A/N: .sigh. I still haven't recovered from Chapter 29. Why am I getting so emotional when I bloody wrote the scene? haha I wish I could see that on film, though, seriously. Dammit, let's make a movie out of this story! .waves hand in air. Ooh, ooh, can I be Lourdes? lmao! Man, that would be awesome. But alas, all we can do for now is imagine.
Anyway, I am very proud of this chapter. Actually, this chapter and every single one thereafter! I feel as though my writing has improved, and you know why? Your encouragement and your reviews! So really, thank you for that. It's truly a symbiotic relationship we share, my lovely readers! So here's Chapter 30, another one of my favourites. Enjoy!
Oh, and if anyone is interested, instead of writing a long, TristanOC fic, I just wrote a oneshot. So check it out if you would like! Don't forget to review! .wink.
makedamnsure: Aww, it's okay! I know, I was totally up for reading what you thought of that chapter! .shakes fists at But yeah. I'm sorry I killed Aiden. I'm still saddened about that. Lourdes and Isabella definitely had to have that talk. God, I wouldn't want to be in Lourdes' position, but I'm happy that she has some peace now. Galahad has great timing, doesn't he? Ahh! And Bors. Loveable Bors. He and the other knights will definitely make more appearances in this story!
I simply love that Relic Hunter episode! Hugh's showing his French skills! Ah, I simply adore him! And no worries, I'm definitely not ending it there. I have plans for this story until like, Chapter 55, so there's A LOT more to come! And wow, Galahad's Green Team is definitely getting pummeled. Eek. But you have good reasons! Anyway, thanks for reviewing again!
Withered Lover: I totally understand, work's been so hectic, too! And all your questions will be answered very shortly! I'm taking a bit of time making sure the plot makes sense and is believable, but I hope you'll be happy with it! And for the video…did you download the flash player? I just checked it out, and it works! .smiles.
SCORE! A COOKIE CAKE! And I am honoured that you are adding me on MySpace! .grins. To tell you the truth, I'm basing Lourdes' character on me and thinking of what I would do in her situation. So I'm confident that you'll like me! haha
haha Salamat to you, too! Learn Tagalog! It's so fun to speak! lmao
Kalanie: Hey girlie! Thanks for checking out my story! I know you're working hard on yours, so I truly appreciate you taking the time to do so. (Especially since it's getting bloody long!) I'm glad you like it, and I'll definitely count your vote for Lancelot! Here's the next chapter for you. Enjoy!
magical ex-auror hobbit.: Bloody hell, I rendered you speechless! .pats self on back. YES! I totally appreciate that! haha So many emotions are running rampant in this story. Will it all have a happy ending? Hmm… Also, your questions will totally be answered shortly! I'm creating all this anticipation, and I LOVE it! lol Also, more Tristan for you in the future! Here's another chapter for you, my lovely! (P.S. I just saw clips of "Shooting Dogs", and holy crap…Hugh is SO adorable in that movie. I definitely have to see it!)
Raging Raven: I'm so getting into the drama in this story. Ack! There's so much more to come. But I appreciate your reviews so much! .hugs. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
t t t
CHAPTER 30
"I am honoured to be a guest at your castle, Sir Arthur."
Lord Theodore's disturbingly amicable voice broke the silence that lingered throughout the room of the Round Table. Arthur and his knights eyed one another with stiff jaws, able to conceal on their countenances the distaste and hatred that they carried within. Yet, one could not observe them and overlook the intensity in their eyes, the facade of collected composure revealed through their inflamed orbs. None had spoken to Lord Theodore but Arthur, who, even after all the knights' protests and enraged outbursts, had graciously welcomed him into his castle, along with four of his entourage of knights. They had arrived only a few hours after Lourdes and the Woads had departed, fortunately unaware of what had previously transpired. Tight-lipped, Arthur gave a courteous bow to the Lord and each of the knights that were present, receiving the same gesture in return. Eerily enough, the Round Table was now occupied to its very last seat, resembling once more the original fellowship of the Round Table.
