Sleeping seemed like a chore until I finally saw him again. Never alone in my New York apartment, Carlito made sure I was always at home with bringing me breakfast in bed and giving me back rubs when I needed them. Even the ring on my finger couldn't change the fact that Jeff was on my mind when he shouldn't have been, and I only said yes because I pretended it was him that was asking me.

Jeff. Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff. Holding back tears when I saw John carry him out of my apartment was impossible. It was my party, I had to be the happy hostess and make sure no one had an empty glass, but Jeff was sick and I wanted to be with him. I couldn't obviously, and it wasn't until I saw him again a week after did my stomach finally calm down. It was in catering when I saw him, alone at a table writing in his journal and checking his phone for the odd text message… I almost sent him one on New Years, but held back. Sometimes Carlito checked my phone.

I questioned myself if it was right to sit next to him at this moment. I could play it smooth and sit next to Candice, John, and Mickie. Nothing suspicious there, I hope. John Cena with three women, that's nothing new to the locker room. I started to get nervous again at my decisions, finally deciding that I should do neither, and instead go running. Yes, running. Up and down the stairs with my music blaring so I could be alone with my thoughts and think of how big of a mistake this engagement is.

Six months, two weeks and four days. That was the last time Jeff and I had been together, in his North Carolina home on that mattress he likes to call a bed. I remembered how his hands would touch me, the way his lips felt on the spot between my neck and shoulder. He would always kiss my freckle there, because he thought it was cute. Had I known it would be our last night together, I would've let my guard down more. Jeff and I had done just about everything there was to do sexual wise, but I couldn't go as far as he would have liked that night. Even after I had begged him to 'pretend the world is ending', I just couldn't go through with all of it, and to this day I can't figure out why. He had always turned me on…

My phone vibrated in my pocket while I was half way down this flight of stairs. I was almost down the whole arena without stopping, but this seemed important. Maybe it would be an entertaining text… or just another phone call from my boyfri…fiancée. It was going to take me a while to remember he's my fiancée now. "Hello?" I was too lazy to check the screen to see who it was.

"Are you busy?" It was Candice. She never knew she was part of the reason why Jeff and I broke up.

"No, Candy, what's up? Are you at the arena yet, I'm just in the sitting area." I could see her walk down the ramp and looking for me while she was still on the phone. My favourite thing to do when I see someone do this is hide behind the chair so they can't see me.

I wonder if John knew about her weekend with Jeff…

Damnit, she was good at this game. "Well," she sat down in the row above me, leaning forward to rest her arms on the chair in front of her. "I'm starting to think that John knows." She had told me about her weekend with Jeff shortly after he and I called it quits. "He just seems so distant lately. Maybe he has something on the side? What if he's doing this to get revenge at me? I never told him, so maybe he'll never tell me?" I never told Carlito. "What do you think?"

What do I think of cheating people? I think they're lovely and throw great New Years Eve parties, while wearing a fabulous black dress. Also, they have an even more fabulous boyfriend who buys their cheating girlfriend a huge rock for her ring finger, and then she gives her word to marry him because she loves him and not another man; definitely not the guy that got carried out by her best friend's boyfriend, oh no. Cheating people are just friggin' fabulous. "Have you tried talking to him? Make him dinner some night, light some candles…" that's what I used to do after I saw Jeff. Lay the affection on thick. "Buy some new lingerie! That's always a fun thing to do, plus, it'll be a surprise for him because he hadn't seen you in it before."

Jeff always saw it before Carlito did.

"Can we have a girls day tomorrow? I know we have a late flight to Dallas, so maybe we could kill time before we have to leave?" She seemed too innocent at this point. I know Candice has a past of cheating on her boyfriends, but she really did try just being with John, and she was… for two years. I, on the other hand, cheated on my boyfriend for two years. With the same man that Candice had cheated on her boyfriend with.

Oh, the drama.

"Sure sweetie, we can do a girls day. Want me to tell Mickie and Kelly too? I think they could use a girls day." Really, I just didn't want to be alone with Candice for a few hours. Since she had cheated on John, she kept dwelling on that one weekend she spent with Jeff in Hollywood. And mentioned it constantly, which in a way was cute, because she gave off the impression she really cared about him, and gasp! Maybe even love him? Then she would talk about the way he moved, how he spoke, where he touched…

I always got the satisfaction in knowing he did it with me first.

Speak of the devil. With my mind racing over how Candice can cover up the fact she was unfaithful, Jeff began running over at the other side of the arena, up and down the stairs just like what I was doing earlier. Baggy basketball shorts, a muscle shirt, his hair in a ponytail…even from a distance I longed for him. I had to look away before Candice caught me staring at him. It was funny how our reactions were such opposite: I couldn't help but remember all the times I've been with him and she was trying to forget the one time she was with him. Maybe we both needed a girl's day.

She held onto my hand as we walked back to the Diva's locker room, something she did whenever she felt guilty. My poor Candice. If only she knew what she did to Jeff and I…

Mickie was standing outside the door, giggling at CM Punk who was just across from her doing an impression of Triple H. They were getting close lately, and it was cute to see. He had always been a womanizer, she had always been wrestling and business, but the two of them together were quite cute to see. Maybe she would buy some lingerie for him tomorrow…

"Hey Punk," I said cheerfully before we went into the locker room. I got his grin to come out, which was a nice sight. He was never rough on the eyes for me. "Mind if we steal Miss. James for a minute for a girlie session? We'll be quick, I promise."

