Notes: Thanks for all the amazing support from everyone who commented about the first chapter. I'm so incredibly flattered! This particular chapter has a serious grudge against me, no joking. And it somehow came out as being from Temari's POV. It turned out alright though… I hope…
CHAPTER 2: THE ANNOUNCEMENT
"Gaara and I have decided to start a family."
Lee's declaration was met by dead silence and two very blank stares.
"Uh… what did you say?" Kankuro was the first to recover, squirming in his seat.
Temari gave the older of her brothers a quick nervous glance before turning back to her younger one and his boyfriend. The two of them were standing side by side in front of the Kazekage's desk, Gaara unreadable as usual and Lee with a look of stoic determination on his face.
"A family?" she asked in disbelief. Earlier today, Gaara had asked her and Kankuro to meet with him in his office to discuss something he'd dubbed "important." He'd mentioned neither the fact that Lee would be there, nor the fact that the meeting might cause her severe mental trauma. She was rather annoyed.
"We've discussed the matter thoroughly," Lee declared, "and have decided that the time is right for us to have a child."
Temari blinked. She must've heard wrong. Really, she MUST have, because Lee did NOT just say what she thought he did. She swallowed hard and cleared her throat but found that when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. She REALLY must've heard wrong because…
"Well, I've heard some weird shit in my life, but I think this takes the cake. Right Sis?" Kankuro asked, scratching the back of his neck. He was now leaned back in his chair, Karasu resting against his leg, a good-natured expression on his painted face.
"Kankuro…" Temari hissed at him, hand drifting reflexively toward the fan on her back.
The ninja in question raised his hands in acquiescence and shook his head. "Look, when our little brother called us in here for a 'special meeting,' I expected a hellova lot worse. Like… I dunno," he scratched his head, "war or something. Compared to that, this ain't really all that big of a deal. It's just a kid, right? People adopt 'em all the time. How much harm could it be?"
"Ah… about that…" Lee began.
Temari's ignored him, her jaw dropping at Kankuro's comment. "You're NOT serious. Tell me you're not serious."
Her brother shrugged. "Could'a been worse."
Temari didn't think she believed him. Something worse than her marginally sane little brother and his clearly nutty boyfriend adopting a child? Not likely.
"Yeah, well," Kankuro added with a shrug, "that and I'm probably in some weird kinda denial. But it's working pretty good so far."
"Kankuro-san," Lee began, face a strange shade of red, "When you say 'adopt,' ah… that's not really correct. You see, Gaara and I have discussed the possibilities and implications at length and decided--"
"Wait. Just wait," Temari told him, trying to clear her head. For a moment, she thought her baby brother and his freakishly-coiffed boyfriend had called them together in the Kazekage's office to discuss their plan to raise a child, but she was clearly mistaken. She had to be. Even a man who wore a green spandex body suit and leg warmers couldn't possibly come up with something that monumentally foolish.
And just imagine the poor child. What kind of trauma would he face on a daily basis? Life in an orphanage would be better than becoming a part of their family, no matter what the benefits of being related to the Kazekage might be. And growing up with those two as parental figures? Temari shuddered at the thought. Gaara had gotten so much better over the years, but she still wouldn't want to put a small child in her brother's presence, much less have him raise it. But then Lee had just said they didn't plan to adopt, so what the hell was he even saying?
Next to Lee, whose mouth was set and unsightly brows furrowed in firm determination , Gaara stood impassively before her. His expression hadn't changed since he'd gotten here, his gourd hanging still on his back, and Temari decided that he seemed the most sane of the pair at the moment. Though judging from the fact that he was going along with all this, it was a pretty close call. "Gaara," she told him, "explain."
"Lee and I have decided to have a baby," her brother said.
"…oh…" Damn.
Kankuro shook his head in passive disbelief and rubbed his forehead with callused fingertips.
"As Lee has stated, adoption is not our plan. Nor is a surrogate mother," Gaara continued.
Kankuro paused, hand still against his forehead. "Huh?"
Temari would have hit him, but she suddenly found herself unable to do much of anything. Including breathing.
"Temari-san, Kankuro-san," Lee began, looking very serious as he commenced his speech, "Gaara and I have discussed the situation and have developed a sound method of support for this endeavor. We have everything planned out, even details about strengthening our alliance with Konoha as a cover for additional assistance during the last few months and directly after the birth. This will help to make the transition as smooth as possible. We have decided to announce it to the two of you before we started, since we know how much of a burden it will lay upon Suna, and especially both of you."
Kankuro raised his hands and shook his head in obvious incomprehension. "But what the hell does that mean?"
But Temari had the horrible sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her she had a pretty good idea.
"Uh…" Lee's face burned red, and he looked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him up.
"Oh fuck…" Temari moaned, leaning down to rest her head in her hands.
"I am going to bear Lee's child," Gaara said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
Kankuro's face suddenly turned a strange shade of green. "…oh you gotta be shitting me…"
Alright, Temari told herself. Just stay calm. No need to overreact. Just think about this rationally. Take a deep breath. Good. Don't grab the armrests so hard you crush them. Perfect. Sit up and look at them. Okay. Now just stay cool and calmly ask them--
"Have you both LOST YOUR MINDS!"