"To what do we owe this visit?" Arthur's voice betrayed his unyielding expression, breviloquence lining his speech, a testament to his growing impatience. It was as if he welcomed a demon itself into his domain, and as every moment passed by, it spread its merciless will upon his castle. Arthur and his knights remained alert and defensive, the possibility of aggression from Lord Theodore and his knights not far from their minds, and certainly, not far from possible. Barely reacting to the tone of Arthur's voice, the Lord merely sat back on his seat comfortably, resting his clenched hands on his stomach.
"I am sure that the Shinodians who have attacked your stronghold are still fresh in your memories." He began too lightly for such a grim subject, his glance passing upon every one of Arthur's knights. Galahad's solemn eyes now burned, his threatening expression not lost on Theodore as he continued in the same manner, "After the battle, we rode hard after them, killing every Shinodian that our arrows and blades could reach. We continued to chase the band, now of only 50 or so, as they hurried towards the east..."
"I do not want to hear any tales of your glory and victory!" Lancelot snapped through clenched teeth, moving forward to the edge of his seat as he placed his index finger on the table. "Now, tell us why you have come here and be done with it."
The impatience that coursed through Lancelot's speech surprised even some of the knights, including Galahad. Even in the presence of those whom they disliked, the knights were still expected to retain a certain etiquette, follow that code of chivalry. Truly, they shared similar thoughts, though an outburst such as that was not characteristic of the knight. Lancelot's mouth was fixed into a snarl, his eyes never leaving those of Lord Theodore's. Acting unfazed, the Lord cleared his throat at this interjection, pressing his lips into a thin line.
"If you had only let me continue, sir," he feigned a smile, bowing his head slightly towards the irate knight, "I would have said that my scouts found out some useful information."
At Lord Theodore's curt nod, the tall, blonde knight who sat beside him cleared his throat as he surveyed those before him. Taking a roughly drawn map from his pocket as he stood, he placed it near the middle of the Table, his finger tracing the illustrations as he spoke. "There is a new Shinodian threat on the eastern Sarmatian border. Armies in Shino are being amassed as we speak, numbers far greater than that which we have fought." He breathed out, his finger following the line of the southeast Sarmatian/Shinodian border. "Sarmatians in this area are in grave danger, their numbers not even equalling those of your realm, Sir Arthur. They are close to defenseless, and Shinodians need only to pass through their village and, subsequently, this mountain range in order to freely infiltrate Sarmatian lands from the south."
"What do you propose?" Arthur's stern voice claimed the attention of all that was present, his knights replying with murmurs in the same question.
"Join with us!" Another of Lord Theodore's knights stood, his perfervid countenance masking his handsome features. His voice rung with such passion for his cause, and he began to pace from his seat, looking at each and every one of the knights of the Round Table. "Together, we can fight back these Shinodian incursions and bring peace once more to Sarmatia!"
Bors scoffed at his display of such conviction, crossing his arms as he squinted his eyes. "12 of us against...how many, did you say?"
At this, Lord Theodore raised a finger before interrupting. "It shall not only be us, dear knights, oh no. Lords all over Sarmatia are now gathering every able-bodied man to journey towards the border and fight these incursions. We shall meet these Shinodian bastards head on and show them whose land this truly belongs to!"
A resounding cry came from Lord Theodore's four knights in support of this cause. Arthur only lowered his head, eyes darting to his knights, as he thought of an adequate response to this presented situation. He recognized Galahad's divided reaction, his face confirming that he would take this cause upon his shoulders, though his eyes glowing with regret. Lancelot's bitter countenance remained unchanged, his body stiff, as his eyes became fixated to the Table. Bors and Dagonet glanced at one another tiredly, eyes squinting at the new knights as though they were daft. Tristan and Gawain remained silent, only observing those around them as they waited patiently for Arthur's response. But before Arthur could reply, Lord Theodore poked,
"I am surprised that you are not defending your wife, Sir Lancelot." Arthur and the knights shared the same perplexed expression on their countenances, all snapping their heads towards Lancelot. Lancelot's snarl only increased at this comment, his fingers itching to snatch the blade stuffed in his boot and throwing it towards Lord Theodore's heart. "Tell me, how does the Shinodian beauty fare during these incursions? You protect her from Sarmatian threats, I suppose?"