"Steal all you want, I'm going to grab a bite to eat. Anything good in catering?" I shrugged my shoulders and Candice shook her head. "I'll be the judge of that," he told us with a wink. I'm pretty sure Mickie blushed. "See you ladies later." When he left Candice, Mickie and myself entered the locker room, Mickie being last.

"So, Mickie!" Candice exclaimed happily. She was always happy if she sensed a locker room romance. "What's the verdict?"

"We're just friends, I swear! I've known him for five years now, if something were to happen, it would have already happened." Mickie was always stubborn. I looked closer at her and noticed she was wearing a little less make up than usual and was dressed a little nicer. Usually in sweatpants and a tank top, now she had on nice fitting jeans and a cute t-shirt. In fact, I'm pretty sure those jeans were Kelly's…she just seemed more natural and loose. I was happy for her. "What did you girls want to talk to me about?"

"Girls day tomorrow! Want to come? We're going to invite Kelly too, she's always up for shopping." Candice was too into this idea of a girl's day. This was a sign she felt really, really guilty of what she did. "Some lunch, some shopping, what else are we going to do, Maria?"

I was too busy looking for an outfit for tonight to think of an answer. "Gossip?" I suggested. You can never go wrong with a little gossip. Maybe Mickie will really tell us what's going on between her and Punk… there's my yellow dress! This was one of Carlito's favourites, and tonight, I will wear it for him.

Sometimes I wish Jeff was my real boyfriend and Carlito was my thing on the side. That's how I treated him without him knowing. I really do want to go public with Jeff, but with my engagement… I wish I could end it. Kelly was already asking when I was going to start trying dresses on and if she could be a bridesmaid. I couldn't say no to her, my little WWE sister, I even joked that she could maybe be the maid of honor. I hope she knew I was joking.

I turned my back to the girls while I got dressed. I hope he noticed the yellow dress tonight, as I am wearing it for him. Maybe I should do something special tonight if he notices. Can't leave the poor guy hanging…

"Maria! Someone is at the door for you!" That snapped me out of my daze. I stole Layla's sandals that weren't even close to matching my outfit and made my way to the door, click clack, click clack, click clack. I scrunched my hair in attempt to make it sexy, and re-opened the door.

His smile made me melt. "Hey baby," he greets me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissed me on the cheek. "Can we get some alone time before the show?"

Alone time. Wedding Plans. Honeymoon. I didn't want to discuss any of these things. In this relationship, I was the one that hated talking about the future and what it may or may not hold for the two of us. It was his idea to get the apartment, his idea to be on the same roster, his idea to get married... I didn't contribute much to the relationship. "Sure babe," I answered, taking a hold of his hand and walked with him to the catering area.

Punk was enjoying his meal when Carlito and I took a seat at the same table. "Hey again," I said to Punk while he chewed the 'chicken' with his mouth closed. Very polite, something Mickie is picky about. Giggle, a rhyme. "I hope you don't mind that we sat here…"

"Not at all, Kanellis. Make yourself comfy, have some potatoes." 'Potatoes'. He wasn't a picky eater. "Did Carly tell you the news?"

Oh no… another surprise. A surprising relationship is the worst thing to be in. "The news?" I rested my hand in my left hand, making sure my ring was showing, as if he needed a reminder. "What's the news?"

"Assuming Mickie is in your wedding party," he began, "Punk has agreed to be one of my groomsman." Wedding party. Groomsmen. Bridesmaid. I need to start thinking about these things…and not about the man who just entered the room.

"Well, I need to go get my make-up done," I excused myself, leaning over to my boyfri…fiancée and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"You look fine." He held my hand and put it in his lap while he stared up at me. "Your dress is pretty," he told me, fingering the hem. Yes, definitely going to have to pay attention to him tonight. "Stay a bit longer, we still need to pick a date."

"I promised Kelly she could do my make-up tonight, so who knows how long that'll take." What a lie, yet it sounded so smooth. He sat at the table behind Punk with his journal.

"That's what Mickie says about her too. She does a really good job though, I thought she looked nice today." A mention of Mickie and she wasn't even brought up in the conversation… Interesting…

I left the conversation after that. No goodbye to Carlito or Punk, just a quick glance over at Jeff and a small pry that he would remember what I meant when I played with my necklace and looked at him. Please remember what it meant…

I waited inside the janitor's closet for what seemed like hours, but I knew that was an exaggeration and it was really only seven minutes by the time Jeff showed up. I had forgotten how small he makes me feel, his muscles being shown off in that white shirt of his and his basketball shorts looking so in place. With a lean against the wall, I gave him a smile. "I was worried about you," I confessed as he came closer to me.

"I'm fine." His finger went up my thigh, over the hem and up my sides, stopping at my chin. "What are you doing tonight?"

My seductive look was all I had left in my bag of tricks. "I was hoping to pretend the world is ending, but I don't want to do it alone." I raised my eyebrows at him, and he got the hint. "Carlito will be going out tonight, so it'll just be me and you."

His lips captured mine and I felt my knees give away instantly. I had also forgotten what his touch did to me. "I'll try and convince Lillian to let me go out," he told me in between kisses, "and hopefully," a kiss on my neck, "we can pretend these six months never happened."

Six months, two weeks, and four days. I'm happy I can stop counting now.