MoonDragon: OK, someone asked me what age Chibiusa is going to be, I think I said this in the story, but she's about the age of a fifth grader. She's not in this chapter though, so this is just a clarifier. I am so impressed with the people who reviewed! I got 12 for the last chapter and I was, like, floating on cloud nine all week, ha ha. Thanks for those. Oh, and the ending seems kinda cheesy in my opinion... when I'm completely done with the story I'm going to do a sweep and fix some things up.

Unspoken memories

Chapter 12

After hearing the soft click of the door closing Usagi was able to relax a bit more. Her shoulders slanted from their tense state as her breath she was unaware of holding came out in a soft puff. Sure, she adored Mamoru dearly, but it was still awkward to be showering, unclothed, in a male's place. While his quick footsteps lightly echoed in the bathroom her heart beat skyrocketed frightened that for whatever reason the drapes concealing her form might come down. She tried to think of being anywhere else, more specifically, anywhere else fully clothed. Usagi's blood rushed through her and it seemed like the humming in her veins created a barrier so she couldn't feel the water charging at her skin.

Sure that, besides her presence, the room was empty now she was finally able to bask in the warmth of the waters sprinkling down in a comforting rain. It didn't occur to the golden haired teen how desperately she had been aching for one until she was currently taking the shower. A moan escaped her throat as she leaned her head back letting it splash along her smiling face. Wanting just a bit more pleasure the teen wrestled with the nozzles until a soothing, steamier warmth laid siege over her.

Just before she stepped into the tub she had examined her back using Mamoru's mirror for a better image. The marks that were previously so torn and shredded were now smooth and slightly puffy. It was like witnessing one of those commercials were they show the before and after picture; it was that much of a difference. Of course, she wasn't surprised absently letting her fingers trail over the wounds.

Although she wished it not to be, her body was no doubt different than normal humans'. She recovered in a rapid pace even ensnared by the chains of sleep. In the beginning of her senshi days it wasn't like this, but little by little time seemed to change her and there was nothing she could do to oppose it. Even her once utterly golden hair now had a silver tint forming. Although even more stunning than before, it was just further proof that something inside her was changing.

'It's almost as if I'm becoming less human as the days go by,' she thought somberly. Muttering her usual healing magic chant she traced her slashes in the shower and felt it change from the red puffiness to creamy colored silkiness. She couldn't witness the metamorphosis since her neck didn't have the capabilities that an owl possessed, but she had done it enough times to know it left no mark.

Without warning, there was a familiar wetness on her face which Usagi knew wasn't caused by the warm waters. No matter how many times she blinked it didn't make the liquid disappear from her eyes. In fact it did the opposite propelling the tears down her features blending into the water around it. Usagi let out a hiccup falling backwards hitting the wall trying to stay upright. Her strength vanished as if someone came, snatched it up, stowed it in a convenient pouch, and ran away laughing gleefully.

Swiftly she sank to ground level and brought her knees to her chest holding them to her. Usagi wished that the smaller she could make her form appear the smaller her grief would be; changing with her body shape. Disappointedly, that wouldn't happen. No matter what position she was in the level of sorrow that swarmed through her being wouldn't lessen. Her cries stormed out of her throat in a bitter march like trained soldiers shooting bullets of tears. The more time went by the more violent and aggressive her shivers came as her heart pounded like an angry next door neighbor at her ribcage. Usagi was thankful for the noise the shower created or Mamoru might've heard her cries, though she was doing her best to keep silent.

'I don't want to be different!' she shouted within her mind as the numerous tears continued to fall.'I don't care how convenient it is or whether it's better for me, I don't care! I just want to be normal… like I used to be before all of this happened. My old life, before the Dark Kingdom appeared again on Earth, I want it back more than anything!'

She thought of her friends, the ones she forcibly retired, and envied the freedom she had bestowed upon them. They had the lives that now she could only dream about. What she had given them was what would seem like to her a delusion; nothing more than a fantasy. Maybe because that way of life for someone like her was too far out of reach to grasp. It was like there was an endless ocean separating her from the things she so desperately wanted to do, and the duty that bound her to her past existence and Sailor Moon was an anchor dragging her down deeper and deeper. Sooner or later she'd be too far under to swim back up, or Nokemono might become the water which would make her drown.

She often had thoughts that someone as gentle as her shouldn't be having. Thoughts that she didn't want to have, but she had them nevertheless. The only thing keeping Usagi from the life she previously had was Nokemono. The Dark Kingdom was vaporized and youmas are incapable of appearing unless someone summoned them. Nokemono was the single and only thing keeping her from living a happy, carefree existence again.

'If I… if I kill them, my troubles will be over. I can still go back to being a normal human. Really, I have the right to, don't I? I mean, they're the ones who started this first, and they've been trying to murder me for something I didn't even do! Plus, they're harming stray citizens that have nothing to do with this little war. EVERYONE would be better off with them gone!' The words were meant to give her the determination to eliminate them, but it just made the tears fall faster. Usagi furrowed her brow and let out a bitter laugh.

'What am I thinking? I could only kill Queen Beryl and her generals because they were no longer humans; they were as much of a youma as the one who attacked the city the other day. But Sailor Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn are humans. I… I don't think I can just kill them, even if they're trying to do away with me. But I don't want to keep fighting!'

Usagi didn't want the responsibility of protecting everybody when one of those monsters were unleashed. She didn't enjoy not getting any sleep during the night always worrying whether there was something she had to go take care of. She hated the feeling of thinking about not getting there in time as a youma was about to kill an innocent life… The golden haired teen just wanted to sit back, a manga in her hands, dear friends by her side, and relax.

'But I'm human also, and humans are greedy creatures who will do horrible things so they can get what they crave for. Maybe it's only a matter of time before I murder them to get what I want…' Usagi let out a heavy sigh and wiped at her eyes. The water was starting to turn to a semi-warm sensation so she messed with the nozzle again. She stood up making a grab for Mamoru's shampoo and massaged it into her scalp.

'I don't know why I keep thinking about it. Just look on the bright side, Usagi. I'm sure there's a solution where nobody will have to die.' With that optimism tattooed into her heart she ran her fingers through her tresses getting all of the suds out. Then she switched to the conditioner placed near the shampoo bottle. Taking a whiff of the scent the soapy liquid carried she instantly thought of Mamoru. It smelled similar to the rose-like aroma that seemed to radiate off of him. Taking a glance at the bottle she smiled.

"So that's how he smells like roses; it's his shampoo," she whispered to no one. Internally she knew it couldn't be a natural scent, and was slightly proud of finding out how he did it. Taking the soap in hand she sniffed and discovered it was the same as the shampoo and giggled a bit. "Roses are a kind of girly fragrance. Now I'll have something to make fun of him about." Girly or not, Usagi loved the fragrance and basked in the smell.

Taking a few moments bathing herself she finally turned the shower off. Usagi wrung her hair to get as much excess water out as she could before stepping out onto a neatly placed towel to protect the floor from damage. Gazing in the direction of the mirror it was coated with a light fog making it hard to see her image. Usagi grabbed a towel off of the stand next to her and wrapped it around her body after drying off.

She removed it putting on her bra, underwear, and socks which she didn't give to Mamoru. She wrinkled her nose thinking how dirty they were, but she'd have to bear with it until she got home. She supposed that they were better than nothing at all. She hung up the towel so the water it collected could evaporate.

Making her way to the bathroom closet she opened it and instantly found the robe that Mamoru was talking about. It was a baby blue color and ready to be of some use to her. While placing it over what she had on she blushed. "Mamoru would look good in this robe…" She tied up the sash and rearranged it until it fit somewhat comfortably. It was so much bigger than her; if she stood with her arms at her side her fingertips would barely reach the end of the cuffs.

Absently she looked for her purse she had been previously carrying two days ago. It contained a brush which she wanted to use to keep her hair straight. Usagi kept it with her since it was so long it often needed to be brushed. Then she blinked realizing that the last place she saw it was during the youma battle and smacked her head. By now it was long gone.

"Oh well," she sighed. "It didn't have anything of value in there anyways. Some make-up and random things, who cares?" Then she thought of her device that Luna had presented to her and realized it was still in her skirt pocket. 'Darn! Mamo-chan is washing them right now! Is it resistant to water? Um… I hope so…' The teen softly hit herself in the head. If she kept thinking 'Mamo-chan' it might slip out. 'Think Mamoru-kun, Usagi. Mamoru-kun.'

Usagi ran her fingers again through her hair as a make-shift comb hoping it wouldn't become a tangled mess. Mamoru's shampoo and conditioner were amazing, though, and it left her hair knot free. Now she'd just have to wait until it dried to see if it would stay that way.

Deciding the teen had spent enough time in the bathroom she opened the door, watching as some steam rushed up in front of her as if it were running a race and Usagi was the competitor. She placed one hand on the frame to steady herself and used the other to grasp the folds of the robe where it separated in the front to keep it in place. It was rather large and she didn't want it coming undone. Even if she was proud of her body she didn't need him to see it putting her in an awkward position.

In front of her, across the room, stood Mamoru with a strange expression on his visage. His jaw was tight, as if he were having an inner struggle, and his eyes wouldn't leave her, but he wasn't speaking. Usagi blushed under his intense stare and laughed to break the atmosphere.

"That felt great!" she revealed stretching her arms out in front of her. "Are my clothes done?" Mamoru gulped and composed himself before speaking.

"No, it'll probably be another half hour to dry. I put some clothes on the bed if you want to wear them until they're done.'

"Thanks. Um, did you check my pockets before you put them in?" She prayed he would but was still nervous the communication device was destroyed.

"No, I don't think there was anything in there." Checking her solemn look he instantly added on to his sentence. "But when I carried you to my bed some silver thing fell out of your pocket. It's on the dresser in my room if you need it." Usagi bighted up immediately and saw Mamoru smile as well. "You go change. Do you want anything to drink when you're done?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Be right back." Traveling to his room she shut the door and changed into the attire he picked out for her. The shirt was a little big, but it fit snugly in a baggy sort of way. The shorts had to be adjusted so they didn't slip off her waist, but after she messed with the string it was a good fit reaching to her knees. She laughed figuring she must resemble a child playing dress-up.

She saw, with relief, that her compactor was indeed placed on his dresser but left it alone. Usagi would make a grab for it when she was about to leave. Looking at the circular item made her think of Luna and she gasped.

'I've been here for two days; Luna's going to kill me! What if she doesn't know where I am? Oh man, she's going to chew my ear off! OK, my excuse is that I was unconscious. I was working for the fate of humanity and all living things as the champion of love and justice and lost track of time. She'll buy that, right?' Her shoulders fell in disappointment. Of course Luna wouldn't believe that. No matter what the excuse was she was sure to be lectured. Usagi told herself she'd head straight for her apartment to Luna as soon as her clothes were ready.

Patting her hair to make sure it wasn't sticking up she left his room found him again. He looked her over and gave a light smirk.

"You look like such a little kid right now," he laughed in good humor. She could identify by his tone that he wasn't trying to pick on her, just make a joke.

"Bet I'm the cutest little kid you've ever seen," she shot back at him blowing a kiss and adding in a wink. Usagi enjoyed watching his cheeks flush with color and gave a victory smile. It was amusing to get him speechless. Mamoru took that smile as an invite to an unspoken competition. He strode up to her with smooth footsteps and a suave grin. Usagi stayed in her place curious as to what he was going to do.

"Hnn, well, I'm not going to deny it, you're very cute." It was Usagi's turn to blush looking towards the floor, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. He wouldn't have that as he used his pointed finger and thumb to lift her head up. Then he stroked a stray strand of hair and gently moved it behind you ear. "Beautiful, really," he confessed, his eyes penetrating into her soul.

Her face was so red she took a step back wanting to hide it. She wanted to say something back, anything, but found that was impossible. It felt as if someone held a hand against her throat constricting it as her breathing became harsher. Her blood hummed in a jittery way and she gulped hoping that would help her speak.

He laughed loud enough that it echoed off the apartment walls and Usagi grew confused. It was then that she discovered he was teasing her just as she had teased him with that kiss and wink. She huffed slapping him on the chest.

"You're so mean!" She pouted crossing her arms.

"You did the same thing to me!" he laughed so proud of himself for rendering her speechless. "You're not the only one who can fluster someone."

They spent the rest of their time sitting at his kitchen table mindlessly chattering. Well, Usagi was the one who talked mostly and Mamoru would nod his head or put in a comment or two. Usagi was so gleeful that she was smiling nonstop. Mamoru even asked why she was so cheery, but she just said it was the happy feeling of being alive from that youma attack.

The true reason was that together with him, just talking, made her so elated it seemed silly. During the six months of him chasing after her it tugged at her heart having to push him away. He was so close and within reach, and yet there was an infinite space separating them. With him so close now it filled up a small patch of the loneliness that consumed her heart.

A while later, the drier made a finishing noise and Mamoru handed her the clothes. They felt warm to the touch and had a refreshing scent. Hurriedly she went to his room again and changed into the navy blouse and white skirt that she wore previously. Usagi left his clothes folded on the bed. Grabbing the communicator off of his desk she placed it safely back in her pocket. She sighed knowing she had to leave right away. Usagi couldn't let Luna worry about her forever.

"Mamoru-kun, I really have to get going. Thanks a lot for taking care of me." A pained look overcame him and it stung at her. He didn't want her to go as much as she didn't want to leave.

"Yeah. You're parents must be really worried, I should've looked them up in the phone book to let them know you're alright." He ran a hand through his tresses in disappointment mentally beating himself up. Usagi let out a laugh.

"I'm sure they don't even know I've been injured."

"Well, I'm pretty sure they'd realize something when you didn't go home," he replied.

"I don't live with them; I live in an apartment just like you. Not as fancy, but it's nice." He raised his eyebrow at her.

"In the arcade you said your mom called and wanted you home. I just assumed you lived there."

"Oh, did I say that?" she laughed nervously and mentally berated herself. 'I can't believe he'd remember a conversation two days ago! Why'd I have to say my mom called me? Stupid Usagi, stupid!' "She… um… just wanted me to drop by if I could. Yeah, that's it."

"You said it was an emergency. Shouldn't she be worrying about you not being there?" He crossed his arms giving a knowing look. Usagi gulped knowing that he discovered she had been lying. Seeing her discomfort he sighed and decided to give her a break, which Usagi greedily used. "So, why are you living in an apartment? Is there a reason?"

"Well, let's just say that right now… being at home would be a pretty bad idea," she announced. It was a bad idea because the enemy already knew her and could attack where she lives, and she didn't want to drag them into this fight anymore than she wanted the senshi to.

"Family problems, huh?"

"No, there's just something I have to do."

"And that something is…?" he inquired leaning in slightly appearing interested. She grinned and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Secret," was all she revealed. Just the look on his face told her he wanted more information, but he didn't say a word to get her talking further on the subject.

"Fine, keep your secrets, see if I care," he pouted cutely making her smile. "I have one condition to you leaving though, and if you don't meet it then I'm keeping you captive until you do." Usagi wondered what it could be, and then tensed knowing what most guys would intend by his words.

"You pervert!" she shrieked putting up her fists in a defensive stance. Mamoru looked flabbergasted and backed away with his hands up.

"What? No! That's not what I meant!" he shouted and sighed at the same time. "I just want you to write down the address of you apartment so I can visit you tonight."

"Pervert!" she shouted again laughing inside her mind. He was just too easy to tease.

"Stop it!" he scolded. "It's so I can give you a check-up and see how your wound is healing. I'll give you my cell phone number so you can call me if it's starting to irritate you." He scratched the back of his head still uncomfortable from her statements. "If you keep saying stuff like that I'm going to make you pay me," the college student joked.

"Why I would never accuse you of being such a person!" she instantly said not liking the proposal of paying for his services. He chuckled deeply at her antics amused. Mamoru got out a piece of paper, tore it in half, and scribbled something down on his half with a pen he picked up. Then he handed both halves of paper and tossed her the writing utensil. The one he wrote on contained his phone information.

She was in a predicament as she wrote down the address. That wound he was talking about was already healed up and left no mark whatsoever. Even a fool would suspect something was up when he was going to examine it. 'Calm down. Maybe I can use make-up to recreate it. No! What am I saying? He's basically a professional. No matter how great I make it look he'll be able to tell it's a fake. I'll have to think of something by the time he comes.'

Usagi handed the paper and pen back to him. She folded up the one with his number and tucked it snugly beside her communicator. He grinned when the paper was placed in his palm.

"Is it alright if I come by around eight?" She nodded hesitantly wondering what she was going to do. "All right then. Well, you can go if you need to now-"

He was cut off as Usagi captured him in a tight embrace. She snuggled into him blushing just slightly.

"Thanks for taking care of me, Mamoru-kun," she whispered. Before he could put his arms around her Usagi let go and stepped back. The teenage made a move for the door but Mamoru grabbed her wrist keeping her in place. He brought the back of her hand to his lips and kissed it chastely.

"It was no trouble," he replied letting go. Usagi brought her hand to her chest trying to remember why she had to leave. 'Luna… right.' The golden haired girl walked over to the door and, halfway out, he called to her. "Hey, Usagi!" She took a look back and saw him grinning with a bit of a blush on his mug. "I meant it when I said you were beautiful."

She blushed grinning back to him and closed the door behind her. As she walked through the hallway she hummed a song as her head was invaded with pleasant images of Mamoru.