Chapter Five: Guilty

Once again, I had the horrible feeling of not knowing where I was when I woke up. Although I'd only been living in my new flat for two weeks, I was ninety-nine percent certain that I didn't have a plasma screen TV or leather sofas. So why was I looking at the former and lying on the latter?

I slowly turned my head, pushing a bit of the blanket that was draped over the top of me out of the way. A picture hanging on the wall caught my eye: Georgia and Roxy in the park. Mystery solved. My watch face said twelve o'clock until I turned it around the right way. Six thirty. I must have fallen asleep on the couch sometime the previous evening.

Struggling up into a sitting position, I was met by the weirdest sight imaginable.

'Jasper...' I squinted and rubbed my eyes, trying to decide if I was still asleep or not. 'What the hell?'

Jasper turned to face me. 'Oh! You're awake. Morning. Good night's sleep?' He frowned and muttered something under his breath, obviously distracted.

'You gonna answer me?' I'd come to the conclusion that I wasn't having some strange, artsy dream and I didn't need to urgently see an optometrist.

'Answer what?' Jasper sounded genuinely puzzled. 'All you said was "What the hell?" How's that a question I need to answer?'

Kicking the blanket off me, I stood up and pointed at Jasper. 'You can explain why you have that thing strapped to your front.'

Jasper looked down. 'Oh. That.' He ran a hand through his hair. 'It's an Empathy Belly. Perfect for teenagers and unsympathetic partners, according to the brochure.'

'That doesn't explain why you're wearing it.'

Waddling over to the dining table, Jasper plucked a brochure from the tabletop and flicked it in my direction. I caught it on reflex and opened it to the first page.

'Want to scare your teenagers off pregnancy before they're ready to be parents? Have you got an unsympathetic partner that doesn't understand the confines that being pregnant imposes on you? If you answered yes to either of these questions, the Empathy Belly is the perfect product for you,' I read. Flipping forward a few pages, I continued: 'Fill the container provided with the kit with water, stopping when you reach the black line. After securing the lid of the container, place it in the specially designed pouch on the inside of the Empathy Belly. Ensuring that it is strapped tightly in place. Next you lift the-' I stopped reading aloud, skimmed the rest of the paragraph, had a look at the diagrams and then turned my attention back to Jasper. 'That still doesn't explain why you're wearing it.'

While I had been browsing through the brochure, Jasper had taken the Empathy Belly off and dumped it on the table. Now he came over and sat next to me.

'Question for you: do you still want to help me?'

I nodded, making my face look as stubborn as possible in case he was about to tell me to stuff it.

'Pregnant women and women with children are just about above suspicion when it comes to criminal activities. Georgia and Roxy have been in France since yesterday morning and they're flying back in today to give you a reason to be at the airport. I'm going to put the package of drugs in a waterproof wrapping and then in the water container in the Empathy Belly. You have to wear it into the airport, go into the toilets by the arrivals gate, remove the drug packet, leave it in the cistern of the third toilet along and take the package that is in there. That ok?'

I rubbed my temples and said, 'Explain it again.'

Jasper sighed and repeated what he'd just said, but slower and with a bit more detail. When he'd finished I said, 'So, just to clarify, I'm going to put that thing' –I waved a hand towards the Empathy Belly laying limply on the table- 'on, pretend to be eight months pregnant, walk into the airport, leave the drugs and collect the money, meet up with Georgia and Roxy and then leave?'

'Yes. That ok with you, because I can get someone else to do it.' He was talking a bit too fast for the question to be casual.

'Uh uh.' I shook my head quickly. 'No way. I want to do this.'

Jasper slumped back. 'Thought you might say that. I was going to get Amelia to do it, but...' He trailed off and shrugged.

'I can handle it,' I reassured him. 'Trust me.'

Heathrow on a Sunday morning is hell. Half the country seemed to be either leaving or arriving at the same time. I waddled into the arrivals lounge, wearing a plain, navy blue maternity smock thing that Georgia had worn when she was pregnant with Roxy apparently, and feeling very self conscious. Although I'd spent 45 minutes perfecting the "waddle", I still felt weird, like a dozen security guards were going to suddenly leap out of the nearest alcove and tackle me to the ground. But I got to the toilets without any hassles what so ever. The only looks I go were the "ahhhhhhhhh" ones, or the "and where is her husband?" type.

As I went to push on the bathroom door, an explosion of coughing made me half turn and look back behind me. Sitting outside one of the little, over priced airport cafés was Hex and Li. Hex was bent over double, hacking his lungs up while Li thumped him on the back. A now empty water bottle was lying on its side on the table, water all over the tabletop. Water was flowing over the edge of the table, like a mini waterfall.

