A Second Glance

-The Doorway-

She continued cradling her head for several minutes, still sitting on the garage floor. Her legs curled themselves up towards her chest, and she rested her forehead on her knees, trying her best not to think anything at all. This proved difficult for Chihiro, though she practiced it everyday during school (albeit, she had never actually meant to then). It was only when she wanted to clear her head that thoughts bubbled up and overflowed, throwing her mind into turmoil.

"She'll come back," she whispered quietly to herself, knowing full well that her stubborn and frustrated mother would not return any time soon. But, it made it seem true to Chihiro, saying it out loud. "She has to come back."

After the pain in her head dulled some, she stood. She swayed a little and hung on to the railing, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. It wasn't so bad. There was a ringing in her ears to add to the increased headache and a small lump above her temple, but she didn't think that it would grow much larger. The most she would get off with would be a bruise and some achy limbs, and she had had worse before.

"What to do, what to do, what to do…." Chihiro ran her fingers through her hair and tugged lightly on it, its ends falling somewhere between the base of her neck and bottom of her ears. She anxiously paced the garage, glancing about the bits of odd hardware her father kept for his construction work. It seemed like a good idea to just leave and go to Eri's house. There wouldn't be any need to tell Eri what happened, she wouldn't mind. Then when everything had blown over and it was late enough that her father would be asleep, she could go home. 'Or just stay at Eri's all night…'

'No, I can't just leave him like that…even if he will be in a bad mood.' She decided. Even if it was just for a little while, she could never leave either of her parents when they needed her. She grown more attached to them than ever before, after almost losing them to the bathhouse, and always tried to be a better daughterwhen she was around them (she saved her cynical side for Eri). It was almost like she thought if she let them go for a moment, they would disappear, so she tried to keep them close as possible without telling them too much about herself. Now that her mother had left, a panicky feeling settled itself into her gut.

But, there was nothing she could do for now. The knot that had formed in her stomach would just have to go down to the depths where she had pushed her most dearly held memories, all of her overwhelming feelings, her secrets.

She started towards the kitchen and noticed a rust colored smear on the stairs that hadn't been there before. The sight of blood made her aware of a pain slightly below her right knee. She bent her leg, feeling it out. It felt warm and wet, and she knew without looking that she was probably bleeding quite a bit. She drew a deep breath and exhaled exasperatedly, blowing her wispy bangs away from her eyes. Refusing to look at her damaged limb until she got inside the house (which she had been avoiding), she stomped up the stairs and into the kitchen. Some beer cans were strewn about, one half spilled all over the counter. There were sandwich materials lying out, and the fridge was partially open. The sink was filled with dishes too, but Chihiro was used to coming home with her house in this state on the weeks that her father didn't have any construction work. Dishes would pile up for a few days, then she would get rid of all of them in one go, when she had the time. For now, she ignored the mess and pulled stool out from under a table covered in paperwork. She sat down and inspected her cut.

"Dammmittttt..." Chihiro felt like throwing a tantrum, balling up her fists and wailing like a three year old.

She had torn right through her knee-high sock. The red was slowly seeping downwards, staining the white material. She slipped off her shoe and peeled back the sock, hissing as it rubbed against the cut. Her leg was skinned pretty badly, but it wasn't too serious. She carefully dried off her shin with the cleaner parts the ruined sock, avoiding the raw area below her knee.

'It probably only started to really bleed after I got up….or I just didn't notice because…'

She let her bare leg drop silently to the floor at that thought. She had seen other suitcases in the back of the little blue car, brimming with her mother's belongings. Yuuko must have gotten in a fight with Chihiro's father that morning and spent the rest of the day arguing and throwing things in the car. Chihiro's shoulders hunched up and her head hung downwards, ragged bangs shading her eyes from the mess that she and her house were.

"Okaasan…"

She sniffed quietly and tilted her head back towards the ceiling, trying to keep whatever tears that had welled up from falling. It seemed like forever to her since she last cried, falling as fast as her own tears from a dizzying height, with a boy that...

Chihiro forced her mind back on track, trying to stick with the matter at hand. Besides, crying was useless to do, it couldn't change anything. It was better to stay rational and figure things out that way. She would be okay if she thought it through….if she tried hard enough, it would be okay.

