A/N: Wahhhhhhh! Gomenasai for taking so long to upload this. I did lots of last-minute tweaking... (TT) What really brought me to my senses was the latest review I got from kawaiiness, whose review really made me happy and feel guilty about not posting. Two years... what's wrong with me?! Honestly, I meant to post this as soon as I got Riddler03's--formerly Brad Trinity 666--review, but I did so much editing on it that it stretched on for months. Gomenasai! College life is really hectic and I've got the worst case of writer's block. I know how insane it was to leave you guys on a cliffhanger like that for ages... I feel like apologizing a million times over. By now most of you will probably have forgotten this story.

And so, here we are. I won't say that the end is in sight because I began with the end, but now we're nearing full circle. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, especially the ones without ffnet accounts because I can't reply to you there. Reading your comments always makes me happy! More A/N later, I'm impressed by anyone who took the time to read this long A/N. So without further ado, I present to you Chapter 10!

Hearts from Aries

"Xiao Lang," Tomoyo whispered, finally disentangling herself from him. They had kissed for what seemed like an eternity, what seemed like three seconds, and suddenly she'd found herself tugging his shirt off... that was when she realized that they had reached a boundary. Gently she put a hand on his chest and pushed him away. "Stop." It took a great deal of effort to wrench the word out from her throat. If there was anything that she could have given for him to ignore her and go on, she would have sacrificed it. But she merely sat silently on the bed beside him as he slowly drew away. Of course he would listen. And in the long run, perhaps it would be for the best.

"I…" He shook his head to clear it. "Tomoyo, I…"

She let out a low laugh. "We're not thinking straight, and I don't want us to do anything that we're only going to end up regretting soon."

He kissed the tears away from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I… now I feel stupid, and it seems like I was taking advantage of your vulnerability…"

"Like you would ever do that?" she asked pointedly. "I know you, Xiao Lang. I would never think that of you. You're just not like that."

Drawing her close to him, he sighed, breathing in the scent of her hair. She always smelled nice—and he had been taking more notice of her heady fragrance in the last few months that they'd spent together—and up close, she smelled even better, even more intoxicating. "But now I am thinking straight. And I know that what I said up there… it's true."

"Xiao Lang…" she wound her arms around his neck. If I could only die now, when everything is perfect… "I love you too. So very much. When you first walked into that classroom, when we were just kids…" she laughed. "You were so sad and angry, I half-fell in love with you on the spot. Even if you were so mean to Sakura."

"You… liked me? Even back then?"

She knew the reason behind the catch in his voice and smiled at him with tired eyes. "Is it any surprise to you that I didn't say anything, Xiao Lang?" Her lips trembled slightly. "I'm not exactly someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. Well, not until recently, anyway."

"And even now, you're almost impossible to read," he murmured, tracing his fingers along her perfect cheek. "Tomoyo…"

"But you and I… are just not meant for each other." She smiled wistfully at him as the dreamy longing fell away from his face as though she'd snipped away the strings holding it in place.

"What do you mean, you and I…?"

"It just won't happen, Xiao Lang."

"It's happening right now."

"And that's why I'm putting an end to this, before it gets worse." If she had been with Eriol, she would have put on a quicksilver smile and flounced gracefully out of the room. But her eyes were dead and solemn. "You see, Xiao Lang, this is all a mistake. You have Sakura. And she's my best friend, and I love her. And I love you—very much," I love you beyond anything. "But that won't change anything else."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this from you," he said. "I thought you were finally ready to reach out for your own happiness."

I am. But not at the expense of yours. Her expression tightened slightly. He needed Sakura and Eriol more than he would ever need her, that was certain. Sakura was a good girlfriend, and Eriol had been a pretty nice boyfriend, while she had had him. She had no reason to hurt them this desperately—even though Eriol had read her mind. It might have been a twisted way to view things, but while she was ready to kill him for that, she didn't want to betray him like this.

And hadn't they been told that Sakura and Syaoran's destinies were intertwined? She couldn't even think about the irreparable damage she would cause if she played the other woman and took him away from Sakura.

She could already picture it. So the two of them would be together… and then what? They would go to school, where the two of them would be hated for loving each other when they were already involved with other people. Sakura was popular; if she got hurt, so many people would take it out on Syaoran. She could already see their isolation in her mind. Sonomi would blame everything on Syaoran and do everything possible to make the two of them miserable. Most likely, she would be locked up and home-schooled for the rest of her high school life… and then where would Syaoran be? He would have a girlfriend he wouldn't be able to see anyway.

But when he looked at her, all she could see was an ocean that was not blue, and she wanted to drown in it. She groaned quietly to himself. He wasn't making it any easier…

She took a breath to steady herself, then stood up. "I am so sorry, Xiao Lang."

