Chapter 3- Blood and Belonging

Over the next few days I smelt Edward all around the forest. I was forced to push my endurance past my limit in order to keep away from him. He didn't really seem to be following me, more like checking up on me. I found out why a week later. Passing a fresh trail of his scent I was drawn to the smell of blood. Immediately I tensed but prepared to see what it was; the blood was tempting but it seemed I might be able to control myself.

Pushing past a large group of irritable ferns I found the body of a dead stag. Lying near a small bush its head was twisted at an odd angle showing that it had been killed quickly and suffered little pain. This brought some comfort to me until I detected Edward's smell all around the area and slathered on the animal. He had killed this, but he hadn't bothered to drink it. He wasted a life, for no reason as far as I could see. I seethed quietly, trying to understand why he would do that. Besides his sly trick he 'forgot' to mention, Edward seemed like a good person/vampire not someone who just enjoyed killing. Surely even this animal meant something to him, if he had killed it so painlessly?

A few drops of blood trickled down the creature's pelt, and a pang of longing and of thirst fought with my morals. Then I realized; this animal was dead, I shouldn't waste such a precious opportunity, to feed without killing. The blood was slowly growing colder and I made my decision. If I drank this now I could force myself to wait longer to feed, maybe even then I would stumble on an animal that died naturally.

Without uncertainty I moved closer the stag and lowered my head near its neck. I pressed my teeth to the bristly fur and before I could hesitate blood began to pour out of the wound.

It seemed so natural, instinct really drinking the blood. It didn't seem wrong at all now that I thought about it properly. Surely I could bend the rules of a vegetarian, to keep my sense of humanity and save innocent lives.

After the blood started to dwindle, and I had to suck the few drops out I noticed the taste was rather bitter and very cool leaving me not quite full. This must be what Edward had said about animal blood not being as tasteful as human. Most likely it also depended on the size, for this stag was quite small and weak, it made sense for me to dislike the taste.

It was only when I stood up, that I heard the faintest crackle of paper somewhere on the ground. I shifted my feet and looked down, causing more of the crackly noise. Peering at my shoe's I saw a faint white piece of paper, covered in fancy, flowing calligraphy. I could see it fine standing up, but I sat down and picked it up to properly read it.

Becca, please don't be angry.

I know we can't die, from such things as starvation but what you're doing to yourself isn't good. For a vampire, you're a mess, a little blood can't hurt.

I killed it quickly; maybe it didn't have time to feel pain. It was weak and would have died soon enough. Still, this isn't even close to what you should be drinking regularly; please; please reconsider your choice 

of life. Killing animals is a much better than the alternative. If you keep 'starving' yourself you're going to slip up and someone will probably get hurt.

Also I want to apologize. I didn't tell you about my talent before, because I was intrigued. Your past, your history, is something that made me sad for you made me want to help you. If I told you earlier, you could have blocked me out and I wouldn't be able to help at all.

My family and I will be around this area a week from when we met. If you're interested in meeting us write a reply to this note, we'll find you. The others want to help, there's much instinct can't teach a young vampire.

If you don't want this that's fine. Rip the note and scatter the pieces, I won't look for you again.

Edward

Understanding hit me slowly. Edward was genuinely sorry for what had happened and he wanted to help me. There was no denial, just the sorry truth that was me. I needed help and more importantly…I needed blood.

But did I want to meet an entire coven of vampires, strangers in my already strange life. They were strong in both number and health and one of them could easily kill me from what I'd heard. Slowly I took the note and shredded it into pieces. I bowed my head sadly; I wasn't going to ruin other's lives in the attempt to fix mine. I am nothing more than a problem and a burden and that's all I'd ever be. The pieces scattered at a slight breeze, all except for one. It stayed on my hand, seemingly clinging to the flesh.

I brushed it away as I walked off at human speed. I didn't need any reminders of what I was about to do. I might have decided not to meet the Cullen's, but I was going to take some of Edward's advice.

There was a burrow of rabbit's about a kilometer from where I was, providing me with an easy target to practice hunting on. My throat ached with desire and the promise of more blood. I was eager to test my abilities.

With a burst of much missed speed I ran through the forest arriving close to the warren in a few seconds. Not giving myself time to be surprised I stood as still as the leafy trees next to me and waited. Across from me a heavily shrouded hole in the ground rang with the soft patter of feet and sang of the fresh scent of blood. It seemed four bunnies resided in the hole, the mother seemly out for the day doing whatever rabbits did.

