Author's Note: I'm baaack! I was in Cambodia for 5 weeks and let me tell you, it was AMAZING! On another note... I finished recording my first album! You guys can download and review my song "So What" (the URL is listed in my FanFic profile). Thanks for the support!
I don't know about you guys, but I tend to skip over super long italicized parts because it's usually just a flashback or whatever... but this is a very important memory, so please don't skip it :) Just a warning, it may sound a bit cheesy... Almost like a child's tale. But you'll see the rest of it unfold in the future chapters.
Now onto what you're all here for... the story! Enjoy!
XIII.
Our Memory
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. The noise around me was muted as I focused on my breathing. The sun was starting to set in the distant horizon, pulling the blanket of warmth along with it as a cool breeze wrapped around my body. I wiped away the beads of sweat that dripped down my forehead. We had begun training, though I had to cut back so that Van could keep up. It wasn't that he was out of shape; he just wasn't used to being trained beyond the limitations of the average human.
We were running now, something I found more exhausting than usual because of the sand. Well, actually… I was the only one running now. I stopped and peered over my shoulder to see a fatigued Van bent over with his hands on his knees and his chest heaving deeply as he desperately gasped for air.
I trotted back towards him with a smirk on my face. "Weak sauce."
"Wh-what?" Van stuttered between breaths.
"Aren't you an athlete?" I asked unbelievably. "This should be nothing for you!"
"Yes... I'm an... athlete," Van replied breathlessly. "But this!... This isn't human!"
Inside, I flinched at his comment, but shrugged it off. "Neither will the pain be if you fall into Zaibach's hands for being so frail."
"Fr-frail?" Van exclaimed. "Shakespeare once wrote, .Frailty, thy name is woman.' If one of us has to be frail, it should be you!"
I never believed in the saying "knock on wood," because either things happened to people or they didn't. But at that moment, I wished I had a forest of trees to knock on, because my knees suddenly gave out, making my legs collapse onto the ground.
"That's... more like it!" Van joked, still out of breath. "Just the encouragement I need to go on!" With a small laugh, he began to jog again, stopping only when he reached a few steps ahead of me. "Come on, Hitomi! Who's following who now?"
I pushed myself off the ground, suddenly regaining the strength in my legs, but unable to ignore the wave of weakness pulsating through my body. It wasn't because I was training too hard. No, this feeling was different. Deep down, I felt a bottomless pit of dread, for I knew something bad was coming down on me. Whatever it was, I couldn't allow it to take over me, not now, not when this was a critical time to teach and train Van everything he needed to protect himself. Whatever this was, it would have to wait until I was ready to be defeated.
Soon after, Van had reached his limit with running, so we moved on to martial arts. He had had some experience with fighting, for the Schezars had signed up both he and Allen for martial arts class, among other athletic ventures that only the privileged could over schedule their children with. He wasn't a bad fighter really, but he was fighting with a genetically enhanced and trained human being. However, the advantage did not belong to me.
"See... it's like I... said!" Van said between jabs and kicks, victoriously. "I just needed... some time... to show you my true skills!"
He punched. I blocked, just barely. He kicked. I blocked, just barely. He punched again. And I... couldn't block.
Though I had become weaker through the course of our sparring, he hadn't once been able to land a clean hit until now. He had punched me, hard, in my abdomen. I saw it coming, yet my body didn't react to it. Or rather, it couldn't react. What was wrong with me? I flinched, but stood my ground.
"Hitomi!" Van shouted apologetically. "I'm sorry, are you all right?"
"Continue," I ordered.
Van hesitated, but said no more, knowing I was too stubborn to argue with. Smart boy. We fought some more, until finally, I could not take it.
"Enough," I told him. "That's enough for today. You should get some rest, we'll continue this tomorrow."
Van eyed me, but more curiously than suspiciously. "Really?" He sounded relieved, yet disbelieved at the same time. Perhaps I was working him too hard on the first day, but as long as we were stranded here on this island, I had to prepare him for what he might one day face.
"Yeah," I said with a small smile. "This is only the beginning... but you're doing well."
Van beamed. "I have a hot sensei to impress."
I nearly gagged. "The only thing hot about your sensei is the fact that she just spent nearly half a day under the scorching sun. Any longer and my skin will start melting off!"
I walked over to the shore, crouching down to fill my palms from the rolling waves of ocean water. Splashing it across my face, I closed my eyes and lifted my chin, feeling a mixture of warmth from the rays of the setting sun and coolness from the drops of ocean water down my skin. Taking a deep breath, I noticed I was unusually tired, for the pain running through my body remained intense and the weakness still lingered in my limbs. Slowly, I exhaled and opened my eyes.