"Why are you doing this?" he whispered. "Is it that maybe… you don't feel that way after all?"

"No!" she exploded. How could she even begin to explain? "I just…" She hesitated. If she told him the truth, he wouldn't let her go. But he could read her so easily. I don't want to ruin your life.

"Stay."

And with that word, she could feel her heart breaking. Because the very same reason that made her want to do exactly what he was asking her to do was the one compelling her to leave. "I can't."

"Can't… or won't?"

"Both." She had already made up her mind. "Just… just take care of yourself, Xiao Lang."

Syaoran stared at her in wretched bewilderment as she wrapped her arms around him, not knowing that it would be the last time that he would see her for a long, long time. She pressed her lips against his with an urgency that nearly knocked him back—there was an edge of desperation to her kiss that sent his emotions spiraling in confusion.

Reluctantly she broke away. If she was going to be damned, she sure as hell wasn't taking him with her—but she would take the memories. She would never forget. "Please, be happy," she murmured as she closed the door behind her.

But he hadn't obeyed her. How could he? As though he could be happy after she had left. He hadn't realized just how emotionally connected they had become in the all-too short time that they'd shared together. When she'd left, he felt as though his world had been ripped apart, exposing it all as a flimsy charade of life, devoid of any real happiness or growth.

Sakura, Eriol and the others found him like that, sitting with his head in his hands, looking as though he'd just had his heart cut out. And in a sense, it had been.

"Syaoran?" Sakura ventured timidly. They had all rushed over, certain that Tomoyo was there and concerned about her, but it seemed like Syaoran was going through his own sort of crisis. "Are you…?"

"I'm…" But he wasn't fine, damn it. He snapped his mouth shut abruptly. "Forget it," he hissed. She flinched. He hadn't spoken so harshly to her since the days when they were still rivals for the Clow Cards.

"Syaoran," Eriol said softly. "Tomoyo. Where is she?"

Gone. He shook his head wordlessly.

Eriol's eyes ticked over to the messy bed he was sitting on, and the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt. He paled. Syaoran was a stand-up sort of guy… he would never… Syaoran caught his train of thought and looked grimly up at him.

"I can't sense her aura, Syaoran," Eriol murmured, straining to find some leftover traces of Tomoyo in the room. "And neither can Sakura. Now that I think about it, she's been able to creep up on me without me noticing recently and slip away without me realizing… as though I don't sense her at all. Why do you think that would be?"

Syaoran looked away. "You won't be able to sense her again, Eriol," he said wearily. Somehow he knew that Tomoyo would never take that charm off. "I don't know where she is anymore."

"She was here, though," Sakura said. It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes. She was here. And now she's gone."

Yue eyed him thoughtfully. There was no use prying even more into the boy's head right now—he could see that Syaoran was still reeling from some kind of shock, and he was guessing it had something to do with Tomoyo. "It's obvious that Tomoyo already left. We might be able to catch up with her if we go now."

Sakura bit her lip. "Okay," she said slowly. "Syaoran, are you coming? Tomoyo..."

The amber-eyed boy sprang to life. "Yeah, I'm coming."

"Let's spread out," Touya suggested. "I'll take Sakura, Yue can go with Syaoran, and Eriol with Kero."

"I'll ask Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun to check too," Eriol muttered hurriedly, with a quick nod as he got out the door, Kero following obediently behind him.

Sakura's eyes turned on her boyfriend. "Syaoran…"

When he looked into her face, he suddenly felt guilt stab at him. "I'm sorry, Sakura," he murmured. He glanced at Touya, who had an unfathomable expression on his face. Usually Touya looked at him like he thought that Syaoran would hurt Sakura.

Now he looked at him as though Syaoran already had.

And he wasn't wrong...

"What's going on?" she asked, anxiety making her voice crack as she voiced the question.

"Later," Yue said flatly, before Syaoran could open his mouth. "It's important that we find Tomoyo. If we were sure that she had safe haven, we could take the time to sort everything out, but—"

Sakura nodded. "Let's go, onii-chan," she said, tugging at Touya's arm. Syaoran took a moment to slip his shirt over his head, and then nodded at Yue. "Want to go out the window? It'll be faster."

As he flew out, with Syaoran leaping from behind him (never mind the fact that it was on the sixth floor), Yue glanced at the distressed boy. "What happened between you and Tomoyo?"

Syaoran sucked in a quick, surprised breath. "How did you know?"

"It's written all over your face." Yue didn't smile. "Li Syaoran, even as Tsukihiro Yukito, I have watched Daidouji Tomoyo for a long, long time. I knew that face she put on. I also knew that it would change when she saw you. When you first came to Tomoeda…" He looked down at the young man hopping from tree to tree, roof to roof. "No one else could tell, but I could."

