Angst
"Oh. My. Effing. Gawsh. He's here! He's here!" Taylor shrieked.
"Who? Who?" Gina and Amy chorused.
"Samuel! Samuel Uley!" In a split second, all three of my friends darted out of their seats, nearly knocking my pizza off the table, and crossed the invisible borderline between the freshmen and the juniors. Crossing the invisible borderline used to be a big deal months ago, but ever since Samuel Uley starred in a juice commercial, crossing that line happens every lunch period.
My eyes followed my friends who were now jumping beside Samuel. The pitch-black hair on his forehead was gelled forward into one spike, as usual. Sunburn left red lines on the bridge of his angular nose and cheeks, just like mine. His white, body-hugging shirt exposed his large chest, biceps and abs, and the scary blue nerves beneath his russet skin curved from his meaty arms down to his knuckles. He was sweating like hell as the swarming students ambushed him for an autograph, but like a celebrity, he was still smiling under pressure though his eyes hinted that he was pissed.
As I watched every single person crowd his table, the blood beneath each inch of my skin boiled with loathing. It was stupid, how seven simple words on national T.V. skyrocketed him to fame and fortune. That's how things are these days, anyway. Looks are frankly the things that matter. Some had to do it the hard way—they had to be embarrassed, enrol in acting lessons, audition in gruelling theatre guilds, join spine tingling contests…and the farthest they could reach was the position of mini theatre club president. Yes, I envied, loathed, hated and wished to kill Samuel Uley more than anyone else, even if, like how my friends put it, he doesn't even know I exist.
Suddenly, Samuel Uley withdrew his head from the many notebooks ahead of him and flashed his impeccable set of pearly whites towards my direction. Me? I scanned the remaining parts of the café behind me, and flushed pale when I discovered that I was the only one left sitting on the tables. I bet my black shirt was in sharp contrast with the white walls of the café. My lips quivered as I reluctantly curved it into a smile.
"What? You think you could get me to walk there and get your autograph like everyone else? You're not that much of a big deal, dude." I muttered to myself, still smiling at him.
"You bitch!" Taylor popped out of nowhere and appeared beside me.
"Huh?"
"Samuel Uley smiled at you!"
"He smiles at everyone." I rolled my eyes.
"Sure, but he set the others aside to smile at you. Damn it! Why does he have to smile at the wrong people?"
"What's wrong with me?"
"Well, he's wasting his million dollar smile on you, the blind one."
"Blind?"
"Do you honestly know any girl…other than yourself, who isn't in love with Samuel?" I rummaged through my head. Mom isn't in love with Samuel. Oh wait, she had a fight with dad yesterday because she had a poster of him half naked in her cabinet.
"Uhh, my cousin, Emily!" I blurted out as I remembered her.
"Most of your cousins are from the Makah reservation, right?"
"Yeah."
"That explains it, she has no T.V.!" I opened my mouth to argue more, but then I sighed and accepted my defeat.
"Why do you hate Samuel so much? Honestly, he didn't even do anything to you."
"I don't know. It's his face. Something about it gives me a high blood." I lied. God knows the real reason was that I was terribly jealous of him.
"His face? Are you joking?"
"Look at me. Do I look like I'm joking?"
"Leah Clearwater, you're not human." She shook her head.
Amidst all the loud café noise, the buzzing sound from the PA that usually meant something was to be announced in a few seconds was heard. Everyone, especially the freshmen, shut up and stood still.
"Attention, freshmen." The principal's firm yet motherly voice echoed through the room. "Club shopping will begin in ten minutes. The club venues are posted on the bulletin board. Upper class men, please proceed to your respective clubs. That would be all, thank you. Have a pleasant day and freshmen, choose your clubs wisely."
"Hey. What club are you going to?"
"Musician's Guild." I answered Taylor. "But they're going to hold auditions before they recruit any members."
"I know twenty people who're trying out for that."
"Seriously?!" I gasped. There were only forty freshmen in a school as small as mine, meaning half of our population's trying out for it.
"Well, good luck. My brother says out of twenty, the maximum that club has ever accepted was five."
"Damn it, I'm not gonna pass."
"You will, Leah! You have a nice voice, trust me."
"Sure." I said sarcastically.
"Let's go?"
