MoonDragon: I realize that I keep making Usagi repeat the same things over and over. "I can't kill them, blah blah blah." Don't blame her, blame the writer because MoonDragon is a stupid blonde. I've been sloppy with my writing, I'll improve that starting chapter 19 because I think it'll be fun to write. This chapter is shorter than the others, but I did that so the next one can be entirely focused on Usagi and Mamoru. Haven't written about them together for awhile. I know I put this in their character category, and this will involve a lot of love between them, but keep in mind that I want this to be kinda story-plotted so it won't revolve entirely around them.

Oh, and 100 reviews! Yay! I mean, this story has about 16,000 hits so I was kind of mad that no one was reviewing, but I got over it some with the 100. -Victory dance-. Probably impossible, but let's aim for 200.

Unspoken Memories

Chapter 18

Usagi took another sip moistening her lips to make talking easier. With this situation she assumed it would be a long conversation. She had been waiting for a good moment to spring this upon the child, and now seemed like as good a time as any. It was going to have to happen sooner or later anyways. Now was the moment to make things painfully clear to the young warrior about how the world was really like.

Surprisingly, before she could continue, Chibiusa was the one to break the silence that occurred after Usagi said they needed to converse about what happened at the park.

"How do you deal with it?" she mumbled, red eyes directly focused on the cup nestled in her lap. Usagi's eyebrows rose as she took another sip.

"Deal with what?"

"Taking life."

There was yet another pause in the conversation. Usagi didn't really know how to answer that question. No one had ever asked. She stalled by moving her coffee cup in a circular motion watching the hot chocolate squirm around in its container. After selecting a suitable place to initiate she tried to answer. There was no place to start like the beginning.

"… When I first became Sailor Moon I had never killed before. Sure, I thought about doing it to a few people, teachers definitely, but it's normal for everyone to have those thoughts. You can't help it, they just come to you. I never thought I would ever be put into a situation where I would have to take life, though. None of it occurred to me until I was in 8th grade…" She contemplated on what to say next.

Chibiusa looked up at her expectedly as if thinking she held the answer to her query. This only made Usagi nervously bite her bottom lip. It felt as if she was giving an oral presentation to the class and she hadn't even done the research.

"My first battle was completely unexpected. It happened right after I was told that I was really a legendary warrior named Sailor Moon. Nothing made sense at all to me first. Magic isn't supposed to be real, and yet here I am, everyday, using it so well that it's second nature to wield. Actually, at first I was so positive I was in a dream that I didn't let it bother me.

"There was really no time at all to think about what I was doing. Suddenly, Lu… someone… informed me about a youma attack at a jewelry store. I didn't understand a thing. Youma? What the heck was that supposed to be anyways? Still thinking I was in the dream I rushed out to the store because I was told it was my duty.

"It turned out that the store that was under attack was my best friend's, Molly's, mother's store. Molly was being choked the second I entered. All I remember was that I was so scared… even if it was all an illusion it was unbearable to see my dearest friend being treated like that.

"That same person who told me about my real identity instructed me on how to attack. I still didn't understand. I was sure nothing I did mattered. None of it was real, right? That was what kept running through my mind. I assumed I had played too much of the Sailor V game and this was the effect it brought on me. It wasn't until the youma whacked me and I went spiraling to the wall that I realized I could feel pain.

"That was when everything hit me at once. This wasn't a dream. This was real. As real as the blood running down my lip after I bit the inside of my cheek too hard. There really was such a thing as youmas. Molly really was almost chocked to death. I really was supposed to be the person to prevent this from happening. It was too much to take in at one time. So I did the only thing I was capable of at the moment; I cried.

"I was scared. Why was it that this was happening so quickly? Why was I chosen for something like this? I wasn't a fighter, everyone who knew me could tell you that much. I broke down as the youma got closer to me and I was sure that day was my last… Until he came.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama saved me just before I was about to perish. All of a sudden, just having him close to me, I felt strength fill me up. It was as if my whole body was surging with power. Before I knew it I was the one landing the final blow on the youma saving my best friend and her mother. At that moment I didn't even truly realize I killed something.

"But when Tuxedo Kamen-sama left the scene it was as if my confidence left with him. All of a sudden I started bawling at the top of my lungs understanding that this was my new reality. It wasn't going to end there; why would it? Lu- Someone told me that there was going to be more battles making that seem like a warm-up. The pain was unbearable…

"When I went to bed that night I knew that I was going to kill again and again. Even if they weren't human it still felt as though I was sinning. Like someday I was going to be judged and punished for my actions. It frightened me beyond words. I didn't know what to do…"

Chibiusa seemed to be focusing in on Usagi so intently that it felt as if she could see right through her. The teen realized she had spoken of her entire first day as a senshi and blushed a bit. Probably more than half of that information didn't even come close to answering the child's question.

