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I woke up alone in Edward's room, the darkness like a shroud around me.
"Edward?"
He was beside me before I blinked. I turned into him, resting my head on his marble chest. I looked up into his face and saw a carefully schooled mask. I pushed back from him.
"What's happening? I thought I didn't need to sleep?" I asked, my voice, still strange to my ears.
He sighed and let out his breath with a whoosh and ran his fingers though his hair.
"You've been in and out of consciousness Bella."
I sat up now and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Edward was instantly before me, holding me still.
"How long has it been?" I couldn't hide the tremble in my voice.
"You've been in and out for three days now. Carlisle is trying to find answers, but something is going on with you and this gift you possess."
I pushed his hands off my shoulders with a simple flick of my hands. I strode to the glass wall of windows. I felt fine now…better than fine, but the pain from before lingered in me. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what had caused that pain.
I turned to stare at him. His beautiful eyes were amber now. Had he fed recently? Had I? I laughed bitterly that once I thought the worst of this new life would be the blood lust. Controlling it, denying it. I didn't feel thirsty. I looked at him and saw in his mind the recent memory of us feeding off a deer together. I couldn't remember though. My own memories since my change were scattered.
Now I could feel his mind gently pushing into mine again. I could hear his words but they were of little interest compared to the colors. They radiated from his mind. Blue, for fear and red for anger. I pushed further and saw his brow crease and his hands clench. He was angry at me for wanting this life and he was terrified that I wouldn't be able to control this gift. I felt his mind push back. It was a weak attempt; no more than a gentle wave crashing on the shore. I overpowered him easily and drank in his thoughts and feelings greedily.
"You regret this."
"Stop Bella. You can't just read bits and pieces and think you know the whole story." He approached me slowly.
"It's more than pieces Edward. It's all of it." I explained, still struggling for words.
"You need to learn not to do it."
I laughed bitterly. "I don't think that's possible. It's like trying not to see with open eyes!" Edward glared at me and I felt the frustration rising inside him. She's too fragile, barely more than a child! His thoughts sounded so loud in my head. I had the urge to cover my ears.
"I'm not fragile." I glared back at him. I saw the shock in his face that I had "heard" what he said to himself. He ran his hand through his hair again and then put both his hands on his hips. I watched him close his eyes and then I heard his words inside my head.
"Bella, you need to learn to separate what is truth from what is a nonsensical thought in someone's head."
I spoke out loud to him. "I'm not just hearing your thoughts; I'm feeling what you feel. I know when you're lying. I see it."
I turned and headed for the door. As I reached for the knob, I felt the mind of the person standing on the other side. It washed over me in a sea of grey despair. Despair mixed with hope. I turned the knob and saw Carlisle standing there.
"There's someone who may be able to teach you." He said, not bothering to pretend I hadn't already heard and felt him. I saw it then, the word Carlisle had been thinking. It flashed black and dark in my mind. Before I could speak the word out loud, Edward was moving across the room to me.
"No! Not the Volturri. They'll use her Carlisle and you know it."
"Can they help me?" I asked.
"Not they….him. There's someone there, that lives among them. I've not met him, but I've heard…" he trailed off.
I moved quickly past him and down the stairs into the living room. Seated on the white couch, knees drawn up to her chin was the one person I needed to hear from more than anyone. Alice. I approached her and sat down next to her, talking her hand in mine. She turned to look at me. Her eyes were glassy and huge. She was muttering something I couldn't understand.
"Alice?' I asked frightened. My mind only felt the utter chaos swirling within hers.
"It's moving too fast Bella. Too many variables. Too many options. You'll go and it might be better for you, but not for him. He won't survive losing you. You stay and you'll be unable to stand it. You'll lose your mind." She trailed off.
"She's been like that since you were changed." Carlisle spoke from behind me. He bent and dropped a kiss on top of Alice's head. She seemed not to notice. I looked out the window and saw Jasper watching us. I could see the cloud of emotion around him. Anger, frustration, rage. Most of it was directed at Edward, but some was at me too. Why did she have to come here? She's tearing us apart. I need to get Alice away from her.
I stared hard at Jasper, sending him a message. I saw his gaze move to me and the surprise register on his face. He nodded once and turned and dashed into the forest.
"What did you say to Jasper?" Edward's hard voice was behind me.
"Couldn't you hear me?"
"You blocked me."
"Oh." I said, rubbing my temples where a pounding headache was beginning to take hold. "I told him I would never hurt Alice."
"There's more, isn't there?"
I sighed and turned to face him. "I made him a promise." Edward stared hard at me for a moment, realizing I wasn't going to say more.
"Alice only sees the future for a moment. You, of all people know that. Her vision changes." I watched him swallow hard. I let my eyes go out of focus and looked into his mind and realized that he already knew what Alice had seen. He already knew the options. The impossible choice.
Edward pulled me to him and wrapped his hard arms around my shoulders. I could feel his chin on the top of my head. My protector, my guardian. "You're not leaving me." He said with conviction. I looked up at his beautiful face.
"Your life or my sanity? There's got to be a third option, right?" I whispered, burying my head against him. Even as I spoke, my head was filled with swirling visions, images and colors. I squeezed my eyes shut, but soon the sound overpowered me. I turned and saw the rest of the Cullen family gathered in the white living room. Esme, so gentle and kind to me in my human form was practically screaming her thoughts at me. "Don't you dare hurt him!" I looked up at Edward, but his face was placid, calm. He hadn't heard it.
Carlisle's feelings were a jumbled mix. He was racing back through his own long memory, trying to recall anything like this happening before. His mind was a speeding bullet and I gulped air as I soared with him, searching for an answer to save his family. I could see the Volturri as Carlisle had seen it for the first time, nearly 400 years ago. I could feel a flicker of fear and hope in him as he thought about the man that might be able to help me.
Carlisle's mind was split into two halves, both working on different fronts. One, a sort of medical and scientific analysis of what was happening and how it could be stopped. The other, a paternal side that was attempting to plot an escape to save Edward from me. I looked into his eyes. They met mine for a brief moment, and then he cast them downward, in a shame that overwhelmed him.
"He's your son." I said out loud. Carlisle's gaze snapped up to meet mine, and then a split second later, to Edward.
"And you're his mate, Bella." I heard his words and felt his sincerity.
Edward turned around slowly and looked at all of us, reading our thoughts one by one. As he finally came back to me, his face softened. He raised his hand and gently touched my cheek.
"I won't leave you Bella." I felt his conviction, yet I also saw a fear blazing within him that consumed me. I swallowed and closed my eyes. I could not keep all the voices and feelings at bay. They clouded around me like a thick fog until I felt like I couldn't breathe. I opened my eyes and looked at him, his eyes glowing now with determination. He was willing me to fight through the haze. I locked onto those eyes, even as I felt the tide of unconsciousness pull me under.