"Let us." I got my purple backpack from the floor and slung my guitar case to my back. Soon, we were making our way out of the small, café door with the rest of the crowd. After several seconds, I finally got a breath of air and ran past the cracked, dirty-white walls of the school to the bulletin board before I get stuck again.
"Leah! Wait up!" A familiar voice called up. I stopped and turned around, and as expected, it was Rachel Black, one of my closest friends. She was in second year while I was in first. We nearly had the same features, except that her hair was quite shorter than mine and that she looked innocent and kind, unlike how I looked. My mom always tells me that I look like a villainess who hates the world.
"Chelly! What's up?"
"You're trying out for the Musician's Guild?"
"Yup. You?"
"I'm in the Media Club. Musician's Guild is in room 2-1."
"Thanks. How did you know?"
"Becca told me. Good luck, I heard they're gonna be really tough." As much as I didn't want to say it, Rachel isn't helping me at all. I've been worrying about my club for the whole week, and I don't know what I'll do if I don't pass any.
"Dang."
"See ya around. And if you change your mind, try the Media Club. I'll be easy on you." Rachel chuckled. Ahh, the advantages of being an upper-class man.
"Thanks for the offer, Chelly. Bye!" I waved my free hand at her and whirred toward the staircase that led to the second year classrooms. As I reached the second floor, I felt like I was shrinking. Everyone there was older than me, and I was the only freshman there since the rest are still looking at the bulleting board. They were all so tall, so mature—so intimidating. The way they're going about their teenage life by laughing, horsing around and all was so scary. I tried to focus on finding the room, but being frightened by their boisterous laughing was inevitable.
Luckily, room 2-1 was just beside me, and spared me minutes of going past older people. I reluctantly twisted the doorknob and entered the empty classroom. Just like ours, it was cream with wooden desks, walls, floors and a wooden ceiling with four electric fans hanging from there. The sunlight that seeped into the room was so bright and blinding, unlike how it was in our classroom because of the oak tree outside the windows.
"You trying out?" A deep, thunder-like voice startled me and forced one gasp out of my mouth. I turned around and saw him.
What the hell is he doing here? Don't tell me I'll be singing to him!
"Y-yes." I stuttered. Samuel was too close to me; maybe if I trip over, I'd certainly fall on him. I was face to face with his throat. He had such a big Adam's apple.
"Okay. Fill this up." His warm breath fanned against the tip of my head. Before it could even start sending shivers down my spine, I grabbed the small, white paper he was handing.
"Thanks." I took my eyes off of him and headed for the nearest desk.
"You'll be first. And if you know that you'll be wasting our time, don't even bother." He threatened. At first I was confused. Why was the all-smiling-heartthrob suddenly a monster? But I was more of mad. I looked back at him to give him a glare, but his broad back was already facing me.
"Fuck you."I murmured under my breath as I jotted my name, and nickname down.
The door creaked open and a head peeked. It was Rebecca Black.
"Sam! The freshies are here."
"Let them in. And give them the application forms." For that second, he suddenly reminded me of some childhood memories. He was like a character from a fairytale I used to watch ten times a day on VHS when I was seven. He was like the beast from Beauty and the Beast—the way he was so big and how he doesn't show his face, it was so much like him, except that he didn't really look much of a beast.
The room was slowly filled with faces I know well. They were my twenty out of forty batch mates that Taylor was talking about. Each of them was carrying their own instruments except the ones who'll be trying for drums and keyboards because it would be provided.
"No talking. If you wanna talk, get out of this room and find another club. Just fill those in. And no practicing. You should have practiced earlier. Clearwater, you done?" How the hell did he know my name? I dismissed the question and continued cramming the last part of the form. "Almost."
"Will you hurry the hell up! You're wasting our time!" Rebecca demanded. I swiftly turned to her and glowered. Rachel was the better twin, I never really liked Rebecca—even if my mother says we have a lot in common.
"Chill, I'm done." I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my guitar and handed Samuel the form.
"Some freshman." Rebecca grunted. I know it would make me childish, but I stuck my tongue out at her as Samuel led me to another room.
"That's not the right way of talking to a mentor, Clearwater." My anger issues were going to come back any minute, but I sucked in a breath of air and calmed down.
