Author's note: I know y'all got a basket full of tomatoes you wanna throw at me for taking so long to update, but ever since I went back to school, I could never find the time nor inspiration to continue. Forgive meee, nya. On another note, I finally recorded another song! It's called Outside (Looking In). Please listen to it on my MySpace, I have the link posted in my FanFiction profile. Thaaanks guys, I appreciate the support! Enjoy!

XI.

Reverse Psychology

Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe. Like a lioness, I eyed my prey, my feet padding softly on the ground. If I was to succeed in my mission, I must stay quiet. Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe. I was almost there. So close that I could almost reach out and grasp victory, but so far that I couldn't lose my focus. Tip. Toe. Tip. Toe. Splash!

"Ah!" Van's voice vibrated through the stone walls of the cave.

I laughed. Hard. I wasn't sure why I found it so amusing.

Van's long hair stuck to his face that was drenched in cold, salty oceanwater. I had picked thick green leaves from tropical trees and was able to weave it into somewhat of a bowl large enough to contain some water from the shore. I wasn't planning on waking him up in this manner, but I couldn't resist.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" Van asked as he wiped the beads of water dripping down his eyes. "I'll show you something funny!"

Van shoved himself off the ground and charged towards me at full speed. He was fast, but I was faster. Being as light on my toes as I was, I easily evaded his rampage, twisting his arm around his back and shoving him down into the ground.

"That wasn't funny," I mocked him. "That was just sad!"

In the midst of my laughter, Van was able to disengage my hold and trip me over. Rolling on top of me, he locked my arms above my head.

"Well, I was just gettin' started," Van teased.

And suddenly, we both ran out of things to say to each other. All we could exchange in the few inches between our faces were heavy breaths that lingered from our excitement.

Even though I had spent the previous night lying skin-to-skin in Van's arms, I somehow wasn't able to get out of my paralyzed state. It had only been a few seconds, but I had already been able to calculate every possible move I could make to counter Van's advantage. So why couldn't I move at all?

I found myself getting lost in those beautiful eyes again. They wore a light hazel shade with so much depth that I could feel myself falling deeper into them as more time went by. It was then that I suddenly had a memory flicker in my mind. When we had gotten off the bus, Van's eyes had turned into a deep shade of crimson. They were even more beautiful, but frightening at the same time. Now that I knew that Van was the same as me, I was certain that his altered genetic makeup was the underlying cause of it. But what had brought on that reaction?

"Maybe..." I started, glad that I was able to bring myself back to reality.

"Hm?" Van breathed. His voice was so smooth and masculine that sounded so intimate, it sent shivers down my spine. Damn that sexual human instinct.

"...you should put some clothes on," I finished with a sly grin.

I had long awoken and put back on my clothes, but Van on the otherhand had not. A hint of red tinted the apples of his cheeks, as a sheepish grin creased shy dimples near his lips. He quickly got up and turned around as to hide his, ahem, manly parts, which only fueled the fire of my amusement. I was used to seeing a mature Van, a serious Van, a cool Van. But this silly, playful Van was too much... damn that sexual human instinct.

I chuckled as I walked passed him, brushing him shoulder-to-shoulder. "You don't have to be polite, I've seen it all already."

I only wished I had turned around at that moment to see the look on his face, but I didn't want him to see the look on mine. Bending down, I gathered Van's now dried clothes from the ground by the fire into my arms. They felt hard and crispy, probably from soaking in salt water, with some dirt caked on it. Shaking it off, I turned around, only to come face-to-face with he who wore nothing.

"Then you must be too polite," Van replied. "Cause I didn't get to see yours again."

I tilted my head as my lips curved into a fake, defiant smile. Shoving his clothes into his arms, I told him in a low, threatening voice, "That I must be. But I definitely, absolutely, positively won't be... polite... in training."

"Training?" Van asked.

"That's right, training!" I said with an encouraging tap on his arm. "Surely a man like you can keep up with me?" Before he could say anything further, I was on my way out of the cave. "Don't take your time. I don't like to wait." And with that, I left Van to get dressed.

I quickly stretched and did some warm-up exercises when Van finally emerged from the cave.

I frowned. "I told you, I don't like to wait."

"And I wish I told you I don't like to be woken up by a bucket of ice cold water," Van retorted. "But you probably would've done it anyway, wouldn't you?"

"Absolutely," I replied with a smirk.

The stormy weather had long passed over, and all that my eyes could see in the distance was an infinite stretch of clear blue skies and wavy waters. The sun hadn't rose too high yet, so now was the perfect time to train. I was apprehensive. I was trained to be ready for the unexpected, to react in less than a moment's notice, to live on improvisation and sponteneity. But as of late, I'd become a person of routine. It was a safety precaution, to protect myself by staying close to the familiar. And training was one of those things. I hadn't changed my course of training much in the past few years, not because I was incapable, but because I didn't want to run into anyone that could recognize me from Zaibach.

Being in a place that I could literally call my own, to let go and train myself without holding back, and even to do so beside someone who was the same as me, it felt incredibly liberating and refreshing. I'd never had this before. What should I do with this newfound freedom?