I turned back around, pushed the door open the rest of the way and went inside the toilets.

Pink and white. God were those toilets pink. I blinked hard and fast and started towards the third cubicle. It was locked. Of all the stupid, inconvenient things that could have happened, this had to be it. I looked at my watch and groaned. Five minutes left to have the package in there or the deal would have failed.

'Are you alright?'

I looked up sharply to see a tall woman gazing at me with concern. Leaning against the wall near the sinks, I nodded. 'Fine, thanks. Just got a bit dizzy.'

Muttering under her breath, the woman left. I splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. Whether it was just my imagination or not, but I looked... harder. How simply hanging out with drug dealers would make someone look harder was a complete mystery to me, but that's how it appeared.

Three minutes. Three minutes. The toilet cubicle was still occupied and I still had to get the stupid Empathy Belly off, leave the drugs, put the money in the container, put the Belly back on...

The sound of a toilet flushing. I sighed with relief and moved towards the door so it would look like I'd just come in. The lady who had unknowingly caused me so much stress wandered out, smiled in my direction and washed her hands. I didn't see her leave because I'd bolted into the cubicle before the door had even stopped swinging.

Pulling the smock over my head, I unfastened the Velcro and dropped the Belly onto the toilet, making sure the lid was down. Unzipping the water container from its snug little nest and unscrewing the lid was tougher than I thought, but I finally got it. The drugs were lifted out, me holding them like they were a ticking bomb rather than a bunch of narcotics, and the cistern top pulled off. There. Just as Jasper said. A similar package to the one in my left hand, but this one crammed, no doubt, with wads of cash. I pulled the money out of the cistern, dropped the drugs in and put the lid of the cistern back on. The money package was plopped hurriedly into the water container, the Belly strapped back onto my front, the smock thrown over the top of it all. Remembering at the last minute to push the flush button for credibility, I swept out of the cubicle.

15 seconds to spare.

Washing my hands, I caught sight of myself once again in the mirror. I still had the mysterious "hard" look, but I also looked frightened. No terrified. Walking out of the bathroom, I suddenly realised that I had just left a package of drugs. A package of drugs that could wreck or even take away someone's life.

'Annie!' I spun around, wound tighter than a spring, nerves frazzled. Georgia was pushing her way towards me, Roxy bobbing on her hip.

'Georgia!' I cried as she crushed me in a hug. Roxy gurgled and held out her arms. Georgia beamed and handed her to me, settling her rucksack more comfortably on her back.

'Where's the car?'

We started out towards the doors, me still trying to waddle convincingly. The doors slid open and then we were outside. Home free. Jasper's Astra cruised by and pulled up about a dozen metres in front of us. We hurried over. Georgia strapped Roxy into her car seat and then climbed in the back beside her while I settled in the front passenger seat. Jasper smiled and gave my hand a squeeze before starting the car and driving out of the airport.

A pale face peering around my shoulder. Worried blue eyes scrutinising me.

'You ok, Annie?' Georgia asked.

I nodded. 'Fine. Just buggered from hauling this thing around.' I slapped the flat of my palm against the Belly.

Georgia laughed. 'Inconvenient, isn't it?' She sat back, but continued talking: 'So how did it go? The drop-off.'

'I almost missed the deadline. Some lady was in cubicle three so I had to wait for her to come out. Had 15 seconds to spare, though. All turned out ok in the end.' I looked sideways at Jasper.

'You did a really good job, Annie. Kept your head, even when things got dicey. Swift and efficient pick-up and delivery. Kept in character the whole time.' He gave me a funny look, one I didn't really understand. 'You haven't done any acting, have you?'

'No, why?' Ha. Annie Hamilton was one whole, humongous act.

'No reason. Just wondering.'

Back at Jasper's place, I got rid of the Empathy Belly and changed back into my jeans, t-shirt and pullover.

'I'm free!' I cried, coming into the kitchen. Roxy squealed and clapped her hands, squashing the blob of play dough with her fingers.

Georgia slid a sandwich across the kitchen bench towards me. 'Eat up.'

'Thanks.' I hadn't realised how hungry I was and ate the sandwich quickly. Just as I was about to get up, my mobile trilled. My hand immediately went to my pocket- where it usually was- and found nothing. 'Damn.'

'It's on the coffee table,' Jasper called from the hallway. 'Near the remote.'

