The Risk

Love is such a simple emotion, so what's up with the complex meaning?- Mary Lane

Chapter 16

Nathan's smirk was sensually male as his sea foam eyes followed her as she descended the stairs like a old Hollywood starlet.

"You like?" She flirted as she twirled to give him the full effect.

"Oh, yeah." His eyes beamed with adoration during his inspection.

The pale pink dress was a timeless classic with its shirred tub bodice and a slight drop-waist, the ankle length evening gown was the perfect choice for the formal affair. Beautiful soft silk enveloped her body as a train flowed out to the floor like a fan on the full length gown. Simple but classy drop diamond earring and a matching solitaire necklace completed the ensemble. Soft blonde/brown curls framed her face, either ending against her breast or down her back.

He crossed the room and took the ladies hands, still rendered speechless by her beauty. When he finally found the words, they came out raspy and passionate. "You are gorgeous." He kissed the top of her dainty hand and inhaled her honey scent as he pressed his lips against her lightly blushed cheek. His gaze lowered, to her shiny glossed lips. A mere hours before, he had her in the shower and he was already aroused again. If there weren't time constraints he would let his desire override any previous plans the couple had.

A few hours in bed and a shower tryst had did little to eliminate the hunger he had for her. It continued to expand into a deep rage that couldn't be easily suppressed or ignored. They had been apart for far too long. Despite the romantic plans for the gala evening ahead, all he could seem to focus on was how much he wanted her, alone…..naked.

The thought of leaving her cut through him like a razor blade. This would be the first test of their love. Could he handle the time apart? Everything had change, it was so different, more complex since they were now lovers. How could she cope with the distance and danger? Their emotional bonds were tighter than they had been any time in the last five years.

He still had to break the news to her that this would be their last night together for a while. He knew he was putting it off as long as possible, wanting to keep that illuminating smile on her face and light in her eyes. She made him breathless. How could one woman be so exact for him and yet be so tender and good?

"You don't look half bad yourself." She brushed her palms down the satin lapels of his black dinner jacket.

Nathan's strong features relaxed as he held her faux mink wrap. "Ready?" She turned away from him, letting him drape the soft material around her shoulders before Haley faced him again.

He was everything Haley deemed wonderfully male. He touched the most feminine part of her soul. It had nothing to do with the way his suit span the width of his shoulders perfectly or how his pants showed off his firm butt and long lean legs. The silver vest and bright white shirt added to his dark looks. With no tie and the top button undone, you can easily see this man was laidback, confident and down-to-earth. He was what a girl wants from his raven cropped mane to his shiny winged-tipped Italian loafers. No girl could resist Nathan Scott, Haley concluded. It had always been this way for her, and it always would be.

Their intimacy had only proven to her that being with him was more amazing and erotic than she had ever dreamed. He had taken his time, focused on her needs. Loving him was worth the difficulty it took to convince him to add lovers to their already friendship.

At last, they were together….in the most personal way….the way she had longed it to be. Everything else paled in comparison, including her frets over Smith and the daycare.

They drove through the crowded streets, but neither noticed the holiday shopper, tourist or holiday decking. The air was cold and crisp from the fresh fallen snow that blanketed the city. The night sky was light up with stars and a deep blue. No woman could possible feel as loved and desired as Haley did at that moment. He hadn't said those three little words, but she knew without a doubt it was there. She had talked herself into believe she could handle the risk he faced each time he went away. If the lovely girl wanted this relationship, she would have to do this to keep him. Unfortunately, she had her own doubts.

"Once you get to know Peyton, I think you're really going to like her." Nathan winked taking his eyes from the road for just a moment. "She's does an excellent job promoting my shows, even when I'm on the other side of the world. She's a great friend."

"Why have you never asked me to attend any of your shows?" She asked set on hiding her hurt feelings.

"I like to keep my personal life private. Your as personal as it gets when it comes to me, Hales. The exhibits have nothing to do with us. You're there where I really need you."

