Chapter 5
Warning: Language, violence, hints of abuse
Thanks to Evilgrin and Patti for beta



"It's possible?" He closed his eyes for a few moments and I can almost hear the gears grinding in his head. "We got new ID's, new credit cards, even the cars are registered in our aliases, this doesn't make any sense."

"Who are you, really, Trevor?" When he just looks at me, I scoff and look away for a moment before I turn and look back at him. This time, I get in his face and let my anger flare, "One of these days, your secrets are gonna get one or both of us killed. Maybe it's time you learned to trust me because it's my ass on the line here , too."

I storm past him and he grabs my arm. I glare at him until he drops it and looks away guiltily. Whatever he's hiding, it's big, bigger than this whole fucking mess I'm finding myself in the middle of.

I busy myself with making the bed and after a few minutes, I can feel him standing there, watching me. As I fight with the sheet, I silently curse him, and all men for that matter. What is it with them and trust? Letting someone in, letting someone get close. They get hurt once by a woman and the rest of us never live it down. But a woman, well we're just supposed to get right back up and kiss the ass of the next male that tries to keep us at a distance, and still be in their bed.

He closes the distance between us and I can feel the heat of him at my back.

"I can't tell you,"

I turn and look up at him. I want to glare, but my body betrays me and I feel my eyes well with tears, "Why?"

"You're safer not knowing, at least for now."

He tells me and I just don't understand that. I've always been of the mind that the more info you got, the better off you are. Images flash though my mind. Him with a woman in his arms, tears in his eyes. The way he held her to his chest as she died. She should have been a stranger to him, just a woman caught up in a gang of thieves but there was more. A lot more.

I swallow the lump in my throat and blink the moisture away from my eyes, "Is it because of that woman, Trevor? Six months ago, you held her as she died, is it her?" He flinches when I bring it up, pain clouds his face and he doesn't attempt to hide it from me.

"Partly," he whispers and tries to step away.

"No, Trev, please. Just... whatever it is, whatever you were or whatever you think you are, it doesn't matter," I try to tell him but he cuts me off.

"It should. Why are you so willing to forgive any sins that I might have, Colette? What kind of secrets are you hiding?"

I look up at him, my heart hammering in my chest. "You already know my secret, Trevor. Don't lie to me and tell me you don't. Don't disregard me like that." He cups my face and I let a tear fall. Trevor brushes it away with his thumb and kisses my forehead.

"Did you love her?" I ask him quietly.

He lets out a long breath before he answers, "In another time, Colette, in another life."

"Ok," I say gently and let the subject drop. He's given me enough for now, I guess. There is one of two ways I can take what he just said. Either he was part of that crew or he was undercover with them; but I know he's not about to tell me which one it was, not yet.. not now.

"Ok," he repeats back to me and then helps me finish the bed.

We're both quiet now, unsure what to say, how to act. Trevor and I have never had an awkward silence between us in the year we've know each other, but right now, we're both so raw.

I make dinner and let him have his space. He's in the small living room cleaning our guns. The smell of gun oil and his cologne is turning me on and I can't help but giggle at that. He looks up at me and smiles.

"What?" he asks with a small, almost soft smile.

I grin at him as I set the table, "I never thought cleaning a gun could be so sexy."

Trevor's smile grows bigger and he finishes his .45 and puts it on the coffee table. He stands and walks toward me and I think everything about this man is sexy. The way he walks, talks, thinks. Man, I'm in deep. He gives me a quick kiss as he passes to wash his hands and then peeks in the pot I've got simmering on the stove.

"Smells good."

It is good, I'm a good cook, I'll admit it. Spaghetti with homemade meatballs and bread. Ok, I'll admit that the bread is the frozen kind you take out, raise and then bake yourself. I've never had good luck with bread. Always bland or dense. The frozen is kinda hard to fuck up, but that's not saying I haven't. Sometimes it's just damn hard to wait all those hours to thaw, and I put it in a little early... that makes it dense too. Still yummy though.

