes with his head hung low. There was nothing left to say. The woman he treasured, the person he cared for most in the world despised him. "You should have died instead of Lucas, instead of our-" He was numb now, gather his things that littered the driveway. "I hate you! I hate, hate, hate you!" She added, shattering his heart and spirit completely. He hated himself too.

His voice was weighted with woe. "You should have blame me. You were still in school and I left you pregnant with no real way to contact me. We had that big argument after we slept together and I know you were thinking the night we were together didn't mean anything to me, but it did, Haley."

When at long last he summoned the courage to look at her, she curled up into a ball, sobbing breathlessly. " No, Beautiful. Please ….. Don't cry anymore." He felt the same bitter sorrow when he thought of what they had lost, the irreplaceable.

"I'm sorry," She choked out. "I wanted her so much."

Nathan's head shot up with astonishment. A girl …. A daughter ….. He had never known. The revelation making it that much more real, that much more excruciating.

"Haley…." His tone thick with feeling.

She didn't have to ask for what she needed from him, it was intuitive on his part. Gently, he lifted her from the chair, an arm under her legs and one around the waist before taking a seat and placing her down on his lap. She buried her head in his chest, close to his heart while his found the top of her head. He held her tight, carefully stroking her back for comfort. It was minutes before he was aware of the tears he was shedding, but Haley knew. Knowing he truly cared made all the difference in the world to her. Eventually she was able to re-collect herself, and smile at him.

"Thank you." She said softly.

"Excuse me." She said. "I think I need a refill."

Although he didn't want to let her go, Nathan relented and dropped his arms. "I guess the wine will help us sleep."

He followed her into the keeping, scared to leave her alone right now. Leaning against the dishwasher, he silently washed her before finally asking what had been tearing at him for years. "Why did you never tell your parents I was the father? Why didn't you want them to know?"

"Oh, Nathan. They had lost one son, I couldn't take another from them. They adored you. I was already back in school when I found out I was pregnant, so it wasn't necessary to tell them. It was easy to make excuses why I was to busy to visit, and their minds were elsewhere on the grief at the loss of Lucas. They didn't even find out until after she was born and everything went terrible wrong fast."

"I screwed everything up so badly after we had sex, but I never thought it would turn out so horribly." His scratch voice laced with despair and tragedy.

As usual, Nathan was on assignment on the other side of the earth and Haley resented him for not being there when she needed him the most. During the three visits Nathan got to developed cities in Borneo during his work to help bring attention to the robbing of the rain forest, Haley wouldn't take his calls.

Nathan had freaked out after that faithful night where they had made loved for hours and much of the next morning. Haley put her cards on the table, telling him how in love she was with him and how she needed him. She implored that they be together and have a real relationship. He insisted that she wasn't thinking clearly, she was just distraught from trauma of loosing Lucas just like he was. Yes, he loved her, but it could never be. His work wouldn't allow it and he wouldn't betray his family more than he already had with that magical night.

Even though she didn't believe he wanted her or the baby, she did try to contact him three months after that night, the same day she found out she was pregnant. It was the right thing to do. However, he had already left on assignment. His opportunities to get to developed cities and use modern conveniences such as telephone stretched between months, but every chance he got, he called Haley. Unfortunately she refused his calls, stubborn and heartbroken because she had no way to contact him for months on end and he was missing out on something sacred and fascinating as a parent. It burdened and angered her. She felt abandoned by him and the change in hormones only elevated the alienation.

It wasn't until he had finally left the desolation of the jungles and got to the city of Sarawak that he prepared to leave the country. He missed home. He missed Haley. Tired of rejection and filled with a deep sense of dread, he called her father instead. They updated each other on their work. Lydia had invented a new anti-perspirant that women were going gaga for and Jimmy had played his best golf game, but they missed Lucas terribly and hoped their other son (Nathan) would come home soon. A long mourning silence fell between the two men for a few moments, before Nathan asked what he called about in the first place.

"So how's Haley?" He tried to be casual, but his mind was swirl and his heart was fiercely constricting in his chest.

