Notes: It's been a long time since I've updated this (sorry, please don't throw eggs at me!) because I've gotten involved in other projects. Poor Gaara, four months pregnant all this time, lol! I apologize if this chapter doesn't fit with the others so well, flow-wise, because the fic characters I've been writing recently speak with British accents, and it's thrown me off. With the number of people who really support me finishing this though, I decided I could let a bit of oddness slide in favor of another installment.
CHAPTER 7: Not Cute
Since Sakura was such a good person, she didn't smack Naruto upside the head. That said, if she had, she felt as though she'd have been justified in doing it.
Good, kind person that she was though, she just glared, radiating waves of pure hatred toward the blonde. "The thing I carried for three days… the heavy, bulky, fragile thing that was absolutely essential to our trip that you couldn't possibly manage to fit in your backpack, was THAT?"
Naruto scratched his neck, oblivious. "Well yeah," he said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "It's like, a traditional present for pregnant guys and stuff!"
"Naruto," she hissed, clenching her fists so tight her fingers hurt.
"But look Sakura-chan," Naruto said, "these are the ones with sprinkles!"
Yes, they did indeed have sprinkles. A lot of them. In fact, they probably had as many sprinkles as ten pounds of mini frosted sugar cookies could possibly manage to have. And if Naruto hadn't already given them to the Kazekage as a gift, the redhead now peering curiously into the half-opened wrapping paper, Sakura would've shoved them down his throat.
Sprinkle.
By.
Sprinkle.
"Oh, I almost forgot!" Naruto suddenly exclaimed, fishing a smaller package out of his bag. He waved it in front of Gaara's face gleefully.
How the hell Naruto ended up getting named as Konoha's new military liaison to Suna after Lee's… well… change in status… due to certain… circumstances… Sakura would never know. He was as much of an idiot now as he was when she first got put onto a team with him. Maybe even worse. Hadn't grown up one iota. She was shocked he hadn't started a war yet.
"Another one?" the Kazekage asked, handing the cookies absently to Lee, who held onto the top of the heavy bag that had strained Sakura's back for three days straight as though it weighed mere ounces.
Sakura glared at Naruto as Gaara peeled back the tacky orange and blue paper.
"It's a book," Gaara said, eyeing it warily, "with a woman in a rocking chair on it."
"It's a pregnant chick! Look--" Naruto grabbed it, threw the wrapping paper on the ground, and started flipping through the pages, "--it has all sorts of stuff about having babies! Even pictures! See?"
Gaara blinked at the page Naruto was holding up to his face. And then proceeded to yank the book unceremoniously from his hands.
Naruto laughed, hands on his hips triumphantly as Gaara stared wide-eyed at the opened book. Lee gaped over his shoulder, now holding the gigantic, multicolored bag of sprinkled cookies lovingly to his chest as one would a small child.
"Hey, are those cookies?" Sakura heard Kankuro ask from the doorway.
Sakura wanted to cry. She'd left her duties as a medic for a week for THIS?
"I brought them for the baby! Babies like cookies, right Gaara?" Naruto asked. "And besides, we've got to fatten you up. You still look so skinny!"
"Naruto, pregnant women do not have to get fat!" Sakura informed him irritably, toeing at a small pile of sand under her foot. "Recommended weight gain is usually between fifteen and thirty-five pounds, approximately ten to twenty of which will be lost during the birth from amniotic fluid and--"
"But he doesn't even look like he's knocked up! Look!" he declared, pointing. "Skinny!"
Sakura sighed. Really, why did she even try?
In reality though, Gaara did look a bit skinny still for someone nearly in… his… third trimester. He was wearing the same clothes, monstrous gourd belted to his back as usual, looking no different to her than he had a half a year ago. Of course, being that he was a GUY, maybe this was completely normal. It was possible that his weight was distributed differently, hiding the signs that were usually quite obvious by this stage. But then, given that he was Gaara, Sakura couldn't imagine anything about him ever being normal anyway. She'd have to do an extra thorough examination this time, just in case. She was NOT looking forward to it.
"He's gained some," Lee said distractedly, squawking as Gaara turned the page. "Hey, I wasn't done reading yet! I want to see every stage of our budding new life, in all its glorious--"
"Can I have some cookies, Gaara?" Kankuro asked, ignoring the book altogether.