I waited patiently. Eventually, two soft, pink noses peered out of the hole. Three of the rabbits, blindly crawled out, the fourth staying safely behind. I watched them carefully. The one closest to me was sniffing a small cluster of dead berries curiously. I noted that its heartbeat was fainter than the others 

and was visibly smaller. Bones poked out awkwardly at its side and it started wheezing suddenly as if it were sick. The other two hopped around, playfully nipping each other and looking almost twice the size of the third.

I knew which one was to provide itself best, the large male with the bright eyes and twitching whiskers. But that animal had a promising life ahead of it, there was no way I could take it away to sustain me. The other sickly one however, had little chance of surviving for another month. I could hear the rattling of its tiny lungs as it breathed. An infection like that needed antibiotics to be cured. So this was to be my prey.

Venom dripped around my mouth and I focused myself on the rabbit. A sharp ache melted my resolve and I sprung forward.

The struggle it put up was quickly silenced as I twisted the neck. I was keeping as much humanity as I could, not letting it suffer. Out of the corner of my eye the two bunnies were white blurs as they sped back toward their warren, not knowing that I had all I needed.

Plunging my head forward I sank my teeth into the flesh, relishing the warm liquid sloshing around. I winced as I tasted proof of the infection, a taste and smell that made my nose cringe; somewhat of a bland, plain drink, rather than the warm, sweet I preferred. Ignoring it I continued drinking not letting more than a few drops of blood fall to the ground. This life would not be wasted, and its life would go to a better place.

Seconds later I felt revitalized and exhilarated. I could live like this, killing the sick and the weak and I could learn to like the taste. There was much resolve in that plan than what Edward had told me of. Eating animals vs. humans but with a thrill to the hunt. Killing could never make me feel as his brother Emmett and he seemed to. Pain to others has never been high on my likes list.

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It was seven days later and I barely felt the lust for blood. The two animals had sustained me enough that I could run immense distances once more. My speed seemed limitless, as if I could run faster each time.

My mind and body took pleasure in whirling through the air, almost flying it seemed. The blurring landscape provided me with a constant abstract to admire; the greens mixed with puddles of teal and graying mountains in the distance. I knew the landscape by heart, every rock was stored in my memory, a priceless artifact to me after forgetting most of my past (though it seemed for the better since I never had much of a life). I amazed myself at how much differently I could control my senses now. Instead of disorienting I could control how far or close I wanted to look and my head no longer felt like it was spinning. I could smell only what I wanted to but sniff out different plants animals miles away if needed. Without the uncontrollable bloodlust, I became in control of myself.



I ran out of the trees, outside of the forest and at the edge of a lake, something I had only done a few times before. I was still wary to leave my safe haven, not knowing anywhere else to go so I stayed where I was; watching the daylight hit my skin and make me sparkle once more.

I sat down preparing for another quiet day of watching the landscape and listening to the birds but something totally different happened. Instead of a sweet, merry tune the birds usually made, the forest quieted and I could see nothing but bugs in the gloom. An eerie calm had settled, as it did when I had hunted. I leaped up and cautiously edged farther from the trees until my foot backed out into the water.

I flinched but composed myself when I heard a loud, very prominent cough. Someone was here and wanted me to know that. Before I could turn seven blurring figures spread out in a wide circle that was centered on me. My legs tensed, awaiting my brains command to run, but I stayed knowing they would catch me before long. Not that I cared. My survival instincts were taking over but to me it did not matter if I would live or die. Nothing had changed much in these few days, nothing to convince me I still wanted to live.

"Hello again Becca."

I turned nimbly to my right, and came face to face with Edward. I was confused to say the least. He did not look unfriendly, but the circle (that had tightened as I turned around) said something different. I met his gaze and studied his expression.

"Edward…what a surprise." I answered, speaking carefully "I was not expecting you back here. From your note I was under the impression you were not to be bothering me again."

His smile tightened slightly, and he pushed a lock of his messy hair to the side. "That was my promise, I'm afraid my family did not quite agree…"

I turned my head around slowly this time, taking in every face. They had moved even closer but their stance was casual, not at all as if they were territorial as I suspected. Each beautiful, friendly face held the same curious, helpful expression I had not been expecting. This was Edward's coven.