The girl didn't seem to mind though. Almost unconsciously taking a gulp of her drink she leaned in with interest.

"So how did you get over it?" The look in her red eyes let Usagi know that at that moment what she was experiencing was just as bad, if not worse, than what Usagi felt two years ago.

"It was either kill or let my loved ones be murdered ruthlessly with no restraint. I was the only one who could do anything at the time. The other senshi weren't discovered until later. I had to harden myself emotionally in order to fulfill my duty. It's best to just not think about it and realize that it's for the benefit of everyone. I'm protecting what's important to me."

"Just not think about it?!" Chibiusa raged slamming her empty cup onto the table in front of them. "How on Earth do you expect me to do something like that?! If I even could forget I wouldn't be feeling this way in the first place! It can't be as simple as that!"

"But it is…" Usagi said offering a sorrowful, pain-filled smile as her eyes hooded. Luna and Artemis looked over at the teen with looks of remorse. They must've thought that, being the airhead she usually came off as, she didn't even come close to thinking about her duty so intimately.

"This is why you shouldn't be fighting, Chibiusa-chan. You're too young to be able to harden yourself to the world like me and senshi had to. I was older than you when I first started. It was easier for me to forget than for you because you're still completely innocent at heart. So stop fighting, I can handle everything."

Chibiusa stood up as her eyes flared. Tears pricked her eyes but she wouldn't let them fall.

"Stop trying to do everything yourself!" she shouted. Usagi glared and placed her cup on the table as well. 'Calm down, she's still just a kid. Don't blow up at her, that's not going to solve anything. Be mature. Use the maturity that Serenity gave you.' She kept her demeanor collected.

"You never let anyone help you against Nokemono before and let me tell you, at the end, the results weren't fantastic! You'll be ten times, no, one hundred times more miserable if I let you finish them off at your own pace! I want to help you so that doesn't happen! So just tell me how to really get over killing someone so I can do it and spare you that fate!!"

'What the heck is Chibiusa-chan talking about?! Has she lost it?' she raged inside, but on the outside she merely remained neutral. If she really wanted Chibiusa to understand then losing her temper wouldn't help in any way. 'She must be saying that the way I'm trying to accomplish things is wrong.'

"You have no right to criticize me if that's what you're trying to do. You say you want me to quit so you can do it yourself? That's exactly the same thing. Our methods aren't any different.

"Look, the bottom line is that you're too young to be doing this stuff. Heck, I was too young to be doing it when I started, but I didn't have a choice, did I? You do."

"I'm not giving up," Chibiusa said with conviction. "I'll just have to find a way to deal with it myself then. And as soon as I can kill with no regret I'll take down Nokemono!"

'This isn't good,' she thought biting the tip of her thumb. 'I don't think anything I say will change her mind. She's too stubborn.' She sighed coming to the conclusion she was knew it might come to. She was hoping it wouldn't come to this.

"You know what? Do what you want to do. But I'm going to work so hard that there won't be any youmas around for you to take care of. I'll also get in the way of you and Nokemono. I'll handle this problem so well that there will be nothing for you to accomplish." Really, that was the only thing she could do.

Chibiusa huffed.

"It won't matter what you do. In the end I'll make sure it's me who gets rid of them."

There was a silence now since neither girl wanted to continue the conversation. It was over. Now it was a competition to see who could win first. Usagi sighed and took their cups over to the sink. 'Now I'm going to have to work even harder than before to make absolutely sure I get to the youmas before her. I'll be exhausted more than ever. This sucks!'

When she came back to the living room area Chibiusa had sat back down and looked up towards the teen.

"If killing doesn't bother you as much as it used to, then how come you haven't beaten Nokemono yet?"

It seemed like the girl didn't want the talk to end quite yet. Usagi sighed, a shadow being cast over her crystal blue-silver eyes.

"Because there's no one I have to protect… The enemy isn't out to destroy the world or kill people, they're only after me. I can only deal with killing if it'll help someone else, but if it's just to save myself… I can't handle it." She sat down where she was previously frowning.

Another silence. Usagi idly messed with her fingers placed in her lap. This wasn't like her at all. Being serious for too long wasn't something she enjoyed. It was time to act normal again.

"Sooo, that conversation is over with!" she exclaimed clapping her hands together for emphasis. "Now what to do…" She took a glance at the clock hanging off the wall; 7:38. "It really is getting late. Why don't you tell me where you live and I'll take you home."

"I told you, I don't have a home here."

"Well then, your apartment or wherever it is you're staying. Where are your parents?"

"Very, very far away," she said distantly with a hint of sorrow. The golden haired teen didn't understand at all.

"Are you saying they just left you here by yourself or something?"

