A/N: Yes, 'tis the weekend once more! Meaning...more updates! .grins like a chimp. I'll keep this short, since I'm working on the story as I type this! haha ENJOY!

Kalanie:Aww, I hope I don't make you cry anymore. Well. Let me think. I probably will, knowing me and my obsession with drama and angst. Eep. But sure, Lancelot's all yours! lol But yeah, I spent a lot of time on Chapter 30, so I'm glad it turned out the way it did! Yaye, you're hooked! I need to get even more people hooked on this story! muahaha I think it's too long for most people, but meh. I like it, and that's all that matters! haha Good, I'm still writing them in character. I just finished reading your update, and YAYE! You can probably tell from my review that I'm quite happy with your decision! lol! Here's another chapter for you!

kdawn7: Yaye! Good to hear from you! And I think you're the only one torn, aside from me. Everyone else seems to have chosen a knight, and I'm here, trying to write the story so they could ALL be torn! hahaha But here's another chappy! Enjoy!

DeathDealer210912: Yeahhh rendered (almost) speechless! I love it! I'm glad you're still reading thing loooooong story!

Kates: This was definitely a "poor Lancelot" chapter. I totally dedicated it to him, because, well, after that shabby goodbye, he definitely needed to explain himself! I was totally emotional when I wrote this too, so it showed, huh? And as for Theodore...he still has a role to play in this story of mine, unfortunately! hahah But keep wishing...maybe he WILL die! muahaha

EEH! I'm soo excited for the fanart! I can't wait to see your work! And as for the fluffy romance...you know me. I like tension and angst, but after I've annoyed the readers enough, I'll give them SO MUCH ROMANCE that they won't be able to handle it. Trust me. .grins mischievously. In the future, this story will totally turn into an "MA" rating! lol

Withered Lover: I'm really glad people liked chapter 30. I totally used my reservoir of emotions and vocab for that! haha I created empathy, hoorah for me! But yes, Lourdes left the medallion for Lancelot. This means sooo much, and you'll see that soon enough! hehe

Oh, young love. What can you do, eh?

hahah I wish I could just magically write this entire story and post it up! But hey, my work contract is done in 4 days, so HA! More time to work on it! I'll totally finish this by the end of summer, since I've already thought of an ending! ;) Sad, but true. But hey, you have pretty good ideas! We should place bets and ask people what they think will happen! haha

And yeah, don't you just love the long, detailed chapters? Hey, when the romance comes, you'll want the long, very descriptive chapters...trust me! lmao Enjoy this next chapter!

P.S.Thanks to those that checked out my TristanOC oneshot, "Breathe No More, Bleed No More"! Glad ya'll liked it!

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CHAPTER 31

Dirty, tired, aching and hurting – this basically summed up Lourdes' state during the journey throughout Sarmatian lands. They had journeyed through dirt, mud and water, rarely halting to regain their energy, rarely slowing down to take in nourishment. For days after they had departed Arthur's realm, vast mountain ranges blocked their path, rocky escarpments with jagged rocks lined their way and looming trees of enormous size stood before them, as if poised to halt any intruders that dared venture through. Shelter consisted of mere blankets, tied upon branches and tree trunks, usually ripping at the strong force of the wind. Most of the time, they were left with no choice but to rest on the muddied ground, sharp rocks and twigs lining their backs, insects freely roaming all over their bodies. And throughout it all, it was imperative that they remained alert, the presence of all 20 of them not at all inconspicuous to either Shinodian or Sarmatian.

Merlin guided the way, his sense of direction never faltering even after several drawbacks, surrendering to the forces of nature never an option. Though these southern Sarmatian lands were foreign to the old Woad, his years of living within the woods of Britain and the skills he had obtained because of it were of much use, choosing what and what not to eat, travelling on the pathways of least hardship, using the stars themselves as his guide. Right now, nature was their toughest enemy, setting before them even more adverse circumstances as the snowfall began. This proved only to be a nuisance and a hindrance, for most were not dressed well nor prepared for such weather. The snow was only a detriment to their visibility, health and stealth, yet they pressed forward, their final destination still clear in their minds.