Without warning, Lancelot stood and unsheathed his dagger, arm poised to throw it towards the smirking Lord. Even through their confusion, Tristan and Gawain held Lancelot back, with the scout gripping his raised elbow and Gawain pulling at the back of his tunic. As the legs of the chairs scraped the stone floor, every knight was now on their feet at this exchange, with Lord Theodore's knights clutching the hilts of their swords defensively, lips pressed into a thin line. Galahad, Bors and Dagonet remained unfazed and not at all threatened by their gestures.
"Enough!" Arthur roared, throwing his fist onto the Table, eyes a mixture of pure rage and confusion. "What is the meaning of this?"
Without responding, Lancelot shrugged Tristan and Gawain from his being before stalking out of the room. The knights lowered their alerted defenses, calmly looking upon each other once more. Arthur's icy stare landed on Lord Theodore, and he heatedly paced to the man's side, increasing the Lord's agitation.
"Do not think for a second that we do not know that you sent those men to murder the Shinodian girl." He spat, towering over the now cowering Lord, index finger pointed to his nose. Lord Theodore's knights looked at their commander, bewildered at this revelation, before turning their attention to Arthur as he spoke. "Rest assured, Theodore, that if these are lies you speak of, no knights, no gathered army of yours will be able to protect you from my sword. That is my word."
Swallowing nervously at the threat, Lord Theodore finally nodded in understanding. As Arthur retreated from his side, he breathed in and lifted his chin upwards in order to regain his former smug disposition. The other knights around them remained tense, as if waiting for the conclusion of their exchange.
Rightly so, it took Theodore a few moments before he was able to speak again. He asked quietly, "W-will you join our cause, then?"
Arthur swirled around to face him as he pushed open the double doors. "We will send a messenger with our answer. For now, I suggest that you and your knights leave, for this meeting has drawn all of my patience."
t t t
Arthur lightly paced on the stone terrace overlooking the gardens, his face flashing a thousand different emotions, exhibiting his indecision. Night had fallen, and the lush flowers, the thousands of blades of grass and the once inviting trees were all covered in a blanket of darkness. Their true beauty was no longer to be seen, now only to be replaced by demon-like silhouettes, creeping upon the castle as the luminous moon peeked through the indigo clouds. Even the once twinkling stars appeared dull, all devoid of their radiance as they looked down upon the lone knight.
In frustration, Arthur slapped his hands fiercely onto the stone railings of the terrace, breathing out exasperatedly as he hung his head indignantly. His bottled anger was finally released by this gesture, and he gazed up towards the pitch-black sky, in need of much guidance. "Oh, merciful God, I have such need of your mercy now." He began in a stable voice, eyes still towards the heavens. "Not for myself, but for my knights, for this is truly their hour of need."
Lancelot's quiet footsteps echoed through the dimly-lit corridor, his mind not being close to being relieved of anger and stress. The happenings of the past two days had been growing heavily on him, and his once resistive nature when dealing with such things was now replaced with a ferocious nature filled with anger, hate and regret. Stalking his way towards the courtyard, he caught a glimpse of Arthur's form, which was now leaning across the terrace railings, displaying his quiet meditation. Having left his comrades earlier with his irascible demeanor, Lancelot felt apologetic and strode towards Arthur. Hearing the knight approach, Arthur turned to him, his countenance still faced with much indecision. As Lancelot took his place beside him, Arthur broke the silence that loomed amongst them, eyes somewhat downcast.
"We shall ride with them, Lancelot." Arthur informed his best comrade, exhaling away his insecurities as he finally made his decision. Though he knew the consequences of this action, he believed it was the lesser of two evils. In fact, he even believed that, as Sarmatians, this was now their cause. Even through Lancelot's bewildered expression, he continued, "Any man willing to join us will be welcome. We shall all journey to the Sarmatian/Shinodian border together."
