Chapter 4- An Awkward Situation

I had thought my speed and agility had been amazing a few days ago. I was in total awe of the others now, even ashamed of myself.

They ran with astonishing speed-leaving me far behind most- and never seemed to move direction to avoid trees and rocks. Running was instinctual for me, but the Cullen's took it up to an art form.

As I jumped quickly to the right to avoid a tree, I felt like burning from embarrassment. I had leaped a good thirty yards from their original scents and they were sure to notice it. More and more I was beginning to doubt my decision to 'visit' them for a few weeks. My inexperience was sure to be an inconvenience at the least and a problem at worst.

I tried to push myself faster as I ran; I didn't seem to get tired but my body could not physically move any faster than I was already pushing it. It was discouraging to see even little Alice far ahead of me. Jasper seemed much faster, but he didn't stray far from Alice and he threw quick almost invisible looks behind him, at me. Almost like he was checking up on me.

Because I'm a danger, and he knows it.

An unpredictable newborn, that was me. Did something in my actions and emotions presage some infantile danger to his family? And why would battle-scarred Jasper think differently? The silver, half moon crescents that adorned his face, his arms and legs proved he had his fair share of fighting, some of it must've been with newborns. As he turned around again his brow furrowed slightly, highlighting two scars over his left eye and almost making me gasp. Even scarred terribly, he was incredibly handsome.

I scolded myself for dwelling on him, and focused myself on running. Surprised that my thoughts had only taken up a sixteenth of a second, I took a deep, unnecessary breath to calm myself. Around these developed and beautiful vampire's, I felt adolescent and nervous. The thirst that had been at the back of my head reminded me that, that wasn't my only problem. I was thirsty, making me even more irritable.

My emotions ranged from terrified to nervous to miserable in the next few moments, probably alerting Jasper to something. Alice whispered quickly in his ear when he flinched and I pretended not to hear. There was an unmistakable whoosh of air through fabric and Alice was running right beside me, Jasper running inches closer than before. She smiled brightly, and I returned it with what was hopefully acceptance but felt more like a grimace. Jasper's face hardened into an unreadable mask.

Avoiding any chance of conversation, I stared straight ahead and made myself search for the others. Esme and Carlisle were running in the middle of the group, their eyes kept flashing to each other, sparkling with happiness and what looked like unspoken conversation. I felt better, knowing someone wasn't dwelling on the fact that I was with them. Jasper threw me another quick glance.

Emmett was a totally different story. He was not trying to hide the fact he kept looking at me, nor would he stop trying to get my attention. Ecstatic waves and smiles kept coming from his direction. Rosalie looked angry, but seemed to be pointedly ignoring me. Fine, I could deal with that.



Edward ran alone; so far ahead I could only glimpse his bronze hair in between the gaps of the trees, his eyes never straying from directly in front of him. He was in a rush to get home; to see Bella.

Pain sliced through me quickly and agonizingly. No one ever loved me as much as Edward loved Bella. Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. They had something I secretly longed for, someone to love them, a family to care about. I was never going to fit in here, the unloved, complicated child who in my opinion seemed right out of a nightmare.

My thoughts continued as an unaccountable blur, ranging from the tree's, to the Cullen's and even memories from my forgotten past. Those flashed up unexpectedly in my thoughts, usually triggered by a certain word. It was like watching a movie through a foggy, watery screen. Everything was blurred and most of my memory I had to struggle to remember.

"Nice clothes Rebecca. Where did you get them from, the dump?"
Several girls giggled loudly at the unfunny joke. It still hurt though, their jabs and gossip. It hurt more to know that I would never be like them, happy and beautiful. The tall girl, dressed entirely in brand name clothing continued her rant. She was quite pretty; already boys stared and pointed at her. Like they never did to me.
"-and I heard your family's going to get kicked out of their home. Homeless, disgusting. Better make sure you take care of these rags " she ran her hands on my coat sleeve, tugging hard and pulling one of the patches off "because your family won't have enough money to buy you new ones much longer." Another girl behind her whispered loudly enough to be heard "I bet she picks her nose" more jabs "look at all those zits!" Which one was that? Shania? Alexa? I felt the blind anger building up inside me. It wasn't my fault the family income went towards beer, cigarettes and who knows what else. I could no more buy new clothes than these girls could stand to get their make-up ruined. But oh, how much I longed to be them.

Music that was something I had liked in my human life. Too bad no one else had liked what I listen to, besides Daniela of course.
I saw Edward's head turn slightly towards me, my step faltered. Alice slowed without saying anything. Jasper looked at me again, this time not looking as hostile as before, more like disbelief. He didn't look away for a full second.