"But I would love to show my support. I'm your biggest cheerleader, Sweetheart." She wouldn't let the subject end, well aware that he didn't want her to see the dark side of his job and many of his photos would shed light on that. "I went to one once, when we were estranged." She confessed, twisting her hands in her lap.

He reached over and squeezed her knee and she looked up into a solemn sea of blue. "I know, Beautiful."

Haley remembered almost six years, right before her parents death. It was the one an only time she had gone to one of Nathan's showing:

The show was more so sponsored by Mr. Scott than actually his. It was a dedication. According to the newspaper article announcing: Lucas James, The Pictured Words Of A Fallen Icon, Her brother dabbled with a lens too.

As told to the report by Nathan Scott:

iLuke kept the same roll of film with him from the day he started journalism school until the morning of his death. Occasionally loading it in the hand-me-down camera his best friend had given him and snapping a few shots. Nathan swore the film was damaged because Lucas had it for so long and constantly exposed Kodak roll to the elements. The toe head man would only shake his head and toss the enclosed footage up and down in his palm. "Dude, this is my good luck charm. Everything I need with me, everything I love is on here." He would smile before stuffing it back into the front pockets of his jeans./i

The day after the explosion that killed the renowned writer, Nathan found it under the bed in Lucas's hotel room. He must of dropped by mistaking attempting to shove it in his jeans on his way out the door.

Lucas's editor selected quotes from Luke's journals to accompany all twenty-seven pictures Nathan developed from his deceased friends roll of film. They chose Washington D.C. as the perfect venue for the showing since it had a powerfully journalistic city.

At first read, Haley couldn't believe Nathan had the nerve to speak Lucas's name, let alone have a showing in his honor. She had warned him to have no association with her family when they had gotten in the fight over the baby almost three years prior and he still couldn't do one damn thing she asked! Thank goodness her parents were on a twelve day cruise in the middle of the Mediterranean. She made reservations, packed a bag and took the first flight to D.C.. She was still bitter, still lost...and hurt.

The young woman looked flawless as she entered the crowded Crosstown Arts gallery. She had to be stunning when she brought Nathan Scott down from his high horse in front of all his admirers. She was going to let them know how the bsaviour/b of the worlds children and mothers had left her alone and pregnant for months...how, as she was convinced, their baby died of a broken heart. She wished she had been so lucky, but watching him crash and burn would be it's own reward.

The petite revenge seeker, perused her way through the mob of guest snacking on cheese and crackers and drinking wine in the lobby. There was no Nathan . "Too good for the little people now, Mr. Hotshot reporter?" she accused angrily to herself. Climbing the stairs to the second level. A velvet rope blocked it off and a security was posted behind it. "The show doesn't start for another thirty minutes, Ma'am. Please join the others downstairs for refreshment." He said courteously.

"NO!" Haley argued, unfastening the rope from one of the metal post it was attached to and stepping inside.

The guard blocked the much tinier being. "I can't let you in yet, Ma'am. Please return to the lobby." His voice was more stern, but just as polite.

With a bob and weave move she had learned playing football on lazy Sunday afternoons with Lucas and Nathan, she maneuvered around the officer and dashed over to the first portrait. Immediately awestruck at what she saw.

The guard caught up with her, but before he could grab her arm to escort the agile woman out, she spoke. "He was my brother...you know……I loved him….God, I loved him." She choked. "He loved me too."