"You're too observant," Syaoran said quietly. "Yukito knows too, of course. That White Day…"

"I serve my mistress," Yue replied. "I am devoted to her, and I don't want to see her hurt. But," he added significantly, "Daidouji Tomoyo is also a subject of concern for me."

"Did she come crying to you before?"

Yue shook his head. "Hardly—she didn't cry at all. She smiled a lot, but it never quite reached up to her eyes. And sometimes, when she thought that people weren't looking, that smile would drop and she would look exhausted, as though it was costing her too much effort to hold it in place. Eternally video-taping, cheerful Tomoyo, who never asked for anything and absorbed whatever abuse the world hurled at her."

Syaoran bit his lip. It was about time someone had realized. "Why didn't you do anything?"

Yue stared at him for a moment, paused mid-flight. "There was no point in ripping away that mask until she was ready to cast it off," he said. "She wasn't ready to let go of it. I had to wait until she was pushed to breaking point, until everything became too much for her and she had to crack."

"That," Syaoran said through gritted teeth, "is an extremely warped point of view."

"You only speak that way because you were the one to tear away her façade," Yue said simply. "She loved her best friend. And she loved you. Then you fell for my mistress, and effectively removed her last two pretensions at happiness—her hidden love and her closest friend. If you had tried to help her before that, she would have pretended that nothing was happening. You can't force someone to heal."

"But I want her to," Syaoran said.

"And in the process, you will hurt my mistress," Yue said. "What you feel for her is more than just wanting her to heal, and therefore those emotions are clouding how you view the subject." He looked dispassionately down at the boy. "You love her."

Syaoran swallowed hard. "Yes."

They hadn't found her in time. By then, Tomoyo had hopped on the quickest plane to Hong Kong. Her head pounded. It was a very, very stupid thing to do. But then, hadn't she been doing a lot of stupid things lately? She closed her eyes with a sigh as she sank into the third-class seat. It was the first time she hadn't flown first-class…

She tipped her head back, trying to hold back the tears. She was going to leave behind everything, everyone.

But what had it meant anyway, to be with them? Pretense. Or else unhappiness, not only for her but for the person she loved the most.

"Miss… are you okay?"

Her eyes snapped open and she glanced at the stewardess peering down at her. "Quite all right, thank you," she said politely, knowing that she looked like a wreck. She had run straight to the airport, not having a chance to change out of her by now wrinkled robes. Nor did she have time to fix her disheveled appearance. For a moment, she found herself under the mad impulse to laugh—perfectly put-together Tomoyo, looking anything less than neat and beautiful?

The stewardess didn't look quite convinced, but had learned from experience not to bother passengers who didn't want her help.

Tomoyo sighed, touching her lips. She could still feel their kiss.

Years later, as Xiao Long sat at her computer, she could still feel it. And again, she had to keep from crying.

But what have I accomplished by coming here?

Meiling had tricked her. Crafty Meiling, who had insisted that she come to New York for her music career. At first she had resisted, protesting that if she went international there was a good chance that she might be discovered. Then Meiling had pulled the guilt card and pointed out that she hardly ever asked her for anything, and she only had Xiao Long's best interest at heart. She remembered the look on her face mirrored in Meiling's eyes that day, and the wince on Meiling's face when the crimson-eyed girl had spoken. She owed Meiling too much to ever say no to her.

All the times she had tried to kill herself after coming to Hong Kong loomed in her mind. For the most part, she had gotten over her suicidal tendencies (which had been much worse the first time she had come to Hong Kong). But sometimes, it would be too much. It might be in the middle of class, while she was out buying food, wherever, whenever; there was no way to predict it… but she would suddenly feel the guilt and pain wash over her in relentless waves, and she would try to end it. The last time—just a year ago—she had landed in the hospital for a month. She had driven Meiling crazy, and that had only made her cry more.

She could still remember Meiling screaming. You idiot, you don't have to do this! He loves you.

Did he? She shivered, wishing that she had just hopped on a plane and flown back to Beijing. Meiling begged her to stay, pointing out that Syaoran didn't even realize who she was, and that nothing she did now could touch Eriol or Sakura. For that she was grateful; she had hurt them all enough the day she left. Though staying that day would have destroyed them even more.

It had been difficult to slip by, to hide from all the efforts of her friends and mother to search for her—after combing through all of Japan and posting 'Have you seen this girl?' signs, she had ended up on international news. Well, she was the Daidouji Corp. heiress, after all, and after her mother's recent efforts to expand the business, they were more well-known than ever. But the Li name had smoothed things over for her.

Of course, she could still remember the disbelief on Li Yelan's face when she had simply showed up at their home.