"So, this...training..." Van began. "What exactly do you have in mind?"

"To be honest, I don't want to train you. You'd just get in my way. And even worse, slow me down. But I guess I don't really have a choice now, do I?" I began to walk forward towards the water.

"What do you mean?" Van asked.

I thought carefully about what I needed to say.

"I don't think you understand... but then again, how could you?" I asked him. I wasn't sure if I was directing that question to Van or to myself. But I needed to tell him. "I still don't know for sure what Dornkirk is or what his purpose is, but what I do know is what he's done. He's murdered so many innocent people... took away their children... and treated them like lab rats in an experiment. You were there, so you should know this much." I bent down and caressed the surface of the water with the palm of my hand. "But you weren't there as long as the rest of us. There are things you don't know, and my biggest concern is just that. You may not realize it, but the position you are in is of great importance."

Van's face was fixed deep in thought. Slowly, he took a step towards me, then another. "Then tell me. Tell me what I need to know."

I pulled back my hand and stood up without looking at him. "If the children were disposable, Dornkirk would have them killed, no matter what. His mission was too great, he couldn't possibly let any of them return to the real world without risking exposure to the project. And because of this fear... no one has ever, ever left Zaibach alive. No one... except you."

"And you," he pointed out.

I pierced my lips. "That's different, Van. I escaped. I wasn't set free like you were." I took a step closer to him. "What I want to know is, why? Why did Dornkirk let you go, just like that? Folken might've responded well to the treatment at the time, but it was still too early for Dornkirk to be fully aware of Folken's potential. There were many children that start off that way, but they eventually reach their limit before their adolescent years. So even if Folken was already Dornkirk's favorite, he wouldn't be so fond of him to actually fulfill any of his wishes. You're not the first set of siblings he's separated, and you're certainly not the first set of twins either, so what was so different about the two of you?

"Does it matter?" Van asked.

"Of course it does!" I retorted. "How could you even ask that? What part of any of this does it not matter?"

"Maybe he had a moment of weakness! I don't know!" Van shrugged frustratedly. "I'm not saying it's not important, but what we should focus on is Dornkirk and Zaibach in general, not just one favor he did for a kid years ago."

"Van..."

At this point, I was so irritated that I almost couldn't speak.

"Everything is important," I told him. "You, Folken, everyone... we're all just pieces of the puzzle. You're the one that's hell bent on finding those missing pieces, right? Well, this is one of them! You can't just leave that empty space blank and put back together the pieces around it expecting that you'll see what the picture is! It could be the most crucial piece of them all, but you won't know that unless you find it!"

"But I don't want to find it!" Van screamed. I stopped. His eyes started to glow red; not as fiercely as the time we were on the bus, but they were definitely amber. "You think I don't know that? That, if I want to discover the truth, I have to be ready to accept all of it? I do! But that doesn't mean that I want to!"

"Then, why are you trying to find answers to questions you aren't even willing to ask?"

Van looked down towards the ground. It was uncanning how much he resembled Folken at that moment. Whenever he felt completely and utterly defeated, he would hang his head just like that, to hide the shame on his face for being a failure. That was Folken, even if it was for the enemy, he never wanted to disappoint anyone. Never.

"You're hurt, Hitomi," Van said.

I frowned in confusion. "What does this have to do with-

"You've been hurt and you're hurting now," Van interrupted. "You hurt more than anyone I know! You know how I know? Not just because of what you told me last night. But because I can feel it. I can sense it. Maybe it's because I was a lab rat in an experiment that I'm able to, but the more I'm around you, the stronger that pain feels. So for someone that carries that heavy a burden on her shoulders, why can't you feel mine?"

I was confused. So confused. But I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Surely he couldn't tune into my emotions like that. We weren't made to sense each other's feelings, at least, I'd never heard of it occuring in Zaibach. I cleared my mind and concentrated hard. And then, it happened. I wasn't sure if it was my heart crystals that glowed hot or something else, because suddenly, I felt a pain in my chest. It wasn't a physical pain like being stabbed in the chest. It was... pain.

"Van?" I tried to call out.

"You feel it now, don't you?" he said quietly. "I don't know how it happened, but ever since you saved me last night, I've been able to... feel you. I can't explain it myself, but somehow, we're connected. Has this ever happened in Zaibach?"

"No, never... I... don't get it..." I sunk down onto my knees. What is this? I wondered. But my thoughts were pushed aside by a feeling of pain, but this pain, I was unfamiliar with. Some of it, I could identify with: grief, fear, loneliness, confusion... but there was a feeling I never felt.

"Van, what is this feeling?" I asked with wide eyes.

"It's the pain of being unwanted," Van said, his eyes now a pure shade of amber.

Unwanted? When I thought about it, I realized, I never really felt that. When I was with my parents, they loved me. When I was in Zaibach, Dornkirk wanted to keep me. And when I escaped, I did so without the desire to be accepted because my focus was on my mission: destroy Zaibach, take down Dornkirk, and save the children. But this desire to be wanted... was that what Van felt?

