I do not own Death Note, nor anything else mentioned. Do I really need to go through this every story?

You have days when you find yourself thinking about why mommy and daddy scream and throw things at each other so much. They say words that you've never heard of in English. You think it's because they don't want you to know what they're saying. Too bad they forgot that they taught you English; you understand every harsh word spoken.

You have days when tears pour from your eyes because you just had to witness daddy shoot mommy then pull the gun on himself. You just had to be the one to see the horror happen. The streets of Germany were not full of friendly people, and you dread tomorrow. Why did it have to happen to you?

You have days when the only thing you can think about is your first day at the institution. Everything looked boring; everything was white. The old man who found you wandering around escorted you to your classes and to your room. He just happened to miss several glares you threw at him and any other children who had enough courage to look you in the eye.

You have days when you can't help but reflect on when you first saw that white haired freak The old man showed you to the playroom and introduced you to the younger boy, who was playing with Transformer dolls. Apparently he was 'one of the smartest kids there' and that made you snort. It just wasn't believable, especially when the freak looked up at you with blank, gray eyes. You'll never admit to it, but he kind of scared you.

You have days when you can't help but grit your teeth when you realize how many times a day you get asked whether your a boy or girl. You had thought you heard the last utter of the question until the silly maroon-haired boy wanted to know. You seriously didn't want to share a room with him after that.

You have days when you wonder why your roommate keeps looking at you. You know his name is Mail Jeevas, or Matt as you were supposed to call him, and that he had an obsession with videogames and that he was new to smoking, despite being so young. You ask him your question out loud, and you don't miss the nervous stutter in his voice. His question irritates you, serving him a hard kick to the groin.

You have days when you feel like you're about to pass out during your classes. Studying all night wasn't the best option for you, but if it was to get ahead of Near you'd do it. Being number two was not acceptable when it applied to you, and this was going to be no exception. You would surpass that albino freak of nature with whatever methods it would take.

You have days when you smile into your pillow before you go to sleep. The last thought that runs through your mind before you succumb to peace is the joy of having a friend. You've been lonely you're entire life, and never had someone to count on. You and Matt are inseparable, and you know the meaning of true friendship, even though you don't show it most of the time because of your aggressive personality. You know he knows how much you care, though.

You have days when you find yourself glaring heavily at nothing. L is dead and he hadn't chosen a successor, leaving Roger to make the decision for him. You expected that he'd want you to work alongside Near, putting away your differences. How foolish of him to think that it was possible!

You have days when you just want to stomp every single bar of chocolate in your possession into small pieces and feed it to vultures. You wonder why your heart flutters whenever you hear his voice or sense his presence. You keep asking yourself why thoughts that consist of saying he's adorable or cute pass through your head whenever he's serious about one of his games. You want to know why you think this way about your best friend.

You have days when the empty space in your chest aches. You packed up your things and left the orphanage without a second though, except you left one of your most valued possessions behind. You left Matt without saying anything, and you regret it. You can't go back there, though. No... not just to get him... nobody was worth you putting the time and effort into that... right?

You have days when you ask yourself where the hell you're going. Everything is just a blur within your vision, and all you feel is the numbness you've felt for the past few years. You know you need to pay attention out on these streets in America. You know it isn't as safe as you'd love to think it is; you know you can get killed out here. Yet, you still can't bring yourself to leave the nothingness in which you've consumed yourself within.

You have days when you attempt to bring the softer side of your personality back. You never try to show it around your Mafia buddies because they'd see it as vulnerability. At night, you sneak out of the headquarters to go somewhere random and you cry. That's all you do is cry. You cry over your parents, over how worthless your childhood felt, and about not having that spunky little redhead sitting next to you.

You have days when you think about how many times you danced with the devil that day. You were on the verge of a heart attack because of that officer, and then you almost blew your face up. So you called him. Yes, you called him. You don't know why he answered, but you're pretty fucking glad he did. You know you're okay now.. laying across his lap on his couch while he tends to your face.

You have days when you feel sorry for being such a burden on your best friend. You know you aren't yourself, and you know it's annoying him more than anything. You want to say something but you simply just can't, and you don't want to explain where you've been the past five years. He looks the same, though. He dresses the exact same way he did when you were kids, and he's kept his maroon colored hair. He even keeps all his consoles strewn about, just like he used to.

You have days when you can't help but grin like a fool at the memory of just a few nights ago. You know what happened was true, or at least it was on your part. You remember the way his fingers felt in your hair, the feather light touch of his fingertips on your side and the way you squirmed. Mostly, though, you remember losing your virginity to your best friend and the only person you ever loved.

You have only a day to think about the severe consequences of this plan you thought up. Kidnapping that Takada woman was not going to be a cakewalk, and you were fully aware of that. You know that it was most likely going to place you and Matt in jail, or under the ground if the situation escalated that far. You hate looking at the fear and apprehension in his eyes, so you try to soothe him. Thing is, you're trying to convince yourself that you won't die more than you're trying to convince him.

You have only a minute to think about the fact that he's dead. He's dead, he's dead, he's dead. You got him killed.. you're the reason he's dead. You never got to tell him anything that really, truly mattered. For instance, you never told him that you're sorry. You never told him you loved him.

You have no time left at all to think about anything else, except for the fact that the pain that was just thrashing around in your chest is gone now. Damn Takada. Damn Kira. Damn Death Note. Damn the fact that you never got to tell Matt you're sorry, tell him goodbye, and tell him that you've loved him since you were kids. The last thing that went through your head before your heart uttered it's last beat was nothing simpler than 'I wonder if he felt the same.'

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Next Up: Near would like to express his poetic POV.