"Thank you." Normally I'd have a glass of wine with this dinner but since he's not a drinker, I put on a fresh pot of coffee for him. He seems grateful and takes a steamy cup.

"So, what did Boulet have to say?" I ask him as I reach into the fridge to get out the salad.

"Oh, shit, OH!" He smiles, puts his cup down and leaves the room. I hear him shuffling around the bedroom before he comes back out with a small box.

I just look at him, unsure what to say or do. There's an engagement ring in there, a ring that I've dreamed about receiving for a long time, but not like this. Not for this reason. I wanted it from Trevor because he really loves me and wants to marry me, not for a mission. Not for show.

He opens the white velvet box and I can't help but gasp. It's not real. It's not real... I chant to myself. It's for the mission. Not for real.

I stare at it, unsure what to do, unable to say anything. It's gorgeous, beautiful, more than I could have ever hoped for and it's all a lie. My heart breaks even as he takes it out of the box with unsteady fingers and grabs my left hand.

Trevor slides the ring on my finger and I suck in a shuddering breath. It's a perfect fit, snug, but not tight. The large pink stone spans almost the width of my finger. I'm speechless, and he seems to be having a hard time with words also.

Clearing his throat, he tries to lighten the mood, "They tried to give me a round, plain ass, white diamond, but I said that white diamonds were too boring for you. You needed something unique and different, strong and feminine."

When I look up at him, he looks away for a second, uncomfortable, and then back at me.

"Do you like it?" he asks, unnerved by my silence. I can see the edge of panic and fear in his eyes.

"It's... beautiful," I tell him quietly.

He lets out a cleansing breath and smiles. I try to smile back, try to swallow the bile that's working its way up my throat and into my mouth.

Illusion. It's just for show. Not real... not real.

Trevor frowns at me, a worried look coming into his eyes, "Can you handle this, Colette?"

I nod and let out a small strained laugh. I scrub my face with my hands and snort. I opt for the truth, because nothing else will help him understand.

"When I volunteered for this, I didn't expect it to go as far as it has in such a short time. Only after I agreed did they decide to have us live together and the whole fiancé thing, well that was your idea, not mine. It's kinda hard, Trevor, I'll admit it."

I sigh and sit down at the table. Everything was happening so fast and I don't expect any kind of declaration of love from him, but this will take some time to wrap my brain around.

He sits down in the chair beside me and rubs my back for a bit before he finally speaks, "I do care about you, Colette. I thought about what it'd be like, you and me." He sighs and shakes his head, "It's never good to get involved with someone you work with..."

"I know," I say softly. It's really dumb when you're both cops and have other people's lives in your hands. It makes you worry about one person more than the other, and well, that's just not safe.

He looks at me, those blue eyes searing me and I can't turn away from him, not for anything.

I open my mouth and find myself horrified at the words that are spilling out, "Do you remember that day that I almost got shot?"

I see the temper flare in his eyes just at me mentioning it, so I'd say that's a big yes.

"Do you know why I almost got shot?"

"Because you weren't paying attention to what the fuck was going on." He growls.

I nod and suck on my bottom lip. "Yep. You're right, my mind was somewhere else, my eyes were looking somewhere else."

This time I look him dead in the eyes, "They were on you, Trevor. Your hair to be exact. The different color of it when the sun hits it just right. Lot of red in there, some blond, even a stray strand or two of black."

I reach up and touch it now, feel the curls I love, the softness of it wrap around my fingers. "I've been involved with you for a long time now, you just didn't know it." I let out a small laugh, "You were so pissed at me. When we got back to HQ, you reamed me out good, you remember that?"

He nods, "Yeah, I remember. Wanted to put you over my knee."

We both laugh then at that. The innocent phrasing, the quick flare of heat that we both feel.

