It took a while to get used to the fact that Jeff was living with me now, even if it was for only six months. June. This will be all over in June. Then, once June comes, we can go back to pretending these months never happened, and go back to avoiding each other, except for the odd wave in the hall so neither of us seem ignorant. I like the sound of all this. I could also go back to having my own house back and wouldn't have to worry about his dirty socks laying all over the place…and we had only spent two nights in my house.

It wasn't just the guest room that he was staying in that had changed. It was the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom… my poor bathroom. I'm pretty sure he has more hair product than I do, and when he decided to dye his hair bright red the first night and not clean out the bathtub after, I was convinced I had a serial killer in my house and Jeff was their first victim. "Sorry, I forgot. I'll do it now," he told me, after I screamed bloody murder (funny choice of words), and told him why I was so scared. He was too laid back, almost as if leaving bright red hair dye dry up in the bathtub was a regular occurrence. But hey, knowing him as well as I don't, who knows. Maybe it was regular.

"Hey Lila, I picked you up a bagel. Twelve grain, light cream cheese, lightly toasted, and…" he put a brown bag down in front of me, as well as a cardboard tray, "vanilla latté, low fat, no foam, and extra chocolate sprinkles. How did I do?" I was impressed. He had made it his duty to make me breakfast every morning as long as he was living with me, until he realized I couldn't cook so I have no food in the house. So now, he buys my breakfast every morning, as well as cleans the dishes, folds my laundry and vacuum the basement where I like to spend my free time eating raw cookie dough and watching The Notebook. It wasn't until Jeff came did I realize how lonely of a life I live.

He also had taken it upon himself to start calling me Lila, for no reason other than because he felt like it. It was a sweet gesture of him, seeing as I never really had a guy give me my own personal nickname. Not even Dave Batista, my husband of a whole six weeks, took the time to give me a nickname, except 'Lils', but that wasn't creative. Hell, my older brother calls me 'Lils'. But Lila… that was a name I was starting to enjoy. It kind of touched me that he even started to call me that, like he actually took the time to think of a name for me.

But I knew he wasn't really like that. We've spent three nights together, one in a hotel room (in separate beds) and two at my own house. All three nights he asked if he could go out, and I had to tell him no each time. From there, he would stop talking to me and have his phone never leaving his hand, constantly texting someone to tell them what a horrible babysitter I am, as if I made him go to bed an hour early because he acted out and this was his punishment. Maybe this week off in New York wasn't such a good idea…

"It's perfect," I told him, going back to my breakfast he had gotten for me. And it was, every detail, down to the extra sprinkles in my latté was perfect.

"I was going to go for a run after, get that whole cardio thing out of the way for the day and probably go to the gym tomorrow. Come with?" He had kept himself busy since coming to New York, as long as I kept my eye on him. We went running yesterday in Central Park, just a twenty minute subway ride away, and later went to the movies, yet another subway ride away. But anywhere we went, he was always looking. I'm not sure what for, but it always seemed like he had something better to do, and by looking for it, he would find it. He would take the time to think of a new nickname, but wouldn't take the time to settle down and have a conversation. Come to think of it, this breakfast run he went on took a little longer than yesterday. Maybe he did find something better to do.

"I don't know, maybe." My bagel was cold. He definitely found something better to do. "I might just go to the gym." There was a cute guy that went to the gym near me. He did the weights a lot, and I would pretend I wasn't looking at him while I was on the treadmill. He was tall, short brown hair, tattoos on both his shoulders. He reminded me of Dave… he had a great smile. I even told Kelly about him because he had somehow crept into my mind while the two of us were shopping one time. She had named him Jim, because that's where I always saw him. He helped me get my mind off of my personal problems while I was there for the hour and a half.

The entire bagel was cold; I was scared to drink my latté. If it was cold, I didn't want to microwave it, because it just wouldn't taste the same. I was surprised to find it still hot. "I was thinking of going to a movie." No I wasn't. But it seemed like a good excuse to not go to the gym, even if we had just gone to the theater yesterday. He didn't notice this, got up from the table and retreated to his room, closing the door behind him.

He really did keep himself busy. His phone was almost always in his hand, awaiting a text message or a phone call. I was up through the night and heard him on his phone, almost in a whisper since his door was slightly opened. I felt horrible for eavesdropping, but I couldn't help it. I heard him say something but not being able to continue, which could mean a lot of things with Jeff. He was in pretty bad shape injury wise, kind of seemed depressed. I was hoping it would open up to me eventually, if we ever got to that level of being comfortable with each other.