"Haley hasn't been well, I'm afraid." Jimmy told his honorary son.

"I'm sure she'll be better soon. Is the flu going around? Is she graduating early?" He asked hopefully. Maybe they would have a chance to get away together and work on their issue. Haley had been right, they were in love and he wanted to be with her, make a go of it.

"Um … She took a leave of absence. I'm not sure when she'll be going back or getting better, if ever." Jimmy sniffed and Nathan couldn't stop shaking. What the hell was going on?

"What is it? Cancer?" He questioned with desperation.

"You're family, so I guess you have the right to know." Jimmy explained in a fatherly manner. "You see son, some jackass took advantage of Haley when she was most vulnerable, right after we lost Lucas. The bastard got her pregnant and left her to her own devices. She was so ashamed, she hid it from us. We didn't find out until the baby was born." Nathan felt faint and laid back on the hotel bed, letting the breeze from the ceiling fan coax his nerves. He had a child. "If I ever find out who the son-of-a-bitch is I'm going to hang him by his dick. You hear me!" Mr. James growled. Nathan couldn't recall Jimmy ever raising his voice or making violent threats. He wanted to speak up, tell him that he and Haley made the child out of love. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted by the older man.

"I'm sorry, Son. I got a little carried away." He apologized.

"It's alright, Sir ….. I mean Grandpa." Nathan teased hoping to lighten the mood.

"The baby died that same day, Nathan." He clarified, weeping openly.

"Wha? No! God, No! How?" Nathan choked back the bile rising in his throat trying to seek more of the answers he needed.

"The child was feed and drifted off to sleep in its mother's arms. When she was taken to the nursery, one of the nurses noticed she wasn't breathing. Apparently, there was a blood clot. There was no way to detect it. The clot burst in the leg artery. The angel never woke up. That's when we were called. Haley had a complete break down. She wouldn't even let us have a ceremony and bury the child , she gave her life to science, said she could bare seeing her put in the ground or turn to ash, that she was brought her for more than that. She's in crisis and I can see why, she only lost Luke a-"

"Tell Haley I love her and I'll be there in forty-eight hour. I'm on my way." Nathan hung up and rushed to the toilet where he vomited until he had the dry heaves.

After Haley disowned him, whenever he visited, she was conveniently out of town, away at school or at one of her many charitable events. Her parents never knew the truth, but Agnes wouldn't even acknowledge him after that. He often asked himself why he couldn't confess to them. He always came back with the same answer: How could he hurt the people that had loved him more than his own mother and father ever did.

"I'll take that." Nathan directed toward one of the half full glasses of wine she was carrying.

Once they were seated at opposite ends of the sofa, Haley amazed him by saying, " I'm glad I never told them. It wouldn't have done any good. It took me three long years to forgive you and my parents death to bring us back together." She longed to be back in his arms, caress his bottom lip between he teeth. She ached for another taste of him. Yet she didn't move doubting he would welcome her kisses.

The grandfather clock chimed the hour from the corner of the room and the fire started to expire.

He looked at her intently, "When you turned to me when your parents died, I didn't second guess it. I was so grateful to be back in you good graces, your life. Not once have you indicated we needed to discuss our break up or the time that lead up to it. Why now? Why tonight?"

She swallowed a sip of her beverage and then said, "When mom and dad died and I needed you, you stepped right in. You stood by me. Hell, even held me up some of the time. You never wavered or questioned me. You dropped everything for as long as I needed. You made me top priority. Do you know what that meant to me? It gave us another chance. We've come full circle, Nathan." She smiled at him. "I got some help over the years and did some real growing up too. I can deal with the past, heartache and errors included. You weren't the only one who made mistakes, who was selfish at times. I could write a book …. And you could add the pictures." She joked, wiping the corners of her eyes. "Why tonight you ask?"

"Yeah?" He urged, sensing something serious.

