The Risk

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If you think missing me is hard, you should try missing you.- uknown

Chapter 18

Barely covered by a sheet, Haley was cold. She scooted over, trying to find warmth in Nathan's body, but she found his side of the bed bare. Raising up, she saw him standing in the window, looking out into the beautiful New York skyline.

Her voice was groggy with sleep when she asked. "Sweetheart, why are you awake? Is your wound bothering you?"

"It's all better, Haley." He patted the previously injured part of his stomach for further proof. "Get some rest, Beautiful. It's late."

With his palms against the glass, he studied the late night traffic on the street below and light snowfall pouring from the sky.

She couldn't shake the bad feeling that had overcome her. "Do you regret it?" She asked in a tiny tone, teeming with fear.

"That we're lovers?" He gathered from her nervous expression and lip biting.

"Yes," She said, holding her breath as she waited impatiently for his reply.

Having heard, rather felt her approach, he didn't face her. "What would give you that idea?"

"Well something is weighing on your mind and keeping you awake…..I don't know what else to think."

He gazed down at her over his right shoulder. Inhaling softly, he muttered, "Beautiful, so you're a psychic now?" He drew her closer, placing a kiss on the top of her pretty head as he placed his arms around her waist.

"No or I'd see just how hot you're going to still be at fifty." she whispered, pressing her naked breast against him.

"God, I love you." He chuckled.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me, Hales….. Don't act so surprise. You've know I've loved you for years, been in love with you way before our first time." His voice laced with emotion. He stared down at her dainty feminine features. "Ass backwards in love with you."

Climbing up on her tiptoes, she captured his bottom lip between hers, sucking playfully until his mouth open an a intense tongue thrusting kiss commenced.

There's no way he could resisted her. He responded with all the yearning that he had bottle up inside him during those barren years where both of them pretended they didn't give a damn about the other. Time ill spent. Finally he accept the truth. Haley was essential to his survival. He didn't truly exist without her.

The elephant in the room was, he had to leave again. It was going to break her heart and that's the last thing he wanted. That's why he had put off telling her. Their time together was coming to a close in a few short hours.

"Sweetheart,……," She watched him with twinkling eyes. " Tell me again….say the words."

"Psshhh, chill out woman! Once is enough. I don't want you thinking you've got me whipped or something."

For the first time her giggles did not provide him solace.

"I want you to swear that no matter where I am- you let me know what's going on with you. I want to know everything….no secrets. Promise me, Haley."

"Why are you say this? You act as if we're not going back to North Carolina together. I'm sure the gallery showing was a success. Isn't your work done?"

Nathan sighed, closing his eyes. When he opened them, a bewildered Haley was staring at him. " No, Beautiful. What's left of tonight is all we have. I have to return to the Sudan tomorrow afternoon."

Their bodies clung so tightly together it was impossible for him not to hear the catch in her throat or feel her stiffen. His hands gently stroked her back.

Haley dropped her head against his strong chest, but she couldn't hide the way her body shivered.

"I thought we'd have more time." She did her best to keep her tone steady, hoping not to uncover the deep anguish she was feeling.

No! She didn't want him to go. She didn't want to imagine the serious danger he might be facing on a day-to-day basis. He was just getting well. It was to soon. "Does this have to do with millions still displaced in Dafur and the explosion of another mission?"

"If someone doesn't help stop the genocide soon, it's going to be worst than Rwanda, Hales. They need exposure. They need help."

She wanted to scream, iWhat about me? What is this doing to our little family? What about our love/i. But she bit her tongue, preventing her from letting go of her bitterness, frustration, acute unhappiness, and the fear that had just infiltrated her world. She felt all these things, but angry disappointment outweigh all others at the moment. It tore at her stability.

They had gone over this time and time again. She knew what was expected of her. If he thought his leaving was too devastating for her or she too weak to handle the dangers he faced, he would leave in order to protect her from himself. She wanted no part of that. She couldn't stand him putting up walls again, when they had finally broke them down and found each other. They needed time to develop their new relationship… see where it was taking them ….. Time to just be in love with each other.

But Haley knew she didn't have much of a choice. She had to say the words, even if they stung like a knife in her throat. She knew he was examining her carefully, with eyes that saw too much. He was gauging her reaction. Was this a test? Was he trying to see how strong she was, how resilient she could be with the pressure of his job imposing on them? Please, let her pass.

Her intuition told her if she showed the slightest bit of hesitation, they would have no romantic future. Nathan wouldn't hurt her over and over again. He cared too much. Before she thought the admission of his being in love with her had been the best thing in the world. Now, not so much.

If she showed her hand now, when he returned, it would only be as a best friend. It would be as if the last few nights had never occurred. She couldn't tolerate that. It would be the same as loosing him.