The second her plane landed, she withdrew some money from one of her many international bank accounts, hailed a taxi, and rattled off the Li's address, mentally thanking Syaoran for teaching her how to speak Chinese. Exhausted, she whispered her name to the guards who challenged her presence there, and seconds later, Meiling and Li Yelan had run out to meet her.

"Tomoyo, oh my god, what happened?" Meiling took in her appearance with shock. She hugged her friend. The last time they had spoken, Tomoyo had told her excitedly about going to a festival with Syaoran, Eriol and Sakura. She had seemed so happy.

Tomoyo opened her mouth to say that she was all right, but Li Yelan said quietly, "You can tell us what happened. I see you are in great pain... and no doubt right now my son is too."

And then she broke down.

They all met up after about three hours of searching. "We went everywhere we could think she would go," Touya said breathlessly. "The Miharas, Sasakis, Yanagisawas… all of her friends. We even checked Terada-sensei's house."

Syaoran shook his head. He had known that she wouldn't have turned to any of them for help. "We looked through the streets, mostly, and checked out some of the hotels in the area… but we couldn't find her either." He swallowed hard and clenched his fists. He glanced at Eriol. "And you?"

Eriol shook his head. "Daidouji-sama's searching too…"

"So are Rika, Chiharu, Naoko, Yamazaki-kun…" Sakura trailed off. "Everyone we know is looking for her now."

"They won't find her," Syaoran said tonelessly. A small part of him regretted giving Tomoyo the Li clan charm now. If he hadn't, she wouldn't have been able to escape them so easily.

Eriol studied him. "And what, my cute little descendant, would be your part in all this?" he asked, his voice dangerously soft. "What were you doing with her?"

Now that Syaoran would not stomach. "If you're implying that Tomoyo and I have been deliberately going behind your backs all this time, you're dead wrong," he said coldly. "If you don't have any faith in me, at least have some in Tomoyo."

All this time. Not all this time. Which meant... Sakura's eyes widened. That they were indeed going behind their backs. Perhaps not the whole time, but they had.

Eriol knew it too, a split second before Sakura even made the connection. "But she didn't love me, did she?" If he only knew the answer to that, perhaps he could stomach this.

Yue looked sorrowfully down at Eriol, the only remnant of Clow's image that he had. Eriol had really loved Tomoyo. He could feel it.

"No. I'm sorry," Syaoran said, feeling guilty when he saw the dark-haired boy's face crumple.

"Then what the hell was she playing at?"

"She was just… trying to make up for something that she'd never had," Syaoran said distantly. "And she wanted things to be great for all of us. See, it would have been so nice and tidy if you fell for her, she fell for you, and Sakura and I lived happily ever after. The end. But life just doesn't..." He felt like screaming, like hitting something. He wanted to find Tomoyo and grab her--to shake her or to kiss her, he wasn't quite sure just yet.

Touya looked hard at Syaoran. He had always known, somehow, that the gaki would break his sister's heart. And he had turned out to be right. But… the way Syaoran looked right now… he found himself unable to blame him. His heart hurt for Tomoyo, who had been like another sister to him—a more mature one than Sakura, certainly, but one who still needed his protection.

Sakura's emerald eyes flickered slightly. "I've been a fool, haven't I?" she muttered. How much had she not seen—or chosen to ignore? The expression on Syaoran's face was a painful emotion beyond anything she could have ever imagined. It was more than the intense relief that had flooded his features that time at the elevator, when she had returned to him safe and sound. It was more than the first time he had told her he loved her. He had never once shown his feelings with this much passion.

"No," Syaoran replied. "I am the fool. Not you."

"Haven't we all been fools?" Eriol asked, shaking his head.

It took Eriol almost three years to track Tomoyo down. But then, none of them really stopped searching—not even Sakura, who had the most reason to despise Tomoyo. Sakura had simply said, "She was my best friend, and now I have to find her and sort all this out." He had shivered… was her best friend; past tense…

But then, why was he surprised? Syaoran had meant everything to Sakura. The bonds of destiny had bound them.

It was easy to fight fate, though. The problem was paying the price for it.

It had been difficult to track her, and a mere coincidence that he finally did. He'd gone along with Syaoran and Sakura to Hong Kong the summer of that year—they were trying to be friends again, but the awkwardness was still there, and more than a little anger (he had punched Syaoran right in the face just for the hell of it the week following the incident, and Syaoran hadn't even stopped him)—and he had left Syaoran to mope in his room and Sakura to Syaoran's older sisters. Poor Sakura. The girls had fussed over her as usual, but there was something wrong about the tone of their high-pitched giggles as they dressed her up like a doll.

Meiling was reported to be staying in an apartment near her college with one of her friends from university. By then, Sakura had gone on to Tokyo U., and Syaoran had decided to study abroad in Europe. He, on the other hand, didn't need it at all, and had decided to stay as he was in Tomoeda.