The middle aged man stepped beside the sad beauty and looked up at the footage. A door-sized portrait of a bikini clad Haley on Nathan's naked shoulders in the surf of the gulf of Mexico. He had this mischievous smile on his face and she was blowing kisses to an unseen Lucas as he tanned on Miami Beach. After dropping the camera into his backpack and blowing back kisses until he reached the pair, he helped his best friend tickle his sister until she begged for mercy. Below the caption, Lucas's quote read:

iTo the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family's grief and joys. We live outside the touch of time. (actually author Clara Ortega)/i

The watchman left her alone as she drifted from one portrait to another candid photos of some girl counting the money inside a coffee cup. Her jeans were tattered and she was wearing an old Army jacket. She must have been a vagrant. Lucas's first publish article had been about homelessness in America. Moving on, she found pictures, of her mother working at the lab, her father playing golf, goofy pictures of Nathan horsing around in his and Luke's door room or at the James home, sweet photos of their parents kissing under the mistletoe, or cuddled up on the comfy couch in the study, reading from the same book. Haley in her white high school graduation dress, laughing at some stupid joke Nathan had told. Haley throwing snowballs at her brother from behind a tree outside their winter cabin, her cheeks red and her cap was sliding down over her eyes.

Only two pictures included Lucas. The first was of the family, including Nathan. It was taken at the Fourth Of July barbecue by the maid, the summer before he died. They were all laughing and smiling, without a care in the world. The second include him, Nathan and Haley with the girl in the center of the boys. Lucas was making a silly face, Haley a sexy pose, and instead of Nathan's eyes being directed at the bystander who was nice enough to take it during their final getaway, he was staring happily at Haley. It unnerved her and she quickly moved along, only to be quite disturb by the time she came to the final selection.

At least half of the exhibit selections were tender moments between her and Nathan. It went from hugs, to forehead kisses, to hip checks or stolen glances. The portrait that had been chosen as the focal center, was something she never expected: Lucas had taking a walk with the girl he was dating at the time. When he returned he found Haley and Nathan had fallen asleep in the park during the spring outing., his body spooning hers as they lay peacefully, her head underneath his chin, his arm flat against her thigh. The picture was breathtaking, romantic and innocent. Then she read the quote underneath:

i"True love knows no boundaries. It is the people involved who create them."/i

She dropped to her knees and cried, the anger and hatred for Nathan that she had held on too for so long leaving her heart. How could she keep it when her even her brother knew it didn't belong there?

Gently, the guard helped her to her feet. No one needed to see her very personal pain. He walked her back to one of the private lounges. Just as he was going out the door to greet the waiting crowd, Haley wiped her tears and asked softly. "Is Mr. Scott here?"

He gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry ma'am. I was told he was called away to Venezuela a few minutes ago. He's already left."

Haley only nodded.

She was sorry she missed him. However, it gave her time to get her head together and her life back on track. She wanted Nathan back in her life. But would he be willing to forgive her for blaming him for their child's death, for wishing he died instead of Lucas? She never meant those things, she was just distraught and broken hearted. Well, whatever it took she was going to fight for him.

Unfortunately, it took the death of her parents two months later for her to finally get the courage to call Nathan. But, she was already forgiven and with a phone call he was by her side.

"But, how?" She longed to know.

"I was in the balcony when you can into the exhibit hall. It was impossible not to recognize you. I always know when you're close. My heart starts racing. You were so beautiful that night, I couldn't move, my legs were like jelly. At first I could see the anger and hostility, I knew coming down would be a bad idea, but I wanted to Haley. I was a coward, too afraid to face you." He keep his eyes on the road, his jaw set.

"Nathan-"

"Please, let me finish." He faced her with weary eyes.

She nodded a go ahead.

"Then I watched you literally fall apart with emotion as you took in each picture and it tore me apart. I figured all the photos that Lucas had taken of you and I did that. I was so embarrassed, that I had hurt you and betrayed Lucas……Gawd! Until this very moment did I realize, he was betting on us." He choked backed the sentiment he held for his best friend, profound brotherly love. "If CNN hadn't called me, I would have found some way to get out there. I couldn't see you like that and know I couldn't comfort you……..you detested me."

They sat in silence for a few blocks before Haley could hide it no longer.

