Chapter 17: Only Words

"I can't say, I'm surprised Tristan," William said, staring out the window of his study to the extensive DuGrey gardens as his son sat, sprawled on a chair on the other side of his desk. He glanced at him over his shoulder and let out a troubled sigh. "I'm just disappointed."

Tristan rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. It hurt him, still, to hear his father say that. Especially when he was disappointed in himself. "Yeah, what else is new?"

Eyes blazing, William turned to him. "Do not be smart with me, Tristan. Not after the disappearing act you pulled last night, don't you dare scoff your way out of this one."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Dammit boy," William cursed, sounding frighteningly like Janlan. "I want you for once in your life to take responsibility for your actions. Doesn't it get… tiring, Tristan? Don't you just wish for once, that you could do something right? By yourself? By Lorelai?"

Tristan's expression hardened as he leaned forward on the chair, palms spread on his father's desk. "Rory has nothing to do with this."

"Doesn't she?" he responded, resting his hands on the desk and leaning forward as well. Anyone could see the same rigidity in their stance, the anger carved on both their faces as they squared off like they had countless times in the past. Tristan was getting sick of the same scene; he just wished he could do something to change it. "You went after her when I told you to let it be. You were with her last night when you know it's best to just let her be. Good Lord, son, don't you think she's been through enough?"

Tristan stood up and turned away from his father. He ran a hand over his face. He knew he was wrong, there was no need for William to rub it in. "Don't talk to me about her. You don't know the half of it."

William sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "Fine, let's forget about Rory. Let's just focus on you and this family, then. Are you willing to do that without bringing all this…drama into the fold? Because, Tristan, this is really important. We can't afford to slip on this. One mistake and we'll be out millions of dollars."

Tristan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Have you told Grandfather yet?"

"I thought we could do it together," William answered after a pause. "Mr. Lowenstein briefed me on our legal options last night and I think it would be better if we have some kind of a hold on this before we go to Father."

"And Mother?"

"She knows something's wrong," he answered as he sat down again and opened the file in front of him. "I'm going to ask her to be a part of the meeting with your grandfather. It'll be easier to tell them together."

On cue, there was a knock on the door and Arabella walked in. She smiled at her son as she crossed the room. "Tristan, Rory left."

"What?" he said surprised as he got of the chair and started towards the door. Arabella grabbed his arm to stop him. "Why did you let her leave?"

"She asked me to wait until she was gone to tell you," his mother answered sheepishly. She touched his arm and smiled sympathetically. "And she also left you a message on your cell phone, darling."

Before he could process it, William stood up and closed the file. "Your mother and I will give you some privacy. Father should be here in an hour."

Tristan nodded, picking up on William's underlying meaning instantly: do what you must and then forget about it and move on. "I'll be here."

Once his parents were gone, he reached into his pocket for his cell phone and stared at it. Rory had left him freaking voice mail. She couldn't even tell him she was going face to face. Last night had been…a turning point. He was sure that something had changed between the two of them, even if ever so slightly. After breakfast, they were going to talk and from her behavior, it seemed as if she was ready to do something about their...relationship.

Apparently, she already has, he thought bitterly as he slumped back into the chair. Sighing, he flipped open his cell phone and saw that she had left three messages. He accessed his voice mail and lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hey Tristan," her voice was a little shaky as it came through. "I know you're probably annoyed but I have to go and I know your mother's going to wait until I leave to tell you I'm gone so please don't be mad at her. Or me. I just need to…leave now. I know you have to deal with your dad and the business and I have my life and my work waiting for me in Boston and…last night, didn't change things." He sighed; he should've known Rory would view last night differently. When were they ever on the same page at the same time? She paused and he could imagine that she was chewing on her lower lip, thinking of what to say next. "I thought about it and I don't regret what happened, Tristan. It was what we both needed, I think. Like a wake-up call and I -"

The beep cut off the message and he accessed the next message. "Hey, sorry, stupid beep. Anyway, I know last night wasn't planned. When is anything with us ever planned? But I just need to keep away from you and God…why is this so hard?" Her voice hitched and thickened as if she were fighting back tears. His jaw tightened and he gripped the phone tighter. "It shouldn't be this hard, Tristan. I can't go through it again. I'm sitting here in my car, looking at your house and wondering how the last ten years of my life have led me here." The tears were flowing as she sniffed and he waited, unable to say anything. "And I thought of the child I lost. Our child," her voice softened and he felt heaviness in his chest that he couldn't shake. "And I just can't go through any more...of anything. You were right when you left for New York. We need space and time to -"

The second beep cut off her time again and Tristan closed his eyes, debating whether or not he wanted to hear the rest of the message. Why the hell not? He thought to himself disgustedly. Masochist.

This time, she didn't bother with a preamble. Her voice was stronger now, resolute and unshakable. "I'm breaking the cycle, Tristan. Or we'll waste another ten years in it. Stuck…never quite getting it right. God, this is the most honest I've ever been with you. What does that even say about me? About us? I can't put you through it and I won't do that anymore. I just can't."

She paused and took a deep breath. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine her closing her own and debating with herself on what to say next. He felt his heart thud against his ribcage as he waited for something to hold onto, the slightest glimmer of hope.

"Tristan, I…know you're coming to Paris's wedding," she said finally and he felt disappointment wash over him like a tidal wave. "I'll see you then and maybe we can…talk. I hope everything goes okay with you and William. I'm so sorry if I caused any…misunderstanding between the two of you. That's the last thing I'd ever want to do. So, I'll see you in a month. Take care of yourself, Tristan."

For a minute, he listened to the automated voice giving him his options in the stillness of his father's study, unmoving. Then, furiously, he pulled his phone away from his ear and deleted the messages. In two determined strides, he was at the door and yelling to his father in the living room. "I'll be in here until Grandfather gets here, Dad."

His mother walked into the foyer, a hesitant look on her face. "Is everything alright, darling?"

"Yeah," he answered her coolly as he met her gaze. "Everything is fine."

- & -

"More milk, please," Jacob said politely as he held out his glass for Rory.

Rory gave him an amused smile as she tipped the carton. "You really are your father's son, aren't you?"

He nodded solemnly as she laughed and bent down to kiss his head. Aside from the boundless energy and mass of dark curls that he had obviously inherited from their mother, Jacob had inherited Luke's quiet blue eyes and firm mouth.

Just then, Luke walked into the kitchen and looked surprised, "Oh, Rory, you're here. That was Chris on the phone. He says he'll pick you up at the airport and take you to dinner where you can meet Gwen."

"Okay, cool." Rory replied, surprisingly excited about the woman who could possibly become her newest stepmother.

"Do you really have to go so soon?" he asked her, putting a hand on her shoulder a small, hopeful smile on his face.

She brought her hand to his and squeezed. "Yeah, I do. I'll be okay."

"It's not you I'm worried about," he answered, rolling his eyes. "Your mother will drive me insane once you're gone."

"I heard that!" Lorelai breezed into the kitchen, swatted his arm and sighed dramatically as she bent to kiss her daughter's forehead. "I wish you didn't have to leave so soon. Can't you just, I don't know, bum around for another week or two?"

"Sure I can," she answered with mock enthusiasm. "And then I'll be fired and I can spend the rest of my life living with you."

Jake laughed and clapped his hands. "Yay!"

"Okay champ," Luke said helping Jake out of the chair. "Let's go try that new swing-set of yours, okay? Let mom and Rory talk."

When the guys were gone, Lorelai sat down at the table across from her daughter and raised an expectant eyebrow. Rory ignored her mother's look, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

"So I had an interesting call from your grandmother this morning," Lorelai started casually. "Yeah, she wanted me to tell you that you could have called her last night and let her know that you were planning on spending the night in Stars Hollow."

"Mom -"

"I covered for you. Told her that you were indeed tucked in for the night in your old room," she continued with a dismissive gesture. "I felt like you were in high school again. Or at the very least, I was in high school again. And at the same time I felt very old because it's been awhile since I've lied to Emily like that."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Rory," her mother continued calmly. "Just tell me where you were last night. You're an adult and you lead your own life so I won't give you the third degree, honey. I was just worried that you could be lying in a ditch somewhere and no matter how old you get, it'll still freak me out not to knowing where you are."

"I know."

"And I know you had dinner with Dean last night so unless you're sleeping with him…"

"God Mom, of course I'm not." Rory cut in, horrified. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed heavily. "Tristan's back in Hartford."

Lorelai's jaw set. "Of course he is."

"Dean and I ran into him at the restaurant last night," Rory continued and winced when Lorelai looked away, disappointed.

"I know," she stated and Rory's eyes widened in surprise. "I called him after Mom called to ask where you were and he filled me in. It was a very awkward conversation. Then when you didn't answer your cell and I kinda got the picture. Tristan called."

"What?"

"At four in the morning, I heard his message. He told me not to worry, that you were safe."

Rory closed her eyes. He must've called when I fell asleep, she thought, not knowing what to do with that bit of information. It doesn't matter. Not now. She shrugged, staring at the tabletop. "It was…stupid, Mom."

"Is it, Rory?" her mother asked harshly. "I mean, after all this time is that all you have say? That it was stupid? You're twenty-six. I think the time for doing something so…adolescent as 'stupid' has passed."

"I don't need a lecture now," she answered with a sigh. Her voice wavered as she looked Lorelai directly in the eye. "I ended it." Lorelai scoffed and looked at her dubiously. "No Mom, I ended it. I told him that I couldn't anymore. I left and I'm going back to Boston and he's going to New York…and it's over. It wasn't easy and I could barely explain it to him so I really don't need a lecture from you now, okay Mom?"

Lorelai's expression softened as she nodded and leaned forward on her elbows. "Honey, I just -"

"I know," Rory cut her off, unable to stand the sympathetic look her mother's face. It was bad enough when Arabella had looked at her with the same expression during breakfast. "I can't talk about it anymore. It's too…" Painful? Raw? "I just need to get back into the swing of things. I have a life waiting for me back in Boston."

Lorelai smiled and walked over to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder in a half-hug and kissed the top of her head. "Alright. I'm letting it go."

"Thanks Mom."

"Do you want to come out and play with Jake?"

"In a bit," Rory replied with a half-hearted smile. "I need to pack up some of my stuff, first."

Once she was in her childhood bedroom, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it. The talk with her mother hadn't gone as bad as she expected it would. Lorelai was used to the 'Tristan discussion' as she had named it long ago, and by this point, Rory suspected it ceased to surprise her mother. She pushed off the door with a sigh and cleared her head of all thoughts of the morning. If she was to start over, to put the past ten years behind her, it was going to start right away.

She went to her closet and pulled out a worn blue duffel bag and started to stuff in the clothes she had left here on her last visit. After a few minutes of sorting through her clothes, her gaze fell on her cell phone lying innocently on her dresser and her hopes of forgetting about last night and the morning were dashed instantly.

Voice mail? Her conscience nagged at her. You left him with voice mail messages? Biting her lower lip, she sunk to her bed and closed her eyes, she tried not to think about how that would have hurt him. Or would he have listened to the messages at all? Maybe that famous DuGrey pride had kicked in and in true Tristan fashion he absolutely refused to listen to what he would assume was a brush off.

She wasn't sure if that was for the better, either.

But if he had heard it, maybe he would understand. She had never put much faith in her words when he was concerned. Words, for them, had never been reliable; they had always been weapons used to wound.

And some times, words weren't needed to understand.

"Speechless DuGrey?" Rory teased him as she descended the remaining steps and twirled for him, feeling a sense of power at the look of pure male fascination on his face and uninhibited lust in his eyes as they met hers. The dress she had been wearing was daring, by her standards; the navy blue silk draped over her curves subtley, even as the neckline plunged almost to her navel and most of the material was missing from the back. The only jewelry she wore was the sparkling sapphire pendant that nestled between her breasts. "I think this is a first."

"Jesus, you gotta give a guy a little warning, Ror. Wow, you look…" he said finally as he stepped forward and took her hand, "good enough to eat."

She would have blushed but she had never felt sexier than she did at that moment.

She and Tristan had just spent the entire first weekend of their summer after graduating Yale, in the DuGrey's summer house in the Hamptons, naked. Tristan had gotten rid of all the servants so it had been just the two of them. And after the third time Tristan had, in less than fours hours since they'd gotten there, successfully peeled her out of clothes, she had realized that clothes, even the skimpiest kind, just got in the way.

After two days of hardly feeling the need to wear a stitch of clothing, Rory wanted to dress up and spend a night out of the house.

With a smile, she tilted her face for a teasing kiss and whispered softly against the skin of his jaw, "That can be arranged."

They had a wonderful night, talking and laughing. He touched her hair, her shoulder, her arm. Kissed her hand, complimented her in that soft, husky voice.

They danced on the terrace of the restaurant, soft music playing and the others patrons watching as he dipped and twirled her exaggeratedly.

At dinner, he had flirted and teased, winding her up like no one else could. He seductively whispered promises of the night to come, telling her all the things he planned to do to her once they were alone. For her part, she had slid her foot up his leg, torturing him in kind

They spent the night making love soft and slow. With his eyes on hers, he thrust inside her, their hands interlocked over her head as they moved together in perfect unison. She had seen the look in his eyes then; felt something answering in her own heart.

And that had only been the beginning.

They spent the entire summer together, in various cities, in various countries around the world. Together. Happy. In love. She had lost her heart to Tristan that summer, wholly and completely.

She couldn't pinpoint the moment it all fell apart.

"You have to push out more, honey," She heard Lorelai shout from outside. She walked over to the window to watch her mother and Luke, pushing Jake on his brand new swing set as he pumped his legs faster in the air. "Give a little, Jake."

Rory leaned her head against the window and watched her brother. She closed her eyes, sighing deeply. Give a little. Maybe, she thought sadly, maybe there just isn't anything left to give.