He had decided to stop by the university and greet Meiling. Anything to get away from Li Yelan's pitying eyes. "Excuse me, do you know where Li Meiling is?" he asked a passer-by in flawless Chinese.

"Oh, her. Li's in that private practice room with Lin again," the girl had said, shaking her head. "Don't bother, they don't let anyone in there except the teachers. It's good to be a Li—all those privileges."

"Lin?" he repeated, frowning.

"Lin Xiao Long," the girl clarified. "Li doesn't hang around any other Lin."

"Or do you mean Xiao Lang…?" But Syaoran was still hiding in his room at home, burying himself in work and studies.

"No, Xiao Long, the overseas student with the long, weird hair. The one who looks like that girl on the news before. I thought everyone knew her by now… do you even go to this school?" she suddenly demanded suspiciously.

"Ah, no. I'm an old family friend of the Li's," he explained smoothly. "We're rather distantly connected."

"Oh," the girl said, unsure whether to believe him. But he spoke with such confidence and charm that it was almost impossible not to. "Well… er…"

He shrugged. "I'll find Meiling on my own, then," he said, his eyes going slightly unfocused. Then with a little smile he thanked her and walked away. Thankfully, he still knew how to sense Meiling's presence…

But he stopped in shock at the familiar voices conversing.

"—a great opportunity, I don't see why you shouldn't take it." Meiling's words came out strong and exasperated. "It isn't often that record companies seek out music students. Usually they end up having to scrabble for work, even if they graduate from a prestigious university like this.."

"But Meiling, if… if someone recognized me…" The beautiful, musical tone threw him completely off. It was her. There was no doubt about it.

"For God's sake, it's not like Syaoran even browses through the CD stores. And you aren't going international, it'll just be here, so what's the big deal? It isn't like Sa—the others will know about it," she amended hastily. She couldn't bring up Sakura's name. She just couldn't.

"I'm scared, Meiling."

"Aren't you always," Meiling sighed.

Then the other girl became very quiet. "There's someone standing at the door, Meiling," she finally said.

Meiling threw the door open. "Hiragizawa-san," she gasped.

Tomoyo sat there, her hand clutching at the Li clan charm around her neck. "Eriol." Her amethyst eyes were as unreadable as ever, although they seemed to burn feverishly. She looked much, much thinner now, although still as pale and perfectly composed as ever. There was no trace of the fright and indecision that he had heard so clearly earlier as she had spoken to Meiling.

But it was there. He knew it was there. And she looked ill and tired. And broken.

"Tomoyo," he murmured.

Her face, already colorless, turned even whiter. Was he angry at her? He seemed calm, but then, he was almost as opaque as she was, when he wanted to be.

"I am sorry, Eriol," she said quietly.

For a moment he found himself unable to speak and unsure of what to feel. Relief? Anger? Sadness? "We need to talk." His eyes flickered at Meiling, who glanced questioningly at Tomoyo.

Tomoyo tried to shake her head. "I don't think—"

"Please. You owe me that, at least."

Her expression shifted slightly. "Meiling, can you leave us for a while?" Wordlessly, her Chinese friend got up and departed, but not before shooting a warning look at Eriol. He wanted to laugh. As though she could actually do anything if he chose to hurt Tomoyo.

As though he could even hurt Tomoyo.

The realization hit him with almost-tangible pain. He would not, could not touch a single hair on that lovely head. "Thank you," he said instead.

She watched him with wary eyes. "I suppose you're angry at me."

"Very."

"What could I do, Eriol?" she asked. "If you only knew… but you can't understand…"

"You could have tried me, Tomoyo," he replied. "You never let me have the chance to know, or to understand."

She looked down at her hands. "I know that I didn't." She swallowed hard. "I wasn't used to revealing any part of myself to anyone. What happened that day when you… first… kissed me…" She winced. "I was in pain. And you got caught up in emotions that weren't related to you at all."

He looked at her with grief etched on his face. "I completely misunderstood. I thought you meant that you loved me back."

"I wish we could have been friends, though," she murmured.

He hesitated. She was so worn, yet still so lovely. "We could still be," he muttered. He glanced at the charm around her neck and felt himself go rigid. "The Li clan charm."

"Meiling told me the truth after a while," she said softly. "At first I didn't know what it was. Xiao Lang gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday, and I've never taken it off since. When I found out what it was, I went to Yelan-sama and offered to give it back… I felt that perhaps I didn't deserve it anymore. But she told me that she couldn't take it, because Xiao Lang had chosen me."

Eriol swallowed hard. He wished that Tomoyo wasn't telling him all this, it hurt too much and—then he realized it. That was why she couldn't love him. Because he didn't want to hear the things that burdened him.