"Do not do this." Lancelot shook his head with conviction, his emotion steadfast. His memories flashed to their previous missions, the instances when they all somehow cheated death. Lancelot was so tired of this life, so bitter that so many of his years were taken from him, and feeling that he had received nothing in consolation. "Only certain death awaits us there. Arthur, I beg of you. For our friendship's sake, I beg of you."
Arthur ran his hands upon his face at his response, closing his eyes tightly. He understood Lancelot's turbulent emotions, for it mirrored his own. Though he replied, "Be my friend now and do not dissuade me. Seize the freedom that you have earned and live it for the both of us."
Lancelot could barely believe his comrade's rationale. Did he hate his life so much that he desired to take such a suicidal mission? "To try and halt the Shinodians in the east is insanity, Arthur, not with our numbers!" He strode to his commander's side, facing him with his voice increasing in intensity. "How many Shinodians? Hmm? How many! Tell me, do you believe in this mission?"
Arthur met Lancelot's inflamed eyes, his own green ones aflame with heightened conviction. "Our fellow Sarmatians need us. If we meet the Shinodians at the border, then we will all have a better chance of fighting back their incursions."
"Suicide cannot be chosen in our time of freedom." Lancelot responded bitterly.
"And yet you choose death for the Sarmatians in the east?" Arthur yelled in frustration, his chest rising and falling as he now faced Lancelot. His voice had echoed throughout the hall, heightening his infuriated disposition.
"No!" Lancelot replied in the same fashion, running his fingers through his hair. "I choose life! And freedom! For myself and the men!"
Breathing out in sullen understanding, Arthur managed to contain his conflicting emotions. A part of him felt such guilt for bringing this upon his knights once more, to ask of them to once again risk their lives after only enjoying their freedom for mere months. Yet, this was their duty, their cause. If they chose, they could make peace through war. He could not disband his knights in a world where war slept so uneasily, one where so many of their countrymen were in danger. How could he possibly explain to his fellow knight what this truly means? Catching Lancelot's gaze, Arthur continued, "How many times in battle have we snatched victory from the jaws of defeat? Outnumbered, outflanked, but still we triumph? With you at my side, we can do so again." He paused, pursing his lips into a thin line as he placed his hands firmly upon Lancelot's shoulders. "Lancelot, we are knights. What other purpose do we serve if not for such a cause?"
Lancelot's burning anger only intensified at Arthur's explanation. He clenched his jaw as he pointed into the distance. "I want nothing more to do with her or her damn people! I have my freedom, Arthur, and I intend to keep it."
Arthur could barely believe what Lancelot had just stated. He observed the knight, who still illuminated with such anger, such emotion. His chest rose and fell as he tried to quell his rage, no evidence of regret for his previous statement. Was this truly the same man who showed such compassion to Lourdes, who protected her with every part of his being? Was this the same man who had begun to change right before of his eyes, his subtleties not lost to him nor the other knights? No, Arthur discerned, this could not be that same knight. What provoked such actions and words from him, he could not determine -- but Arthur's instincts clearly screamed that something was bothering the knight. The fact that he did not even say goodbye to the girl only increased Arthur's concern for him. Keeping his gaze fixated on Lancelot's brown orbs, he asked, "You care for her no longer, Lancelot?"
This question caught the knight's throat. He only stared at his commander for many moments, speechless, as Arthur continued to eye him questioningly. With an almost inaudible murmur, Lancelot turned from his best comrade without a word, stalking back into the castle.
t t t
Only mere moments after Lancelot left Arthur's side, he almost collided with a figure that was briskly walking from the dark, chambers' corridor. Stepping back a pace, he recognized Galahad, who looked upon him with unflinching steadiness. For many moments, the two knights stared at each other in silence, standing in the main hall beneath the moonlight, as still as marble statues. The bitterness that plagued Lancelot was expertly suppressed, his countenance clean of such emotion. Though, an apologetic expression was clearly evident on Galahad's face, even exhibiting a tint of apprehension for Lancelot's wrath. When he could not withstand the uneasy confrontation any longer, Galahad broke the silence.
"I never knew she was your wife."