"What?" I asked, finding Van kneeling beside me with eyes that wandered around every curve and crevice on my face.
"Oh..." Van said caught off guard. "It's nothing..." He scooped a palm full of ocean water and splashed it on his face. "I didn't realize how beautiful you looked."
Van must really be trying to make me choke on my vomit or something.
"Do you like to hide yourself from others?" Van asked and sank into the sand, leaning back on both arms.
It was then that I realized what he was talking about. My fingers traced my face. I hadn't noticed that my glasses had fallen off. They were probably drifting somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. They weren't prescription anyway, so other than wearing them to disguise myself I had no other use for them.
"I have to," I answered.
"From who?" Van asked.
"You already know the answer to that question," I dodged his inquiry while running my fingers through the rolling wave.
"I'm not talking about Zaibach," Van countered. "Why are you hiding from us? Besides me, there's no one that knows who you really are. You don't have to be afraid of being yourself around us."
"Who said I was afraid?" I asked offended. Somehow, I had a feeling I was in for another journey to self-discovery. Van seemed to have a knack for pushing me onto that path. "So what if I choose not to spend a ridiculous amount of time and money into looking beautiful? Maybe that's just who I am. I don't need to be more than this."
"You always wear your hair up, even though it's as long as your waist," Van explained, propping himself up to touch a lock of my blond hair. It cascaded in gentle waves down my back; the elastic band that held it up in a messy bun was also nowhere to be found. It seemed I had lost everything in the storm, aside from my clothes. "You wear glasses that you don't even need. You wear clothes that don't look flattering on you..." I felt Van tug the bottom of my shirt. It was just as baggy as the pants I was wearing, and that wasn't even because of how thin I was. "Maybe you think I'm vain because of the people I surround myself with. But vanity is just a part of their lives. If you gave them a chance, like you did with me, you'd see that they are more than what you see."
"I didn't give you a chance," I stated with a hint of sarcasm. "It was more of an unfortunate sequence of events that forced me into giving you that chance."
"So you're saying being stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere is what it'll take for you to talk to us?" Van asked with his own hint of sarcasm.
"You're making it sound like I'm the one avoiding them," I defended myself. "In case you've forgotten, there is such a thing as different levels of social status. You should know where you stand. Can you guess where I belong on that spectrum?"
Van pondered for a moment. "Ok, so Allen picks on you. And Merle isn't so friendly either. But after the past few days we've been together, I'm hoping you can see why they act the way they do."
I sighed, lying down beside Van. "So I'm supposed to be on the receiving end of their stares and insults because I can understand them?" I shook my head. "Well, regardless of how accepting they are of me, being at the top of the social food chain isn't my priority. I didn't exactly have a groomed and proper childhood like them, nor does my future have anything to do with what they dream about. We live in parallel worlds; we may coexist, but we can never cross each others' paths."
"You'd rather be alone?"
"Why are you so hell bent on initiating me into your little group of buddies?" I asked annoyed.
"Because things are different now!" Van exclaimed. "You and I are connected on a level that is deeper than anything I can ever share with them. But for me, they are as much a part of my world as you are. And I'm sure it's become the same for you."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You saved Allen's life," Van said. "And you saved mine. Surely you don't think they won't acknowledge you for what you've done for us? Hitomi, I understand that you'd rather be invisible than live in the spotlight. But you live in a world filled with people. People who love each other and people who hate each other. You can't avoid us forever. And once we return, it will become even more difficult for you to hide."
I thought for a moment. "Has it ever occurred to you that the reason why I've kept my distance all this time was because I wanted to protect you all?"
Van looked up at me, but before he could say anything, I continued.
"I'm not asking you to leave your friends because of me. But I'm also not asking to become one of them. We can go on the way we always have. Just don't bring me into your world. It's not where I belong."
I stood up, feeling the sand tickle down my skin. Turning, I began to walk back to the cave.
"Hitomi..." Van called hopelessly.
And then, I fainted.
"Hitomi!" was all I heard before everything went black. Darkness... that was the world I belonged in.
"Hitomi..."
That voice was soft and tender. I remembered it from somewhere... but where?
"Hitomi..."
Yes... I remembered now. It was raining that day. Folken and I were rock-climbing because Dornkirk was going to test us the next day. I was training with him when I had slipped and fallen, hitting my head hard on the rocks below. I would've died if Folken hadn't healed me then. Back then, even for Folken, it was forbidden to use our power beyond the field of training because we weren't capable enough of controlling it, and this training session hadn't been authorized by Dornkirk himself. Folken was always the one to follow orders, but that was the first time he had ever put me above that obedience. Granted, I was in critical condition, but for once I wanted to come first.
