Chapter 4.

As soon as I knew that they had gone I closed the door and cried and cried. I cried because of what was going on with me and how confused I was. I cried because of what I had put my loving family through and I cried because of the decision I had made.

But the question still remained, what had pushed me to the conclusion that killing myself could possibly solve all my problems, I didn't understand it now. I don't even remember when I had made that choice. Everything seemed so blurred.

I mean why would someone who has got it better off than other people decide that they wouldn't to kill themselves.

I mean I had great friends and family, that's including biological and Edward's. And there's another reason why I love my life and that reason is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, the world can't be dull when Edward is around.

So what the hell had I been thinking when I decided that I wanted to die?

The only time I plan on dying, is when my heart stops because Edward has turned me into a vampire. And until then I'm going to keep on living so that I can keep on arguing with Edward to change me.

Which from Alice's visions, has not changed, the image just keeps on getting stronger. Which, she says is a great sign, so one can only hope that it will be soon.

Because I can not wait to start my new life with him.

But what was with all these plans of killing myself, why would I do that? I had never been the kind of person to do those things to ones self, so what the hell was going on with me? I must be going mental, how could I think those things?

Maybe Carlisle is right. Maybe I am over stressed, or perhaps I'm going down with something like a fever. Who knows, I decided, as I snuggled further into the blankets and rested my head on my soft pillow, but whatever is going on, it should be solved by a nice long rest. Me kill myself, pfft, what a stupid to joke to play on myself. How could I have thought about doing that?

Well, whatever, I'm going to forget all about this nonsense of suicide and just focus on enjoying life with Edward and if Alice's vision comes true, like I'm so hoping it will, I'll have plenty of time to enjoy life with Edward.

Pulling my self up from the floor, I wrote a note to Charlie, saying that I wasn't feeling well and that there were leftovers for dinner in the fridge. In doing that, I made my way up to my room, going slowly and carefully making sure that I didn't trip or fall, a first let me tell you.

When I reached my room, I quickly changed into my pyjamas and then walked over to the bathroom, to wash my face as it often helps to clear my head, before going back to room and climbing into my bed.

As soon as my body touched the soft bed, it seemed to mould to fit me perfectly and I knew that a good couple of hours sleeping will do me the world of good and when I wake up in the morning, I'll have forgotten what all hose silly tears were about.

Moving onto my side, barely away from sleep, I found a folded piece of paper, that I could only guess to be a letter.

Slightly confused, I pulled it out and turned on my light to read it.

My dearest Bella,

The beautiful script of my angel's writing wrote,

I hope that you are feeling better; you have had all of us extremely worried, though none more than me. I practically had to bend Carlisle's arm to get him to allow me to bring you this letter. I know I shouldn't push him, as he is only doing what he thinks best for you, but I just had to tell you that I loved you just one more time. You had me so scared today, it made me see just how much I do love you and also made me realise that I don't tell you enough, so from now on, I will tell you that I love you, every single second I get.

Oh, how gorgeous of him, I was screamed in my head, as read his heartfelt words.

I love you Bella and that will never change, even though the world, the stars and everything else will come and go, continuously moving and changing, my love for you will always remain the same, everlasting and never ending.

Love you Bella, sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow.

Love Edward.

Sighing deeply and more in love than ever, I moved the letter over to my nightstand and turned off the light and dreamt the sweetest dreams, of me and Edward together, forever. Or so I hoped.