Heading into the lounge at a run, I snatched my phone up, hit answer, tripped over the edge of the rug and landed on the couch.

'Annie?' Daniel's voice.

I rubbed my shin where I'd banged it against the edge of the couch. 'The one and only.'

'I know this is short notice but would you mind coming in and working for the rest of today? Oliver was here but after he emptied his stomach contents all over the floor, I told him to go home. Lorna's still up in Scotland and Niamh has the same bug as Oliver.'

'Um... No, that's fine. I can be there in' –I looked at my watch; took a wild guess- '20 minutes.'

'Great. Bye.' He hung up and I pocketed my phone.

Grabbing my bag from one of the armchairs, I walked into the kitchen again.

'I have to go into work,' I said to Georgia.

She looked up from wiping Roxy's hands. 'Oh. Oliver still sick?'

'Yeah. Apparently he vomited everywhere so Daniel told him to go home. Both of his other weekend workers are unavailable: one's on holidays and the other's sick as well.'

Dropping the cloth in the sink, Georgia smiled. 'So he called in you.'

'Yeah.' I gave her a quick hug and kissed Roxy's cheek. 'I'll see you soon.'

'Bye.' Georgia started to rinse out the cloth. 'Oh! Jasper had to go somewhere, but he said he'll pick you up at six tomorrow night.'

'Ok,' I called back from the front door.

Driving to work, I was suddenly struck by a question, and a fairly important one at that: Did Daniel know I was an MI5 officer? He and Harry went way back, as we'd told numerous times, but as to how much he knew... I'd just been taking it for granted that Daniel knew everything, but maybe Harry had simply said something about knowing someone who wanted work, i.e. me. Argh. Undercover work did your head in.

I entered Green's Goods via the staff only back door, snagged an apron from the hook on the wall and brushed past the bead curtain. Daniel was wandering amongst the shelves, straightening cans.

'Hello,' I called.

He jumped and then answered: 'Don't do that.' Making his way back towards me, Daniel pocketed a small calculator. 'Thanks for coming in, Annie. I really appreciate it.'

'Any time.' I noticed the jumbled mess under the counter for the first time and sat cross-legged on the ground, preparing for a huge clean-up.

'Harry dropped by. Said to give you this.' A white envelope was waved in front of my face. I took it.

'Did he say what was in it?' I asked, turning the envelope over.

Daniel shook his head. 'Nope.' He continued past the counter and through the bead curtain. 'I'll be back here if you need me.'

I didn't answer, to busy reading the contents of the envelope:

Amber,

Burn this after you've read it.

Firstly, congratulations on making such enormous progress so quickly. The only other time we've tried to put an officer into this group- although that was years ago and in a different area- the officer's head was delivered to us by a courier who thought it was a birthday present. So you can obviously tell how happy and pleased I am.

Secondly, the shooting at the butchers. As soon as word of that reached us, I had two senior operatives banging on my door and demanding to know what I was thinking. Any time you want to be pulled out, just give the word. No one will think badly of you.

Thirdly, I need more information. Anything, anything at all, that you can get I need it. Leave it in your letter box and someone will pick it up. You can correspond with me that way as well. Names dates, places... Anything. We've got a bit on the drug dealing side, but it's also important to focus on other bits. See if you can dig up anything for the terrorism and human trafficking aspects.

Fourthly, keep your head. That was not meant as some sick and twisted joke from the first paragraph, either. Don't get too close to anyone involved in this because it'll just end in tears.

Fifthly, for God's sake don't get killed.

Harry

I read the letter once more before balling it up in my fist and putting it in my jeans pocket. Evidence. How was I meant to get evidence without being suspicious?

Pens in one box, receipt rolls in another. Calculators in one tray, paper pads in another. An hour later everything was sorted and I was thoroughly bored. Sitting with my back against the counter, I scribbled a quick note to Harry and put it in my bag, mentally reminding myself to leave it in the letter box.

The shop bell tinkled for the first time since I'd arrived and I leapt up. Alex walked in, shopping list in hand. I had my suspicions that he wasn't just here to buy groceries. Fifteen minutes later he dumped two dozen items onto the counter and got out his wallet as I scanned them. Brainwave. He paid and I handed him the receipt, note tucked under it. Alex put the receipt in his wallet, picked up his grocery bags and left. So I didn't need to put the note in my letterbox after all.

With nothing left to do, my mind wandered back to the acquisition of evidence. Jasper wasn't that happy with me being involved with the drug deals, why would he jump at the chance to tell me all about the terrorism and human trafficking?