She slid closer to him. He hid his amusement at her distance. Not being affectionate to each other was still uncomfortable for them. He could see she was nervous as she sat right beside him. He didn't know what she was worried about. He couldn't deny her anything.

On average, he was a laid back, but around Haley his emotions twirled like a roller coaster. For instance, the kisses outside, they were intensely physical, a man desiring a woman. He hadn't planned on kissing her. Nor had he expected to become angry and possessive at seeing her with another man. Nathan had no more claim to her than Marcus, especially with the sins of their past.

"I want something more, Nathan. Something I'm not sure you're willing to give." She squeezed his knee. "It's your call."

"Anything, Beautiful." He promised speedily, sensually brushing his mouth across her ear. Yes, he was different. Although the kisses tonight had unnerved him, he prided himself on his will power. In nine years, he had not once release the sheer passionate he had for only her that night. He studied at keeping it dead and buried. It was the reason, he had seen so little of her since their reconciliation. She needed to be at arms length. Controlling his raw desire was paramount in maintain their friendship, the most sacred relationship in his life. He would never willingly do anything to jeopardize it.

Haley giggled, a joyous and refreshing sound that seemed to seep into his very soul. Sweet Mother of Moses, how he loved this woman ….. How he had to have her in his life.

"A bit risky don't you think?" She flirted, despite the fear racing through her.

"I'm not exactly unbiased where you're concerned."

"I might want a yacht." She brought her finger playfully down his chest in a zigzag. His muscles were still thick and you could see the manly definition in his snug fitting tee. This only elevated her attraction to him.

If only she were free to run her hands over his bobbing Adam's Apple, over his broad shoulders, down his toned stomach and taunting him as the played at the tip-. She was really enjoying her imaginary touches of him until he ruined with talking.

"I may not be the heir to the James fortune, but I've got it covered." He went along with her, even though she had a far off expression in her big brown eyes. Was there a reason she had just put them through hell? He wanted to get to the bottom of it. "Stop drag assing. What do you want?"

"You, Sweetie." She eyed as a ton of emotion flashed across his beautifully carved male features. "I want to be lovers again. I want you, Nathan. I'm not twenty-one anymore. I'm a grown woman, with needs and you're the one that can fulfill them."

She wished for more of the fiery kisses he had given her outside. The night they made love, the kisses had been sweet, and meek in their drive. He had took her with painstakingly slow expertise considerate of her limited sexual experience and his need to always protect her.

What they shared tonight in the cool grass was rough, hot, and dominant with male lust. It was steamy and racy with adult longing. She feasted on the core and mastery of the man. His mouth had practically swallowed hers while he rubbed stretch of his shaft against her the bounty between her thighs. Tingles ran down her spine even now as she remembered the excitement of being caressed by him. She prized that more and more.

Nathan was blown away by her request. However, he was positive Haley had given it ample thought as he pushed himself away from her. His fleshed seem to sting from where she had touched it. He tried to ignore the way her breast swelled against her pajama top.

His hands crumpled, opening and closing at the thought of her softness cupped in his palms, his fingertips stroking her large nipples. The were plump and dark pink like ripe raspberries- he didn't need to close is eyes to conjure the images of how she felt in his mouth, under his tongue. He had sucked them and licked them until she lay trembling and pleading in arms. Nine long years and he hadn't forgotten what it felt like to be buried to the hilt inside her creamy , warm center. She had only been a girl then, she was all woman now.

He didn't need to glance at her to know the physical changes. His iron clad control prevented him from allowing himself to wonder about those differences, let alone discover these womanly needs she spoke of. He was already hot and hard enough to thoroughly enjoy the sizzling discovery. She felt right in his arms earlier, so good. She tasted more scrumptious than he had remembered. Her body was made for his. He was forced to remind himself to not give in, he was stronger than his own sexual needs.

"Don't say no until you've at least thought about it."

Lacing unsteady hands in her lap, Haley was the epitome of coolness, but her heart was pumping so loudly she could hear it in her ears like a bongo drum.