"Hey, the cookies are for the PREGNANT people!" Naruto insisted loudly. "The ones that need FATTENING!"
"Hey Gaara," Kankuro tried again, "I can have some of those baby cookies, right?"
"Wah! Are you pregnant too?" Naruto exclaimed, an incredulous look on his face. "What the HELL? Why doesn't anyone ever tell me anything? I JUST found out about Gaara, and now--"
"What the FUCK are you talking about? How the FUCK would I be pregnant?" Kankuro's face had become shockingly red beneath its garish purple paint. "I fuck GIRLS, you FUCKING--"
"YOU IDIOTS ARE SO DAMN LOUD I CAN HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL! SHUT THE HELL UP!"
At the sound of Temari's voice, Lee, Kankuro, and Naruto started guiltily. Sakura cringed at her scowling figure in the doorway, hand gripping her fan menacingly before she turned on her heel and left, but Gaara didn't even flinch. Book held open with one hand, he took the large bag of cookies from Lee with the other. Sakura thought he was going to leave, but he just stood there, apparently entranced by whatever he was reading.
"Thank you for the baby presents," Lee said, "We really appreciate your contribution to our new family! Right, Gaara?"
"Yes. Thank you." Gaara echoed, not bothering to look up. Craning her neck, Sakura could see a small drawing of a woman's womb. Given the circumstances, she found it incredibly creepy and really wished she'd minded her own business.
"Heheh no problem! For thanks, you can just name the baby after me! Like, Naruto Junior!"
Before Sakura managed to chew him out, Gaara said, "I've already decided on a name."
Lee blinked vacantly at his boyfriend. "You have? What?"
Turning the book slightly sideways and cocking his head, Gaara told him, "I'm going to name the baby Lee."
A resounding silence filled the room.
"Um, well Gaara, uh…" Lee spluttered, "that's not really… you see, if we name babies after someone, a, ah… relative, it's usually the uh… mother's father, which in this case would mean… well, we certainly can't do THAT, so…"
"I'm naming it Lee," Gaara said again. "It's the best name."
Kankuro shook his head, eyes wide, clearly terrified at the prospect. "Gaara, I don't think you--"
"This decision is not debatable." Gaara looked annoyed, though he still didn't look up from his book.
Lee shifted nervously as Kankuro gaped, his expression looking a bit as if someone had just told him they'd killed his puppy. And then dropped its pitifully broken form at his feet.
"Lee's an okay name, but I still think you should name it Naruto Junior!" the blonde piped up, oblivious as usual. "Come on Sakura-chan! Let these guys talk, and I'll show you my office! It's HUGE!"
For once, Sakura was grateful Naruto had no sense of social propriety. She left the happy Sand family behind, and followed Naruto to his office, which was luckily just as big as he claimed.
XXXXXXXXXX
Later that day when Sakura examined Gaara, she wished there had been a closet in Naruto's mammoth office she could've hidden in. But of course there wasn't because this was Suna, and no matter how skilled their architects, you can't make closets out of desert.
Gaara had his shirt off, his arms crossed above the small bulge that hadn't been visible when he'd been clothed, regarding Sakura with that "I am displeased" expression. Well, Sakura wasn't thrilled either, but what was she supposed to do about it?
He let her touch his stomach without comment, and the baby seemed fine, growing quickly and strong. She asked the Kazekage all the required questions: are you feeling alright? eating properly? not over-exerting yourself? baby moving yet? no problems? but the responses she got were monosyllabic and obviously told just to get rid of her.
Sakura did her best to keep her temper. It wasn't as though she expected him to behave differently, after all. Was being pregnant supposed to suddenly make him into a reasonable human being?
"Alright then, Kazekage-sama," she told him sweetly, unsatisfied but not wanting to deal with any of it anymore, "everything seems fine. Any questions for me?"
Gaara uncrossed his arms and looked uncertain for a moment. "Yes," he said, and ran his palm over the baby bulge. He wouldn't be able to hide it much longer; in fact, looking at it now, Sakura wondered how he'd kept it hidden for even this long. Probably bad posture.
"Okay," Sakura prompted.
"Is it… Lee has said that it is…" an odd look crossed his features, "cute. Is it?"
