Hello all :D I found the poem again (misplaced for a few years, I'm so pathetic), and I think I can finish this without the original plot outline, so I'll give it a shot. (How suiting to come back after a break to see that Danny has, as well!)
Chapter four: Two Shades of a Thing That Died
"But now when I seek that summit,
We are two ghosts that go;
Only two shades of a thing that died,
Once in the long ago."
I don't know where I've been lately. Completely beside myself, I think, though I don't have anyone here to confirm it. Tucker has all but left me (at my suggestion), instead spending his time supporting Sam and her relationship. Each day I wake up grey; my mind is slow and drags its feet, I have to think about breathing, and my head droops forward, eyes following whatever the ground has to show me that morning.
It's almost Christmas, and that necklace is still aging away in my dresser. Maybe I'll just keep it, to forever remember how stupid I was for ever falling in love. Some turn to physical pain to help them, right? To show themselves they can still feel, or that they're in control, or whatever they decide to keep holding on. But I could never do that. So I think I'll keep cutting my heart, deep down, where nobody's going to find it again. I like emotional pain anyway; it's easier to tolerate, lasts longer, and nobody's the wiser.
What's the point of life anymore? Everyone around me is happy, they're geared up for the holidays, and where will that leave me? Stuck at home pretending to be cheery (or holing myself up in my room) while the rest of the world is full of love and joy. I've lost the one thing that mattered most to me, and I'll never forgive myself.
"Winter Break" comes finally, each day slowly getting more painful than the last. I should get out more. Even the ghosts have noticed; I'm getting sloppy and using the thermos more and more lately, instead of putting my usual gusto into a fistfight. Show up, suck 'em in, and throw 'em out. I'm stuck in a rut, lost in this dismal routine, and I'll never find my way out. Just thinking about it cuts into my chest, the pain settling in for another long ride.
The first day back is chaos. Everyone at school is talking a million miles a minute; shouting, laughing, sharing stories. I keep my eyes to the tiled floor and stay away from crowds, but it's not enough.
"Hey, Danny," a sickeningly familiar voice calls from down the hall. "Where've you been lately?"
I don't dare turn around. Keep walking, pretend you didn't hear, and maybe she'll leave you alone.
"Danny?" She's gotten closer. Shit, I can't take this. Not right now! My hands grip my backpack's straps in a sweaty panic as I let my eyes dart around for a bathroom. Who cares who sees me? Everyone knows I'm a wreck anyway.
Footsteps behind me signal her approach, and I know she's hell-bent on confrontation. At the last second, I dodge to the right and into the first-floor men's bathroom, safe from her too-late concern. Sam may as well be dead to me now, I think, because there's nothing left of me to care for. Life as a shell is going great, thanks for asking.
Next—Chapter 5, our finale: "Be Still."
How many of you are left? Who among the first followers will get an email today and actually read this chapter? xD I'm guessing not many. But I feel accomplished, so here you go.