"Happy birthday Becca!" Daniela removed her hands from behind her back and held out a small gift wrapped in a mosaic of green paper. I smiled, just like every other year, Daniela had come through.

My parents birthday gifts had changed over the years; dolls and books when I was younger, and when they were sober enough, and yells and bits of expired chocolate (my mother worked at the grocery store when she was sober enough) as I got older. But Daniela… her gifts were clothes, and jewelry and trips to places I normally never would go. We went to Canada once and twice to the movies (she insisted on paying for the tickets and snacks) as well as small amusement parks and carnivals. She made my birthdays perfect.

"You didn't have to." I said, delivering my lines perfectly. It was the same every year.



"Nope" she said brightly "but I did anyway, now open it!"

She thrust the box into my hands. Quickly I opened it, Daniela has always been impatient. The wrapping fell off the present and into my lap, and I was fully able to see me gift.
Inside was a silver iPod nano, the newer kind that only a couple kids I knew had. The packaging on it was had been reopened and taped back together but I didn't care. Slowly, as not to drop the iPod I put it on the ground beside and jumped up. Daniela's smile faltered then widened as I pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you so so so much! I've never had anything so perfect, so expensive…I…I-"

"And here I was thinking you didn't like it" she tossed her dark hair back and her eyes glittered excitedly. "I opened it already, to download some of your songs off my computer, sorry about that, I just assumed since you didn't have a computer-"

I cut her off this time with another hug. The school bell rang, bringing me back to the playground. I had almost forgotten where I was, nothing held my attention except for my friend and her glittering gift beside me. I picked it up and popped an ear plug into one of each of our ears. We walked carefully to where most of our grade had lined up near the building. With a sad smile, Daniela detached herself from the electronic and waved as she skipped off to her line, leaving me alone in mine. Usually this made me feel sad, but today I was too transfixed by the small object in my hand.

Switching the song and turning up the volume, I turned to face the hoard of students, only to swivel right into a very tall and very skinny girl. My iPod flew out of my hand and onto the ground. My heart leaping in fright I looked down to see it, surplus a small scratch but still intact.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you." I said quickly, not wanting to attract attention.

The girl (who I now recognized as Cassie, a total bitch and a half) smiled and glanced behind her to see two of her other friends grinning back. Reassured she had an audience she let one foot slide forward directly onto my IPod, crunching it into the ground. I bet over quickly to pick it up but she was faster and kicked it over to the school wall. I heard a loud 'crack'.

"Sorry." She said grinning looking not at all apologetic as she strutted of after the students who were walking into the main building. The line began to move. I ran in the direction of her kick and picked up my iPod. The screen glass had cracked and a large dent was in the back. It wouldn't turn on. I blazed, furious. But I couldn't do anything (the other day was a big reminder, as was the large dark bruise under my eye) so I picked it up and walked into the school. Happy Birthday.

I was brought back to reality by a loud chirping voice. I was grateful to leave that memory alone.

"What are you thinking about?" Alice asked looking curious. "You've been…quiet. Aren't you a little confused?"

I waited before answering her. What a stupid question, of course I was confused. I could tell she had re-accessed her question and changed what she wanted to say before she said it. I felt a rush of gratitude 

peaked with a little bit of annoyance. Did she expect me to tell her everything about myself? That wasn't going to happen. I answered her in a short, clipped and abrupt tone.

"Just thinking of a few stray memories. As for the confusion, I can deal with it."

She stared up at me as we ran, looking for some trace of friendliness. There was none, and she looked away unhappily. Opps, I think she wanted to be friends.
"Are you sure? It's a little diff-"

"I'm fine." My voice cracked a little which ended the conversation. Friendship was the last thing on my mind.

The trees thinned noticeably and soon I could smell some newer scents among the damp greenery and shrouded sky.

Chemicals, like the kind in paint. Wood, paneling like something in a house. Faint traces of sand in the glass? Sand, how did I know what that smelt like? How was I distinguishing all these new smells? I reacted rashly.

With barely a thought to anything else my body took over. Once minute I was galloping through the trees and next I was crouched on the forest floor, snarling under my breath. My head spun. Threading. Dyes. Metal. Denim. Bricks. Plastic. I couldn't make sense of the unknown. I had smelt these things in my human life, why did they seem painfully clear, jostling for place among one another. There was millions of individual thing, all with a specific scent and right now they were all parading in front of me. Confusion was evident.

Edward (who had probably heard my jumble of thoughts) turned around first, so fast I didn't really see him, more just hear the air near displaced. The sound made it all the more unbearable. I twitched to where he stood and growled. It surprised me, the ferocity of it, halting what might have been a possible attack. I scanned around me.