"The… your… um… what?" Sakura asked.
"Babies are cute," Gaara said, as if trying out the statement to see how it sounded. "Lee has said that my abdomen is also cute. He touches it. And sometimes giggles. Is it cute?"
Sakura swallowed. "Well… I guess it's true that babies are cute…"
Gaara raised a nonexistent eyebrow.
"…but cuteness is really, ah… subjective," she explained with some difficulty. "So. If Lee says your uh… the… that… is cute, I'm sure he thinks it is."
"But you don't think so."
She shook her head, not trusting what might come out of her mouth should she chance to open it.
The Kazekage nodded. "Good. Then he must be right."
Sakura sighed, defeated. "I'm sure he is. I brought you some vitamins, Kazekage-sama, and I'd suggest you take them. Really, please. I know you won't listen to anything I have to say, but this is going to be more and more of a drain on your system as time goes by, not to mention the baby's. And Lee won't think it's cute if either of you get sick."
Gaara looked down at his naked stomach, which he'd been rubbing softly for some time now. "Lee likes that I'm cute. He wants a cute baby. I will take your vitamins."
Sakura could've passed out with relief. "Thank you, Kazekage-sama."
"Leave them with Kankuro. He will have them properly inspected for poisons."
"Right," Sakura mumbled as she turned and left, Gaara still shirtless, "poisons." She was done here, and it's not as if Gaara would recognize bad manners anyway.
XXXXXXXXXX
Approximately two and a half weeks ago, Rock Lee began to notice his food disappearing.
It started out with an uneaten ball of dango, a last bite of rice, or a fig he swore he'd left, just so it would be the last taste in his mouth when he finished eating. Lately though, entire spring rolls started vanishing from his plate. Interestingly enough, this only happened when Gaara was around.
"You could just get more food, Gaara," Lee had told him on numerous occasions. "You're eating for two now, after all!"
"That has nothing to do with it. I was just hungry," his boyfriend insisted every time, sometimes adding in something particularly tedious about his day that had contributed to his hunger.
Lee had begun taking a bit extra from the mess hall and purposefully leaving uneaten bits at strategically reachable locations on his dish. He felt good that he could share his meal with the future… mother… of his child, and the small belly Gaara was developing, besides reassuring him that everything was alright, was undeniable adorable. Lee tried not to think of it too often though, because when he did it in public, people were constantly stopping him to ask if he was alright.
When Naruto and Sakura-san had arrived earlier in the week with their giant bag of cookies, Lee had set them on the counter in the hopes that Gaara might snack on them a bit when he was feeling particularly insomniac and not in the mood to leave their quarters to get food.
When he saw the bag sitting open and empty, Gaara beside it reading the book Naruto had brought yet again, Lee thought he'd try one. After all, sprinkles, you know? But the bag was empty.
"Gaara, where'd you put the cookies?" he asked, looking to see if he'd emptied them into a cookie tin.
"I ate them," Gaara told him.
"No, I mean the rest of them. There were ten pounds."
"I ate them," Gaara repeated, flipping a page.
"You didn't eat ten pounds of cookies, Gaara," Lee told him with a dismissive wave of his hand.
The redhead said nothing.
"Gaara. You didn't just eat ten pounds of cookies."
Silence.
"…did you?"
"It took an hour," was his boyfriend's response.
Lee gaped. "Gaara, that's-- well, first of all, it's really impressive, I doubt I could even eat that much, but-- you can't eat such unhealthy things! It's bad for the baby!"
"Did you know that the baby's hands are now fully developed, and exploring the structures inside the uterus may become its prime entertainment?" Gaara asked.
"Really? That's amazing! Did you read that in your-- Gaara, stop trying to change the subject!" Lee protested when he realized what was happening. But the baby's hands! How cute! Their baby had hands! Their most adorable, sweet, cute, darling little one (whom they were decidedly NOT naming Lee!) had HANDS!
Gaara looked up from his book, seeming unhappy about it. "Unless you want me throw them up, there's nothing I can do about it. Now leave me alone. I have a stomach ache."
Lee sighed, thinking of tiny, adorable baby hands, kissed Gaara's forehead, patted his belly softly, and left. Naruto and Sakura-san were leaving soon, and he'd bid them farewell before force-feeding the expectant mother some veggies.