"That was the day I realized that I still needed you…..wanted you in my life." She divulged. "If you loved Lucas enough to appreciate him in his own words, through his own eyes, you were still the man I knew, my best friend.

"Thank you, Beautiful."

The air was thick with emotion and the evening was still early. Haley decided to lighten the conversation.

"So what changed your mind about going to the showing after all?"

"Peyton insist my presence will help bring in more buyers. All the proceeds will go to help these Thailand girls with housing, education, food and clothing. They will no longer have to worry about being prostitutes. They need all the proceeds they can get."

Haley ignored the pang of jealousy floating through her stomach whenever he mention Peyton Sawyer. She was being absurd, considering she had never met the woman. She normally wasn't judgmental and like to take a person at face value. The gallery owner just seem a little too taken with Nathan. Did she want to be the woman in his life?

"I hate these gatherings." He groused.

"I know you're not really the party type, but this is for a really good cause." She encouraged.

"Yeah, that's true."

"Have you ever stayed for one of your showings?"

"No. It's full of phony people. Most of them don't give a damn about the cause. They just want to see themselves on the news, or the society page the next day. My sole purpose of being here, to help every girl in Thailand that's been forced into prostitution. It's important that they aren't exploited but their lives made better." He frowned in concentration. "Someone needs to give the downtrodden and war torn people of the world a voice. I don't mind being that person."

"You make me proud," Haley boasted in a whisper, stroking his hand where it rested on her thigh.

Nathan chuckled, nodding his head. He was deeply touched by the sincerity in her kind voice.

"Do you think there will be reporters?"

"This is New York, Hales. That's like asking if their are supermodels at a Hollywood salad bar. I just hope they keep their distance tonight and stay on subject. Our relationship is personal, I would like to keep it that way. If it were up to me, we would have never left the bed. I don't like sharing you."

Her whole aura glowed as she said, "Nothing can ruin what we have. I feel like I'm in a dream, you and I finally together. Oh, Nathan, I can't wait to share the next few weeks with you."

He didn't reply, taking his hand off her thigh, he gripped the gear shift so tightly, it made a stripping sound as he down shifted. They only had tonight. Sudan would occupy his time tomorrow.

"New York at Christmas is the most beautiful city in the world. It's gorgeous!" She gushed, then turned to him with a giggle. "Remember when you and Lucas camped out in a tent in the garden because you two idiots actually thought it was going to snow in Florida, in September no less……… You guys came home early for a four day weekend during your 2nd year at Stanford and swiped a forty year old bottle of wine mom had been saving for a special occasion and got completely wasted……You guys were so loud, chasing each other around and sword fighting with the hedge clippers you took from the tool shed." She cracked up.

"I'll never forget that. I thought your mom was going to kill us. She was soo pissed. So were we, it turned out to be about eighty-five degrees that night…….. She kept telling us to put on some clothes because we were in our boxers and tee shirts swinging from the front gate and screaming "Free Jiang Lijun!…….. Apparently, your mom didn't think 3 am was the time for political activism." She had your dad pull us down and dragging us inside……. You were suppose to be asleep, you had school the next day, young lady."

"It was the Friday, before Labor Day weekend, school had barely started and I was a big bad senior. I didn't need rest." She smirked. "I swear I thought she was going to have you two arrested for a while. If you didn't have to go back to school in a couple of days, you so would have been in the county jail."

Nathan always looked upon that night with appreciation and acceptance. He was treated just as harshly as Lucas, both getting a severe tongue lashing about how disappointed she was in their behavior and expected more out of them. His own parents never seemed to care as much. Lydia James had loved him like her own and never wavered through the years.

"Dad and I were forced to listen to her gripe about your behavior for a solid week….Is this the place?" She looked out the side window, admiring the red brick faced single standing building coming up.

Nathan stopped at least two blocks away from the entrance to the impressive three-story. The clean sidewalks donned with festive holiday garland and bows. Peyton Sawyer was famous for her lavish parties, and popular showings. Both sides of the streets were already lined with cars.