He sighed. Suddenly, he felt exhausted, and so very, very young. "All I want is to have you back, Tomoyo."

"But Tomoyo doesn't exist anymore. I'm not Tomoyo now. It's Lin. Lin Xiao Long."

"Tomoyo still exists. I see her, right in front of me. She's tired, and unhappy, and very much scared. She's still hiding behind all her masks. But I want to help. And I guess, somewhere in my heart…" I love you. "I can't stop caring."

She watched him with frightened eyes. "I don't love you, Eriol," she told him firmly. "Not in the way that you want me to."

"I know," he said, shrugging, even as the stab of pain and hurt went through him. "Pity you only told me now… it would have made things a lot less complicated. But I know, and it's enough. So?" He held out his hand to her. "Please, let me understand."

Slowly she leveled her eyes with him, and opened her mind. She only showed him certain parts—he could feel the barrier still hiding some—but he graciously made no comment. And he knew that she was trying to diminish the hurt of most of the memories he saw, but he was still upset by what he was allowed to observe. He winced at the torture she had put herself through over the years, when they were still children, and was even more alarmed when he watched how she had been since coming to Hong Kong. She was scared of her own shadow, more isolated than ever, and as he had told her before, so lonely. She had a wonderful opportunity in front of her—a record company had heard her at the last student concert and had offered her a deal—but she was too terrified at what might happen.

When they had finished, Tomoyo looked at him with eyes brimming with tears. Wordlessly, he squeezed her hand. "And you're still not ready to chase after your own dreams?" He felt a sickening pang in his stomach when he realized that Syaoran was just there, in his room at home, and it would take them no more than a few minutes to go there and for Tomoyo to run straight to him…

And he had no doubt that Syaoran would welcome her with open arms in spite of everything. In Syaoran's place, he would have done the same. He would simply catch her by the mouth, no questions asked, and let life sort itself out later.

"I didn't want to hurt him," she whispered. "I just wanted to keep him safe." The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

He took her hand again, and simply showed her what had happened.

Sakura, looking endlessly for Tomoyo—as though if she brought her friend back, everything would be okay again, although the glimmer in her emerald eyes had died since the messy break-up. He felt Tomoyo's horror at the bleakness in Sakura--betrayed by her best friend and boyfriend... the cliche was almost laughable--and shifted viewpoints.

He himself spending days on end just sitting in one position, staring blankly into space, and (to his regret) driving Ruby Moon and Spinel sun crazy with worry. Touya and Yukito, who both eventually ended up working for Daidouji Corp., suffered for everyone else, but bore it without complaint. And Sonomi… this was the part that he softened most for her, but he could still see the guilt that she felt as she saw the rapidly aging woman still angry, still hopeful of finding her.

And he saved the worst for last. Her eyes flickered to him, and he looked away. He didn't want her to see… but she tugged gently on his hand, and he knew that he had to.

Her soft gasp expressed the emotion that she couldn't articulate, as she took in Xiao Lang of the last few years. He completed his high school education at Tomoeda—with flying colors, naturally, and at the top of his class (a position that had once been hers; after she'd left, he'd quickly taken it)—but he had changed… so much. As she had. When she looked into the taut face that grimly searched for her throughout Japan, she was reminded of a certain amber-eyed little boy who had fought with Sakura the first time he had arrived in Tomoeda. But this Syaoran was different. Even worse, in fact, because this one had learned what it was to be alive… and then have it taken away.

She had destroyed everyone she had left behind. Struggling for breath, she abruptly let go of his hand.

"Come back."

Fear flitted in her face. What would happen if she did? If she stayed away, there was still a chance of hope for Syaoran. He didn't deserve someone so broken, so stupid. Even if her absence hurt him. He would get over it. He had a bright future ahead of him. Perhaps he would even reunite with Sakura; after all, from what Meiling told her, he had brought her back with him to Hong Kong. He would forget... she choked."I can't."

"Can't… or wont?"

She tried to smile. "Both," she murmured, repeating the same answer to a question that had been asked of her before.

"I see," he said slowly. In the last couple of years, he had grown much closer to his guardians, both his new ones and his old ones. Particularly Yue. And perhaps he had learned something. I can't force her to heal.

She watched him with a wild kind of terror in her eyes. "Eriol?" she probed tentatively.

"It's all right," he assured her. "But… if you will stay here… please, start carving out some sort of life for yourself. When will you stop living in these shadows?"

Meiling knocked on the door. "Are you guys okay in there?" she asked. Of course she knew that Tomoyo—Xiao Long—couldn't be hurt physically or magically, now that she had the Li clan charm. But emotionally… that was a different thing all together.

