I shouldn't have been there. Maria barely talks to me anymore since we broke up, but I was happy to see her and Carlito get along so well, and I couldn't help but wonder when he would put a ring on her finger. It should have been me to do that, but I screwed that up royally and moved on without even thinking about how bad it would hurt her. So why was I standing outside the building to where they leave on a cold New Years Eve? I didn't have to go, I wasn't invited, but I was in the city, maybe a quick drop by would be OK with them. It was going to be crowded anyways, maybe I could just sneak in.

I got through the building with ease and caught up with Punk and Mickie in the elevator. I didn't know what apartment Maria and Carlito lived in, but they did so I was grateful to run into them. It was then I clued in that there will be many couples there tonight, and I wasn't with anyone. Lonely night was ahead, so I patted my pocket gently, just to make sure those pills were there. They would keep me company.

She looked stunning in that cute black dress of hers, her hair was beautiful, the overall look felt like a stab in the stomach. Yes, this is what I screwed up, and she has gotten the perfect revenge on me by looking ten times more gorgeous than she ever was with me, in her new apartment with her boyfriend that treats her well. 1..2..3..yes, all my pills were still in my pocket. The look on her face when she saw me was surprising, as she actually seemed glad that I came.

"We found a hobo on the street and invited him," Punk told Maria while he shoved me closer to her. "Mickie said you wouldn't mind." The two exchanged a kiss on the cheek and he shook hands with Carlito.

"Glad you came, Jeff." Then she put her arms around me. A hug. I remembered her hugs to be warm and welcoming; they hadn't changed a bit. "Appetizers in the kitchen, Champaign is everywhere, welcome yourself to the fridge if the cheese and crackers don't fill you up." She held my hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek as well, "I'll meet you later in the lobby."

I fisted my pills. I didn't come to this party for a hookup, or a good time. I came so I would seem somewhat social instead of keeping to myself all the time, plus, this would get Matt off my back for never doing anything after shows. I did do things after shows, just alone, in my hotel room. Privacy wasn't always a bad thing.

It was too comfy. Everything about this apartment was too comfy. The couches were soft, the colours were soft, and it smelt nice so even the scent was soft. It was so comfy it was almost uncomfortable, but I could see Lillian already claimed the couch of loneliness, so I headed towards the bathroom. There was nothing comfortable about tile floors and porcelain baths. The door closed behind me not even two seconds after I let myself in. When I turned to see who it was, she gave me the eyes that some women give me at bars. The whole "You Have Something I Want" look, which could be just about anything: Comfort, drugs, sex, company, a hotel room, all of which I have shamefully been apart of. It didn't take her long to make the first move by backing me up against the counter, knocking over Maria's small display of seashells.

"What do you have?" her hand was already down my pants. "I'll do anything."

This didn't surprise me. I reached into my pocket and gave her a pill, leaving me with only two. "That's it? Only one?" She asked me, with what sounded like disgust in her voice. If she only knew what that pill will do to her…

"Yes, Maryse. Trust me on this." She raised her eyebrows at me, than gave me a kiss. She was seductive with her touch, her fingers through my hair and her teeth just biting down enough that I could feel it. I didn't want to get into the kiss as much as I did, but she was right there…I had to touch her. My hands went to her lower back, which was bare and just as soft as her lips were. Maria always had soft skin.

She stopped before we went any further. I watched as she went to her purse, which she placed on the counter when she came in, and took out a small mirror and a razor blade. She was one of the types that would rather snort than take a pill.

Weird.

I watched as she chopped up the pill repeatedly until it was a pile of powder, then she separated it on the mirror she had. Same routine, I had watched plenty of people do this before, so I popped the two pills that I had left into my mouth and laid in the bathtub. Uncomfortable, but that's what I needed. This whole night was filled with being uncomfortable and awkward, from how Punk announced he found me, to watching Blondie here do a line in the bathroom. Uncomfortable and awkward, and it was only 8:45 at night.

Maybe now I should tell her they're painkillers and she'll be sleeping within the next twenty minutes.

I don't remember much after that, as when I woke up next I was in a hospital. My eyes felt heavy, and the needle in my arm forbid me to move much to the side. IV's always hurt, and bruise me pretty bad, but it was when I saw someone sitting in a chair with a magazine did I fully wakeup.

