Author's Note: I'm not used to updating so frequently (see my previous note about what a perfectionist I was at my writing...). I still feel like I'm doing a sloppy job, but this way of writing is really allowing me to just pour ideas rather than dwell on the same chapter for weeks, haha! As you'll see from this chapter, I tend to write more about character's thoughts than just writing action sequences. Hope you're not bored. This is random, but I listened to Gackt's "Secret Garden" for the first time last night. He really soars, especially in the chorus. When I find the right music, I can write forever. Enjoy!

VI.

Reason of Being

At the harbor, everyone began to board a white boat large enough to fit all of us but small enough that we could almost reach over the edge and touch the water. I still wasn't briefed, so I didn't know where exactly we were going, but blindly followed the others.

"Not that we'd be doing cannon balls off a plank," Dryden began. "But the water's a bit rough today. So if anyone would feel more comfortable with a life jacket on, there's a whole chest of them right here." He pointed to the piles of bright reddish orange colored life jackets in a chest.

A couple of the students grabbed them and put them on.

Allen sneered. "Y'all are a joke! We're just going off the coast and you gotta wear that ugly thing?"

"Shut it, Schezar," Dryden warned him. "If anything, you need one more than the rest of us. How does a grown ass man like you not even know how to swim?"

"What the hell?" Allen's voice did a crescendo, overpowering the laughter of my classmates. "Van, you told him?!"

"The island's pretty far out," Van explained. "I had to let Dryden know."

"Asshole," Allen crossed his arms and leaned back on the bars

The water was indeed a bit rough. The wind blew waves big enough to sway the boat up and down, left and right. I could tell it would storm soon.

"Professor," I called out to Dryden. "Isn't it dangerous to go out in this weather?"

"What weather, Hitomi?" Dryden asked pointing to the sky. Though it was weak, the sun was still out. Though it was a bit gray, the sky was still blue. Apparently, this guy needed a couple more clouds to know that bad weather was coming.

"It's going to storm soon," I replied. I didn't guess it, I knew it. I didn't know how I could sense it, but I could just feel it in my bones. A storm was coming.

"It's just a little wind, Hitomi," Dryden said. "Besides, we're on a tight schedule. We can't continue the field trip without making this trip to the island first."

I sighed. What an idiot, I thought. "It's your call, sir."

"Exactly," Dryden answered with a wink. "All right everyone, time to get this boat off shore! If you have any questions, ask your partner. And if your partner doesn't know, ask someone else's partner. If they don't know, what the hell are y'all doing here?! I'll be below deck, so if you must, wait till we get to the island to ask me."

I cringed as I watched him walk down the stairs below deck. "What kind of professor is he? Asking us what we were doing here... we should be asking him that."

"He's teaching."

I looked over my shoulder. Van was watching him descend the stairs, too. It was the first thing he said to me since we got on the boat.

"Teaching what?" I asked with furrowed brows. "He doesn't even take this job seriously. He's so irresponsible."

"And you're not?" Van threw a question back at my question. I looked at him. He looked at me. How was I supposed to respond to that? He let out a heavy sigh and looked away. "Dryden isn't being irresponsible. His methods are just unorthodox. It's not that he's trying to abandon us as a teacher, but he's trying to teach us to rely on ourselves."

I kept staring.

"Science is universal," Van continued. "And yet, when you're in it, you're alone. It's a very lonely place to be when you're learning about it. But that's what Dryden's trying to instill in us, a sense of independence. One must learn to do and think for themselves with what they're given. He may hold out a hand to help us stand up, but eventually, we have to walk on our own."

I couldn't stop staring.

"Maybe you see him as being a bad professor," Van suggested. "But if you look at him without pretense, you'll see that he has a reason for doing what he does... just like you."

"Huh?" I breathed out.

Van looked back at me. "I see you as being bad to yourself. I don't know exactly what it is you're doing and why you're doing what you're doing. But there must be a reason. Whether logical or not, that reason must be decided by you. Maybe I was right or wrong about you last night, but if I was, I've said what I did. It's up to you now to decide what path to take."

And with that, he walked away. I found myself staring at those broad shoulders again, not just looking at the strength that existed in his physical self, but the strength he held within. How could it be? That this man that kept to himself and hung out in such a crowd could actually think so much? I never thought much, for to me, it was never a time to think. Only to act. But for someone so young to be that mature was extraordinary.

Such a characteristic made me feel nostalgic, for it reminded me of how Folken used to be.

Folken was one of the many children whose parents were slaughtered so that they may be taken away. He arrived Zaibach a few years before me, and it was his calm, protective nature that made us friends. Had I been alone, I didn't know if I'd survive Dornkirk's wrath, but Folken was always able to understand him in a way that almost scared me. He was wise and mature, much so like Van had been just a moment ago. Before, I may have treasured his way of being, but now it scared me.

It was because of his understanding nature that Folken was manipulated into siding with Dornkirk. Why was it that the more one was able to understand others, that they become more accepting of their ways, whether it be right or wrong? To Folken, no one was ever good or bad. Everyone just had reason. Reason for being and reason for doing. What his reason was for becoming that sick man's ally was a mystery to me, but over the past few years, I found him slipping further and further away from me. Was it because I could not think the way he thought? Was I not understanding enough? Was I fighting on the right side?

I knew that Van had nothing to do with Dornkirk and what was happening in Zaibach, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling a seed of doubt sprout inside of me. This understanding nature was good in that it made one wise, but it was evil in that it made one think with reason and not morality. If Van were to face Dornkirk, would he see him the way Folken did? Or would he see him for the monster that he really was? I may not ever know the answers to the queries of my heart, but at least now I knew that it didn't necessarily matter what Van thought of me. Because though he didn't understand that I wasn't delibrately hurting myself, he understood that I had reason.

I turned and leaned over the boat's edge watching the ocean flow by. I still didn't completely get why I hated Van all this time, but aside from envying the freedom of his existence, it might of been how alike he and Folken were. I'd never seen it until today, but they were truly alike. It was that attribute that Folken was taken from me. Perhaps I was afraid that Van could become someone I feared I could lose because of this.

I laughed. This was why I didn't think so much. The more my thoughts wandered, the more ridiculous they began to sound. Van and I were from different worlds. He and Folken were two different people. How could he possibly become someone I'd lose when he was never mine to begin with?