If there was any terrorism or human trafficking going on.

Jasper had said so himself; he'd started with drugs because they were easiest. He hadn't even mentioned terrorism or trafficking. There wasn't even a whiff of either of them. I'd written that in my note to Harry, along with a brief recount of the deal I'd been a part of earlier and a few names of people that might be linked: Amelia, Donna and Dale.

Thinking about it now, I knew nothing. Well, I knew a bit, a tiny little bit. On a larger scale, my knowledge wasn't even represented by anything. For the first time I realised that I wasn't doing as good a job as I thought I was.

Angrily I grabbed a new receipt roll out of the drawer, flipped open the lid of the register and took the old roll out. Fitting the new one and making sure it worked took up less than a minute and I was quickly bored again.

'Something to do, something to do,' I muttered under my breath. I was considering the option of counting the number of zucchinis we had left in stock when my phone rang again.

'Hello?'

'It's Jasper.'

'What's wrong?' I'd immediately picked up on the worried tone in his voice.

'Nothing, well... No, don't worry about it,' he said. 'I'm so sorry but we're not going to be able to go to dinner tomorrow night.' There was a crash in the background and the sound of running feet.

'Are you ok?' My voice was rising in pitch and I forced it back to a more normal tone. 'What's going on?'

Jasper's breath came ragged, like he was running or had just run. 'Go stay with Georgia. I've spoken to her and explained everything. Please, Annie, for both your sakes, go spend the next few days with her. I'll see you on Saturday.' There was a shout and the tinkle of broken glass, then a brief silence before the dial tone sounded in my ear.

I hung up, utterly terrified. I wasn't worried so much about my own safety, but Jasper... Yes, I didn't have the slightest romantic interest in him, but I'd come to think of him as a really good friend and I was worried that something terrible was going to happen to him.

My phone beeped, yet again. This time a text message from Georgia:

What time to do u finish work? Making casserole!

I replied:

Knock off at 5. 20 minutes to your place but need to get things from my flat first. YUM!

After I sent the message, I looked at my watch. Still two hours to go and nothing to fill the time. I paced around the shop, straightening out stacks of cans and rows of boxes. Maybe I was turning into Li; unable to sit still for a minute, always needing to have some action going on. It was so frustrating.

Five o'clock finally rolled around and the night shift person, a sullen man called Dwayne, arrived. I said goodbye to Daniel and left, dropping into my flat on the way and gathering whatever fit into my bag.

The smell of casserole greeted me as I walked through the Price's front door.

'Wow,' I exclaimed as I walked into the kitchen. 'That smells awesome, Georgia.'

She beamed. 'Thanks. Perfect timing on both our parts. Sit down.' A spoon was waved in the direction of the kitchen bench.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, then Georgia must have realised what was on my mind.

'It's nothing to worry about, Annie.'

I pushed a piece of potato around my plate with my fork. 'I know, it's just...'

'After years and years of it, you learn to shut the worry out.' Georgia sipped her water. 'On other news, Donna dropped by while you were at work. Said she'd love it if you came to her and Dale's wedding on Saturday.' She laughed at my expression. 'Yes, I know. I only just met them. Donna's like that. So's Dale as a matter of fact. There's a little church out of town a bit, about five minutes or so from here I think, that they're having it at. Meant to be a small service, but we'll see.'

After dinner we played poker, yet again. I'd actually become quite good at it, though that didn't mean much considering my pathetic abilities before Georgia took me under her wing and taught me properly. Harry was a whiz at anything involving cards and he was always trying to get us to have a game of something with him. I'd have to take him up on that offer once this mission was over.

Thinking about that- the mission's impending end- caused me much more guilt than I expected. For the first time I realised that I was going to utterly destroy the lives of two people- no, three if I counted Roxy- I'd come to care about. Jasper and Georgia would be in jail for a very long time, that was a given. As to dear little Roxy's fate... The guilt doubled until it was almost crippling at the thought of Roxy going into foster care, shut off completely from her mom, shunted from one temporary home to the next. Yes, she might be safer in foster care, but she'd be unhappy- no, miserable- and she wouldn't get even half the love that she got from her mom and uncle.

'Annie!' Georgia had sprung up from her seat across from me. 'You ok?'

I hadn't even noticed I'd dropped my cards and was gasping for breath.

'Yeah,' I managed to force out. 'I'm fine.' Gathering up my cards, I pushed the thoughts of Roxy, Jasper and Georgia's futures out of my head and shot Georgia a pleading look. 'Let's just keep playing. Please.'