"Mria?" Figures she was the first person that came to my mind. As long as it wasn't Matt…the last person I wanted to see now was him, because I don't need another one of his speeches. They're all the same and start to blend in together after a while, as I'm pretty sure I've heard the "staying by yourself is dangerous for your health and everyone around you. We're worried about you, Jeff." Good. Be worried.

"How are you feeling?" She put her magazine down and turned her attention to me. The voice wasn't soft enough to be Maria. "You've been out of it for a while, but the doctor said that was to be expected. Matt came in a few times, but you were still asleep, but he left you this." She gave me an envelope with my name on the front. Nothing fancy, just a straight up Jeff. Oh good. Now it's his speech in writing.

Now my eyes were fully opened and I saw who gave me the envelope. "Lillian?" Gross, my mouth was dry. Throat was scratchy, and when I rubbed my eyes I could feel the stubble on my face. How long was I asleep?

"Do you think about her a lot?" She was sitting at the foot of my bed with her hand on my leg. I had no idea what she was talking. "You kept calling out for Maria. I never knew you had a crush on her."

Sometimes I forget people never knew she cheated on Carlito with me, until they bought that fancy apartment anyways. I remember telling her if she and him were to move in together, she should practice being 'domestic'. I'd give her an A from what I remember of the party. Domestic Maria was very different from the Maria that invented the game "Pretend The World Is Ending". She told me one night to make love to her like it was our last day on earth, which I couldn't say no to. Then it became a game. I never objected to play it. Spending a weekend with her, in bed was truly romantic, and neither of us had a problem with it, until I mentioned the cute game with Candice. I should've known she would tell Maria that we played the game as well, and I'm pretty sure that's what ended us. One weekend in Hollywood, and that was it.

I regret sleeping with Candice everyday.

"What's today?" That would get my mind off of her.

"January 3rd." I missed New Years. Matt would never let this down. "Doctor's say you're doing well, though they want you to start eating and drinking soon. And suggested someone stay here at all times to supervise you…and on the road." Great. I'm thirty years old and I get a babysitter. I had a feeling Matt would be the first person to volunteer, but I of course hoped Maria would. I would take any excuse to touch her again. "They think I'm your girlfriend."

"You?" It came out much more harsher then I had intended, but Lillian didn't seem to mind. "No offense, but…"

"I know, I know." She rolled her eyes. "John and I brought you here on New Years Eve after we found you passed out in the bathtub at Maria's. You were sweating, threw up on me, your eyes were dilated… do you remember any of this?"

I shook my head. "Sorry I threw up on you."

"You overdosed on painkillers, Jeff. I'm not going to give you the big speech on how this could fuck up your career because I'm sure you've heard it before…" She hit that part perfectly. "But you can't keep doing this. I have to watch you for the next six months now. We're going to be traveling together, rooming together, eating together. You're going to see so much of me; it'll make you sick. Hopefully that'll teach you not to do this again." It took me a few seconds, but I managed to process what she told me. Lillian was going to be my babysitter. I was thankful it wasn't Matt, but hated it wasn't Maria. If anything could bring us back together, it would be this.

I looked at Lillian, the bags under her eyes, no make up; I don't think she had brushed her hair in a few days. The clothes she had on looked way too big on her, but then I remembered I had thrown up on her. I also remembered I never met Maria in the lobby.

"Thanks for doing all this," I finally said. "And I am sorry you had to go through everything as well, you look like you could use some sleep."

"The doctor's suggested it, but I couldn't leave."

"Why not?"

She gave me a playful grin and a small pat on my knee. "I'm your girlfriend, babe." With a wink, her grin became even bigger. "Personally, I think I've done a pretty good job. I even fought with your brother in front of the doctors, got the tears going. I need an Oscar for that performance."

"For me?" I hardly spoke to Lillian at shows. We'd pass each other and say hi, but that was always the end of our conversations. Never even asked each other how our days off were. Now she's arguing with Matt and crying for me.

"For you." I took the hand that didn't have a needle sticking in it and gave her a hug. I never thought I would affect more people than just Matt when I did something like this. Then I began to wonder how Maria felt, or if she even knew. "You can begin to repay me by buying me a new dress, and maybe a few hotel rooms. Possible a couple of dinners and rental cars, but we'll figure out the details later. Right now, we need to get you a doctor so they can check up on you and see when you can leave."

I watched as she got off the bed and left the room in the baggy outfit she had been wearing since New Years Eve. I did owe her a lot, and with all the time we'd be spending together I could see us maybe getting somewhat close.

But then again, I also hoped Maria won't get jealous more than anything.