"Why do you feel this way," I asked. "You're probably the least unwanted person I know."

"That is a lie," Van answered dejectedly. "I lost my parents. Even though it was Dornkirk's doing, he was still the only father figure I had. That may be why Folken has come to admire him so much. We adapt to what we have, even if it's not good for us." Van shook his head. "I may not have admired Dornkirk the way that Folken did, but for him to throw me away like that... all because I was defective..." Then, he put his hands on my shoulders. "But Hitomi, don't misunderstand me, I'm more than thankful to be out of there and alive... but I can't help feeling this way."

I didn't say anything and let him continue.

"When the Schezars adopted me," Van continued, "I thought I'd finally be wanted, that I'd finally have a place I belong. But I didn't. My adopted parents want their dead son. Allen wants his dead brother. To them, I'm just a replacement. Even with Merle, I'm not what she wants. What she wants is attention, someone to stop her from destroying herself, someone to take care of her. She wants a hero that loves her. But she doesn't even love herself, how could she know what love is? No one really wants me... not for me!"

I punched him. Hard. I was used to punching, not that sissy slapping thing.

"Are you done?" I spat. Van rubbed his face in shock. I let out a sarcastic laugh and shook my head. "To be wanted or unwanted... what does it matter? You're breathing, aren't you? Your heart is beating, isn't it? You are alive, so you damn well start appreciating that, because the rest of your comrades that were so-called 'defective' weren't so lucky." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Stop wasting time wallowing in self-pity and start living! Unlike some people, you have a reason to live, and that's to find out what's going on in Zaibach." And then, it hit me. "Is that why you don't want to investigate yourself and your brother? Because you're afraid you'll be reminded of how 'unwanted' you are?"

"I didn't expect you to understand."

"Of course I don't!" I threw back at him. "Because to feel the desire to be wanted, you have to want someone first. To be unwanted is to be rejected by something that won't accept you, but you have to wish to be accepted, Van! Who do you want? Could it be that you want to be the Schezars' late son, but couldn't fulfill that role, so instead you push them away? Did you ever think that maybe they felt unwanted by you? Or even Merle, who wants you for selfish reasons and not for you, even if that superficial wanting isn't what you want, you hang onto it because that's the closest thing you'd have to the real thing, isn't it?"

Van didn't respond.

"Come on, Van!" I threw my hands up. "They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well you know what, your life can be explained in a thousand ways. People keep complaining and whining about the people in their lives, but they forget to look at themselves. Stop looking around you and just gaze into your own heart. What's going on there, Van? You need to stop blaming other people for feeling the way you do when you are also the cause of it!"

"What about you?" Van argued. "You don't understand this feeling, or how much it hurts, because you've never felt it! How could you feel it if you've built a wall around your heart so high that no on can climb it? You shut people out, not because you're too focused on your mission, but because you're afraid you'll lose that feeling!"

"You're lecturing me now?" I asked ironically.

"We've all lost something, Hitomi," Van said sadly. "But there's no need to be afraid of wanting something you can lose. There's no need to be afraid of having something you can lose. And whether you keep it or lose it, it's better to have met and known that feeling than to live your life this way. What will you do if you succeed? When Zaibach is burned into ashes and Dornkirk sleeps in his grave, what will you do? Will you keep living this way? Tell me, Hitomi!"

I bit my lip. His eyes kept glowing redder, while mine drowned in tears waiting to be shed. I was accustomed to deciphering other peoples' lives, not my own, not this way. I was trying to make him look at himself, but instead, he made me look at my own self. Was this reverse psychology? If so, the tables would keep turning unless I put an end to this.

"You're right, Van," I quivered. "In this life, I've stood alone, and I'll continue standing alone. But this is the way I chose to live! I'm not like you! I was never taught any different, to live for the sake of living. I live with purpose, with reason. To do what's necessary!"

"What's more necessary than being happy?" Van asked. Though his eyes glowed red, I realized then that it wasn't just because he felt anger and pain. If I focused my heart, I could feel his, and it was crying. Why was he trying so hard to change me? To save me? I wasn't someone that needed to be saved.

I was just a person of misfortune to have this responsibility locked and chained to my body.

Author's Note... Again...: I'm not sure if I like this chapter. I mean, it has some good material, but I don't know... Let me know what you all think. I feel this is a very introspective chapter for both Hitomi and Van. They're really learning more about each other and I feel that they're beginning to understand each other a bit more even though they don't always agree.

Oh yeah, to explain the "connection"... recall in a previous chapter that there was a storm and Van was drowning in the ocean when Hitomi dove in to save him. She needed to find him as quickly as possible, so she called upon her heart crystals, which are the main source of her powers (which I will go into in later chapters, hehe). Because they both have heart crystals and interacted with each other while the crystals were active, they're now "connected" (which I will also explain in later chapters, hehe). I didn't elaborate too much on this idea yet, but this is actually a very important detail. Why is it important? You'll just have to read on to find out! See you guys next chapterrr!!!