"You came at me full barrel, eyes all flashing, that vein in your forehead busting." I grin at him as he frowns at me again, "I went home that night and sobbed. Not cried, I sobbed."

I stood up and looked down at him, "I almost died, because of you, then you chewed me out. Captain chewed me out and Love Tap ripped me a new one. I've learned my lesson about paying attention, Trevor, the hard way. I'll deal with this too, I just need some time, ok?"

He nods again, and falls back into silence. I pull the ring off my thumb, look at it and wish that I didn't have to give it back. I hand it to him, kiss his forehead and tell him that I'm gonna finish dinner.

Truth of it is, I need to get away from him. His scent, mixed with the gun oil, smells so tasty, I'm having a hard time thinking.

The weight of the ring seems to weigh me down. The pink catches the light above the stove and flashes at me mockingly. I grit my teeth and remind myself that it was Trevor Lorette that gave me the ring, not Trevor Cobb.

It's just for show, like the dresses and the car. It all has to go back after this is done, even Trevor. I boil the pasta and breathe the pain away so when I face him again, I got a clear head.

There is more at stake here than my heart. Lives, and maybe millions of dollars. We've allowed ourselves 24 hours to get used to being together, to get physically intimate, but now the real work begins.

Now we got to sell it. We're being watched by Linus, by Frank and by the cops. Who knows how many of them are hanging around. I saw a suit out and about today, could have been a Fed but I can't be sure. For some reason, I've always had a hard time spotting Feds. Most cops don't, and this is one of my weaknesses.

Trevor had gotten up and wondered around the house at some point while I was cooking. I call him when dinner is ready and as we eat, we go over all he's learned in the last two months.

"Linus is the face man," he tells me, "There's someone else behind the scene that's got the real money and power. He's the one with the connections and contacts. I haven't met him yet, still working my way in close to Linus. Frank," Trevor's eyes fill with anger again and I grin at him.

"You really don't like him do you?" I ask and Trevor shakes his head.

"Saw him smack a dancer around once for no reason other than she smiled at me." I feel the jealousy flare again and I try to tamp it down. "Split her lip open and I couldn't do much about it. I just joined the crew and Jimmy stepped in, hissed something to the girl and then all three of them disappeared in the back room. I never saw her again at the club."

"You think he killed her?" I gasp and Trevor shakes his head.

"No, but I don't think she was willing either. I asked Jimmy about her a few weeks later, casual like, and he said that she got a job in Milwaukee, of all places, and was working his club there. My guess is that they banged her up good and it took a while for her to heal. Instead of trying to explain her absence, he just moved her to another state."

"Motherfucker," I hiss and toss down my fork. I curse to myself, fight an internal battle that I know I'm gonna lose and then I look up at Trevor, "I think Frank was taking pictures of me."

"What?" he snaps, "You're just tellin' me this now? Dammit, Colette!"

I flinch when his chair scrapes loudly on the floor as he stands. He begins to pace and I try to return to eating but my hand is shaking so badly that I can't. I set my fork down, take a drink of milk and watch Trevor.

With each step, he gets more angry. I can see it in his eyes, the tenseness of his body. He's pissed, more than pissed, it's almost ... scary. This isn't the cool, mysterious man that he tries to show the world. This man is hard, angry and dangerous. This man, I do not know. This is the root of him, the fire that drives him, this is where the secrets lie, smoldering. This is the side he doesn't want me to see and it's the side I've been trying to find since we first met.

Trevor stops and then begins to make his way to the door. I jump up and ask him where he's going.

He just turns and gives me a a look that makes me shiver. "You are NOT going to see Frank, Trevor. NO."

He takes a step toward me and cocks his head, "You think you can stop me? I go where I want to go."

"You are not blowing this mission on an asshole like Frank, Trevor, I won't let you!"

He laughs an evil little laugh and snorts, "You won't let me? What are you gonna do to stop me, Colette?"

I give him a hard shove and he slams his back against the door, "Whatever I have to."