Disclaimer: I own none of this. NONE.

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The next day, as Jacob was perusing the vast mysteriousness that is Walmart, Bella snuck up behind him and gave him another big Vampire hug.

"Ew!" Jacob screamed girlishly, and hid behind a furniture polish display.

"But Jacob," Bella whined. "I want to be with you!"

"Go away, stupid vampire by-atch," he said venomously, and bared his wolfy teeth, which were yellow, because he hadn't brushed them in a while.

"Waaah," she said, and then stopped suddenly. "Wow," she breathed. "There's a sale on dishrags."

"Really?" Jacob asked excitedly. "I've been meaning to get some new ones ever since Paul used them as toilet paper."

"Ew," Bella said, wrinkling her nose cutely. "Whatever happened to Billy?" she asked curiously, because, once again, she couldn't think of another tone to ask a question in. Stupid Vampire by-atch.

"Oh," Jacob shrugged. "He's still at the bottom of the stairs. He keeps moaning for someone to help him, but I know he's just putting on an act so he can get his Social Security check."

"Hm," Bella said sagely.

"Homie G's!" Seth exclaimed as he popped out of a nearby washer, which was on display. "Wus up in da hood?"

"Hey, how'd you fit in there?" Jacob asked. Seth eyed him mysteriously. "I have my ways," he said, and then burst out into a verse of "Solja Boy.'

Jared suddenly appeared from over by the cosmetics and joined Seth, singing a verse of 'Hey Jude', because he is an awesome British Werewolf dude.

Suddenly, Quil appeared in a big puff of smoke.

"Hey!" he said. "I have an idea!" (He always has the ideas.)

"Let's go to Bread Co.!" he said excitedly, and they all agreed that this was a very fine idea indeed.

-Ten minutes later-

"Sixty-nine dollars and seventy-eight cents?!" Sam exclaimed irately. "That's ridiculous!"

The guy at the counter shrugged and popped his gum loudly. Grumbling, Sam handed over the money.

"You better enjoy those bagels," he said sternly. "Cause I just spent all of my retirement fund."

Meanwhile, Embry had just stuffed two loaves of bread in his mouth at the same time, and Paul was flicking sesame seeds at passerby's, cackling evilly all the while.

"That's not very nice," Bella said in a whiny tone.

Paul scowled and turned to Jacob.

"You're stupid bloodsucker girlfriend is annoying me," he complained.

"She's not my girlfriend," Jacob said huffily. "She just tagged along."

"Speaking of girlfriends," Embry said ominously, even though he wasn't in the conversation.

"There come ours right now," he finished. In the distance, they could see three people coming towards them at a breakneck pace, whips in hand.

"Sam!" Emily screeched. "You better get home right now!"

"But why?" he whined miserably.

"Because I say so," she said coldly, her nostrils flaring as she stared him down.

"Yes ma'am," he said meekly, and curled up in a ball on the floor, whimpering.

"Hey," Bella said. "Isn't she a little young to have a whip?" she asked, pointing to the five year old Claire, who had a murderous look on her little face.

"Quil!" she screeched. "You forgot to read me my bedtime story!"

"Holy mother of god," Quil whispered when he saw her, his face going white.

"Kim darling," Jared said calmly to the irate girl in front of him. "Back away and put the whip down. You're going to hurt someone."

Her face was twisted into a snarl.

"No," she said, and cracked her whip loudly.

Five minutes later, after Sam, Jared, and Quil had left with their devil-women, the pack had decided to go to the mall.

"It'll be fun!" Quil said, because he was the one who had had the idea in the first place.

"Besides," he added slyly. "I stole Sam's wallet."

Everyone cheered and they got up to leave.

"Jacob?" Embry asked. "You coming?"

"Cheetos," Jacob replied absentmindedly.

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(A/N:) Haha! Fourth Chapter.

You guys know the drill...