"Hales, I need to know if you're going to be alright with this. I won't hurt you. No matter how much both of us want our relationship to change. Do you get my meaning?"

She knew exactly what she must do, but she chose an evading tactic, thus giving herself time to gather her inner strength. "You knew before you asked me to come to New York, didn't you?"

"I wanted to tell you earlier, but I couldn't. It would have spoiled our night and I wasn't about to do that to you….to us. Tonight was spectacular…. Wasn't it, Beautiful?"

"Pure magic." She whispered.

The time had come for her to prove herself to him…..that she was strong enough to face loosing him without tears or without disapproval. She placed her cheek against his warm skin, fighting back tears. She knew she had no other choice if she wanted him. She would make herself say what he wanted to hear.

"You got a clean bill of health from your doctor? Are you strong enough to return to work?" She forced herself to ask calmly.

"Yes. Besides, I can't sit around here any longer. I have a job to do." He said bluntly.

He was leaving her tomorrow. Leaving her to face the Tim Smith situation all on her own.

"Haley?"

She pecked the sensitive skin of his collarbone, hoping to not only distract him but herself as well. "You taste so good." Her crafty fingers caressed down his body, nestling in the dark curls below his waist.

"Not now…" He moan, try to focus on the issue at had. Yet his body betrayed him, hardening and quivering in response to her nimble digits as she stroked his long shaft.

"Yes now…"

He halted her assault, holding her hand. " I need your input on this."

"Don't worry, Nathan. I'll be fine." She said, pressing wet kisses to his neck and jaw. She stepped back, tugging him. "Let's go back to bed. I want to cuddle."

Nathan was bothered by the torment inside of him. He dreaded the thought of being apart from Haley. For the first time in his career, he wasn't excited about the challenges that lie ahead. He didn't want to leave.

Being apart was common in their relationship. In fact, they had been separated more than had been together. The absolute worst was during their estrangement. Not since their reunion and decision to be friends had his heart been so heavy and his spirit so low. Naturally, there would be some sadness when they parted. He expected that- prelude to the loneliness that would fill his nights and cloud his days until he returned to her. With their lovemaking came feelings more dramatic than ever before. He knew he wouldn't breathe easy until he could see her again, make love to her once more….just be in her presence.

As they stood hand-in-hand in the long check-in lines to the airport terminals, he had no alternative but to except his animosity. He was dreading the solitary lifestyle, which was odd, he had lived that way most of his life. Everything was different now. He had never felt like this before and he didn't quite know how to take it.

His vicious hunger had started even before fully woke that morning. It started when he felt her soft butt along the top of his thighs. They had slept late, but nevertheless, he had reached for her with a unforeseen desperation. He had made love to her slow and passionately, as if were the final time.

He made her surrender completely to him and took pleasure from the way she called out his name time and time again in an world-ending climax, only then had his body given it's own release. He couldn't remember ever being so hard or having such a fiercely sweet climax.

They bathed and dressed together, not wanting to be apart for even minutes. The turmoil inside him raged as their departure time grew near.

"You sure you have your ticket?" he asked.

"Yes, Sweetheart." Her mocha eyes and lovely features were radiant with joy, her smile glowing and loving.

She had been like that all morning he thought gloomily. She didn't seem the least bit upset about. If he didn't know better, he would have sworn she was anxious to get back to North Carolina, Marcus Santos territory. Hell, her perkiness was starting to irritate him. Not that he wanted her upset or miserable, but a few good-bye tears or maybe a sniffle wouldn't hurt Nathan decided moodily.

"You'll contact Cooper Lee if something out of the ordinary happens, right? This won't be over until Smith is in jail."

"If you're trying to freak me out, you're doing one hell of a job," Haley frowned at him with wide eyed concern.

"No, Baby. I just want to make sure you're safe. It wouldn't be such a bad idea if you go the locks changed and the security code. If I didn't have to leave, I would do it myself…… You do understand why I have to go? Don't you?"

"Of course, I do. Nate, I don't expect you to give up your career for me. I would never ask that of you. Nor would you of me." The idea was absurd. He was a world renowned photojournalist, for heaven's sake. She wasn't crazy.

After passing the check point, the both stopped at the top of the escalators. "This is as far as they'll let me go." His plane was leaving from a concourse in the opposite direction.

"I'm going to miss you."

"Yeah." He said gruffly, putting down their bags and holding on too her with all his might. "Show me."

Forgetting the heavy foot traffic flowing around them, she latched her mouth to his. Her lips were soft and moist, so inviting. She ran her tongue over his and across the edge of his teeth. His chest pounded his response as his breath quickened. He shielded his senses by carefully slipping away from the kiss. His hands still held her hips, tenderly he stroked her hip bone.