Lourdes uttered no word of complaint. In fact, she barely spoke at all, save to Merlin when he required her counsel. She was under the false impression that distance from her knights would only decrease the pain that she was feeling, yet as time passed on, it proved to have the opposite effect. With little restraint, a part of her regretted her decision, to leave things with both Galahad and Lancelot the way they were. She could only console herself with the thought that now, she was gone, no longer a burden to both them or any of the other Sarmatians.

With a light kick to the side of his horse, Merlin rode his steed to Lourdes' side, bowing politely to those that rode around her. He looked at her with a steady gaze, his body upright as he kept in pace with her. "We are nearing the Shinodian border."

The glaze in Lourdes' eyes vanished, only to be replaced by panic and fear. She stuttered, "Merlin, what…what are we to do?"

"I had sent scouts days before we left Arthur's realm. They have now just returned, but only with a warning from my Shinodian allies." Merlin took the reigns of her horse, halting her abruptly. More seriousness resonated in his eyes as he continued. "These times are perilous, especially for the Shinodians. They act with caution and now, even malice and aggression. It is still a wonder to me that all my scouts returned alive…"

Lourdes furrowed her brows, giving her head a shake. "Merlin, I do not understand."

"The only reason that my scouts were let go was because they mentioned you, Lourdes." Merlin clenched his jaw, his countenance firm as he inclined his head. "You have in your possession the one thing that can prove your true identity."

At this, Lourdes' face turned white, completely aghast at what she just heard. She instantly broke Merlin's gaze, her eyes falling to the ground in fear and panic. The old Woad eyed at her with puzzlement, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"What is it, different one?" he questioned concernedly, attempting to meet her eyes.

"The medallion…" she choked out, tightening her grip on the reigns as she swallowed, "…I…I do not have it with me."

The shock on Merlin's countenance quickly appeared, his eyes widened. In a swift move, he dismounted his horse, immediately walking to Lourdes' side. He examined her, his hand even trembling as he held his staff. "Dear girl, the medallion is the key to our safe journey within southern Shinodian lands!" He breathed out, his eyes inflamed with distress. "Where is the medallion? Did you lose it?"

Tears were now falling down from Lourdes' eyes as she shook her head, realizing their grave situation. "No, I...I left it at Arthur's castle."

Merlin only closed his eyes to calm his rising emotions. A part of him was angry and disappointed at Lourdes. Had he not told her to guard the medallion with her life, to ensure that she had it with her at all times? A wave of regret then passed through him, realizing that he had not told Lourdes what use the medallion would serve to her, to all of them, when they were to cross into Shino. For this situation, his cryptic demeanor had done him no good, none at all.

The old Woad looked to Lourdes in apology, fatigue finally reflecting in his eyes. The maiden only bit her lip, silently waiting for his expected reprove of her. Finally, in a kind gesture, Merlin took her hand, hoping to quell her dread and discomfort.

"Make camp," he called out to the Woads that surrounded them, "we shall rest here for the night."

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The woman collapsed upon Lancelot as the feeling of pleasure coursed through their bodies. Lancelot gave out a satisfied sigh, running his fingers through his hair as he closed his eyes for a few moments, slowly regaining his composure. She continued to breathe heavily, giggling slightly, as she gently traced his cheek with her fingers. She lowered her lips to the side of his face as she brushed them teasingly upon his skin. In response to her show of affection, Lancelot immediately moved his face away from her touch, gripping her wrist tightly as he turned his face to the side.

"I am done with you. Get out of my chambers."

The stinging, callous tone of his voice instantly evoked an incredulous expression on the woman's face. She continued to lie on top of him, mouth agape, as she tried to croak out a question. Lancelot eyed her expectantly with his stone orbs, all devoid of emotion. When she did not move immediately, he shoved her away with a grunt, almost sending her crashing onto the floor. Promptly taking her clothes that were thrown all over the bed and stone floor, he flung the garments towards her direction, facing her to only nod his head once more towards the door.

By this time, the woman had recovered from her shock, trembling as she meekly took her clothes and placed them back on. Lancelot did not even look at her, rolling over on the bed to grasp a wooden cup and take a sip of his ale, which he had previously left on the side table. When he would not meet her gaze, the woman stumbled towards the door, clumsily feeling for its latch in the dark. As silent tears streaked down her face, she had enough will left in her to turn towards the knight, who kept his gaze fixated towards the window.