"No, they would never do that… I ran away from home," she revealed. Usagi nearly fell over in her seat.

"Why would you do that?! What could-" she paused seeing the Chibiusa's guilty expression and threw a hard look her way. "You didn't run away so you could fight, did you?"

"… Yeah."

Usagi rubbed her temples feeling a headache coming on. This girl was impossible. She was so intent on her goal that she was willing to leave her home. Is the child wouldn't even give up going after something that might kill her then there was no way she'd do something as simple as returning to her parents. Usagi didn't even bother trying to convince her to go back.

"So where are you staying right now?"

"I've been sneaking into a school and sleeping in a classroom."

There was no way Usagi could let her live like that. As much of a pain as she's been tonight she didn't deserve to live at the same level as a sneaky hobo.

"Well you're not living like that anymore. No way! For the meantime you're going to be staying right here so I can keep an eye on you until I think of something to do. Got that?" she ordered. Chibiusa's eyes lit up at the invite. Then she frowned.

"I can't do that. I don't want to be a burden to you. The whole reason why I'm here is to let you relax and not fight, not for you to take care of me. That'd be the opposite of what I'm trying to do, and it'd be rude - ow!" Usagi had gotten up and pinched her cheeks making sure all of the attention was on her. Then she gently smiled.

"This whole day you've been pretty rude, why's that bothering you now?" she laughed lightly. Despite what she planned to do being extremely dangerous, her intentions were pure. They were for her, too, and Usagi couldn't help but be a bit touched by that. Chibiusa blushed in embarrassment at her words. "Besides, I'm not giving you an option. It won't be forever anyways; just temporary."

"… Thank you…" she whispered before returned to her stubborn self. "But only until I can find somewhere else! I'm not a charity case; I could get a place if I really tried! Don't forget it!" Usagi simply nodded knowing that wasn't true. An 11 year old girl can't get anything without adult supervision. Things just kept getting more and more complicated.

"Now that that's settled, why don't you head to bed? It's been a pretty rough day today, okay? I need some time to myself to think."

The pink haired girl nodded, but offered up a lost look. "Where do I sleep?" When she spoke Usagi could identify the exhaustion in her voice. Of course, it was expected. Even after fainting the kid was sure to be tired from it all.

"Um… You can take my bed for tonight; I'll sleep on the couch. It's through that door over there." Chibiusa nodded and stood up. She offered up a smile which Usagi returned before heading in the direction which the teen told her. On the way there Usagi heard her yawn as she closed the door. Finally, it was quiet. Luna and Artemis sighed in relief as they could stop acting for now.

The silence was short-lived, though.

"Usagi-chan, what are you thinking?! You don't know anything about that little girl! You can't just up and decide she'll stay here. What about her parents? They must be so worried! And you can't possibly let her fight Nokemono; you basically just gave her the go-ahead!" Luna shouted but was mindful to keep it down so their new houseguest couldn't overhear.

"I agree, Usagi. This isn't right, there's too much mystery around her," Artemis cut in. Usagi merely laughed and waved them off.

"It'll be fine. It's actually better to have her here while this is happening. I can keep an eye on her. I'll try to find her parents by asking around, too. I'm sure it won't be hard to find them; not many people have missing daughters with natural pink hair. For now I just have to sit back and relax until some better plans come to me," she said nonchalantly. She figured there was no use worrying about it now. Best to save the thinking for the morning.

"But Usagi-chan-"

Ding-Dong

The doorbell rang interrupting Luna's sentence. Usagi silently thanked whoever was on the other side because she knew that if no one stopped this conversation it would carry on long into the night. Luna wasn't one to give things up until they were solved completely, and the teen just wanted to relax. Too much had happened that day and she just needed some time to contemplate in her mind. She needed to unwind. Too much stress.

"Did you guys order pizza or something?" she asked getting up to answer the ringing. "That actually sounds pretty good, I'm starving!" Not looking out the peephole before opening the door she was soon face to face with Chiba Mamoru.

"Hey," he grinned in greeting which always caused her heart to flutter slightly.

"Um, hi?" she airily countered somewhat awkwardly. Don't get her wrong, nobody was more welcome than Mamoru to her apartment, but she had no idea what he was doing here at the moment. The response got her a slightly hurt expression from her visitor.

Suddenly she seemed to remember when looking at the clock earlier it read 7:38. Considering that their talk took a while she guessed it must've been around 8:00. Usagi mentally smacked her forehead realizing why the time was important.

'My back!!' she gasped. 'Oh no… Oh no, no, no, no, no! I've been so busy I never had time to think about what to do about this! My back is fine, but it's inhuman to be able to heal as quickly as I did. Even a moron would suspect something, and Mamoru-kun is practically the smartest guy in the city! What the heck am I supposed to do?!'