"I'm so excited. I can't wait to see your work!" Haley clapped her hands gleefully. "I'm glad the world knows just how talented you are, Sweetheart."

Nathan's stomach filled with butterflies. Her undying faith and love for him kept him going. It fueled his body. He grinned, brushing his mouth against her naked shoulder. His lustful eyes watching her lightly tinted lips. His voice heavy with emotion when he said. "Thank you."

"Lucas would have been so proud of you," She said frankly, refusing to let the pain of loose inhibit her honesty. Nathan loved Lucas just as much as she did.

Nathan's swallowed a hard lump in his throat. Just the suggestion of how Lucas felt about him meant the world. Nothing she said could have pleased him more.

He marveled at his blessing. He was so lucky to have this fetching woman in his life. He had lost her once. Never again would he take that chance where she was concerned. Haley owned his soul. He waged against his need to sample her sweet kisses and get lost in her lips. Her taste still lingered in his mind, causing an uprising in his groin. He blushed with embarrassment. One tiny kiss from her scrumptious mouth and he would really give New York gossip columnist something to triple readership.

"Nathan?" Haley questioned when he still had made no move to get out of the car.

He sighed, comforting himself with the fact that they wouldn't be there long, then he would have her to himself for the rest of the night, a late dinner and each other for dessert.

Nathan's picture hung in the two poster frames on either side of the electronic gallery doors, opening as soon as they were within a few yards. An attendant took their coats. The place was filled with exquisite antiques and elegant furnishings. It was cramped with a mass of people.

Obviously the entire main hall and the second level were exclusively devoted to the man's work. Haley bit her lip, studying the picture of an eight year old dressed in a bikini top and hot pants, wearing tons of make up and platform sandal. She was striking a seductive pose as an adult Thai man looked toward the camera and apparently the unseen perverted John trying purchase sex from the child. Her eyes filled with tears at the hopelessness and lost of innocence etched on the girls face. There was a rawness, and forthrightness to this piece that was very much part of his personality.

"Nathan!" Peyton Sawyer sauntered over as fast and as poised as her skinny frame would carry her. She practically threw herself against him, puffing out her limit chest as she brushed it against him and kissed him soundly on the mouth in greeting. "It's about time you got your sexy ass here. As you can see we've got pandemonium tonight. Everyone who's anyone in New York is in this place." She stopped long enough to ask a waiter to bring them some wine.

Nathan moved Haley in front of him, possessively wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her snug against him. Her head fell comfortable back against his chest and he kissed the top of her head. "Peyton Sawyer, Haley James."

"Good evening." Haley held out her hand to greet the woman, smiling to hide her surging feeling of annoyance. She reminded herself that the slim, hazel eyed artist wasn't a threat. Her curly hair was pinned up neatly in the back with a classy swooping bang over her forehead. Her dress was leaf green silk and clearly, haute-couture. She barely acknowledge Haley, let alone looked at her, dismissing her as unimportant. Haley bravely told herself that Peyton's kiss was nothing more than a friendly gesture.

Peyton merely lifted her hand up in a partial wave then smiled at Nathan, pulling his arm as she lured him away from Haley rather rudely. His angry glare did not going unnoticed by Ms. Sawyer, but his date had been blinded to it. Peyton pretended not to see his mad expression. "Babe, the Solomons have been dying to meet you. I think they have an eye on iStolen Childhood/i. Come help me convince them that it would look fabulous in their study. Please excuse us Ha-….Ms. James." Peyton didn't give her a second glance, trying to lead the strong man away.

He was hesitant, his eyes on his lover. "Haley?"

"It's fine…..Go ahead. I really want to look around." She graciously surrendered.

"If you're sure?" Nathan requested almost pleadingly.

She smiled tightly with a little wave of her own as Nathan disappeared up the stairs with Peyton still clinging to his arm.