Nathan walked over to the bar and poured himself a glass of cognac. He downed his libation in one swallow, enjoy the buzz in his head and the fire in his chest. It matched the fire in his loins. The sheer thought of having sex with Haley was enough to keep him firm.

"Nathan-"

"Ask Marcus, I'm sure he'd be thrilled to volunteer."

"You can't even handle him wanting to hold my hand. Besides, I've never planned on sleeping with him and that hasn't change. He's not the one I'm in love with."

Nathan chuckled, but didn't really find anything funny. " So you just want to have sex? No commitment? No ring?"

She blushed, looking down at her hand. Of course, she wanted all that, but a piece of Nathan was better than nothing as far as she was concerned. She couldn't go overboard.

"Haley, c'mon …. this isn't you. You're an old fashion girl. Why the need to change things? This could ruin our friendship. You know what my career is like, the risk I take. You can't handle that. You could get pregnant again and I can't leave you knowing that. There's a great chance I won't return one day."

She shuddered at the very idea, pictures of her brother flashed through her mind. An energetic talent, cut down in his youth. She hadn't forgotten how close Nathan had come to death this last time. She would never forget.

"I'll take you as you are. It's enough for me. I care about you. It's all that matters." She persisted.

"Not in this case."

"I've lived with the danger for the past five years. I can handle it."

"It won't be the same." He shook his head. "Friends is one thing, but it's a far cry from the emotions involved if we become lovers."

"Nathan-"

"No, Hales. I don't think you can grip the torment that goes along with the situation. Are you forgetting that I love you too? …. I won't put you through that kind of pain again, any kind of pain." He had seen how she suffered when Lucas was killed. How could he purposely subject her to that over and over? Each time he left on assignment she would be force to wonder if it would be his last. The more powerful the emotional bond, the stronger the fear.

"You said anything." She reminded him.

"I take it back. You were right before. I was being irresponsible." He paced in front of the fire, stopping only to add a few logs. He want to say yes, take her upstairs and make love to her over and over until he was worn out by her sweet nectar. He wanted to make her moist with an appetite for him. He wanted to take her in lingering solid deep-rooted strokes, put a serious loving on her until she melted in his hold, screaming his name in release.

Yet he knew he loved her to carelessly to sleep with her and then leave her alone to worry while he got lost in his work. He was stupid enough to have done that during her pregnancy. He wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. If he had to protect her against himself, so be it, no matter what the cost of his happiness.

"Nathan please sit down. Let's discuss this rationally."

He closed his eyes, trying to find serenity within his rocky pile of emotions. He was a practical man, many would say pragmatic. He wasn't prone to unguarded behavior or thoughtlessness. So why did the idea of fornicating with Haley leave him gutless with temptation?

"Please, Sweetie."

"Okay." He shifted back down, letting his neck rest on the back cushions. "I'm listening." His shoulders were knotted with tension while he was aroused at the point of distress. All she had to do was look down and know his cover up.

"The only way I can prove that I can handle your job is by you giving me a chance. I think I deserve that much."

"Haley! Be reasonable! Things have really fell into place for us. We see each other as often as we can. We're an important part of each other lives. Why mess that up? … If we started having sex there's always the possibility you could get pregnant again. No birth control is foolproof, I'm sure you know that."

"Thanks for the public service announcement, Nathan!" She shot back with a roll of the eyes.

He blocked her out having witnessed too many break ups and broken marriages amongst his colleagues. Men and women torn between the demands of the job and the needs of the family. Some cracked under the pressure, eventually they were forced to make a choice: their work or their family.

For years, he's protected Haley from the potential dangers and problems associated with his job. He felt it was a sense of duty. In the process he knew he was going to end up sacrificing his true love, family and real home.

His life was lonely, but it served a purpose. It was rewarding and important to him. After this book there was the possibility of a documentary and another book deal. His first book went right to the top of the best sellers list. The second and third were just as phenomenal. People have been moved by his photos, touched by his commentary. His publicist was already hinting on him exploring the environmental effects of searching for more oil in Alaska. It could mean months away from home, away from Haley.

