The Second Day: Inspectah Deck

"They'll keep coming at you no matter what, so long as you wield the Dildo."

"Huh?"

"And since you wield the Dildo, they'll keep coming at you no matter what. Now, let's see it."

"What, the dildo?"

"No, your mom's bra size. Of COURSE the dildo, you dipshit."

"Hey, that wasn't even in the original parody! You can't say that!"

"But why? Why did the Dildo choose a kid like you?"

"Yeah. Usually it picks skanks, wiggers, and Geraldo Rivera, none of whom really know how to use it."

Roxxorz awoke to find himself back in his bed. He sat up and scratched his head.

"...what's with this dildo?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "What's next, whales in space and small, talking dragons?"

Roxxorz was on his way to the Unusual Spot when he spied a stick against the wall. He picked it up balanced it on his palm, ran his hand over the wood, studying it carefully. "Every part of this stick has been expertly crafted and customized!" he muttered wondrously, shortly before tossing it behind him carelessly and continuing on.

He stopped when he heard a loud SPLORT noise. Turning, he saw he had accidentally struck a cloaked person in the chest with the stick, and now the person was bleeding profusely.

"Oh...sorry...about that," he said. Apparently unnerved, the person turned and strolled down the steps, a small river of blood in his wake

Thoroughly confused by the last few pages of the parody, Roxxorz made his way to the Unusual Spot. As he entered, Pencil tossed him a fresh-water ice cream bar. Roxxorz nimbly caught it and began to consume it, savoring the completely flavorless popsicle.

"Man, this is a drag," Hater sighed. "We haven't even been anywhere all summer, and punting moogles and tossing black people on the train tracks has gotten old. Let's go somewhere."

"Skate park?" suggested Omelet.

"Nah."

"Yo momma's hizzy?" suggested Pencil.

"Har har, fuck you, no."

"That mysterious mansion on the other side of town where something critical to the plot will probably end up happening which may or may not result in my untimely demise?" suggested Roxxorz.

Hater shook his head. "No, let's go to…the beach."

Roxxorz smirked. "What, want to get Omelet into a bikini?"

"More like Pencil in a Speedo," Omelet said.

As Hater and Roxxorz began to vomit everywhere, Pencil dug in his pockets and said, "Mayne, I only got like TREE FIDDY. How we gon' get to da BEACH?"

"I've got eight…no, nine munny," Omelet said, counting out coins. "What about you guys?"

Roxxorz laughed, struck a pose, and said, "With a body like this, I'm priceless, baby!"

"You are SO GAY," Hater sighed. "Look, we're getting to the beach, and you three cunts are earning all the money for me. Now get going."

Some time later, they met up in front of the station.

"Okay, what've we got?" said Hater after they had all compiled their earnings together.

"Well let's see…" said Omelet, emptying her pockets. "…16 munny, three Werther's Originals, and a condom Hater stole from some old guy."

"PERFECT!" Hater cried. "Let's go!"

But before Roxxorz could follow, he suddenly felt an unseen presence knock him down. Looking up, he saw the same cloaked figure from earlier that day!!Omg!!

The cloaked figure pulled Roxxorz up and whispered something to him in an arcane language. (According to Roxxorz's later account, he had said, "Do be do be do.")

"…no hablo," Roxxorz said.

The stranger then abruptly grabbed Roxxorz by his collar and quite gracefully flung him over the edge of the station, which, the author had somehow forgotten to mention, was conveniently located on the edge of a precipitous cliff.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Roxxorz announced as he plummeted thousands of feet to the ground.

"So you couldn't just make a beach? I mean, it's not hard, right? It's just sand, water, fish, gulls, bums, frat-boys, sluts, and creepy old men who look like Jack Nicholson."

"It would give the enemy another entry point…besides, I don't know about you, but I REALLY don't want to see that fat kid in a Speedo."

"Agreed. But seriously, man, you've been sitting at that computer wanking for days now. How much longer will this take?"

"Not long. His memories are returning…his mind is growing clearer…he's beginning to believe…soon, he will have his first period…"

"Dude, not cool. Just hurry up and order the pizza. I'm starving."

TO BE CONTINUED...AGAIN...