"Of course we wouldn't." A very tall, very muscular vampire yelled, rather than spoke. "We weren't going to leave a little squirt out here alone." He took a step forward making the circle more of a cluster now. "I'm Emmett, the looks of the family."

A loud snort came from the tiny, pixie-like girl. "We like to think of him as more of the brawn, definitely not as 'the looks'. I'm Alice by the way; Edward's told us all about you."

I glared at Edward and the little girl in turn. A lithe, blonde male stepped closer to her, staring at me with steely and cautious eyes.

"Jasper…" Another blonde warned. Stepping closer to me than Edward, he had a calm purposeful air to him and stopped only a few feet from me.



"Becca? My name is Carlisle Cullen. This is my family, I'm sure Edward had mentioned us at some point. We're very excited to meet you."

I noticed that Alice had jumped a little, and was skipping forward dragging along Jasper with her. I took an uncertain step back.

"Please don't run." A timid, mousy looking woman spoke. Her face was framed with lovely caramel locks and her eyes sparkled with worry and what I'm sure was pity. "We just wanted to talk to you. It's unusual for us to meet another like us, so far from civilization."

"Edward's told us all about your past!" Chirped Alice. She said this as if it was a good thing.

"Oh really." I said, trying to keep my voice nonchalant. "You'd think something like that wouldn't be discussed with anyone who happens to ask, do you?"

"Sorry, it's hard to keep secrets in my family, especially since I needed their help;" Edward stared at me squarely and I could see a flicker of sadness in his eyes. "And secrets are not always a good thing."

"Don't feel bad squirt, we want to help you out here. You're not the only one with a bad background. I got mauled by a bear a few years back." Emmett seemed to think his words were helpful.

"Shut up Emmett." Alice said looking at me uncertainly as I cringed, but the damage had already been done. Emmett had voiced what I had said a thousand times in my head. There were others who had it worse than me and they didn't go and try killing themselves, or moping around their whole existence.

"Just trying to help…" he trailed off weakly looking hurt. I felt guilty immediately which must have been plain on my face.

"Don't mind Emmett, he's always been a little melodramatic." A new voice teased. Slinking silently to Emmett's side, I hadn't noticed the gorgeous blonde female until now. She was someone I would have envied a few years back, when I had cared about how I looked…and life in general. Her golden eyes were sparkling oddly and her gaze never seemed to leave mine.

"Aw Rose, admit it, you love my theatrics!" Rosalie (I recognized her name from what Edward had told me) planted a kiss on unsuspecting Emmett and he lost his train of thought.

Trying to disguise it as a cough Jasper loudly said "Get a room." Before ducking behind Alice. She giggled unnaturally loud causing Esme to smile widely and Edward to grin. My face remained expressionless which seemed to dampen the sudden euphoria. No one spoke for a few seconds but everyone was staring at Carlisle as if expecting something.

Frustrated I spoke up hoping for them to leave as suddenly as they had come. "I'm sorry if I am a little upfront, but why exactly are you here?"

More silence. It seemed they hadn't wanted to bring this up until later.



Carlisle spoke first looking both hopeful and nervous. "A few days ago Edward told us about you and you're… situation." I nodded wanting him to continue and leave. "We were wondering if maybe you would be interested in joining us."

I froze mid-thought. They wanted me…to join them? As in, their coven?

"If you're worried, don't be. We are a fairly large family but humans don't suspect anything, one more of us won't make a difference."

"Ya most of them are too stupid to-"Emmett's words were cut off as Jasper whacked him at the back of his head.

"Way to be sensitive Em, is Bella stupid now or something?" He was half joking, half serious but all seriousness faded when Emmett grabbed his arms and flipped him over. A childish wrestling ensued, knocking over two trees and scaring away any remaining animals in seconds.

"Get him Jazz!" Alice shouted excitedly, Rose stood beside her saying nothing but grinning from head to toe.

All attention had diverted from me in moments, something I was grateful for. I needed to think. Unfortunately Edward wasn't thinking along the same lines.

"They all like you, you know. Esme was shaking in excitement as we ran here. Emmett's thrilled, seems having Bella isn't enough for him."

"From what I hear she's pretty quiet, you don't need a handful like me around. I'm nothing but a burden."

