Chapter three: Weeping, We Sat Us Down

"And once on a winter's midnight

I found its highest crown,

And there in the gloom, my soul and I,

Weeping, we sat us down."

Nobody came to walk with me to school the next day. That only heightened my loneliness. I walked to school, alone, in foot-deep snow. It had fallen the night before. It was now mid-December, and Christmas lights began to appear on many of the houses. Our house fashioned Fenton-Lights, guaranteed ten years of bright, Christmas spirit or your money back! I didn't have any Christmas spirit. The necklace I had bought for Sam sat in my shirt drawer, alone. Just like me.

But it got worse.

I trudged to Lancer's room, dropped my bag next to my desk, and fell into my chair. I was so tired from the lack of sleep I'd gotten the night before.

"Psst! Danny!" Tucker called from beside me. It was five minutes until class started, our usual chat time.

"Not now, Tucker," I said, my head buried in the heap of my arms on the desk. "I'm too tired."

"But Dan-ny! You need to know this before you find out from her!"

I slowly raised my head, eyes blinking. "What?"

His response came from his eyes; they pointed forward. My gut twisted and I followed his gaze. Sam and Jared were holding hands.

"What'd they do? Go on a date?" I asked with a snicker.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice dripping with apology.

Well, I thought, I guess I can't think positive thoughts about Sam now. I scolded myself. Of course you can! I argued. She's happy, right? Isn't that a good thing? But I wasn't. We would both be happy if we were together. But with Jared in the picture that wasn't going to happen.

We had a partner project assigned, and Tucker and I were together. Sam and Jared both chose each other, then had a great laugh. Tuck invited me to stay the night at his house so we could work on our project, something to do with the Amendments. I glumly agreed, and said I'd be there at four. The rest of the day I avoided both Sam and Jared; it was easy seeing as they were together the whole time.

I arrived at 3:58, and we went up to his room. He had to explain the entire assignment to me again; I hadn't been listening.

Dinner was good, but I couldn't focus on any one thing. I'm pretty sure I made conversation with the Foleys, but it's kinda hazey; my thoughts kept wandering to Sam and Jared.

We worked on our Amendment project, and Tucker had to explain the instructions again. He asked if I was okay, and I explained that I was fine, just a little distracted.

"Oh," he sighed. "Sam."

I looked away. "Yeah. How-how is she?"

"She's fine. They're a couple now." He looked into my face, reading my pain. "You okay, man?"

"No." I shoved my fingers into my hair, pulling it away from my face to fend off tears. "No, I'm not." That's when it all came out. I've never seen him sit so quietly; he focused on every word I said, understood the feelings I expressed. When it was all done, and I had pured out my soul, my eyes dry from the tears, he sat, silent. My eyes were closed. I didn't want to look at him.

"Danny," he said after several minutes had passed. "Why didn't you just tell her in the first place?" He was being very careful not to set me off, I knew, but he couldn't help but ask the obvious question.

"Yeah, I know." My voice was broken. "Looking back, I wish I had. But it's too late now. I couldn't possibly tell her."

"Yes you could! It's never too late," he encouraged me. But I didn't listen.

"Tucker, thank you. It's nice to get it all out. But… I dunno, I gotta go. Or something." I got up, all of a sudden confused at the emotions surging through me.

"Listen, Danny, just let her know. Tell her you're happy for her, and you know, whatever, but tell her how you feel. She'll understand. And you won't regret it later."

I left. Tucker didn't fully understand. I already did regret it, and nothing could change it.

Next—Chapter 4: Two Shades of a Thing That Died

This is coming along nicely, eh? Lotsa reviews, too! Thankies guys! (((kisses))) I think I'll be updating about once a week, maybe. Not too sure. It's getting hard to find time to sit and type them up. REVIEW! ;)