Chapter09

His alone

I could stay here all day and just watch her sit down and talk endlessly. I couldn't care less of what they have to say about me. Being with her is everything.

It doesn't take me forever to get out of bed anymore,cause I want to see her everyday.

Lectures became more boring and long. I always waited for subjects to be over to be with her.

Weekends are always a blast! watching a movie with her or plainly sitiing with her in the park. getting close..

Everything is okay. I even had a chance to play tennis again, but not in a competetion.

But there is one small problem.

Everything is a lie. oh well, not everything.. some things.

Memories of what happenned three months earlier are still pouncing into me. She was like the phone call when you are in a middle of a good dream. The alarm clock that will never stop on a monday morning and the stubborn puzzle that refuses to make my life perfect.

How could she ignore me like that?!

She made it clear that she hates me and she never wants to see me again but that's not a reason to ignore me when I'm practically just inches away from her!

How can she just bow down and retreat when I stopped for her to greet me?

Why does she always have to be on my mind?

I knew I had it bad but I didn't realize it till now.

The girl I'm staring at was rather cheerful than usual and she had all these food with her.We were having a picnic. I thought it would be fun, but guess where she took me? you'll never guess. to the tennis courts!? I couldn't refuse.

"Isn't this great? the teams have no practice today so since we both love tennis- I wanted us to eat in here.. do you like it?"

She was so enthusiastic and she had that big smile plastered in her face that I just said yes.

Her plan was perfect. It could have been perfect if this was not the place that sakuno told me how much she hated to see me again. Where she told me that everything was over- like that. That was the first time I felt helpless and I wanted to cling to her but I won't admit that to anyone else.

I hated to admit that I actually needed her.

The past days and months without her was just wrong. I always knew when my serve or hit was wrong, and this HIT is the worst one ever. She always looks at our classroom every morning when she passes by But I'm just so stupid to look at her and acknowledge her.

Instead, I look out the window and wait for her to turn away and then I'll look at her until she enters her room.

Pathetic..

I laugh at myself everytime I recall the days I spent with her. I was out of control and selfish, I desperately want her back. I don't know how.

Natsumi is eating and I am here, lying under the tree and wishing that I was with her.

She looked at me and spoke.

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"

She was not asking a question, she was stating a fact and she wants me to answer it.. I couldn't talk,

"I know you always do. The times that you'll just stare far away- everytime we are together. I could feel it. she fills your thoughts."

For a second I wanted to tell her it wasn't true but I knew that I couldn't keep lying to myself forever.

" Why don't you take some time and think about it? why don't you take some space and see who you want to be with?"

I stare at her and I knew she was doing her best to keep the tears from escaping.. I embraced her tightly and she cried.

"If you choose me, you'll know were to find me.."

I closed my eyes and the thorns that have pierced my conscience suddenly washed off.

I had to find her.

To: Larry THE man R PROBLEM

So, you might be surprised. Months ago, I was the happy guy with the girl he "always" wanted but I'm not sure of that fact anymore. Can I love two people at the same time?? Cause I think I do. I'm WITH natsumi but my thoughts are off to Sakuno. And she's really COLD. She LOATHES ME. She HATES me.. she CAN'T even look at me, save for the mornings that she glances at me..

Natsumi sensed it, she gave me some time off, to think about things. And now. I don't know what to do. I want to find Sakuno, but what will happen then??

SOS.

To: Echizen R THE man AGAIN??

Naturally, If I was in my BAD mood I will just delete your stupid message!

Months ago, I was the happy guy with the girl he "always" wanted but I'm not sure of that fact anymore

You know what's wrong with you? You don't actually know "what" you want.

. Can I love two people at the same time??

I'm so proud! You've become a normal stupid teenage boy.! YES. but not at the same degree..

I'm WITH natsumi but my thoughts are off to Sakuno.

I just knew that this will happen!

she's really COLD. She LOATHES ME. She HATES me.. she CAN'T even look at me

uh- you practically USED her as your pretend girlfriend..makes up with your ex and leaves her all alone, does that ring a bell?

she CAN'T even look at me, save for the mornings that she glances at me..

quit spying on her! Be a man and talk to her!

Natsumi sensed it, she gave me some time off

you are one lucky boy.

I want to find Sakuno, but what will happen then??

Trust me, you know what you'll do. You have it deep inside of you, when the moment is there.. you'll do it.. GO FOR IT!!

AND don't mail me again! I want your next mail to be a good one!!