"Did you...did you not mean anything that you said to me?" she croaked out between sobs, placing the back of her hand on her mouth in a futile attempt to stop her crying.

Lancelot only twisted his head slightly towards her direction before finally replying tiredly with, "What do you think?"

Without another word, the woman ran from Lancelot's chambers, her sobs fading into the distance. Lancelot barely heeded her reaction and lied back down on his bed, resting his hands behind the back of his head. Truly, there was no greater release in this world than bedding a whore, he thought inwardly. You woo them, you bed them, then you forget about them. It was his 'infallible philosophy', one that he had been satisfied with for quite a long time. Smirking contentedly at his latest conquest, he pulled the covers above him, reveling in the warmth that it now brought to him. Though, after a few moments, he realized that this warmth was not enough for him. He still felt so cold, so uncomfortable, so…alone.

Reaching out to the empty space beside him, he thought back to the time when he had held Lourdes in his arms, how her body trembled when she needed so much comfort, and how she had moved so closely, so willingly towards him when she found it in his embrace. He gulped at this memory, trying with all his might to will it away, closing his eyes as he did so. Though, it only continued to scream out at him, bringing him to a state of near torture, as he tried to bury his feelings deep within him. Perhaps it was her spirit, her conviction, her complete uniqueness that haunted him. He thought of her faults, but only found beauty and strength in them. He thought of the other beautiful maidens that he had bedded, but only felt her touch, smelt her scent, saw her. She was affecting his every sense, evoking his every emotion, haunting him in even his dreams.

He remembered the anguish that he had felt when he thought that she had died in his arms, the unyielding torture that plagued his heart -- the torture that he could still feel remnants of, even now. He felt so helpless – a feeling that he had only experienced a few times in his lifetime. Now, it seemed as though he could no longer control anything, whether it be his emotions or the circumstances of his life.

He had to stop this. He just had to.

He had to block her from his mind, erase her from his memory. He could not yield to her and allow her memory to continue torturing him. Tightening his grip on the wooden cup, he threw it onto the wall with a grunt, spilling the rest of his drink and smashing the cup into little wooden pieces. He ran his hands through his face and hair in frustration, breathing out. This was the reason why he acted like so with women. This was the kind of torment that one had to endure if one became attached to another. Lancelot could not stand the vulnerability, the sort of weakness that came with such a situation. In truth, he was afraid.

Now, he wished that he had never changed.

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Galahad entered his chambers, incredibly weary and broody. Moonlight slowly crept into the darkened room, somewhat lighting his path as he paced towards the bed. With a deep sigh, he removed his tunic, then took his place underneath the blanket beside Isabella's form. He turned to her briefly, and when she kept still, he figured that she was asleep and fixed his gaze onto the stone ceiling. Though, Isabella was wide awake, having heard Galahad return and feeling him lie down beside her. So much had been plaguing her mind over the past week that she had barely been able to sleep herself. She waited for another few moments before turning slightly, gaining the young knight's attention.

"Is something the matter?" she quietly questioned, shifting her body to face him. Galahad looked down upon her with steady eyes before curtly shaking his head. She let out an exasperated sigh, throwing the covers from her and sitting up on the bed. She had just about enough of Galahad's brooding spells and mood swings, which understandably increased throughout this week. She had enough of his distance, his lack of compassion, just...him. Eyes fiercely landing upon his form once more, she spat, "How much longer will you keep this façade for me, Galahad? Until my heart utterly breaks and bleeds all over my dress?"

The knight sat up stiffly, wide-eyed, at her sudden attack. A moment of fear and guilt flashed through his eyes, but as quickly as they had appeared, they were gone. Instead, he looked at her with confusion apparent in his eyes, mouth slightly agape. "Isabella, what are you..."

"I am not as stupid as you think I am." she snapped, now standing beside the bed, face scrunched up in her state of upset. "First of all, do you really think that you could keep from me the Shinodian incursions in the east and the fact that you and your knights shall ride towards the Sarmatian/Shinodian border for the next fortnight?"