Jasper was crouched in front of Alice, looking at me very cautiously. He was shock still and barely breathing, though Alice was still smiling gently from around his arm. Emmett was tensed beside Rosalie, looking like he was debating on walking back to us. Everyone else had stopped running and was slowly moving backward. Carlisle was only one who looked completely composed. Edward (instead of stopping like the other) took a few steps forward. I was painfully aware of each brush of fabric against his body, the air rushing away as he walked. I wanted to hear nothing but it seemed I could hear everything. More scents. Magnets. Rubber. Drapes. Concrete. Insulation. Pop tarts? My breathing quickened

"Becca? Becca, relax. It's nothing; we're just nearing the house. You might have to get used to the new smells, hearing is easier to adjust to." Edward spoke calmly, but in the back of my mind I noticed how cautious and edgy he looked. He came a little closer. I jumped back, snarling before I could cover my mouth in surprise. Did I just growl at Edward?



"Slowly Edward, slowly." Jasper seemed to be directly that at Edward, though his face never moved from mines. "She's surprised, just give her a second."

Fear. Anger, must attack, and must run. Instinct was flashing through my mind like wind through the trees. Logic seemed oddly absent. These people were offering me a place in their coven, why did I feel so ready to attack one of them.

Venom sizzled around my mouth as I breathed in again and I felt the expected burning. Blood, I needed blood. The forest zoomed in around me. A speck of dirt on that leaf, a small fruit fly taking flight, close-up of a squirrels bristling tail. My head was spinning, and I grew less aware of conscious thought. I bared my teeth savagely.

Suddenly my muscles relaxed ever so slightly and my mind whirled less into focus. I paid less attention to the sights and smells around me. I was causing a scene, I realized, how embarrassing. Immediately I stopped my instinctual fear. There was nothing to be afraid of, and my anger- it was pointless, I made it vanish. Suddenly, the only thing I felt like doing, was hiding under a rock, attack was out of the question.

My uneven breathing stopped completely and gingerly I stood up, hopefully a sign I was in control. Everyone seemed to relax at the exact same moment. Then Emmett started my way again, cracking a twig. The sound made me wince and my eyes flickered behind me, to the forest –it was a place to run. My body started telling me to run again. I was acutely aware of my left foot moving back.

"It will be more potent if there is contact Jasper." Carlisle said. I had no idea what he was talking about, but Jasper started walking to me.

He moved at human pace but he was close so it still took no longer than five or six seconds. He was very graceful and some of his muscles on his legs became very prominent as he moved. I noted he moved carefully, as to avoid any noise inducing sounds other than the flip of his honey hair in the breeze. Alice stepped lightly behind him quiet as you would expect a pixie to be.

Edward gave everyone else a look, and they busied themselves with running again, but much, much slower. Carlisle and Esme started a conversation, something very pointless and mildly distracting about flowerbeds.

Carefully, and making sure to show his intention clearly, Jasper reached one hand out towards my shoulder. My internal reaction was to flinch away, but Alice's kind smile reassured me and I stood still. Statue still.

His hand made contact with my shoulder, and I felt like jumping. Did he feel that spark? Could vampires still pass static electricity, surely they could, for me to feel something like that, in a single touch. Or maybe I was being foolish, and really Jasper had a second power. Was I in danger, what should I do?

Really after those last thoughts I had no time to panic or even consider defense. I understood what was happening, but I didn't care. I felt like I was floating, there, in the moment, but not quite. The scene I had just caused was no longer an embarrassment, it was completely understandable, and I didn't think 

twice about it. I was too calm. Something told me I should be annoyed that my emotions were being manipulated but I couldn't summon up enough chagrin to actually be angry.

A few murmured words later and we were running the remaining distance. Jasper was keeping his hand on me, and I didn't mind the least. He was really quite warm, and it felt so natural, his hand on me. I wonder what it felt like to be in his arms, his embrace, his touch…maybe later I'll ask Alice…

We stopped in front of a river, about fifty yards wide that was surrounded by thin, largely spaced trees. Light filtered in everywhere letting me glimpse sparkles on my skin once more. I moved slightly, this way and that, to catch myself at just the right angles, making me sparkle. Jasper's mouth twitched, very slightly before he could compose it again, as he saw my fascination.

The other stopped barely long enough to make sure we (probably just me) were with them before they took a few steps back and jumped the river.

Any sort of jumping scared me, height, terrified me. A combination of both made me want to tunnel under the river and wait till all the water dried up. But my body didn't feel scared, more thrilled, at the idea of the speed and the adrenaline. I watched as Alice –who went last besides Jasper and I- arched herself across the river and landed almost soundlessly across from me, on the opposite side of the water.

