Author's Note: Woah, two updates in two days? I must be in a good mood! Haha! Well, the previous chapter, I actually had 90 percent of it completed for the past few months, but never got around to wrapping it up... I'm listening to Ayumi Hamasaki's latest single to be released digitally next week called Together When... It's a beautiful ballad, and as you've witnessed in previous chapters, when I find the right music to listen to at the right time, I'll just write, write, WRITE! Hope I'm not boring you all too much with dialogue... please let me know, your reviews are very important to me! Thank you so much! Enjoy!

XII.

Embrace of Happiness

I took a deep breath. Calm down, Hitomi, I told myself. I had taken a long walk to clear my head, but I still couldn't stop being bombarded with emotions. I didn't even know which were my own feelings anymore, for now that I'd discovered the bond I now shared with Van, I could feel what was going on in his heart as well. What exactly was this?

When I looked up, I realized that I had walked the entire shoreline of the island and ended up right back where I started, for in the near distance, I spotted Van's deep red shirt standing out in the white sand. He was sitting under a coconut tree, whose wide leaves provided him shade under the hot sun. He was staring towards the ocean, watching the waves roll on the shore, with a light breeze delicately running through his thick hair. At that moment, I felt a sense of tranquility, but I wasn't sure who this feeling belonged to. Did watching Van made me feel this way? I lightly laughed it off. Not a chance, I told myself.

I hadn't gone on a walk for a long time. For once, I felt that I had all the time in the world and the freedom to be as I pleased. But now, seeing Van before me sent reality crashing back down on me. I must never forget. Taking another deep breath to calm my nerves, I wondered why I suddenly felt so nervous, but shrugged it off as I approached Van from behind.

"How's the island?" Van asked without looking at me.

"Beautiful," I replied skeptically. "You heard me coming?"

"Not at all," he answered. "You're good at sneaking up on people. But not me." Then, he turned. He gazed at me for a moment, then gestured that I sit beside him. Once I settled in, he continued, "It's not just your emotions, I can sense your presence, too."

"I see," I whispered. "I wouldn't have known if you hadn't told me."

"You just need to pay more attention," he said half jokingly. Though it was small, it was the first time he cracked a smile since earlier this morning in the cave, when the tension between us hadn't existed. Now that ice had frozen again, and it was my turn to break it.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. I paused for a moment. Somehow, these words hold a heavy weight, and I wanted to give it enough space to sit in. Van turned his face to look at me. He never said a word, but waited patiently. It was his patience that I found incredibly alluring. Someone who was willing to wait was someone willing to understand.

"You were right. About me... about everything," I finally continued. "I really don't pay enough attention, and that's my flaw. It's just that... I don't know how to live anymore. My whole life, I've been taught to fulfill my duties. And though I've left Zaibach, that character is still a part of me. This is who I am, this is what I've become. And I've been so focused on my mission that I haven't focused on myself... or even others around me." I looked down, lacing and unlacing my hands. "What you felt... that feeling of being unwanted... I may not have felt it before, but it was because I never allowed myself to. Why should I hope for something that could disappoint me? That could hurt me? I don't like to put myself in that kind of position... but I'm willing to now." I nodded, encouraging myself to accept this new thought. "Because once I've completed my mission... what will I have left?"

The question lingered in the air before I turned my face to look at his, which was inches away from mine. His eyes were hazel again, and I found myself missing that shade of amber. We sat shoulder-to-shoulder, leaning back against the tree, just the two of us. For once, I ignored everything and just focused on what was right in front of me. Slowly, but surely, I felt my heart open its doors, allowing Van's presence to flow through them, and I knew he was doing the same. For once, I wasn't afraid of letting my guard down, because I knew that once I gave Van this priviledge, there was no turning back.

Van smiled. It was mixed with both happiness and sadness, but in our lives, the two must go hand-in-hand. I realized now that for us, we could not have just one or the other to survive. We must have both to live on. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then, he tipped his head onto my lap and laid on me.

I grinned. He could be like a silly little boy sometimes... but I found myself adoring him because of it. Though I was hesitant at first, I ran my fingers through his hair, and soon felt a soothing warmth flow into my heart. Is this happiness, Van? I asked him in my mind. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the tree.

We sat just like that for about an hour. Sure, we were wasting precious time that could be well spent on training, but I didn't mind. Right now, I just wanted to create a memory beyond my mission. Only that would I know for certain that at one time, I existed.

"Hitomi," Van whispered.

"Hm?" was the only sound I could make in my relaxed state.

"It's ok," he assured me. "You can tell me."

I opened my eyes and looked at him quizzically. I kept forgetting he could feel my every emotion now, and though I was relaxed, I was also tense about another issue I still needed to discuss. "I guess I'm an open book now."

Van shrugged playfully. "You'll get used to it."

Unsure of where to begin, I just spoke. "You've heard my story. And I have yours. My mission hasn't changed. The question is, has yours?" Van didn't answer right away, so I continued. "For now, I'll continue finding a cure for my condition, and train until I am strong enough to take down Zaibach. I have to save the children, and stop this from happening to any more innocent people, I must. But to do so..." I paused and looked down at the young man who laid on my lap. He looked like he was asleep, but I knew he was hanging onto every word I spoke. "I've accepted my duties, even if that means I have to fight against the most important person to me."

Finally, Van opened his eyes. "Folken."

"He's chosen to fight by Dornkirk's side," I explained. "So to get to him-

"You have to defeat my brother first," Van finished. He closed his eyes again and buried his face into my lap.