"Jazz, don't!" Emmett yelled, when Jasper tried to calm him down using his powers. "That's cheating!"

"Is that what you think you are?" Edward said quietly "a burden?"

I nodded too nervous to look him in the eye; I pretended to be watching the fight.

"Becca," he turned my head towards him in one swift movement "You are not a burden, your…someone with a troubled past and an uncertain future. It's wouldn't be a bad thing to come with us. You could come for a few weeks, maybe as a visit? See how you like it, it'd be different."

"A few weeks?" I almost slapped myself, my voice was louder than I expected and filled with longing. Everyone stopped and turned to look at me, expecting an answer.

When I saw this, how they went from carefree to nervous in those few seconds I knew my answer. I couldn't spoil their lives, trying to fit in, always a nuisance. I would not make others suffer from something that happened to me. I would not be a burden.

"How can you think that?" At first I thought Edward had spoke again, but this time it was Jasper. He had a fiery look to his eyes and he moved almost angrily towards me.



"You…read minds as well?" I asked, confused.

"No, just emotions, don't change the subject. How could you possibly think of yourself like that? You've had a bad life, that doesn't justify damning yourself for a terrible future!" His voice held so much passion I was stunned. He spoke as if he understood me perfectly. "You are not a burden!"

The words triggered a memory, it felt like someone had let off a gunshot in my head and the people before me drizzled away replacing my vision with a long forgotten memory.

"You're a foolish child, Rebecca. WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR THIS!" My mother was screaming, a seven year old me, had dropped a can of vegetables. They were now splayed on the red-tiled floor covered in flecks of grime, uneatable.

"I'm…sorry mom, I-"

"SORRY DOSE NOT PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE! THAT'S ALL YOU EVER TAKE UP HERE, FOOD AND MONEY!"

I thought of mentioning that all her drinking and smoking couldn't be bringing up funds much, but backed against a corner like I was I wasn't in much of a position to argue. Even now her hand was out seemingly ready to reach out and grab me.

"I'm…sorry mommy! I didn't mean to." I could feel the tears wet and cool falling down my cheeks.

A hot, sting of a slap was all that remained of her hand on my head. Immediately my head spun and I grabbed the chair for support. I could feel some of the paint scrape away as my hand brushed it and I prayed my mother wouldn't notice.

"You little bitch." My dad cam swaggering into the kitchen, brandishing a beer bottle like a weapon. "I 'ad no money 'or my poker table the other night! Spent it all on your 'tupid medicine from your 'tupid cold! They were both shouting now and it seemed enough to drive me deaf.

"YOUR NOTHING BUT A BURDEN!" My mother screamed, I ran out of the room sobbing madly, barely missing a beer bottle as it crashed beside me. I grabbed my coat, snagging it on the railing and ran out the door knowing my feet would carry me to Daniela's house.

Edward's face seemed to flit in shock and then anger. He must have been reading my mind, I thought darkly, lucky him.

"Dear it would mean so much to me if you would just come for a little while. I'm sure we'd find plenty to do, it's never quiet at our home." Esme's eyes were placating; something about them sent me into a guilt spiral.

I watched them carefully. Alice looked so hopeful; I couldn't bear to watch her expression fall. Rosalie looked indifferent but Emmett and Carlisle appeared excited. Jasper was still looking at me, seriously as if he knew what I was thinking. Edward on the other hand did, and grinned.



"For a few weeks." I said, much to the happiness of the others. I smiled, causing Emmett to go in a fit of 'she talks!' and 'she smiles!'.

For those few moments I felt like I belonged.

Thanks for the…2 reviews. I'm hoping to get some more as I update!

-nUmERO1FAN, I was wondering when you'd review. Lucky I didn't decide to start looking for a new editor in chief, rofl joking.

-Iloverocks…OMFG THANK YOU! A mini-Stephenie Meyer, some people on fan fiction would kill you for saying that but I have to say that's the biggest compliment I've gotten so far. Just to clear things up, Edward is in that forest hunting. He probably left Bella at about 7:00pm that day, so that he could hunt, and he only was there at night so Bella wouldn't have noticed his absence. Bella and Edward are still together, thank god. Your obsession with my pathetic fan fic pressed me to start writing this chapter a few days before I would have and thanks for being number 2, to review!