"Your turn!" She chirped.

Now I was sure Jasper was going to let go now to jump, but his hand stayed firmly on mine. I turned my face anxiously toward him, though I was still under the influence of his power, I was beginning to get a little nervous.

"How exactly do…I don't know how…" I stuttered. Preferably I would want to ask Edward or maybe Alice, but seeing as they were across the river, it seemed politer to ask Jasper.

He looked at me evenly, most likely getting the gist of my question.

"It's easy Becca . Just take the first few steps back, and run forward like you usually would. You'll land perfectly, and at the worst just a little loudly."

I breathed once, his cool logic made sense. And the way his voice said my name…

A few steps back…

And suddenly I was about two feet behind where I'd been moments ago. Jasper shadowed me at my side.

Run forward…

Nothing immediately happened, but as I stood there, slowly I could feel it; a raw, astonishing strength pulsing in my limbs. In that split second, I ran for the river in one bound and launched myself in the air.



I was only airborne for about a quarter of a second but that was all it took for me to absorb the details. Jasper was the details. His hand was precariously on the small on my back. It was probably too difficult to keep it on my shoulder during the jump, but I was thrilled by his gesture. As stealthy as possible I glanced to my right, this time I was checking up on him. His inhuman muscles were tensed and I had this unexplainable urge that not even I could explain. His eyes were focused on the ground; probably judging the impact like I should have been, but it seemed to be a task for him, as if he wanted to look somewhere else.

Look at me I thought, before we hit the ground.

Maybe the unexpected boom I made, as my body connected with the ground was because of my strength, that I could feel pulsing through me right now. Or maybe it was the surprise of hearing me openly think how much I had wanted Jasper in that moment, and not being able to properly stop myself from impact.

Quickly there was a slight absence to the weight on my shoulder and suddenly everything seemed back into focus and my emotions went everywhere. ASK ALICE? ABOUT JASPER? Was I crazy? Did I have a death wish? They were together I told myself strictly, while discreetly inching farther from the blonde-haired beauty.

"Opps." I said, as to disguise my thoughts even though none of them could have possibly…

EDWARD!

I watched Edward carefully, as the Cullen's shared some laughter at my adolescent mistake. He didn't look angry, or worried, or confused like he should've been, after hearing thoughts about his brother like that. Wouldn't he have been mad on Alice's part?

Alice looked at Jasper searchingly, probably wondering why he had taken his hand off me at such a crucial moment, (being so close to the house was only going to make me much worse) but he was staring at me, searching and for the first time he seemed not cautious or angry, merely wondering. I had no more time to watch him; I concentrated very carefully on not freaking out, as I looked up at the house.

I pinpointed the house, exactly where it stood, even before I saw it. I was experimenting, carefully with my sense as not to overreact. It seemed to be working. I was able to keep my immediate focus with the scents, nothing to immediate since I was much more prepared.

From what I could see at the back of the house, it was old. Maybe ninety decades old, give or take a few. Painted a white, which was fading quickly, it was completely rectangular and about three stories tall. The outside of the entire house was framed entirely by trees, cedar's at the front from what I could scent and the sides of the house were covered in a meadow grass that I was sure continued to the front. It seemed the Cullen's had kept most of the original structure with minimal restoration to the windows and possibly the door. I wasn't sure as to the fact architecture was never a strong point for me. One wall was completely replaced with a very sturdy and shiny looking glass, throwing lots of light into the house.



"This is our house." Carlisle said, unexpectedly formal. "We're farther out in these trees and away from the closest town, Forks. Not many humans stray close to here though there is a road not too far. We have quite a few rooms, you're welcome to any that are empty."

I relaxed slightly, knowing I wouldn't have to share a room. Not that I would use it much, none of us slept.

Alice and Esme were staring meaningfully at Carlisle, as if he had left out some vital piece of information.

He sighed dramatically before he continued "Alice and Esme have designed a certain room. If it is to your liking your welcome to have it-"

"And the closet, full of clothes. It looks like you'll need some new ones too, we should head there first!" Alice artfully interrupted. I had no intention of changing but as I stared down at myself reflex I felt like melting into a puddle when I realized my clothes covered barely anything, I even had an indecent hole in the material just below my neck. Most of the fabric was crusted in blood as well, crunching and breaking off minuscule pieces as I moved and reminding me that the burning in my throat was getting more urgent.

"Little too much showing squirt." Emmett said through a few laughs.

I looked emphatically at Alice who smiled and ran ahead of me around to the front. I followed, making sure to turn my body slightly as to make sure no one could see the ripped material that barely covered my backside.

Emmett laughed more, proving that I wasn't doing a very good job.