"Van..." Seeing him like that broke my heart. "I've tried. For years, I've tried to turn him back. But I couldn't save him. I couldn't." I blinked hard, fighting back the tears that bit my eyes. "If there was any other way-

"There isn't," Van cut me off. He rolled onto his back, facing the sky. "But there are things happening that are greater than us. I can't let any more families suffer any loss and pain just because I was too selfish to take down my own brother."

"You mean..."

Van pushed himself up, resting one hand on the tree on my left and the other hand on the ground on my right. He was right in front of me, but I didn't feel uncomfortable with him being so close. "You said you were taught to do what's necessary... and this is something that's necessary. It's not what I want, but it's something I have to do. I know how difficult this decision must've been for you, so you don't have to carry this burden alone. You're not alone anymore, Hitomi."

Instead of fighting the tears, I let them flow. It was so out of character for me, for I never cried so much in my life until I met Van. Even with Folken, I never cried as much as I have in the past few days. Was it because Van was able to make me open up? Folken was someone that never wanted to disappoint anyone, and maybe that was the reason why I was so strong around him. But with Van, I was not afraid to be weak. Perhaps, I was still human after all.

Finding some relief, I blinked away the tears and exhaled heavily. "So you're going to fight now?"

"If I have to," Van answered honestly. "My main focus still remains on the mystery surrounding Zaibach. If we can figure it out, we might figure out another way to defeat Dornkirk. But if we can't... then, I guess you're just gonna have to teach me how to kick some Zaibach ass!"

I laughed. "You have a ways to go, young grasshopper."

Van nodded his head, as though to bow to his new teacher. Cute, I thought with a grin.

"Whether or not you're willing to fight," I started. "I have to train you regardless." I placed my palm on Van's chest over his shirt, tracing the heart crystals with my fingertips. "You're the only child to have left from Zaibach. And now, you've become allies with the only child to have escaped. If Zaibach finds either of us, you have to be able to defend yourself."

"That's why you wanted to train this morning..." Van murmured to himself.

"And now that I know you're Folken's twin brother..." I added. "Earlier today, that was what I wanted to tell you, but we got into an argument before I could say it." I stopped tracing his heart crystals. "I don't think you realize, but you really are in an important position. Now that Folken's potential has been revealed, there's no telling what Dornkirk may have in store for you. You may have been... defective... as a child, but he may need you for another purpose. So you have to be careful."

Van nodded in understanding. "I will, but I don't have to worry, because I have my own heavy duty bodyguard to protect me."

The fact that he said that so seriously and with a straight face almost sent me overboard. He had a knack for inserting a comedic punchline at the most intense moments. This boy really was something else, but he made me laugh, a feat no one had been able to accomplish.

I sighed, leaning my head back onto the tree.

"You know, after all this is over, I think I'll start opening my eyes and find something I want."

"Why not start now?" Van asked in a sudden boost of enthusiasm. "Everyone has something they have to do, but that never stops them from dreaming. There has to be something you want!"

"I don't know... what do you want, Van?" I asked.

"A lot of things," he said simply. "Besides everything with Zaibach... I want to spend time with the Schezars and really become a family, not a figment of the past."

"You don't live together?" I asked.

"No, they don't live in Asturia," Van replied. "Allen and I moved there for school." Van linked his hands together behind his head and laid back down on my lap. "I... want to break it off with Merle."

My brows furrowed, knowing very well why he felt that way. "Are you sure?"

"I've indulged her selfishness long enough," Van explained. "It's time that she learns how to walk on her own two feet without holding my hand. And, I don't want her to misunderstand my intentions. I look at her as my sister first and foremost. But I can't keep letting her think we'll ever be anything more."

I looked upward, soaking in the sun and the eternity of the sky.

"I don't have any relationships to fix," I realized. "You're the only friend I've had since I left Zaibach."

"Oh?" Van said as a matter of factly. "So I've officially been upgraded to 'friend' status now, huh?"

I smiled. Van was so silly. "You know what I mean."

"No, I don't know what you mean," Van kept proding on in fake innocence.

I sighed. He really was silly. Then, I got an idea. A rather silly one, actually. "You!"

Van waited. "Me, what?"

"You asked me what I want, so there's my answer."

"You want... me?" Van concluded. "Hitomi, you're so straightfoward! I mean, I'm available, and I'm certainly willing, so please, don't be shy!"

I probably imagined myself throwing up in about a dozen different ways after he said that. "You're such a pervert. What I meant was, I don't just want you in my life because of Zaibach. After this is all over, I still want you around... even though you're annoyingly childish and disgustingly irritating when we don't agree."

I waited for it. I knew he would come back with a ridiculous comment to annoy me more, but surprisingly, he didn't say anything. I turned my head to steal a peak at him, only to find him already staring at me. My green eyes to his hazel ones.

But he smiled.

And I smiled back.

And then... he never said anything after that. Strange, wasn't it? Yet, I couldn't imagine anything that he could have said that could even begin to describe what he was feeling at that moment. We were mysteriously connected now, and though he didn't say it, I knew what he was feeling. My heart felt a gentle warmth wash over me, his happiness embraced me though he himself did not. It was nice to finally have something I want, but I think for him, he finally had someone that wanted him for him, and not because of anything else.

Author's Note... Again: Ahhh, that was much better than the last chapter, in my opinion. The last one just didn't satisfy me for some reason... probably because I didn't write it from beginning to end as I did this one. This flowed better. Anyway, I do notice that I've been focusing on dialogue lately, so I do apologize if there doesn't seem to be much movement in the action of the story itself. But do keep in mind that they are technically stranded on an island. No one knows if they survived the storm, and if they did, where their present location was. So this is kind of like... a time out of their lives to rediscover themselves and reevaluate what's necessary in their lives. Peachy! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. See you again soon!