"I love you, Hales." His admitted proudly with conviction. His mouth at her temple. "Never forget."

She faced him, wanting to see his gorgeous baby blues that made her weak all over. "I couldn't if I tried. Please be safe, My Love. I want you back in one piece."

"Same here." He said before peppering he lips with a few quick pecks. "Promise you'll call Coop if there's any problem?" When she didn't reply fast enough, Nathan said tightly. "Get a locksmith out there first thing in the morning, Hales. I don't want you taking any unnecessary risk. Promise me, Beautiful."

"I promise," She vowed, afraid he might catch her trembling. Their relationship hung on her ability to keep her true feeling in check.

"You'll call Coop?"

"Yes, Nathan. Don't worry about me."

"It's all going to work itself out, Baby. You'll see…. Now get going before I change my mind and lock you away in my penthouse." A ridiculous notion since his own plane was leaving soon and he still had to make the long trek to the international gate. It didn't matter. He had to make sure Haley would be protected first.

"I dare you." She flirted, giving him another hug. "I love you so much," She told before stepping away and blowing him a farewell kiss.

She continue on to the Continental Airlines hub alone. She didn't look back to where she knew he stood watching. If she had, she would have ran back and completely broke down in his arms. So she didn't see the confused frown marking his dark features, nor did she see the pain in his brooding stare as he followed her until she disappeared from his sight, his fist tight at his sides, his knuckles white with tension.

Nathan never saw the slow trickle of tears running down her cheeks, tears she had held on to since first learning he was leaving. She knew she should be proud of her performance. Her acting abilities had been stellar, but she didn't have the energy to care. It had been taken by her acute sense of loss. It wasn't until she was buckled into her window seat on the plane, that the frazzled thread holding her self-control together unraveled. The agony beating down on her heart spilled out as she heaved and sniffled loudly along with her crying.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?" The stewardess asked as she checked to see that everyone was sitting upright before takeoff.

Haley shooed the woman away, averting her sad face. With the seatbelt sign on, she couldn't even seek refuge in the bathroom. She couldn't control her tears. Hell no, she wasn't alright and she wouldn't be until Nathan was back….safe and secure! Her ache wasn't new, she experienced it every other time he had left on assignment. But somehow, this was different. It was pure and devastating. It was because their relationship had changed, her love for him had deepened even more.

She gained a little solace in the fact that she hid her real feeling from him. He had enough to deal with without her adding to his stress. She prayed silently for his safety.

The flight wasn't over fast enough for Haley. She was glad she had driven herself to the airport rather than asking Brooke or Bevin for a ride. She wasn't up for any kind of interrogation, even if it was full of love and care. All she wanted to do was curl up in a tight ball under the covers of her bed and basked in her misery.

The extended drive from Wilmington to her home in Tree Hill did have one advantage. It tired her out and hopefully she would get some much need sleep. She was spent when she finally turned into her garage and parked.

"Home sweet home." Haley mumbled inwardly as she slouched over the steering wheel, resting her head on the cool leather. She physically ached now. Now she understood what bone tired meant.

She was by herself yet again. Would he return this time? His last brush with death had been frightfully close. He could have easily been killed. Did he see that? Didn't his life matter to him? Why was his job always his first priority? She shook it off. There was nothing she could do to block the terror welding up inside her and scratching at her nerves.

"Enough!" she told herself. She was better off concentrated on the good things they shared, the passion and love.

Sitting out here pouting wasn't going to accomplish anything, she thought sleepily. He would be okay. Soon, he would be back and they would be together. Right now, he had a job to do and so did she. With her purse on her arm, she grabbed her cosmetic case and luggage from the trunk.

The first thing tomorrow, she needed to looking into hiring some more qualified employees at the daycare. Haley also needed to find out if their had been any changes to the Smith case since while she was away.

Could Cooper Lee be wrong about Tim Smith? …. Maybe he was a victim of unfortunate events? What if he hadn't hurt anyone? What then? She really wanted to see the good in this man. He certainly wouldn't be the first person unjustly accused. ……Nah. Coop was a professional. He knew a criminal when he saw one.

What about the bus? Despite what the FBI said, things like that weren't suppose to happen in a quiet little southern town like Tree Hill. Haley mused at her crazy notions as she let herself in the side door.

She was going to take everything one step at a time. That's all she could do. She coaxed herself.

Turning the knob and opening the door, she headed for the alarm keypad in the living room. Weird, it hadn't sounded. Suddenly, her bags all dropped with a thud and she let out a shrill cry.

You're mine now, Bitch! was spray painted all over her walls in bright red paint…..

Pamela