Eriol opened the door. "So sorry to keep you shut out for so long, Meiling-san," he said. Meiling could see the tell-tale traces of tears on Tomoyo's face, but one glance at her friend and she knew that it hadn't been what she had feared. So she wouldn't have to beat up Eriol after all.

Eriol shook his head. Damn you, Li Syaoran. He went back to the Li household, got his things, and left. Since that day he didn't say another word to Syaoran, and Syaoran never questioned it.

His heart thudded as he paused outside Xiao Long—Tomoyo's—door. Four years. She had left him sitting there, to search aimlessly for her for all this time, never once contacting him to even let him know that she was okay, that she hadn't been kidnapped or worse… he shuddered, recollecting all the fearful theories that had formed in his head.

Could he deal with seeing her again?

He hesitated outside her door, his hand already stretched out to knock on it. I can't do this, he realized, tasting panic like metal in his mouth. If she wanted to, she could simply have told me who she was… He slapped himself upside the head. Idiot, why didn't you realize it was her? Because she had not treated him as 'Syaoran'. She had acted as though he was simply another person, and he realized how odd he found that. Even as kids, Tomoyo had treated him as someone special. Lin Xiao Long, however, had stayed her distance... mostly, that was.

Then he heard a sad, musical voice from within, saying the word "Eriol". Before he had the chance to think, he found himself opening the door, which was mercifully unlocked.

"Xi—Li-kun," Xiao Long burst out, surprised. She had her sunglasses off for once, and she reached for them. But the damage was done. He could see the familiar, jewel-like purple clearly. Worse, her raven hair tumbled down in the curls whose fragrance he remembered all too clearly.

From behind her, he could see Eriol's face on the webcam—a little thinner now, but still rather the same as it had been when they had been younger. Eriol seemed to mutter something under his breath (something which Syaoran suspected was probably profane).

"I'm sorry for not knocking," he said quickly.

She paled, trying to search in his face for answers, but where once they had understood each other's every thought, she now found him impossible to read. "I…" She shrugged. "It's all right."

Eriol watched the exchange with tight eyes. He had told her he loved her, many, many times since he had first found her in Hong Kong and they had agreed to maintain a relatively close relationship via the Internet and the occasional visit, but she had always told him that she couldn't—and wouldn't—love him. Not in the way that he wanted her to, not in the way she had tried to force herself.

That she already belonged to someone… someone she had lost. No, not lost; someone she had given up voluntarily, in the hopes that she could safeguard his happiness by doing so.

And now he was there, in front of the girl who had maddeningly haunted his dreams for the past four years. He swallowed hard. How could she ever have imagined that she could make Syaoran happy by going away? How could anyone who'd ever known her be happy with her disappearance?

"Best of luck to you both," he muttered, before turning off his webcam, aware of the wild grief he felt ripping through his chest.

"Master?" Ruby Moon inquired, concerned. "Are you sure that that was the wisest course of action?"

"She's happier this way," he said dully, half-praying that things would turn out okay, but the other half of him knowing that if they didn't… he would offer safe haven for Tomoyo.

But they would turn out okay. For them, at least. He knew that too.

"Li-kun, is something wrong?" she asked quietly.

"Please don't call me that, Xiao Long," he said, a rough edge to his words. "Little Dragon, huh?"

Her eyes flashed with understanding. He knew. "Xiao… Lang…" Her hands twisted in her lap and she lowered her gaze, trying not to show how much she wanted to just stand up and embrace him.

"I would have chased after you, if only I had known where to look," he said harshly.

"I thought that it would be better if you couldn't find me," she countered, her tone bleak. "I came because Meiling wanted me to. And because she told me that you weren't okay…" She trailed off. I couldn't bear that. "I was sure that she was tricking me into coming. After all, the press is filled with news of you and your success. And, may I add, the newshounds are thrilled to report that you're one of the most eligible bachelors on the planet…"

She winced. She had let herself show that she minded. She remembered how much it had hurt, reading one of those trashy tabloids and hearing that he was linked to this girl or that girl, had spent a weekend at the home of another, and was even engaged to yet another. She had tried to laugh it off, but she knew that Li Yelan and Meiling had seen right through her.

So why hadn't she been happy, if she had thought that he was flourishing perfectly well without her? That was what she wanted, wasn't it?

Because she couldn't have him. Because, looking at every picture, watching every bit of footage caught on camera… he never smiled. Not once. His amber eyes had dulled, and the only flash of life that came into them was when he was angry… or sad.

"But with your looks and charm, I suppose it's no surprise that women throw themselves at you," she added weakly.