Lee winced and took a step closer to Gaara, as if it might somehow protect him from her wrath. Oh how wrong he was!
"We're both quite sane," Gaara replied, entirely nonplussed.
"You want to-- to--" Temari sputtered, nearly shaking with fury, "to have a-- a--"
"Baby," Gaara supplied helpfully. "This is what Lee has said from the beginning."
Temari suddenly really wanted to cut her ears off. And quite possibly a very specific part of Lee's anatomy as well. This was all his fault, after all. It must've shown on her face, because Lee now looked as if he truly might wet himself.
"So let me get this straight," Kankuro said. "You two are actually… literally… aw fuck me, never mind! Seriously, don't tell me. I don't wanna know!"
"I'm planning to use a specially-designed jutsu," Gaara told him, frowning slightly.
"I said I didn't wanna know!"
Gaara crossed his arms and looked displeased.
Temari took a deep, cleansing breath, stifled the urge to beat Lee to a bloody pulp, and very politely asked her youngest brother to explain himself. Through clenched teeth.
"The jutsu will alter my body physically enough to accommodate the conception and formation of a child. Because it's such a small-scale, simple physical transformation, holding it for the required period of time won't be difficult. The change should have minimal effects on my body, and my abilities should only be hindered toward the end, when excessive physical activity would harm an unborn child."
Though she did feel substantially more enlightened, Temari sort of wished she hadn't asked. Because that picture? Not pretty.
"But what about… uh…" Kankuro motioned vaguely toward the Kazekage and his boyfriend, "the… um…"
"Shukaku?" Gaara asked.
Kankuro, Lee, and Temari froze.
It was a well-understood rule that no one mentioned Gaara's unwelcome tenant, especially by name. Everyone knew about it, but nobody talked about it. It was taboo. But here Gaara was, openly acknowledging the creature that had driven him to the brink of sanity, and quite possibly beyond.
And now that he mentioned it, Temari, dazed as she was, realized what he was saying. If he were to-- oh holy shit-- carry a baby, he might have to protect it from Shukaku's influence the way he protected himself. That combined with the draining physical effects of a slow chakra burn over the course of nine months-- oh this wasn't happening!-- might be too much for him to handle.
"You don't need to worry about Him," Gaara stated. "He won't be able to hurt the baby. Or anyone else. The jutsu will shield the baby, and I am strong enough now not to lose control over Him."
Kankuro fidgeted, fingering at Karasu's fingers on his lap. "Uh yeah, that's great, but what about the… uh… I mean… y'know…" he motioned toward Lee, "the eyebrows?"
Gaara blinked and turned to his brother, his expression blank. "What about them?"
Temari was suddenly out of her chair, on her feet, and gripping Kankuro by the front of his uniform, shaking him for all she was worth. "THAT'S what you're concerned about! The EYEBROWS! Your little brother the Kazekage tells you he's going to have a baby, and you're concerned about EYEBROWS!"
"Well… yeah!" he exclaimed, looking rather stupefied. "Come on, Temari, don't tell me you ain't thought about it!"
Temari glared at him for a moment more and then wrenched her hands free of his shirt. He hit the floor with an audible "oof!"
"Idiot…" she mumbled. Not that the idea of having a nephew with huge fluffy brows (and bulging eyes, hanging lashes, and a horrifying fashion sense) didn't frighten her beyond reason, but there were much bigger issues to deal with here. Like demons and running a nation and pregnant ninjutsu and alliances and water breaking and the Elders and… just thinking about it made her head spin and her ponytails feel exceptionally tight across her scalp.
"Gaara…" she asked slowly, not even sure where to start, "Why do you want to have a baby all the sudden? You don't know anything about being a… uh… mother…" she shuddered.
Gaara nodded, touching the tattoo on his forehead lightly. "Babies are brand new."
She gave him an odd look. What the hell did that mean?
"Brand new…?" she heard Lee say. Apparently, he didn't have a clue what Gaara was saying either. It certainly didn't sound like Gaara, but then this whole conversation had been rather surreal, so maybe this was just par for the course.
"Yes." Gaara replied. "That's why."
"Um… okay then…" Temari told them.
"So…" Kankuro said, not having bothered to pick himself up off the floor, "is that all? Or do you two got any other terrors you wanna unleash?"
"Uh… no, I think that's all for now…" Lee mused, looking thoughtful.
"Yes. We'll go over the details later," Gaara told her and Kankuro. "Leave."
Temari sighed in relief. Sometimes she was glad her youngest brother had the manners of a disgruntled hedgehog.
Kankuro mumbled something as he pulled himself up off the floor, rubbing his ass where he'd smacked down earlier.
So… her socially incapable, agoraphobic, marginally sane, super powerful demon-possessed baby brother was going to have a baby. Holy. Shit. "So we'd… offer congratulations about the… baby," she forced herself to say, "but… I think we need to get used to the idea a little first…"
Kankuro offered a mumbled "damn straight."
Gaara nodded minutely, walking behind his desk and picking up a large stack of papers. "You'll have at least nine months."
"Oh." Temari smiled weakly, trying her hardest not to think about what trials the coming months would bring for all of them. "Goody."