I had woken up later that night to find that Folken had sought shelter under a great sycamore tree where he laid my head over his lap. He had washed all the blood from my hair and my face; letting me rest until I had regained my strength. He had made a fire from what dry wood he was able to find, keeping us warm from the cold, rainy night. I'm sorry... I had apologized to him. For what? He had feigned ignorance. We didn't say much after that, but the silence between us was filled by the shadows that played against the bark of the sycamore. It was something he was good at, making shadow puppets with his hands. He knew just how much he had to bend and twist to make any kind of animal. With the fire crackling behind him, and a story unfolding from the shadows before me, I listened as Folken began to tell me of the tale of the Snake and the Rabbit.
Snake and Rabbit loved each other very much. But they could not be together, not because they were different, but because Snake could not protect her.
It was late fall then, and winter was just around the corner. Rabbit had built a nest to shelter her from the harsh winter, as well as gather enough food to last until spring, but everything she had built and gathered was destroyed and taken by Bear. Bear never allowed other animals to have more than he did, and so, Rabbit had to face the brutal winter without a place to live and food to eat.
When Snake found out, he told Rabbit, I will build a home and gather food for you. Rabbit warned him, But Bear will take what he does not have. Snake reassured her, Bear takes only from those he does not fear.
And soon, when Snake has built Rabbit a home and gathered enough food to last until spring, he returned, only to find that he was too late. She was already dying from the bitter cold and hunger. There was not enough time to save her, but Snake knew of a way.
Snake had poisonous venom that he used to hunt his prey. When his prey was bitten, the prey's blood would boil hot. To give her enough warmth, Snake knew he must bite Rabbit, but just enough to live. If he could not control his venom, he might poison her to death. Without any other choice, Snake bit Rabbit.
Snake tried and tried, but he could not control it. The venom had flowed into Rabbit, and though he was able to stop himself, he could not take back the poison he had given her. But alas, Rabbit had lived. Snake could not have asked for more.
However, when Rabbit awoke from her sleep, she woke a different animal. She became feared by Bear, for he fears those that possess something that can kill him, because now, she possessed a venomous blood, something that may eventually kill her instead. But Rabbit did not know this.
Snake also began to fear Rabbit, but for a different reason. He feared that she would not love him for what he had done to her. In trying to protect her from death, he may have just killed her instead. Unable to forgive himself, he chose not to love Rabbit any longer.
It was a choice he could not do, but a choice he made.
I had not liked the ending to that story, so I had asked Folken, Did Rabbit die?
Folken had only smiled. It was both a happy and a sad smile. To this day, I never knew the answer to that question. But he had simply said, That depends.
On? I had urged him to continue.
On who she chooses.
"Hitomi..."
My eyes fluttered open. A soft orange light poured into them as a crackling sound filled my ears. I could feel the warmth of the fire embracing my skin. I could tell I was back in the cave, but I wasn't sure how long it'd been since I passed out.
"Ah, you're finally awake," Van said with a sigh of relief.
"Van?" I wondered out loud. Was it Van calling me before? I thought. Or Folken...
I tried to sit up, but Van gently pushed my shoulders back onto the floor. "Slowly, you might get dizzy again."
"I don't know what happened," I said.
"I thought it was strange how I was able to keep up with you," Van said. "Now I know why."
"Your hot sensei can never be defeated by the likes of you."
"So you admit it?" Van beamed. "You're hot and you know it!"
Oh, he knew just how to make me feel sick and nauseous instantaneously, didn't he? "Whatever." I slowly sat up with Van supporting me. "Listen, one day of training is not enough to prepare you for what we're going to face. But this is as much as I can do right now, because I'm not going to last much longer on this island."
Van's eyes opened wide with a sudden realization. "Your medicine..."
"I'm not sure what this is," I explained. "I usually don't have these symptoms before a seizure hits me. It's very strange, but I need to have my medicine anyway."
"Everything should be dry by now," Van said referring to last night's rain. "We can make a smoke signal tomorrow morning."
"Right," I agreed. "I just need to make it through one more night..."
"Is it the headaches?"
"No..." I answered. "It's you! You irritate the hell outta me!"
Taken aback, Van eventually let out a small laugh... one that turned into, well, a big laugh. Too big a laugh.
"You're doing it again," I grumbled.
"Sorry," Van hung his head, defeated. He's too damn adorable sometimes. Now that was the most irritating thing about him. "Well, we got a long night ahead of us! What do you suppose we do?"
