MoonDragon: Omgosh, I am sooo tired!! I actually typed chapters four and five today. ALL today and my eyes are so sore right now I actually WANT to go to school so I'll be forced to not look at a computer! Ooowww! My poor eyes!
Unspoken Memories
Chapter 5
It was a mixed feeling that Usagi was experiencing. A part of her was overwhelmed with sheer happiness that one of the senshi remembered who they were, and yet the other part was not. That side was filled with dread and despair and eclipsed her joy. She had always hoped her friends would remain blissfully unaware of their alter egos, but she supposed two years was enough time to jog their memory. This wasn't supposed to happen. Still, she supposed she could make the best of her situation. Usagi knew this day might come and prepared a plan for what to do.
"Minako-chan! I missed you!" she announced trying to get rid of the tension. The warrior flashed a bright, pearly smile as her eyes lit up. Like a rabbit, true to her name, she hopped over to her friend and gave her an open-armed hug with all she had. It was like she was trying to tell through actions, not feeling, how much she truly missed her favorite people in the world. Minako nearly fell over from the force of it but managed to stay standing and returned it.
"I missed you, too," the blond announced torn between a cheery and gloomy tone. The smile decorating Usagi's features almost fell since her plan to make this a chummy reunion didn't work out too well. "Oh, come on! Is that the best greeting I can get from one of my best friends?" she teased poking her in the cheek after letting go. Minako laughed and retorted the comment with one of her own. Just as the tension was dispersing, Luna, ever the adult to get down to business, approached the girls.
"Usagi, what has happened since I lost contact with you? What happened to what we were talking about when you got your memory back? About reviving the senshi's memory and getting to the root of this new youma problem? Why would you seal my powers as well?! I want answers!" she screeched barring her claws at the leader. Usagi wailed putting Minako between them as a human shield protecting herself.
"I changed my mind," she replied childishly sticking her tongue out at the feline. That sent her off the edge as she crouched low in a pouncing position. Usagi heard Minako giggle at her behavior.
"You never change, do you?" she asked smiling. Sailor Moon grinned and started running in circles around the blond as Luna chased her.
"I don't plan to, but my face is going to change if Luna gets a hold of me!" she whined still going trying to escape Luna's furry hoping sooner or later she would tire herself out. "Lunaaa, stop iiit!" She dragged her tone out like how a child would beg for a toy. Artemis sighed seeing this wasn't going anywhere and stepped in holding the black cat down by her tail keeping the angry female in place. Usagi laughed victoriously posing with her hands placed on her hips. That didn't help to calm Luna down as she took her frustration on the ground pounding at it.
"Usagi," he warned trying to be the mediator. When all eyes were on him he began to speak seriously which he didn't do too often. "Why was it you didn't want the senshi to remember?"
Usagi's giggly personality was put on hold as she frowned. She brought one of the tails of her silver-gold tresses traveling down her back to the front and began stroking it. She stood silent for awhile and then looked at the others who didn't quite have as much memories back as Minako did.
Rei seemed to have cut her lip which was allowing droplets of blood to falling on the ground. Makoto had bruises over many areas of skin, and probably more under her clothes. She always did fight the hardest. Ami had a few scratches, but that aside she seemed fine. Just the sight of them like that brought tears to her already misted over eyes, but Usagi did her best to hold them in. Checking Mamoru she realized he would be fine, with much relief. It would take maybe a week to heal completely on its own, but with her powers speeding up the process he was sure to be fine. Pointing to them she began to speak.
"Look at that. No matter what, the people dearest to me keep getting hurt. Even if they were able to turn into sailor warriors again, they would still get injured. If that youma wasn't targeting me specifically they'd be in a much worse condition. That wasn't even a tough one; one of the lowest ranking demon the new enemy controls. After the fight with Queen Beryl… that was the first time I truly realized how much danger everyone was in…" Usagi looked at all of their shocked expressions through her misted vision. It wasn't how she usually talked. Usually Usagi spoke in a nonchalant way and acted like everything wasn't a big deal. Any problem that came her way could always be solved by wailing at the top of her lungs. She wasn't serious like this all time. "If you all remembered I have no doubt you'd want to fight the new enemy, too."
"Of course we would!" Minako shouted finally losing her temper like Usagi knew she would. If their positions were reversed she'd be just as livid, if not more, at being left behind. "We're teammates, Sailor Moon! We fight together without leaving a senshi behind! If you knew what was going on… how could you not tell us anything for TWO YEARS?! Yeah, we'd get hurt, but we'll also heal and get stronger. That's how we grow. Don't you trust us anymore?!"
"Of course I trust you all," Usagi cried softly letting the tears finally fall. Once the first one fell it was easier for the others to follow which led to her face being completely soaked. "I trust you all more than anyone else in the world, but you all deserve to have lives! You all have dreams that you want to live through and make come true.