I could hear his voice from his room, even with his door closed. He was much louder, yelling now. Now I had to eavesdrop.

"I never said that!" Hmm, interesting. "Look, just calm down… they aren't going to find ou…No they aren't! Listen to me, just this one time, please!" Going to the fridge, I found my raw cookie dough and headed downstairs. Suddenly, I didn't feel like seeing Jim today, and what slightly surprised to find Jeff joining me in the basement a few minutes later. Raw cookie dough, the Food Network… today was going to be a lazy day.

"I'm bored," he said, sitting next to me on the couch. Then he stole the cookie dough away from me and took a bite out of it himself. Part of me felt offended by this, since he never asked to have some in the first place, but he would learn eventually. I'll let it slide. This time. "What are you watching?"

I couldn't answer this question because I didn't know the answer. I just switched on the TV and this was the first thing that came on. "Can I change the channel?" I gave him the remote, and he put it on some music channel. One of the channels where random designs just kind of spiral across the screen in random designs, and it was some industrial music playing. I never listen to the stuff.

"When was the last time you made a tent?"

"A tent?" I looked at him confusingly. Last time I made a tent? Never. I haven't even slept in a tent because I've never gone camping before. I like beaches but I don't like sleeping on the beaches. A tent?

"You never made tents when you were a kid? Where are your extra blankets, we'll make one now. You do have clothespins, right?" Before I could answer he ran off upstairs to answer his own question. He was right, the extra blankets were upstairs, right in the closet next to his room actually, and the clothespins were downstairs. Apparently, I'm making a tent in my basement tonight.

When he came down with every blanket I had in that closet, he had a huge smile on his face. This wasn't the Jeff that I knew. "Lila, you have a sofa couch down here, right, because we can pull that out, and then we'll make the tent around it. Stuff some blankets in the wooden planks up there… We can even cover to TV so it's under the blankets with us! Oh man… this is exciting." Jeff picked up the cookie dough that I had left on the coffee table and took a bite out of it. Again, without asking.

So that's what we did in the afternoon. He didn't go for his run and I never went to see my movie. We made a tent out of extra blankets in my basement, ate cookie dough, and watched whatever was on. When it came to dinner we ordered greasy Chinese food from down the street, and watched Billy Madison, talking along with every line. After the third time watching it, he offered me the last egg roll while he took the last of the chicken fried rice. Then, without me suspecting it, he gave me a greasy Chinese food kiss on the cheek. "Thanks," he said. "For everything."

"No problem, boyfriend. Anytime." Boyfriend was the cutest nickname I could think of for him. It was nowhere near as cool as Lila, but I'll think of something. Maybe.

"I don't mean to sound like a dick…" Uh oh. This wasn't going to end well. "But when can I go out? By myself, I mean. I wasn't allowed to go out after Raw, I can't go out by myself at night here… What do I have to do to get that right? I just feel trapped, like I can't do anything on my own."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm just following the doctor's orders, Jeff. Following them without letting Vince find out what happened to you. Then, when all that is said and done, I'll let you go out when I can trust you." He looked down and away from me. I felt bad for having to be so upfront with him, but how else was I supposed to tell him? If we were going to be with each other as much as we are, we have to tell each other the truth. Right? "Why? You never go out with the guys…"

"I do…"

"Jeff, you don't because I talk to the guys. It's always John, Randy, Punk, Shad, and Paul, and they always go out to the clubs after, which I know you don't. If you're not hanging out with them, then you aren't hanging out with the other guys either. What is so important that you have to go out at night?"

He finally looked up at me, his eyes were the most intense that I've ever seen them. He was deep in though as he chewed on his thumbnail, and I couldn't figure out if he was trying to think of the best lie to tell me, or how to break the truth. It was always a surprise with Jeff, that much I knew. "Have you ever been caught in the middle?" he asked. I nodded. "Was it a middle you never wanted to be apart of?" Is there a middle you want to be apart of?

"Jeff, enough with this subliminal bullshit I can't pick up on…"

"Then don't worry about it." He laid back on the pulled out sofa bed and patted the spot next to him. "Come here," he invited me, "you look like you need to be held."

And I did. I need to sleep, I need to get my nails done, I need to start going to the gym, if only to see Jim, and I needed someone to talk to. But most of all, as Jeff pointed out, I needed to be held. So I turned my back to him and let his arm come around my waist with his chin resting on my shoulder, and he began to sing softly in my ear. It was romantic and sweet… but the last thing I need right now is to over think every single one of his moves. We were only pretend boyfriend\girlfriend. It can never be real.

It can never be real.

It can never be real.