A/N: Yes, this story used to be called 'A Week at WalMart' but I changed it to 'A Week at HellMart' after reading a review, because it is a lot more apt. Yeah, so...thanks to all of my wonderful reviewers! You guys are amazing! Oh, and a little crazy trivia for anyone who's interested: I haven't lived in a country where Wal-Mart exists for nearly two years! And even when I did, I NEVER went there! I'm a Target fan all the way. In fact, I sort of hate Wal Mart (which must be why I'm making fun of it).
CHAPTER 4
(In the office)
Rosalie walked in with a huge smile on her face.
"Hello, Ms. Hale. What brings you here?" Kendal asked.
"I quit."
"What?" Kendal asked in shock.
"I quit. I got my old job back." Rosalie said, handing Kendal the vest.
"Good for you."
Rosalie walked toward the door and Alice ran after her.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm getting out of this bitch!" Rosalie said happily.
(At the toys)
Emmett was restocking a shelf of plastic guns when a little girl kicked him in the leg.
"Hey!"
"You look like a girl." The little rude girl said.
"Do not." Emmett said.
"Do too."
"Do NOT."
"DO TOO." The girl said louder.
"Well….you're a bitch." Emmett hissed.
The little girls jaw dropped. She kicked him in the nuts and he fell to the ground, once he was on the ground the little girl started stepping on his face, he pulled her leg and she fell when he got up, he grabbed one of the guns and squashy balls began flying in her face. A woman ran Emmett over with a shopping cart.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, ASSHOLE?" The woman asked.
"Mommy, that man called me the B word."
"She started it." Emmett whined as her got up off the floor.
The woman grabbed her daughter and stormed off.
"How does it feel getting your ass kicked by a girl?" Edward asked, laughing as he walked towards Emmett.
"You saw..."
"Every bit of it. She was a bitch, but you're the biggest bitch." Edward said.
"Hey!"
"Shut up, bitch."
"Shouldn't you be working?" Emmett asked.
"I'm on break. I thought you might need some help since you're alone."
"Rose is so lucky." Emmett whined.
"Yeah I know. Hopefully someone will return my call and I can go back to playing the piano for elementary schools." Edward said smiling, "I don't think I can work here much longer. I miss playing my songs by the window and looking at the people walking down the street giving me inspiration for a new song." he said.
"I miss watching Top Model and Project Runway reruns all day and making clothes." Alice said as she came up to them.
"I miss…" Emmett began.
"You miss your porn collection….we know." They all started laughing.
"This place is not for us." Alice said.
"Let's go quit." Edward said.
"What? That's boring; I want to go out with a bang." Emmett said with an evil grin.
"How big of a bang, bitch?" Edward asked.
"First we need to call the rest of the gang." Emmett said.
An hour later they all met up in the back of the home and garden area.
"You ready, Bells?" Alice asked.
"Hell, YAH." she said hopping on the skateboard.
"Jacob?"
"I'm ready, baby."
"Rose?"
"Fuck yeah."
"Emmett?"
"I'M LOCKED AND LOADED." Emmett said cocking a water gun.
"Jasper?"
"Yeah, but where's my script?"
"Right here." Alice said, pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket.
"Edward? Did you bring the camera?"
"I got the film ready to roll," he said with a smile.
Everyone went there separate ways.
Jacob ran down the frozen food section stripping off his clothes and screaming sex related things, while Emmett ran down the pharmacy singing 'Dancing Queen!' by ABBA and squirted the women in the feminine products section with food coloring.
Bella and Rosalie started knocking over boxes and popped open potato chip bags everywhere, Alice turned up the TVs and stereos; Jasper got on the intercom and began to do a dead-on imitation of the song 'Emo Kid'.
"IS THIS THE END OF THE WORLD?" A man asked as he ran out the door.
The whole store went crazy. Edward walked around the store emptying bottles of Bacardi and Fuel Vodka over the aisles. Jasper's performance was stopped by Kendal's voice.
"I WANT EVERONE OUT NOW!" She screamed furiously.
(the office)
"I AM HAVING EVERY ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARESTED."
"I don't think you want to do that." Alice said as she entered the room.
"Why not?"
"If you call the cops I'm sure they'll arrest you for the pound marijuana in the storage room."
"Whoa! How the hell did you know about that?"
"A mind reader told us." Bella said smiling.
"This is unbelievable." Kendal said.
"We know all your secrets." Edward said in an ominous voice.
"We even know about you joining an anger management class," Jacob added.
"Mr. Black, please put your clothes back on." Kendal begged.
"Does my being half-naked bother you?"
"Psh…" Bella mumbled.
Jacob put his pants and shirt on.
"You're all fired."
"I'm already," he said.
"Me too." Bella and Jasper said.
"I know that." Kendal snapped. "Everyone else, but Ms. Brandon, you're not fired. Ok?"
"Actually, I quit." Alice said.
"Fine…Now all of you GET OUT!"
That was the last time they ever set foot in Wal-Mart. After the prank Wal-Mart banned them and had to rebuild the whole store.
A/N: There actually happens to be one more chapter. Yes. It's true. But first...
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