"Well, that's not the right way of talking to a freshman either. She acts like she has never been one." Samuel opened the next door for me, and my heart was thumping like crazy with what I saw.
It was black, like the door led to oblivion. I suddenly had the strange idea that he'd rape me.
"Go!" He pushed me inside with such great force that I felt my pizza climb up.
"Who is she?" A voice that came from somewhere in front of me asked. It was husky, but I was sure it was a girl.
"Leah Clearwater." Samuel replied.
"And what instrument are you going to play?" Another voice asked. This time, the voice was high-pitched and girly.
"I'm going to sing and play the guitar." I answered back to the darkness.
"What song?" Another voice asked.
"Beneath the Cherry Blossoms by Suzanna Carolina." Suddenly, the windows flung open and the sunlight seemed like it exploded in front of my eyes. All twenty chairs of the classroom were filled with people from the higher levels, but those people looked like the popular kind. My stomach was churning, and my inferiority complex was at its peak. There was one chair, though, that was at the very front, and Samuel sat on it.
"Okay, go." He said. I positioned my fingers on the first chord, but I took one more second to remember the first line. I strummed the intro and opened my mouth to sing the first verse.
"Wait." Rebecca Black stopped me. "Did you read the instructions on the poster?" She asked me with scorching eyes. She was getting back at me.
"Yeah. Why?"
"It says that you should tone your guitar before you audition. Your guitar is badly tuned. Tune it." At that moment, I was drowned of blood. I was cold as a corpse.
"What?" The girl beside her asked.
"Umm."
"What!?"
"I-I don't know how." I admitted. All of them burst into laughter. How they were all so different and the same in a sense, it produced an intimidating kind. It was the laugh that told you that you didn't have a right to live.
"So, you're auditioning for the Musician's Guild and you don't know how to tune a guitar? How pathetic! " She said as she was laughing with the rest. I'd really do anything so that the earth would swallow me alive.
"I'll tune it." Samuel rose from his seat and took the guitar out of my hands and tuned it. As he was, I was thinking of either leaving it with him as I dart out of the room or face further upper class men embarrassment.
"Here." He shoved it into my chest. I was too busy being on the verge of crying to give him a glower.
"Again." Rebecca demanded. I cleared my throat and placed my hands on the right position. The first verse was a breeze, and so was the bridge and the chorus. It just came in automatically, even if half of my soul wasn't with me.
"Okay, you can stop now." A buff, blonde guy said. I wrapped the song up and half of my soul descended back to my body. I had no idea on how I sounded like, and that I was burning hot.
"Tell us why we should accept you." I paused for a while to think.
"You should accept me because I'm very dedicated and I'll really pour my heart into this." Eww, that sucked.
"Dedicated?" Samuel asked. "Prove it."
"How?"
"Bow down to me, plead and kiss my feet." He said with a grin. I looked into his eyes, they were piercing and were set deep into his face.
"You serious?" I asked. All of the people gasped, and I thought it seemed scripted.
"Of course! Do I look like I'm not?" He bragged. I don't know how it happened, but half of my soul flew away again. I was possessed with another one. I dropped my guitar, knelt down and kissed his dirty, white sneakers. I couldn't believe what I've just done. It wasn't me.
"That's not enough." A cheeky looking red head said.
"Why don't you strip in front of Sam? We'll definitely let you pass you if you do that." Rebecca said with a laugh. Everyone started howling so loud that my world seemed like it was spinning.
"Go on!" The blonde boy encouraged with a smile. Sam stood from his seat, stayed so close to me and laughed a very loud laugh—like it was the laugh of Zeus.
"C'mon, Clearwater!" He nudged me and laughed again.
"No." I whispered weakly.
"I know you want to." He raised his eyebrows, and that was the last straw. This time, I knew what I was doing. I raised my best hand, gave one, swift swing and gathered all my strength as it was about to touch his cheeks.
"Bastard!" I shrieked. My blood was boiling. He thinks he's all that. He thinks I'd give in. I examined the red mark that was the shape of my hand on his cheek. I wanted to give him another one.
"I'm not a pig, Uley! I'm not like everyone else! If this club is this fucked up, never mind!" I grabbed my guitar and stomped my way out of the room. The guitar hit the doorframe a lot of times, but that didn't matter now.