CHAPTER 18

It's not the way you see me, It's the way you let me down
I can't believe that it hurts this much
When I hear your voice
You're calling out to me
Though you know I can't be with you
So please don't leave
Just remember to keep some distance
And remember you've
Already had your chance with me
I hope you see
I could never be without you
Just try to see the way that I see
It's not the way you need me
It's the way you drag me down
I can't believe it hurts this much
I still hear your voice
You're calling out to me
Though you know I can't be with you
You're a constant echo
That I hear ringing in my ears
I see you
I see the way you see me
You're a constant hurting
That gets the best of me
I see you - I see the way you see me

- "Distance" by Faktion

t t t

The night came quickly as the group celebrated Galahad's victory and Lourdes' remarkable preformance. Truly, they were astounded by the skill that she had exhibited, most unaware of the months of training that she had undergone under the wing of the Woadian peoples as well as the training that she had put herself through even before they had met her. They gathered and congratulated her efforts, eating, drinking, dancing and singing merrily throughout the night beside large campfires.

Through all the commotion, Lourdes finally managed to excuse herself. Zigzagging her way through several tents, she made her way towards the river, wanting desperately to drink and wash herself. She hummed contentedly to herself, indeed proud of what she had accomplished, especially under the watchful eyes of so many. She had doubted her skill before, especially with a bow and arrow, but now, she could congratulate herself on almost equalling a knight that had so many more years of experience than she.

Holding up her skirt, Lourdes made her way down a small hill, carefully stepping on rocks and boulders. The sound of gently rushing water made her smile, and she continued to walk further from the encampment, not a care in the world. When she looked up, she stopped in her tracks, seeing Galahad bent over the riverbank, drinking and washing his face. Lourdes held her breath, indecision quickly taking over her mind. Her head turned from side to side as she bit her lip, wanting so badly to speak with him, yet still angered and saddened by his sight. Finally breathing out, she turned on her heel and began to walk back up the hill towards the encampment.

"You know, you could have matched me if your finger did not slip at the last moment."

Galahad's voice pierced the night, stopping Lourdes in her tracks. She turned slowly to him, his eyes meeting hers as he continued to crouch, resting his arm on his knee.

"How do you know my finger slipped?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I just do."

Lourdes pursed her lips, eyes tearing away from his form. A moment of silence passed between them, with only the rushing water and faint cries of crickets sounding the area.

"How is your arm?" Galahad finally broke the silence, standing up.

Lourdes was taken by surprise as she looked down on her bruised arm. Did this knight know everything?, she said to herself before replying with, "'Tis fine."

"Come. Let me see it."

Lourdes groaned inwardly, wanting so badly to run as far away from him as possible, yet wanting so desperately to run into his arms. Galahad took notice of her indecision, her muscles tense, as she stood still. He did not want to press her, but he did hope that she would come to him, to speak with him, to just have some contact with him. The events that happened between them, he could not undo, but he desired so much to spend time with her and hopefully mend their relationship.

Surprising even herself, Lourdes turned and walked gingerly towards Galahad, keeping her eyes on anything but his own. He turned his gaze from her, sitting down once more, motioning for her to take a place beside him. Lourdes did as he beckoned for her to do, though sitting a good metre away from him. Galahad exhaled, moving slowly to her side, reaching out cautiously for the left sleeve of her dress. She looked down as he lifted the sleeve from her forearm, then caught him wincing as he examined it.

"It has already begun to bruise," he stated more to himself than to her. He cupped water in his right hand, pouring it carefully above her arm, "but it shall be better in a couple of days."

Lourdes watched him roll his sleeves to his elbows. A look of awe flashed on her face as she saw Galahad's left forearm. "Y-you are bruised as well?" she managed to croak out.

Galahad looked to his arm, then up at Lourdes. "'Tis nothing."

She merely nodded, not wanting to argue with the knight. He continued to splash water on her arm, carefully wiping the liquid all over it. Lourdes' heart was beating so loudly that she was sure that Galahad himself could hear it. Shivers ran down her spine as he continued to touch her. The feeling of his fingertips brought her back to the last night that she had spent with him, that fateful night that she had left him and the other knights to hide with the Woads. A feeling of regret then passed through her, and she looked up at the night sky.

The twinkling stars amidst blankets of indigo clouds greeted her, taking her breath away. She was so consumed in such pain, hatred and anger that she almost forgot the beauty of her surroundings, the feeling that it was to be truly alive. She was so wrapped up in negativity that she barely spent a moment appreciating the things around her, the friends that she had made, the health that she was experiencing. Though she knew herself that it was difficult to push the feelings of hurt away, it would do much for her if she thought more of the positive aspects of her life.