Galahad ran his hands on his face and through his hair, exhaling exasperatedly. "I was going to tell you, 'tis just..."
"When, Galahad?" she screamed, pointing an angry finger out of the window. "On the morrow that you are about to leave?"

He turned his face away from her briefly before looking upon her once more. Unable to explain his previous actions, he reasoned, "This is my life, Isabella. I am bound by oath, by honour..."

She pointed an accusing finger towards him, trembling. "You are one to speak of honour, dear knight." She said sarcastically through clenched teeth, walking closer to him. "You have taken me for a fool this entire time, Galahad, and yet you show no remorse, no compassion towards everything that you have done and put me through!"

"Isabella..." he called out consolingly as he reached for her. She immediately slapped his hand away, blue eyes now even more aflame, threatening.

"Do not dare touch me, Galahad." Swiftly turning from his form, she reached around her and promptly threw her bags onto the bed. Without hesitation, she gathered all of her belongings throughout the room; though, deep inside, she did not at all care what she did and did not bring. Her breathing now audible, she continued hoarsely, "I am going home."

Finally, Galahad rose from the bed, prying the bag from Isabella's grasp as he gripped her wrists tightly. "Stop this! Why are you acting like so?"

She only glared at him in answer, shoving him away as a smug smirk appeared on her face. "I've asked you the same question so many times, knight, and what do you reply with? A grunt, a shrug, a dismissive turn of the head." She paused briefly before yelling at the top of her lungs, "Damn you, Galahad! Damn you and your bloody lies!"

By this point, Isabella was in tears, finally releasing everything that she had kept locked up in her heart. She had finally been pushed to her limit, not able to take this situation any longer. She needed to leave, to get away from this damned place as soon as possible. Though, before she could ever find peace, she knew that she needed to confirm the question that had been haunting her for so long, eating her up inside and torturing every part of her being -- the question that she already knew the answer to.

Managing to steady her voice for a few moments, she firmly asked, "Are you in love with the Shinodian woman, Galahad?"

Galahad's heavy breathing became audible as he met her gaze with intense eyes. He blinked repeatedly, as if in shock of what she had just asked him.

"Tell me the truth!" Isabella wailed, her face distorting in anguish.

With a simple nod from the knight, she finally received her answer.

A moment of silence passed through them, both Galahad and Isabella keeping still. Isabella lowered her head, exhaling as she breathed out, "And when were you planning to tell me this? When we were exchanging vows? When we were raising our children!"

Galahad could only shake his head as he kept his eyes closed, regret, guilt and despair coursing through his veins. He knew that this moment was to come sooner or later, yet he was still so unprepared, unable to give Isabella an answer.

"Have you bedded her?"

The knight meekly shook his head, a wave of embarrassment and shame passing through him.

Isabella nodded her head knowingly, clenching her jaw in order to quell her tears. She pursed her lips for a few moments before beginning once more. "I am more angry that you did not tell me sooner, that you played such a game with me, than knowing that you feel something that you cannot help." She swallowed, gritting her teeth. "I would have understood, Galahad. You did not have to make a fool of me."

Isabella inhaled deeply before returning to her task of packing her belongings. Momentarily, Galahad closed his eyes, so many emotions running rampant within him. What was happening now should have never happened in the first place. This was all his doing, the consequences of his faulty decisions, the outcome of his stupidity. He had hurt Isabella deeply, and he knew it, and nothing he could do could take it back.

"I cannot believe I wasted so much time on a man that does not even know the true meaning of love." she stated callously, inflaming a tint of rage within the knight's heart. "You admit that you are in love with her, but you never even fought for her. In fact, when she first left, what did you do, Galahad? You moved on. You proposed to me." She shoved him once more, but Galahad took the punishment, keeping quiet as she continued. "If you truly loved her, you would have travelled across the earth, swam to the very depths of the sea to find her and be with her again. You would have kept the hope of seeing her once more in your heart, and never would have given up on her." She flung the strap of the bag on her back, stalking towards the chamber door. "Think hard upon that, Galahad, and determine whether what you truly feel for her is love."

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A/N: Ouch. That was totally dry. So...what'd you guys think? .wink.