She strained to keep her eyes open and let the tears dissipate, still facing the ceiling, then looked around the kitchen again. It was in terrible condition. Chihiro could use the cleaning to keep her mother (and knee) off her mind, pulling her into the oblivion that both school and chores induced. Cleaning up after her family seemed like less of a task after cleaning up filthy bathtubs and scrubbing rancid smelling spirits, anyway. It had become an enjoyable way to pass time and was productive, so Chihiro had become accustomed to doing the housework for her mother. Back in her old town, it was a rare chance that you could find her doing dishes or laundry. Her parents thought it had been the new home and environment that had inspired such a good change in her, but only she knew what had truly happened.

She heaved a great sigh and stood, resting her weight on the table with her arms. She organized her thoughts quickly and silently planned out how she would go about getting rid of the clutter that plagued the counters in time to make dinner for her father.

'Lets see…the table can go last, and I can get the nastier stuff like the dishes done first...'

… … … …

Chihiro hummed to herself lightly as she cleaned. She had calmed down considerably, and was feeling better about the whole situation now.

The counters had been cleared and wiped down, all of the cans rinsed and put in the recycling bin, and most of the dishes had been washed in a little under two hours. Dinner was simmering in a newly washed pan and a pleasant smell had just begun rising from the stove, when there was a sudden thump on the ceiling. Chihiro jumped slightly at the sound, and paused to listen. Her father was still home, she realized. She had almost forgotten that, and hadn't seen him since she entered the house.

'I wonder if he's doing okay…' she questioned herself, trying to imagine what they could have fought about that would have been drastic enough to make her mother leave the house. She shook the thoughts from her head and listened to see where her father's heavy footsteps would lead. The sound traveled through several rooms in the upstairs of the split-level, and then stopped. He probably had been watching TV for the past two hours, and was getting up to stretch his legs.

Chihiro sighed and continued to putter around, picking things off the counters and putting them back in their places. She felt more restless than earlier, now that she was reminded of her father's presence in the house. It was difficult to get back into the cleaning funk that she had been in before while different scenarios of what could have happened with her parents plagued her mind. Her determination to get something done (or to just keep herself from thinking) dwindled to nothing.

She gazed out the window over the sink listlessly, drying the plate in her hands with a terrycloth dishtowel. It took her a full three minutes to realize the dish was already dry, and that she had zoned out. After returning the dish to its proper place and fishing the sponge out of the dirty dish water, she began putting things away to take a break from cleaning. The dishrag was hung on the little handle beneath the sink, the soap put away, and the filmy gray water drained. She turned off the stove and moved the pot to an unheated eye.

The living room was connected to the kitchen by a short partition which ran half way between the two areas. Chihiro could see the pristine, yet comfortable looking white couch from where she was standing. It was a rule in the house to keep the couch as clean as possible. Shoes weren't a problem for it, as people generally took them off before entering the house (though Chihiro sometimes skipped out on that when no one was looking, and took her shoes off on her room), but mostly it was food that wasn't allowed on it. Looking at it, Chihiro realized how tired she actually was. She hadn't been sleeping well for the past few weeks, waking up in the middle of the night from dreams that she could never remember. It looked so comfortable. Debating whether to go upstairs to take a short nap in her room and risk running in to her father, or nap on the couch, she chose the latter. It was only for a little while, and she still had to set the table for dinner. She glanced at the clock to find that it was only four thirty. The Oginos generally ate dinner later than most families, so she would have time.

A nap it was.

… … … …

A rough jerk on her upper arm pulled her from the warm darkness of sleep, bringing with it a sudden pain that ripped though her leg, then went numb. Chihiro's eyes flew open, but her brain stayed groggy. There was no light coming in from the windows and only one lamp was on, leaving the room dim.

"What'z thus! What'v I told you ev'ry day since we got thus couch!"

Chihiro blinked upwards to the blurry shape that was her father and rubbed her eyes to clear the sleep from them.

"Well!" He gave her a sharp nudge with his foot for emphasis. Chihiro wondered how she got on the floor, and why she wasn't asleep. There was an incredibly thick fog in her mind, keeping her from any long trains of thought. Waking up earlier than she wanted to had always been a problem, and the summer warmth was urging her to just close her eyes and go back to sleep.

The foot nudged her again, but stayed there this time, digging in to her ribs painfully. She let out a small squeak and leaned away from the offending limb, only to have it double in pressure. Maybe she should say something.

"I…uh." Couch. Old one got taken away. New one was white. White things gotta stay…white?

"Don't get it dirty."

Lucidity was creeping back in to her senses, sending alarm bells through her mind. Her father was drunk. She needed to get away.

"I paid for thus thing with my money, yu'v got no…ya can't do that."

'Drunk off his ass,' Chihiro thought with a wince as the foot dug deeper into her abdomen, pinning her to the side of the couch. She hadn't actually counted the all of the empty beer cans earlier, assuming they had been from a few days ago.

"So what do you do! You bleed all over it! It's dry now too, that'll leave a stain. I thought that I could buy something nice for this house for once without having someone ruin it!"

He flipped her over with a clumsy movement of his ankle, and leaned down to rip her into a sanding position by her upper arm. Chihiro held her breath.

He glared at her through darkened eyes, shadowed in the dark room, and stayed silent for a moment. With a grunt, he lumbered away into the kitchen, rummaging around in the cabinets for something. She heard him turn on the sink and peeked around the divider to see him washing his face. Chihiro swayed and held on to the forbidden couch for balance. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, counting to ten in her head.

She exhaled swiftly and opened her eyes. Feeling flowed back into her aching arm and numbed leg, waking her up with the sharpness of it. The skinned area must have started to heal to the fabric while she was asleep, starting the bleeding all over again when she was thrown to the floor.

'I wish...I wish…' Still disoriented, she looked for a clock to find out the time.

"Eleven o'clock. Dammit. Dinner," she mumbled, deciding that maybe a nap hadn't been the best idea. She felt even more worse for wear than she had before she fell asleep.

'Dad never got dinner…I didn't finish cleaning. I didn't bandage my knee, I ruined the couch, and I didn't come home early enough to say goodbye...'

Chihiro whimpered and sank to the floor like a wilting flower. The sparkly purple hair tie on her wrist caught her eye, its beads glistening in the feeble light. She pulled it off and pressed it between her hands, as if trying to squeeze whatever meager comfort was left out of it.

"Obaachan…" The whisper fell flat.

She didn't feel any better calling to the distant spirits, and let go of her well worn bracelet. It looked lonely and dull on the wooden floor. She put it back on. She felt sort of naked without it, anyway.

Her father, still fumbling through the kitchen, was probably making more of a mess than she had to clean up earlier, though she couldn't see him from around the partition.

'I'll just do what he says,' she reasoned with herself. Her thoughts were coming to her in choppy pieces, scattering themselves as she let the lump of worry rise from her stomach to her throat. 'As long as he knows I am listening, he won't do anything drastic. He'll be back to normal in a few days, he'll get over mom. She got over him years ago; she just never said anything...'

She shook her head, berating herself silently for such low thoughts of her parents. It sounded terribly wrong, thinking like that of them.

'No, no, no. Dad's just mad about mom going. But she'll come back. She has to come back…and then dad will be okay, and mom will say she's sorry for leaving, and dad will say sorry too…and…'

Mr. Ogino shuffled back into the living room carrying a scrub brush and a half filled bucket of soapy water. He put it down next to her with another grunt.

"Get the stain out. Now."

"..Ha..hai."

"When ya'v finished, clean th'rest o' the kitchen. You'd better finish, too. Your motha let ya get away with a load of crap that I won't."

"Yes sir." The politeness she had learned from talking to gods had stuck.

She started working on the stain gently, trying to not wear out the fabric and leave it permanently damaged. A minute or so later, her stomach let out a soft growl, a protest to having only eaten lunch that day. Her father must not have eaten dinner either, then. Chihiro sympathized with her father's position, no matter how he treated her. It was part of her nature.

"I left dinner on the stove." She hoped he heard her, but by the way he was hunched over the paperwork on the table, she doubted he did. He probably wasn't as drunk as she thought he was, if he was reading those. Her mother had set him off on a bad mood that morning, that was all.

"O…otoosan?"

No answer.

Leaving the bucket and soapy brush next to the couch, she walked up and stood a few feet behind her father. He was haphazardly scrawling his signature across one of the important looking papers in a messy hand, not even bothering to read what they said. He moved on to the next document, his reading glasses cast aside. Chihiro arched her neck, trying to read the small print from behind her father.

"Ano…"

"I found it."

She looked closer at the paper, not knowing what he meant at first, then realized he was talking about dinner. Chihiro looked over to the stove then the sink, seeing the empty pot along with a newly dirtied plate. The papers seemed really interesting all of a sudden, and she leaned over the table, trying to find one with a title page of some sort. She did.

"You know what, just go to bed when you finish. Do the rest of the housework tomorrow. Go. And stop trying to read this." He whisked the rest of the papers into a manila folder, but it was too late.

Chihiro took a moment to process what she had seen on the title page, willing it to not be true. Everything that had happened that day made sense to her, though she wished it wouldn't now.

"Wait! No, you…" she stammered and took a step back.

She looked down at the papers as if the might swallow up everything good in the world.

"Chi, get out of here, I'm busy! Lemme sign the damn papers."

"But you…" she looked imploringly at her father, trying to fit the last piece into the puzzle.

"Quit it! These are none of your business! OUT!"

"Was it you or mom that filed for divorce! Let me read them!" she blurted out, taking a bold step towards the table and reaching for the folder.

"DAMN KID!" he roared, backhanding her across the face to keep her from advancing on the papers any more than she already had. She fell back on to the ground a few feet from the door to the garage, staring up at her father with impossibly wide eyes. Her mind reeled from the impact. He had never actually hit her before. Pushed and shoved when he was in a bad mood, maybe, but he had never hit her.

Her hand moved slowly up to her burning cheek, trembling, and touched the hot skin. She winced as it made contact.

"Your mother, what do ya think! She brought 'em in this morning and packed up her stuff. Didn't even say why."

Chihiro continued to sit on the floor, unmoving except for her quick and shallow breathing. 'Get out, get out, get out, get out,' her mind was screaming at her. 'Get out now.'

"Finish the couch. Or go to your room." Mr. Ogino looked away from her, suddenly seeming to regret his actions. He shifted from one foot to the other. "Yeah. Go to your room."

"OUT!" he motioned for the stairs in a wild gesture.

Chihiro pushed herself up from the kitchen floor in a flash, grabbing the doorknob and wrenching it open at the same time. She skipped the stairs and, on impulse, grabbed her gym bag from where she had left it next to her backpack and scooter. She flew out of the garage and across the dark street, turning her attention to breathing, which had suddenly become hard to do. The bracelet around her arm felt as though it was on fire, but maybe it was just the strap on her gym bag pressing the beads into her wrist. Either way, she ignored it and kept running.

Blood pounded in her ears, and she started downhill, stumbling over her momentum and tripping on the boulders and rocks that peppered the hill. It was dark, but she didn't need a flashlight with how the moon was shining. She didn't know where she was going, so it didn't matter. The only directions she needed were forwards..

Her eyes stung, and she blinked away the tears that had taken so long to fall, fighting to keep herself under control. Big fat drops rolled down her cheeks no matter how hard she tried to keep them back, and she let go a gasp, turning her tears into sobs. The salt stung her damaged cheek, making her cry even harder.

The forest loomed ahead, and suddenly she was in it, the twigs and brambles tearing at her clothes. The farther she ran, the more a certain clarity she had been missing seemed to emerge. It felt as though a fog that had been surrounding her for a very long time was being lifted at the corners, but the densest part was still clouding her vision and thoughts, leaving her feeling as dull and far away as she had always felt. She felt more alive, more aware, the deeper into the forest she got, but only to the point where she could tell that there was something else to be sensed. Something far away was pulling her in, luring her with the feeling of completeness, but then tugging back and leaving her empty again.

A stitch in her side burned, but she kept going, trying to find whatever it was that was eluding her.

Suddenly, she tripped over a large stone near the base of the hill, her momentum carrying her forwards to roll several feet before stopping. Chihiro lay in a heap of limbs, barely able to support herself on her weakened arms, wondering how she had gotten so far in the woods with no lights to lead her.

Her head hung low, her forehead almost grazing the ground. There were tire tracks under her, but she took no real notice of them. Where could she go? There was nothing she could do sitting in the middle of the forest crying by herself. She sniffed back the last of the tears, and gathered the strength to stand. Maybe she could go into town and find a hotel.

'But I don't have any money…'

She started to rise, then stopped halfway up in a crouched position and held her breath. Her eyes grew big in a kind of fearful amazement. From the corner of her eye, Chihiro could swear she saw one of the statues that had been on the path to the spirit world. It had moss growing on its lower section and was chipped badly in one area, but its wide mouth and large eyes were unmistakable. She tried not to move, as though it would break the spell that had tied her back to the place that she missed so badly.

The need to know the statue was real overpowered her want to just sit and bask in the amazement that she could see it, and she turned her head to face it directly.

It disappeared.

She dropped back to the ground as a painful wave of despair tore through her.

"Kuso!" Chihiro threw her fist to the ground, relishing the feel of her knuckles hitting the earth. She then launched herself back into a standing position, intent on running again.

This time, it was red. From the corner of her eye, there was a definite wall rising up from the ground, blocking whatever trees she had been seeing a moment ago. It looked like...it looked as if it were...

"The tunnel."

She looked down at the ground, and followed the car tracks to where the entrance was. It too disappeared as she turned to face it directly. The tracks stopped exactly where she had seen it, and yet there was nothing there anymore.

Something strange was going on. Her bracelet burned, sending the strong sense of magic through her. Chihiro walked towards the place that the statue should have been and waved her hand around. Nothing.

From her outstretched arm, the purple beads glittered more sharply than ever before. It caught her eye, reminding her of the people she missed so dearly, the ones who had helped make it and the ones who hadn't.

"Haku…"

She reached out farther, hoping to the gods that it was real. She could go back there if it was real, she could leave. There would be no need to stay with her father, no need to find a hotel or seek out her mother or any of the other things she had thought of as she ran away from her home.

She could keep her promise.

"Please, please, please…" she whimpered, pleading to whatever force that was tying her to the human world to just let her go.

She gave one last feeble swipe to the area of the invisible statue, and her fingers barely grazed something. Chihiro sucked in a gulp of air, took a step forward, and pressed her palm up against the surface.

A sudden burst of energy exploded towards her, making her hair and clothes flow backwards as if swept by wind. She could see them now, both the statue and the building. She could see them, but also something in her minds eye, flashback of falling with Haku. It was like watching a movie in her head.

'It's the dream…'

Chihiro kept her hand on the statue, watching the scene unfold from a different perspective. Every word, every movement, every sound, she could remember them all so clearly.

Except…there was a new part. She strained to hear the voices, although they were inside her head and straining would be of no help.

"Listen Chihiro, there is something important I have to tell you about how you got here."

She watched herself nod, wondering at how young she looked back then.

Haku continued on, a dangerously serious look on his face. "The place that you entered from was created by an evil spirit, one who liked to toy with and torture humans. He created the opening between worlds to let wandering humans into his realm. It was made in a way that if a person ever got away from him and returned to their world, they would never be able to find the gate again. This was done so that great numbers of humans would not come through to try and invade the spirit word in revenge for the cruel things he did. You will never be able to find this place again now that you know of its whereabouts. I'll have to go to you if we are to ever see each other again."

"But…what if I don't know how I got here? If you erased my memory of where the gate is, do you think that I'd be able to find it again if I looked?"

"I don't know…either way, it can't hurt to try. If you do come, only do so in emergency, and only in the day, when all the spirits are asleep. You will know where to find Rin."

"Hai…"

Chihiro watched as Haku put two fingers up to her forehead. There was a soft white glow and her younger self closed her eyes. She opened them back up a few moments later, and Haku proceeded to tell her the rules of the test she would have to take to return her parents to the human world with her.

Chihiro blinked rapidly as the vision began to take a washed out look, then faded away. What had that been? Why hadn't she remembered Haku telling her that, if he was just erasing her memory of where the entrance was? He wanted her to be able to return? Why hadn't he come if he didn't know if it would work or not?

A thousand more questions plagued her mind, but Chihiro couldn't address any of them just then. There was no way she could think coherently now. She had found the tunnel.

This was an emergency, if anything…right?

Still touching the stone statue guarding the gate, she kneeled down to pick up her gym bag. She didn't want to lose contact, just incase. Being this close to the magic that she had lost before made her feel so intensely aware of every part of herself, every sense and every pain amplified. It was the void she had been missing for all those years. She felt closer to being whole than she had ever felt in her entire life.

She felt alive again.

Finally letting go of the statue, she walked forward to stand directly in front of the tunnel. She bowed the deepest, most polite bow that she could.

"Ojamashimasu." She waited another few seconds, hoping she was not intruding too badly.

But, he had promised, and she was tied into the promise with him. There was nowhere else for her to go, anyway. 'And I just have to see them… I have to see him, just one more time.'

Chihiro stood silently, sensing the air being pulled into the gateway before her as she had her first time there, standing on the edge of an entirely different world.

She then entered it, escaping into the land of the spirits, the kamikakushi.

… … … …

AN - Ahhhh I'm so sorry for the delay! I guess I made up for it a little with the longer chapter (eleven pages!), but still…

I'm still editing these things myself, so uh, if you notice any mistakes, just drop me a review and I'll see what I can do (though replacing chapters does cancel reviews for the chapter, so I will avoid changing things unless it is a major problem)

Oh yes, and just wondering. Do you prefer a longer wait and a longer chapter, or a short wait and short chapters?

Thank you!

... … … …

This chapter was edited on 5-25-05.