"Minako-chan, you want to be a pop-idol. Makoto-chan wants to own her own bakery and flower shop. Ami-chan wants to be a doctor like her mother, and Rei-chan wants to be a singer and write her own lyrics. Everyone's dreams are wonderful and sound like so much fun, so I'm not going to drag you all into this battle. You've all fought for two lifetimes; it's time to actually enjoy life."
"We did enjoy life! We had so much fun together everyday, even with fighting youmas on the side! Usagi-chan, who says we can't do all of that and still fight along side you? You have the same chance of dieing as we do!"
"It's a safer bet. I can manage on my own, I promise! And I promise I won't die, you know how stubborn I am," she winked. "I had to see you guys fight for your lives every day, and in any of those battles you could've lost you life and never accomplished your dream in life! You can't do any of that if you're dead…"
"Usagi, they wouldn't die, they're stronger than-" Artemis cut in only to be cut off by Usagi.
"They've died before! TWICE! And I had to watch both times as I helplessly was forced to watch from the side! Once they did in the Silver Millennium 1000 years ago, and again in the fight against the Dark Kingdom. The second time they died not protecting an entire kingdom, but for ME!! I can't turn back time and bring them back again, that was an once-in-a-lifetime miracle! You couldn't…" she paused choking down a sob as she fell to her knees not able to support herself. "You couldn't possibly understand how much pain I went through…"
She cried unlike all of the other times in her life. Not like when she fell and scrapped her knee, or failed a math test, or when Rei picked on her. This was heartfelt which brought Minako and the cats to their own tears. She clutched her shoulders crossing her arms trying to find comfort in her own embrace. All of the feelings she had been trying to bottle up were coming undone as she was being forced to see and talk to them again.
She tried to be strong all by herself, but she wasn't that kind of person. Usagi needed others; thrived in their company and thirsted for their companionship. She wasn't like some people who could find the courage and strength inside of themselves and she never would be. The sailor warrior was the opposite. To shine she needed her friends by her side. She needed Rei, Minako, Makoto, Ami, Mamoru… her Endymion-sama, her Mamo-chan… Without all of them she was nothing. Being faced with the people she tried to push away to protect was too much for her to bear.
Luna came up to her and rubbed along her legs as Usagi was squatted down on the ground. Usagi wished she could transfer the warmth of her fur into comfort for her heart, but that wasn't going to happen. Sailor Moon tried to be strong enough to handle this and pull herself together. She knew they might remember and she had a plan to follow through.
'But can I really do that plan?' she asked herself as Minako, Artemis, and Luna were silent. 'Thinking and deciding to do something is easy, but do I really have the strength?'
"Usagi-chan…" Minako managed to get out, her voice thick with emotion. "Even if we're apart… or dead… we're all still together. That'll never change. No matter what happens, we will have each other. We're no good with even one of us gone, you know why? Because we're a team. We complete each other. And right now, we're all alive. Please, let us fight with you, Sailor Moon."
Usagi stood up wiping the tears with her silver gloves and she stood up again. Still some of the droplets fell, but not as much or as fast as before. She managed a smile sniffling.
"Yeah, Minako-chan. We're always together. No matter what happens, even if we forget how close we are, our hearts are still linked together. I know you won't remember the words I'm saying, but it'll always remain true." Everyone looked at her strangely not truly understanding the meaning of her words. Luna stepped up.
"Usagi, what are you saying?" Sailor Moon smiled trying her best to look cheerful. Holding her hand and cupping them together she began to speak again.
"You know, when I was by myself for those two years, I tried my best to understand my powers to their full extent so I would be able to fight alone. One of the abilities I discovered involved Moon Dust." Opening her hands, but holding her fingers tight together, she let them see the Moon Dust she had forming there. It resembled sand but it was a silver color which sparkled by itself without light shinning on it. "It's actually pretty interesting. Weird, coming from me right?" she laughed poking her tongue out making fun of herself.
"I prepared myself for something like this happening. Makoto-chan, Rei-chan, and Ami-chan are all starting to remember me, and you already do, Minako-chan. Something Moon Dust can do is store mental thoughts. I knew you and the girls would want to help me with this, but really, I can handle it. I want you all to live your lives the way you were meant to; without fate interfering."
Usagi held the dust in front of her and blew on it so the wind she created carried the silver-like sand away. Little by little it split up and went to each of her friends, excluding Minako, Luna, and Artemis, and stayed there. Minako watched on as it twinkled in the park and witnessed how it worked. She saw how it entered through one ear, remained there, and came out the next returning to Usagi floating in front of her.
Sailor Moon looked over to Luna and saw her eyes wide in astonishment and gave a small grin. In the past the black cat was always nagging her to train and hone her powers to reach her maximum strength. Back then she just relied on the other senshi knowing full well they could fill in what she lacked. Now it was up to her to act alone.