Chewing her bottom lip, she painstakingly examined each photograph, trying to assess his mood at the time he took each picture and dead set on not feeling intimidated because Nathan had left with a bewitching beauty. She spoke to herself that she had no reason to be bothered, just because Peyton Sawyer hung on Nathan like he was the last straight man in America. No! It wasn't even like that. Nathan was here to support a great cause. The girls of Thailand needed all the help he could provide. But they never discussed being in a monogamous relationship now that they were sleeping together.

Their lovemaking started on a whim, a momentary weakness on his part. If he hadn't heard her weeping, he would never have come in her room that night, nor would he have had reason to console her. She wasn't blind to that fact- no matter how much she wished it different. His love for her was without doubt- but there was an unanswered question that stayed in her head: was he "in" love with her? Haley concluded with woe that she had no more right to him than Peyton Sawyer.

Forcing her thoughts away from her troubles, she discovered that his photos were mesmerizing yet painful to see. She felt driven to contribute. Haley purchased the photograph of a frightened looking eight year old girl peeking from behind a tree while her not much older sisters paid for a bowl of noodles and a spring roll at a roadside vendor. They had recently escaped one of the brothels outside of Nakhon Ratchashima. Her eyes watched their surroundings, fearing someone would come for them.

She was making arrangement for the shipping of the piece to North Carolina with one of Peyton's assistants when Nathan neared her from the left side. His wide palm immediately went to the small of her back and he carefully brushed a few large curls over her back, dawdling at the silky skin of her shoulder.

"Let's go, Beautiful." He whispered in her ear.

She looked up at him in surprise, "It's still early, Nathan. So many of these people came just to meet you." She spoke in awe.

He rolled his eyes. "This is the "It" party of the New York holiday season. They're here to greet each other…..to let everyone know how elite they are by being invited to this shindig"

He took her hand and guided her down a private hallway that ended at a door. It lead to an alleyway beside the exhibit hall.

"Nathan…." She ran into the street with him and down the block like two teens in love skipping school to make out at the beach. She was panting by the time they reached the car.

He didn't speak again until they were pulling off. "I'd much rather be alone with you. Is that a problem?" He smirked, giving her a nod.

Haley laughed, raising her chin to greet his far too short smack on the lips.

They both sat in comfortable silence for a while as he drove through the city. Until Nathan asked. "So?"

"Huh?"

"What did you think of my work?"

"Oh!" She sighed, " It's brilliant. The photos have such intensity, perceptive, and overpowering emotionally." She mused. "You're so gifted. I had to buy one."

"Really," he said, his voice gruff with feeling. He always knew she would understand why he chose this line of work. He didn't realize until then how important her acceptance of his career was to him. "Which one?"

'Big Sister's Strength, Little Sister's Caution', it's so compelling. I had to have it."

Nathan's grin ran all over his face. When they stopped at the red light, he wasted no time bringing his mouth over hers, but the honeyed cavern was addictive and it took three beeps of a horn behind them to break the seal on their mouth and make him return to his driving.

Haley made herself say, "Peyton has a lovely gallery. I'm very impressed."

"Yeah." He remarked absently. Ms. Sawyer was the last person he wanted to think about right now.

Haley longed to ask him questions of the other woman: How long they've known each other and if they had ever been lover, but she did not. She had no right to invade his privacy and she didn't want to come off like a jealous fool the way he did with Marcus after Brooke's party. She had no claim official claim to this man. No rights whatsoever.

Nathan planned to treat Haley like the refined socialite she was. After all, she deserved the very best and he was going to see that she received it. He would give her no cause to regret the magnificent change in their relationship.

How much longer could he put off telling her? It would have to be soon even though his gut was telling him too early to throw it out there. They needed more time. Unfortunately, it was the one thing they didn't have…….

Pamela

P.S. You may be surprised by the true nature of Nathan and Peyton's friendship, but I'm sure some of you have already guessed it.