Would it have been different if they hadn't lost their daughter? Or if Lucas hadn't returned in a vase? There were too many ifs. It was too late for him to change.

He stared into the fire, his chest bursting with regret. He loved Haley and because of that love he couldn't risk bringing her further into his world. They had to maintain a certain emotional distance.

"I'm trying to be honest and open with you. Beautiful, you know I want you. It would be downright cruel to lie about that. You felt how much you excite me earlier. The bottom line, you deserve more than I am able to give."

Haley wouldn't let herself cry as the water tried bubbled to the surface. Nathan was the man she loved and wanted. No one else made her feel the way he did. No one else made her whole.

"Are you interested in someone else?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want that kind of intimacy with another woman?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Don't be a hypocrite, Nathan. You were as polite with me when you asked about Marcus!"

Haley let the wind out of her lungs as she concentrated on regulating her breathing. She had wondered for so long if he was seeing someone. She just been to afraid of his answer to ask. Now was the time to lay everything out on the table. She needed a reply.

"You're a handsome, young and healthy male. It would be naïve of me to assume you weren't involved with a woman both sexually and emotionally."

"I'm not involved physically with anyone." He pledged.

He didn't need Haley to remind him of his virile libido. Sex was a physical necessarily. Normally, it occupied a small fraction of his thoughts. In the past, when the urge came, he hooked up with a woman, just as he got a room when he needed sleep. She didn't need to know he hadn't been with a woman in a very long time or that he had chosen to remain celibate. He was long past the sex for a fucks sake. It had lost it's appeal. Love was another issue. Love is what he felt for Haley, it encompassed his entire being.

"But you're turning me down. I guess I've misread the sign because I was sure this attraction, this fire, this chemistry between us was a two way street. You really don't want me."

Golden brown eyes locked with swirling blue ones. Nathan was the first to look away, unable to bear her disappointment.

"That's not true."

"You see our conjugation as nothing but a big mistake the first time. You had lost your best friend, I was just convenient. And when you kissed me earlier, what about tonight?"

Blood pounded through the veins of his shaft, making it heavy with anticipation. Why couldn't she stop reminding he how incredibly rewarding making love to her had been.

"You weren't easy, Beautiful. I wanted you. Always." Was all he could manage. His voice ruff with impatience. "Why are we still debating this? You know how I feel and why."

"Would it help for you to know that few other men I was with did nothing for me. They couldn't even get me off. I basically used them during our separation period, hoping they could take your place, erase you from my heart, my soul. They only made me want you more." Haley had no pride when it came to Nathan. She loved him too much.

"I wish you hadn't said that. Gawd, Haley!" His sound ragged with lust.

"Why? It's true."

He couldn't remain near her an iota longer without contradicting everything he believed. The man went over to the window, his back to her. Finally, he forced himself to say. "There's someone out there that can satisfy you. The right guy will come along and you'll be glad you waited. You can have it all, a marriage, family, home and career."

"You're the who needs to face facts Nathan. This wasn't a hasty decision on my part. I've thought about it a lot and for a very long time. Subsequently, it took me almost loosing you to prompt me to have this talk. I know you're going to leave again and I can live with that. I accept that. I have my work, too."

Nathan yearned to clutch her to his chest, kiss her all over and give her anything she wanted. She was breaking down his resistance. All he could think about was ravishing her until she came a few diverse ways. Nathan shook it off, not sure where he found the strength to fight her and himself. It was too damn much.

"No," he whispered, his voice gruff. He slammed the empty wine goblet down with such brut force, almost shattering it into pieces before turning and speaking with a voice tense with emotion. "I love you, I do, Beautiful. But I can't make love to you. ……. I promised myself when I came back into your life, I would never hurt you again." He marched out of the room without a backwards glance.

"Too late." Haley puffed loud enough for him to hear. Wails of failure and hopeless threatened to spill, but Haley held them off. They stayed deep inside her ….. Unheard and unshed as she sat noting the dying embers, her heart breaking……

Pamela