He had watched her in silence through her little spiel, but now he spoke. "Women I didn't care for," he said softly. "Women, who, I'm vain enough to admit, chased after me--whether for the money or prestige, I have no idea. But they failed… the same way I failed to chase you…you were always… not there. I couldn't even see those other women, Tomoyo." He remembered once when he and Sakura had tried to resurrect their failed relationship, going to a fancy restaurant. She had shown up more beautiful than he had ever seen her, her hair twisted elegantly into a knot at the back of her head, her makeup carefully applied. How her passion still shone clearly through her green eyes.

He could barely force himself to talk to her. The whole time he was with her he felt compelled to be elsewhere, with eyes purple instead of emerald. That night, over dessert, Sakura had simply burst into tears and walked off.

"I didn't come here to reopen old wounds, Xiao Lang," Xiao Long--Tomoyo--whispered. "I came here because Meiling made me. I stayed to release you of… of whatever it is that you may think we have. We were just children back then. We didn't know what we were doing." She looked away.

"You don't believe that any more than I do," he murmured.

Her vision was blurred by tears. "Please, it's not too late," she said. Her hands trembled as she reached to unclasp the Li clan charm around her neck. "You can have this back, you can give it to someone who deserves it more. You still have your whole life ahead of you, you can forget this nonsense and…"

"Tomoyo."

She flinched at the sound of her name on his lips. Beautiful pain. He reached out easily and pulled her hands away from the charm.

"Come back to me."

She let out a ragged sob. "I just wanted you to be happy." You were supposed to pretend that nothing had happened, that I had merely run away and that you had nothing at all to do with it. Then you could still somehow have built a relationship with Sakura, still kept a friendship with Eriol, never have to break so many ties because of me…

"I was, because you were there with me. And now I am, because you're here. But in between that…"

"Do you think that you would have been happy, if we had been put through all the trials I left to spare you from?"

He stared at her. "Is that why you left?" he said. She shook her head frantically, but he already knew. "Tomoyo… how could you think, even for a moment, that I would abandon you because of those things? At the very least, we could have left together, if we were forced to."

"Right. You would have been accused of kidnapping me, or some other such thing… it would have ruined your life." She tried to hide behind a curtain of her dark hair, as she had once hidden from Eriol, once upon a time so long ago. "You're only hiding behind this illusion that you love me, Xiao Lang. It's been so many years. You can't… possibly…" She swallowed hard. "If I had stayed, perhaps you would have grown sick of me anyway."

He reached for her hand. "Look at me, Tomoyo." Unwillingly she raised her head and fell prey to the power smoldering in his amber eyes. "I searched for you for four years, and now that we're finally here, together, you tell me that I would have grown sick of you? That's stupid." She let out a little laugh at his words, and he found himself smiling despite it all. "You are… the most beautiful… the most intelligent… uniquely you. I dreamt of you every night while you were gone. I wanted you back more than anything else in the world. I would have given up anything and everything to hear you laugh and even for you to kick my ass at the dojo." He caught her in his arms. "So never tell me that I would have tired of you."

"But how do you know?" she protested, trying to push away but surrendering to the warmth of his arms around her.

"I just do," he replied simply, echoing her that day when he had asked her how she knew that what she felt for the person she cared for the most—not knowing then, that she had meant him—was love. He saw by the way she lowered her eyes that she was remembering the incident too, and as he traced her cheek with his hand she could tell that he knew that she was thinking of that memory. Already they were returning to the days when they didn't have to say anything to understand what they meant.

Heaven, forgive me… she let out a shaky giggle as the last of her defenses collapsed, and abruptly tears mixed with her laughter as she gave in to his embrace. "Xiao Lang…" She had missed him so very, very much.

"Why don't you hate me?" she asked him, her breath warm against his ear. He shivered slightly, holding her even tighter. "I thought that you… would be angry at me, at the very least."

He chuckled quietly. "Well, why didn't you hate me when I first started dating Sakura?"

She sighed. "That's different."

"Why?"

"Because… it just is," she spluttered. "How could I hate you? I was too much… in love."

"And the same goes for me," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"It's about time," Meiling mumbled from outside the door.

A/N: And here ends Chapter 10. Phew. It was so long. TT But I thought I owed you guys an extra-long chapter for the extra-long wait, right?

I'm thinking of writing an epilogue. Somehow it doesn't feel resolved enough, but that's just my opinion. What do you guys think? Suggestions for an ending scene are welcome, though I can't yet promise that I'll use them. I have something forming in my head, but as to what it is, I'll keep it under my hat for a while. :)

God, I loved writing this fic. Even with all the epic mistakes and corniness and real-life drama I randomly shoved in here, I had such a great time doing this. Liked it? Please review! Didn't like it? Drop a line and please tell me how to improve. I appreciate constructive criticism (take note of constructive, please, I don't want someone saying 'I don't like this because CCS is a piece of shoujo #!").