September 16, 2008

6:09 p.m.

Mood: Depressed

Music: Dont Know Why-Nora Jones

It's been three days since Will kissed me.

It's been three days since I've talked to Will.

It's been three days since I've even seen Will.

My only question is: Where the fuck is Will?

I swear to God, I've never been so mad in my entire life. First, he says he loves me as a sister. Then he says he doesn't. Then he kisses me, and then walks off. Who the hell does he think he is? I mean, that was the best, most passionate kiss I've ever had in my entire life.

And he's going to try and tell me he didn't feel any thing??

Because I know I did!

It's a saturday night, and Im sitting in my room eating Ben&Jerrys. I have no life.

Oh great, Jane just told me Charlie is coming over. Well thats great for her isn't it?? She has a guy, and I don't!

Well screw her!!

Oh, now she wants me to help her cook for him. I don't think so! I may be a great cook, but that doesn't mean Im going to help. Even though I am kinda hungry...

Be back later!

Lizzy.

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September 16, 2008

9:56 p.m.

Mood: Heartbroken

Music: Ordinary Day- Vanessa Carlton

God!!

So you know how Charlie was supposed to be coming over?

Yea, well Jane forgot to mention that Will was going to be with him.

He had some nerve coming to my house!!

Here I am, pulling the lasagna I made out of the oven. When, out of the corner of my eye I see Will Darcy!!

I guess, that I had my hand on the scalding pan and didn't even notice until about 10 seconds later!

"Shit!" I yelled, closing the oven with my foot, and rushing over to the sink.

"Are you okay?" Jane asked hopping off the counter.

"Do I look okay?" I snapped, tears threatening to spill.

"Here, let me see..." Jane said grabbing my wrist. "Im pretty sure it'll be okay, but you burned it pretty bad."

This all happened because of Will!! There he was, over in the corner of my kitchen, looking alert.

Like he was actually concerned!

"I'll be fine, you guys go ahead and eat. I'll be upstairs." I said, walking past Will, and out of the kitchen.

I went into the bathroom, looking for some gauze. Then, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

"Holy shit," I mumbled to myself.

I had on a pair of old basket ball shorts, with a ratty sweatshirt. My hair was up in a messy bun. Im sure Will was just loving this look!!

Once I finished doctoring my burn, I went into my bedroom and turned the music on as loud as possible. I collapsed on my bed, face first. About three seconds later I heard a knock on the door.

"Fuck off," I yelled, but it was muffled by the pillow I was laying on, and the music.

"Lizzy?" It was Will.

I shot up, and looked around my room. Shit! Three bras, but luckily no underwear.

"Hey, I was um...wondering if I could talk to your for a second." He said awkwardly. He had noticed the bras.

I got up and turned off my music.

"Yeah?" I said, returning back to my bed.

"Hows your hand?"

"Bad."

"Oh, right, well, about the other day..."

"Omigosh," I said, cutting him off. "The other day...hmm...let me think...oh yea! I forgot, thats when you kissed me then walked off with out a word. You didn't even call to try to explain or anything. You know, I think I do recall something along those lines happening! What about you?"

"Im really sorry," he said putting his hands in his pockets.

Must. Not. Get. Distracted. By. Hotness.

"Your sorry? Sorry? How about a God damn explanation?"

"I—I just got caught up in the moment okay? I don't really like you like that. I like someone else. It should've never happened. I—I never wanted it to happen. I just want you to pretend it never happened okay?" He said looking at the floor.

I stood up, confused, "You like someone else? You didn't mean for it to happen? What the fuck Will? I hate you! I hate you! You're right, this should've never happened! I cant believe you! You confuse the hell out of me!"

"Lizzy," he said trying to touch my shoulder.

"Dont touch me!" I said, backing up.

"I didnt want this to happen--" he said taking another step forward.

"Dont come near me! Dont touch me! Get the fuck out!" I said yelling. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. And then he walked out. I sat down on the floor, tears falling from my eyes.

"Lizzy?" It was Mary.

"What?"

She came over and sat next to me.

"Everything's going to be okay," she said putting an arm around me.

"Were you in love with him?"

Now, that question surprised me. For over a year, I had hung out with Will Darcy because I thought I had to. Thats when I realized, I didn't spend all those hours with him because he was my "frienenmy". I did it because I was in love with him.

I am in love with Will Darcy...or was.

That's why I always got jealous of all those girls all over him. That's why I would always drive him home when he was drunk. That's why I always cared what he thought. Because I was in love with him.

"Yea, I—I think I was."

I always wondered what it was like to be in love. I guess now I know.

I, also, had always wondered what it was like to have your heart broken.

I guess I know what that feels like too.

Lizzy.