Lancelot was taken aback by this statement, a hint of amusement even flashing in his eyes for a few seconds. He turned his body towards Galahad, his muscles firm as he shook his head once. "Do not believe what you hear from that bastard's mouth."
His brows furrowing, Galahad eyed Lancelot in question, visibly confused about what had transpired earlier. Lancelot immediately understood the young knight's thoughts, pacing a few steps towards him. "If you desire to atone for what you have done, then you have come in vain. The deed has been done, and there is nothing you can do to change it."
A defensive expression now crept upon Galahad's face at this assertion, his green eyes intensely focused on Lancelot's. "If she is not your wife, then I have nothing to atone for."
"Then you disgrace yourself." snapped Lancelot as he impetuously turned his back on Galahad. Without a thought, he walked away, his heavy breathing becoming audible.
"I love her, Lancelot." came Galahad's fervent voice, the young knight's gaze never faltering. Lancelot halted his footsteps, clenching his fists beside him as he stood still. The thick blanket that covered Lancelot's true emotions was quickly unraveled by these few words, his mask failing him. He swiftly turned back towards Galahad, frustration taking over his being as he snarled, "You love her?" he reiterated incredulously, scoffing as he stalked closer towards the young knight. "You love her, and yet you compromised her?"
"I never..."
"You're a fool, Galahad." Lancelot snapped through clenched teeth, eyeing the young knight with such condescension in his brown orbs. "You speak of love, and yet you only act upon impulse, not heeding the consequences of your actions!"
Galahad wiped the bewildered expression on his face and answered bitingly, "You are one to speak of such things, Lancelot." Galahad kept his stance firm, his hands clenching as he came face to face with the knight. "Do not think that you know how I truly feel. If you could only see the way…"
For Lancelot, Galahad's insinuation did not go unnoticed. He pointed an accusing finger at his nose, his face calm, yet voice threatening as he interjected, "Do not dare act as though you are so righteous yourself." He paused before turning his back on him once more. "At least I was never engaged to marry!"
Galahad was rendered speechless by the truth in Lancelot's words. He watched silently as Lancelot placed his hands on the dining table, using his arms to support him as he simmered in his anger. Galahad managed to eventually control his upset state, withstanding Lancelot's burning accusation -- nay, Lancelot's truthful remark. Deep down inside, Galahad knew why Lancelot was acting like so. Yet, he desperately wanted to hear it from his comrade's own mouth, to have his earlier suspicions confirmed. Calling out to Lancelot, he questioned, "Is your current state of anger really due to me and my shame, Lancelot?" Galahad clenched his jaw, swallowing. "Or is there something else that plagues your heart?"
Galahad noticed Lancelot's back tense as his shoulders rose and fell, the knight's only response being a pointed look. Galahad frowned, his regret more evident by his expression.
"Lancelot, I do not wish to quarrel with you." He admitted sincerely, pacing a few steps closer to him. "We have been friends for more than 15 years, and you are a brother to me." He paused, pursing his lips into a thin line as he continued slowly, "I only wish to know if you love her as I do."
Lancelot tensed even more at Galahad's speech, his emotions once more becoming unsettled, his conscience indecisive. Evading the question completely, he replied with, "Brother, I only ask one thing of you."
Galahad merely nodded unsurely.
"Do not ever mention her in my presence again."
t t t
Leaving Galahad in a bewildered state, Lancelot abruptly walked away from the young knight and stalked to his chamber. Slamming the door furiously behind him, he yelled out in frustration, forcefully throwing a wooden chair that was in his path. Smashing into the wall, it splintered into many little pieces all around him, carpeting the stone floor. All façades and all self-control had left this knight, only to be replaced by his exhibitions of rage, pain and regret. Sitting down on his bed, Lancelot ran his palms on his face, breathing in and out heavily as he tried to cope with his situation and regain control over his emotions. As he placed his hands to his side, he felt something underneath his palm. Furrowing his brows, he looked down upon the object as he held it in his hand. His breath caught in his throat as he realized what it was. As his willpower all but failed him, Lancelot bowed his head and finally began to sob, tightly gripping Lourdes' medallion in front of him.
t t t
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
- "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts