Chapter 5: Flashback

"What's done is done and what's done cannot be undone." – unknown

Kagome walked slowly towards Goshinboku, the tree where everything began. They had returned to Kaede's village two days ago, after securing two more shards and pacifying Inuyasha, and she had yet to go home. She wanted to see her mother and have a nice hot bath and some Oden. But she was dreading going home. Part of her was even afraid that Inuyasha would let it slip that she had a tattoo, and he was sure to follow her eventually if she left. He wouldn't do it on purpose, not to hurt her, but if he started thinking her mother needed to know, or her mother pressured him, or he forgot and blurted it out… Well, it would be bad. He was already worried about her because she wasn't going home and she seemed nervous again; and trying to act like everything was normal when it wasn't was easier said than done. With a defeated sigh, she plopped onto the ground in front of the tree and stared up at the branches.

She couldn't avoid her mother forever, but she wasn't ready to go back yet. It was just too risky. How could she hide something like this from her mother? But wasn't that why she ran in the first place? Wasn't that what she had been dealing with ever since her friends talked her into getting this thing? With a sigh, Kagome let her mind wander back to that day, just a few weeks ago. The wind picked up and blew her hair across her face, following the direction of her head and eyes as she looked to the left, unseeingly. The forest blurred into her memories.

Eri and her friends entered the South-Dragon Needle Design Studio apprehensively. She could feel the other three girls, including Kagome, pressed up against her back, no doubt looking around as if expecting a ghost to materialize in front of them. It hadn't only been her idea to come, so why was she getting shoved in the front? She had to admit she was a little nervous as well. But they were doing this for Kagome. Kagome needed to have some fun.

It was different inside the building than Yuka had imagined. It looked very plain from the outside. There wasn't even a sign on the building, but there was one stuck in the ground by the steps. This was were Eri said her older cousin had gotten her tattoo, and that they would be willing to give them all tattoos even though they were still considered a little young for it. There were pictures on the white walls of work these artists had done, as well as a framed license, and there were one or two other people around, waiting. They all had tattoos already. Looking around, she was glad they didn't tattoo right out in the open here, because if they did she would have lost her nerve.

Ayumi looked at her friends and cleared her throat. "Shouldn't we… talk to someone or something?" she asked. "Maybe sit?"

"There's a lady over there, she can tell us what to do," answered Eri.

Slowly, they made their way over, hesitantly breaking up their cluster to give themselves breathing room. The lady in front of them had a tattoo of a tear on her cheekbone, a collar tattooed around her neck, and purple hair. Her arms were almost completely covered with tattoos as well, but Kagome tried not to stare at her arms. Is that what I'm going to turn into if I get one of these? They say they're addictive. How could they possibly be addictive? I don't want to find out I'm some kind of masochist! I wonder when she got her first tattoo. Was she younger than us or older? Did she get them just to advertise this place?

The lady's name was Aiko. She picked up a clipboard with a piece of paper on it and looked each of them over. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked ominously, eyeing each of them. She got four reluctant nods but ended up giving them a pen anyway. "Write your names here then, and then fill out these forms and sign them." She gave them each an anxious look, but it wasn't her place to talk them out of getting a tattoo if they really wanted one. She could tell at least one of the girls was actually excited about it, and it reminded her of herself at that age.

All four girls shared glances, Kagome's more hesitant than the rest, and then Yuka, of all people, reached out and quickly scribbled her name on the ledger and took a form. Ayumi followed, then Eri. They all turned to Kagome, who was standing there, wringing her hands. They pulled her to the side so the lady wouldn't hear them.

"I don't even know what I'd get…" Kagome said quietly, to stave off their complaints about her cowardice—'couldn't even write her name down!' they'd say.

"Well, we're not exactly sure either. But you have an idea, don't you Kagome?"

Kagome raised her eyes and looked at her friends. She nodded marginally and blushed. She thought she knew what she wanted. But she was a little shy about it.

The girls didn't press her right away, they just focused on getting her to sign. "Come on, Kagome-chan, we're doing this for you! Just sign it! Don't be scared!"

Kagome's eyes narrowed a fraction and she reached out for the pen. She was not scared of some stupid needle and a bit of ink, wasn't even scared of the consequences of this action. It was nothing really, compared to facing down demons everyday and trying to save the world. Right? She signed the paper and took up the forms and followed her friends to some chairs to sit down. When she started reading the paper she thought she might be sick. It was thicker than it looked, with a lot of warnings and clarifications. They didn't want to be liable for anything that went wrong, which meant it was entirely up to the customers to make sure nothing did. Were they (Eri, Yuka, Ayumi and herself) qualified to do that? She frowned but kept reading with a grim sort of determination. Please don't kill me Mama, when you find out. I still have to complete the Shikon…

It seemed like they were waiting a lifetime for their names to be called. They tried to stay calm by focusing only on their excitement, and flipping through a portfolio and magazines for ideas.

"So what are you going to get, Kagome-chan?" asked Ayumi after a moment. She'd seen the spark in her friend's eye a few minutes ago as she flipped through a book, and the look of determination on her face.

Kagome blushed. "I was thinking I would get a lotus flower…"

"A lotus flower! But Kagome, I read that…" Ayumi looked down at the book she had and flipped back a few pages. She pointed at a passage in triumph. "'Like the hibiscus, the lotus flower is universally accepted as a symbol of estranged love and the associated empty yearning it entails'," she quoted. "You can't get something like that! You could have any guy you want!"

Not Inuyasha… she thought to herself, forcing a smile. "It's also seen as a symbol of rebirth, enlightenment, and spirituality. It grows in the mud but it's a beautiful flower and it's petals reach toward the light. Buddha sits on a lotus you know..." She turned her face away, thinking. Rebirth, like reincarnation; spirituality like miko powers; and enlightenment—something everyone should aspire too. The definition Ayumi had found was suitable as well.

"Ohh," the girls breathed. "That's nice Kagome. Very… deep."

They grew quiet again and Eri started looking around at the other two people waiting in the room for ideas, since they already had tattoos, but she stopped when one of the guys turned his head and glared at her. They were lucky he didn't seem to be a yakuza. Tattoos were kind of a gang thing, and in this place, they were even more likely to meet a gangster. But maybe it really was a good thing tattooing wasn't "just a yakuza thing anymore." They'd probably be dead, or worse. They were so stupid to go there and pretend like everything was alright! But it was too late to back out now.

They went in two at a time. Kagome, to everyone's surprise, was the one who threw herself into it the most. After her initial fear, discomfort, and disgust wore off, which was within the first few minutes, she started to seem perfectly okay with her decision. She wanted it colored, and she didn't know if she would ever feel this brave again, at least when it came to getting another tattoo, so it had to be colored now.

Eri wanted a butterfly on her shoulder, so it would look like it landed there, but she didn't want her parents to find out about it and that would be hard to hide. So she got a tattoo on her lower back of a horse head. She'd been impressed with horses ever since she'd had a chance to ride one at her Aunt's house. It turned out really well. Yuka got a small dragon and Ayumi, always a romantic, though usually a level-headed one, got a red rose on her hip, the ultimate western symbol of love (other than the heart symbol). Kagome got a red lotus flower on her stomach. It almost seemed to curve around her belly button, though there was several inches of skin separating them. It was about half as big as her palm and it was beautiful. She couldn't wait to see it when it was all healed, and was even a little sad when he covered it up with a bandage.

They all left with big smiles on their faces and spent the rest of the day at the park. It wasn't until she was completely alone, a block away from her home, that she started her downward spiral into paranoia. She hadn't even been able to approach the shrine grounds. She had simply walked around and around until Inuyasha landed in front of her. That baka. What was she ever going to do with him?

Returning to herself, Kagome sighed and leaned back on her arms. She scooted her bottom half forward a bit so she was half-reclining and drew up her shirt, looking down at the design. The guy there had done a fantastic job, for a reasonable price. The tattoo almost looked like it was real. She ran her fingertips across it and felt a notch of pride rise within her. She didn't have to be ashamed of this. She'd done it completely without her mother's knowledge or approval and it had been a stupid thing to do. Part of her worried she'd done it out of some misplaced childhood rebellion. But she knew that wasn't the case. She'd gotten it because… she'd wanted to do it, for herself. She knew she felt freer doing it and having something so personal and symbolic and beautiful permanently etched into her skin was special. It was something to be cherished, not regretted. And if her mother found out, so be it. "What's done is done," as they say.

THE END.