When all of the Moon Dust returned to her they were in four separate piles. Each contained Makoto's, Ami's, Rei's, and Mamoru's memories. Memories of Usagi and their life in the Silver Millennium and their life as warriors fighting against the Dark Kingdom.
As long as the silver-gold haired teen had these, there was no way they could possibly remember them, no matter how much they tried. Even if someone taped their times together and played it before them, they wouldn't be able to recall a thing. It was like it never even happened. She looked at Minako's face, her eyes wide with disbelief, and spoke softly.
"Don't worry, I can return them when the time is right. When all of this youma business in finally through, I'll give them back their memories. For now…" Her speech drifted off as Sailor Moon concentrated using her mind to rearrange the dust. Each pile changed into the shape of a rose and what appeared like rose petals took on a color that suited them, though the stems remained silver. Makoto's took on a dark green shade, Ami's was blue, Rei's got deep red, and Mamoru's was golden. The dust connected together making a solid figure and Usagi grabbed hold of them clutching them gently in her grip.
"Usagi-chan…" Minako whispered. Sailor Moon flashed a smile trying to mask her pain and inquired what it was. It was unbearable to know they wouldn't remember her no matter what now until the fighting was over. But she would do it if it meant keeping them safe. "You don't want to do this." The blond pointed to the tears which started to fall even harder now. The warrior nodded, her lips forming a thin line.
"This is the last thing I want to do," she answered truthfully holding the Moon Dust flowers to her chest hugging them. "I love all of you, and hope that when I return these, you'll forgive me. Please, find your happiness…" she whispered to all of them, even though most couldn't hear her words.
Minako cried at how final this good-bye seemed. She hid her tears by hiding her eyes with her hands. Then suddenly she froze and jumped as something tickled her ear. Looking to the left side of her face she witnessed the same sand-like substance entering her that went into her friends. Usagi turned away as her friend thrashed trying to knock it out, but it was already inside her mind.
"Usagi-chan! Stop it! PLEASE!" she begged falling to her knees cradling her head. "Let us help you…" Usagi could tell that one by one memories of her and Minako as a senshi were being erased and soaked up by the dust. Minako took one last glance at Usagi before passing out with a final tear slip from her cheek and splatter on the ground. Her body went limp as the dust left through her right ear and her body lied motionless in the grass.
"There's a bright side to this too," Usagi said to the felines as the Moon Dust returned to her and rearranged itself into an orange rose with a silver stem. She clutched this one to her chest as well and sighed. "Even if I talk to them, they won't recall anything about battling youmas or their duties. I can be their friend as long as I keep my senshi life to myself." A small smile graced her lips. "I can even be with Mamo-chan again without fear that he'll die protecting me again. This time I'll protect them."
"Sailor Moon, I do see why you're doing this," Luna started, "but are you sure? You'll have to fight all by yourself with no one's help."
"Weren't you listening?" she asked with a small smile. "No matter what, even if they don't remember anything, our hearts are still always linked." Her smile faded as she gathered the roses in one hand and held out the other making more Moon Dust to give to the cats before Artemis spoke up.
"Wait! If you're not going to let them help, then at least let us assist you! We don't even fight in battles, just let us be with you. It's hard to be by yourself. At least let us be your people to talk to about when the youma problems bother you."
Usagi pondered over what he said. It sounded so tempting, but she was torn whether it would be harmful to them or not. It was then that she realized that Luna and Artemis had never died; not once. In the Silver Millennium her mother, Queen Serenity, had transferred them in pods to the Earth to sleep until she and the girls were reincarnated. They weren't even with them in the Dark Kingdom as they fought since they had no violent abilities that could harm the enemy. As long as they stayed away from the action they would be fine.
She ceased making the Moon Dust with her energy and let it disappear. She nodded which washed relief over Artemis and Luna. She had one condition though for Artemis.
"Luna, you can stay with me, but Artemis? Could you remain with Minako-chan? So if they ever get in danger you can tell me right away?" He nodded smiling to his princess. "OK, then, that's settled. Everyone should wake up in a few hours and be fine… so…" She stopped mid-sentence and looked her friends over. She whimpered as loneliness overcame her.
Yes, they would always be together. Yes, they could be friends when she wasn't battling the new enemy. But knowing that the next time they talked they couldn't reminisce about their past made her unbelievably miserable. She looked at hew new companions who walked over to her and rubbed themselves against her for comfort.
Once again she fell to her knees. She seemed to be doing that a lot today. She shed so many tears that you could actually see a wet spot forming in the grass in front of her. Usagi's cheeks were bright red as she sobbed her misery out wishing the pain would stop, but knowing that wouldn't happen. This time she said nothing and did nothing. Now she could just cry her heart out at the loss she just made clutching the roses to her remembering everything they've been through.