Galahad examined her expression, his gaze following hers up to the sky. He momentarily halted what he was doing, taking the time to also stare in wonder at the shining lights above. Then, returning to his duty, he ripped a piece of cloth from his sac, securely wrapping and tying the fabric around Lourdes' arm. He watched her wince in pain for only a second, then exhale.

"Thank you." she breathed out softly, her eyes looking at Galahad's alternately, now without hesitating nor showing any sign of fear.

He smiled at her, lifting his hand to the side of her head, tracing her cheek with his thumb. Lourdes merely sat there, frozen, unable to respond to his touch. Galahad swallowed, all self-control and willpower failing him. He moved his face closer to hers, hovering his lips over own, looking deeply into her eyes. At that moment, he disregarded his conscience, giving in to instinct and desire as he softly kissed the sides of her lips. Lourdes breathed out, her mind blank. Galahad continued to give her teasing butterfly kisses, biting her lip gently as she finally accepted his tongue in her mouth. He brought them closer together, pulling her to him until she sat on his lap. She shakily grabbed his arms, which held her firmly at the small of her back, as he slowly laid her down on the soft grass.

Lourdes closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation of Galahad's touch. For so long, she had wondered what it would be like, how he felt, how he tasted. He kissed so tenderly, so lovingly, as if careful not to intrude. Little did she know that her taste, her scent, her very being, was driving Galahad more and more over the edge. He kept one hand behind her head as the other trailed the side of her arm, then her body, his mouth never leaving hers.

Just then, Lourdes' conscience screamed at her. What am I doing, she cried to herself.

Without warning, she pushed Galahad off of her, startling the knight.

"W-what is the matter?" he breathed out in a mere whisper, placing his hand on her cheek.

"Galahad, this is wrong." she stated, her eyes as hard as stone.

He inhaled sharply before he blurted out. "You know that I care deeply for you..."

Lourdes did not know that such a few words could make her heart soar and yet make her angry at the same moment. Though, she rationalized that what just came out from Galahad's lips defied all sense, defied his current circumstances with Isabella!

"Do not speak those lies!" Instantly, Lourdes pushed his hand away from her face, standing up.

"What?" Galahad called out in confusion, standing up as well. "I assure you, I..."

As he reached out to her, she recoiled, turning away from him as she walked away in the opposite direction. Galahad furrowed his brows and resumed to follow, continuously calling out to her. Lourdes would not heed his calls and kept walking until she was many yards away from the main encampment.

Galahad finally managed to run to her side, taking her arm and swinging her back to face him. "Please do not walk away from me," he began in a pain-filled voice, his countenance mimicking his emotions. "Lourdes..."

The moonlight shone down on them brightly, lighting the area around Lourdes' unknown destination. They had walked onto the flat meadows, with no other soul in sight around them. Lourdes breathed heavily, trying her best to keep her emotions in check and concealed from the knight. She said nothing to him then, looking away. Galahad walked in front of her in order to face her, trying to meet her distant gaze.

"Do not hate me." he choked out, taking the sides of her arms. "You have to understand..."

She still did not respond, not even close to meeting his gaze.

"Please!" Galahad cried out in agony, placing his forehead on hers. "Speak to me."

Lourdes felt so cold, so distant. Galahad's touch now seemed to burn her, all the pain that she had tried so hard to supress let loose, all the feelings that she had desperately tried to bottle up within her uncaged.

"Galahad, I do not understand you!" she finally cried in such agony that it made Galahad's heart constrict. She pushed him away from her, trembling. "Do you even know what I have gone through? Do you even know how much I have risked trying to return?"

It was Galahad's turn to become enraged, pointing an accusing finger at Lourdes. "You were the one that left all those months ago, not bothering to explain to me why, not sending any word of where you were!" his voice became progressively louder and angrier as he now breathed heavily. "Do not think that it is only you that has suffered all this time!"

Lourdes bit her lip, shaking, as silent tears cascaded down her eyes.

"How selfish of you to think that you were the only one who had to undergo such hardship, such pain!" he continued, eyes blazing, as he roughly took the sides of her arms. "I toiled every day for hours upon end, rebuilding my village, helping the villagers to put the pieces of their lives together. Every single day, I waited, for any word, any sign, of your whereabouts! I worried constantly about your well-being, in the dark about how you fared, fighting with myself whether to set off to search for you or stay and finish my duties in my village." he tightened his grip on her arms, shaking her slightly. "But how was I to know that I would ever see you again?"

"I never gave up hope, Galahad." Lourdes looked up at him, eyes glazed over with tears. "I always knew that I would see you again."

Galahad's face scrunched up in pain and regret, then unable to speak. His heart grew heavy at the thought, regretting with all his heart that he had lost hope in seeing her. But what was he to think? What was he to feel? Throughout all these months, how did he know that what he felt for her, she truly felt for him?

"There is nothing left for me to say." Lourdes finally answered, emptiness lining her voice. "Except that I wish you all the happiness on this earth."