Author's Note: I'm back from vacation! Joy! This chapter has some open ended stuff in it, so if you're confused or anything, just ask me and I'll write you back, k?

IV.

Wrongful Judgment

"You idiot!" I heard a masculine voice talking to himself, or rather, to me through gritted teeth. "Why didn't you eat anything?"

I slowly peeled my eyes open and felt myself being propped up in Van's bunk. I turned and saw Van pull the two stools over to my side and picked the tray up from the table and sat beside me. He unwrapped a fork and spoon and began stirring what looked like beef stew.

"I knew you'd be hungry later so I brought you dinner," he said without looking at me. "You didn't even touch it."

"I thought it was yours," I whispered.

He finally looked at me. "So you'd starve yourself to death because of that? It's just food! If you want it, take it!" Van picked up the bowl and brought a spoonful of stew to my lips. "Eat."

"What am I, five?" I asked sarcastically while pushing myself up into a more comfortable sitting position. "I can feed myself, thank you very much."

"And that's why I found you passed out on the floor," Van replied with just as much sarcasm. "Eat."

Huffed and puffed I may have been, but I was much to weak to fight the brat any longer, so I opened my mouth and ate. Van never said anything after that, but kept feeding me without looking into my eyes. With not much else to do, I just stared at him. I always knew what he looked like, dark charcoal hair and light hazel eyes on bronze skin. Always confident and handsome with subtle charm. The popular boy that was oddly able to keep to himself in a crowded room. And yet, at that very moment, he looked very different to me. And I couldn't help but wonder how someone with such a beautiful face could wear such a sad expression.

"I don't understand why girls think they need to be so skinny," Van suddenly murmured to himself. "Is it really worth it? Doing what you're doing?"

"Doing what?" I asked with squinted eyes.

"What you choose to do with your body is no business of mine," Van began. "But it'd be a crime to not saying anything when I could have... You're killing yourself. Don't you even notice?"

I tried to take in what he was trying to say. "Are you implying that... I'm anorexic?" I almost laughed at the irony, and yet felt it was an inappropriate time. "You know nothing about me, and yet, you make such a wild assumption. You people must have a lot of time on your hands to be so judgmental of others."

"You people?" Van repeated. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a smart guy, Van," I said. "You figure it out."

Van just sat there, spoon in one hand, bowl in the other. He stared with a frown for a moment before beginning to feed me again. "So being alone, does that make you more righteous than others?"

I looked up at him.

"You do the same to others, judging them, yet you think you're not wrong because you have no one to tell your thoughts to," Van continued. "If you had someone, you'd be no different from us."

"That's not true-

"Then tell me," Van interrupted. "What do you think about me?"

I blinked. "What does it matter what I think of you? At the end of the day, you'll always be who you are. Arrogant, egotistical, and selfish. Just like the rest of them."

A loud sound of the ceramic bowl being heavily put down on the wooden stool surprised me. Van had stopped feeding me and was looking away. Though he looked bothered, he still showed no sign of anger. "You're just like her, yet you talk about her that way."

"I'm just like who?" I asked.

Van didn't respond immediately. Instead, he let out a sigh and stood up slowly. "Maybe we're not the ones that are arrogant, egotistical, or selfish, Hitomi." He turned and looked at me. "Maybe you're just using us to talk about yourself."

And with that, he left.

I had never sparred with Van before, but I always thought that if I ever had the chance to, I'd defeat him. But at that very moment, there was nothing I could say to counter his last statement.

Later that night, I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning because my stomach hurt so badly. I hadn't eaten anything after Van left the cabin and didn't return. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was because I knew I couldn't.

Suddenly, I threw off my covers and climbed out of Van's bed. The sound of my feet padding against the hard wooden floor filled the cabin until I stumbled through the bathroom door. Lifting the seat, I cowered over the toilet and threw up. Looking down into the bowl, I noticed a bit of red in my vomit.

"Why..." I said quietly. My head hung low as my lips quavered. Tears bit my eyes and began to well in my vision. But I blinked them away and flushed the toilet.

Determined, I stomped out of the bathroom and back to the stool where the bowl of beef stew still sat and shoved the remaining content into my mouth. Some of the stew was running out from the sides of my lips, but I didn't care. But as soon as I swallowed my last bite, I was sent running right back to the bathroom.

I coughed and wheezed. It was an ugly, unpleasant thing, throwing up. But I couldn't stop.

I walked back out of the bathroom and ate whatever remained on the tray, and still, I couldn't hold it down. My stomach was hurting so badly, I almost couldn't take it. After flushing one last time, I rolled my limp body to lean on the bathroom wall. Taking deep breaths, I wrapped my arms around my thin figure, wishing whatever was left of me would disappear.

"Why?" my weak voice croaked. My vision blurred as hot tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. I was so hungry, I couldn't stand it. But I couldn't eat, not because I was afraid of getting fat. It was because I couldn't.

I slowly climbed onto my feet and walked towards my bag. Pulling out the bottle of pills that was already half empty, I stared at it. "It's because of you..." I whispered through gritted teeth. I stared and stared, squeezing my grip around it the container broke in my hand. I felt a broken piece cut into my palm, but it didn't hurt as much as my heart was.

"Why?!" I screamed and threw the pills across the room, scattering them all over the floor.

I gasped for air, trying to calm down, but to no avail. I sunk onto my knees in defeat and felt the rest of my body tumble onto the floor, shaking as I wept. I'd always been strong. Never had I been as pitiful as I was at that moment.

Van was wrong. He was so wrong.