"How about... sleep?" I suggested sarcastically.
"But you slept all day!" Van argued. "You can't still be tired, can you?"
"What about you?" I countered. "You stayed awake all this time, haven't you? Aren't you tired?"
"I am," Van answered honestly. "But I can't sleep without knowing you're all right."
Wow. No gag reflex. Van was losing his irritating touch.
"I'll be fine," I assured him. "I'm just feeling a little weak."
Van let go of my shoulders, allowing me to sit up on my own. He stood up and turned his back towards me then. Pacing a couple steps away from me, he placed his hands on his hips and rolled his head around. I wasn't sure if he was just tired or if it was bothering him that I was wasn't feeling well. As much as I hated to admit it, he needed to get used to me being sick, because I wasn't going to be cured any time soon.
"I'm still getting used to this," Van said. "You know, us being connected? It's strange... because I don't experience the physical pain inflicted in you, but I can feel it. When we were training today, I could feel that weakness, but my body just kept moving the way it's supposed to. It's just... how can you take it? Feeling that way all the time?"
I shrugged. "You get used to it."
"I see," Van whispered. He leaned back against the cave wall, shoving his hands down the pockets of his pants and crossing one ankle over the other. He had his head down, deep in thought, and I wondered what he was thinking. It was moments like these that I wished he thought out loud, for his thoughts were so intriguing to me.
Instead, he suddenly let out a small laugh as he bent down and picked up some grass and leaves from the ground. "I remember whenever I was sick, Folken used to do this with me." He began folding the pieces of grass and leaves together, until finally, he held it up in front of the fire. The light casted a shadow against the cave wall, and it was then that I saw the figure. It looked like a dragon with wings. "He was good at this, but he was even better with his own hands." Putting the shape of the dragon down, he folded his hands into what also looked like a dragon as well, but with only one wing. I slowly stood up, walking towards that image. It was odd, but I felt very attached to that image for some unexplainable reason. "I'm not as good at it as Folken is; this is as much as I can do."
"It's very beautiful," I whispered as I placed my hand over his. I looked into his eyes. Then I looked at the cave wall. It was then that the dragon had both wings, and that image made me smile.
"Yes, very beautiful," Van said. I turned to face him, thinking he was referring to the dragon, but his eyes had never left me.
He stared at me. And I stared right back. It was like being frozen in time. For a moment, we dared not move, nor did we dare breathe, for this moment could be broken and time would flow as it once did. Why did I suddenly feel a tight clench in my chest? It felt like tears would burst from my heart at any given moment's notice. I was sure that if I asked for time's permission to cry, it would allow me that one wish without letting this moment escape me.
"What's wrong?" Van said, breaking the seal of our moment.
I was too caught up in the sudden rush of emotions that I hadn't noticed the tears welling up in my eyes. I blinked rapidly, feeling a drop, then two, flow down my face. "Oh... I don't know..." I tried to come up with an excuse. "This just... reminds me of Folken." I smacked myself mentally. That was the best excuse I could come up with? "He used to do this with me when I was sick, too."
Van peered at the cave wall where the image of the dragon with two wings once was. Then he casted his gaze downward. "I see... you've already shared this memory with him."
"No... not this," I said, touching the wall where the image was. "He could make the shape of any living creature. But he could never make a dragon. Strange, isn't it?"
Unexpectedly, Van shot his head up and looked around the cave floor. He found a rock with jagged edges and picked it up.
"Van, what are you..."
"Trust me," he smiled. And then, he cut his finger with it.
"Van!" I cried. "What are you doing?"
He began to draw on the cave wall with his blood. His face was fixed with concentration as he sketched out a picture of a dragon with a single wing. When he was finished, he looked at me. "There. That's something Folken never did for you."
I smiled. "That's what this is about?" It was childish, but amusing. But then I grabbed the rock from Van's hands, and before he could protest, I cut my own finger and drew the other wing of the dragon. "Now it's not just yours."
Van smiled, but then he flinched. A measly cut to the finger was certainly not a problem for me, but it seemed Van was not used to such pain. I took his hand into mine; gently stroking the finger he cut, before I wrapped my lips around it. The warmth from my mouth soothed his pain a bit, as I felt him relax. He stepped closer to me and stroked my cheek with his other hand. Brushing aside the stray strands of hair off my face, he slid his hand to the back of my head and brought his lips to kiss me on my forehead.
Perhaps a picture we drew from our blood wasn't so much to contend with the years of memories I held with Folken. But that moment was above any that I shared with him. And it wasn't with him. It was between me and Van. This was our memory, ours, and ours alone.