A/N: All better now! Only abit more time left till new year! A new chapter to celebrate this! Thx for all the support so far and I hope that this story can do even better! Thx so much for the support and I made sure that the signed reviews were answered!
Just a little spoiler...
This chapter is quite dark and you have to think a little bit differently and be able to accept the emotions in this chapter...
The mood is quite different from the humor and agnst in this chapter and the reason why this chapter is here is like abit of history and fluff for later uses...
Disclaimer: Over and over I have to repeat this but for the sake of legal reason I CAN'T own Naruto or any of the characters... I can hardly own a room in the house let alone a series...
Now, less crap and more fanfic!
Chapter 5: Forget me...Not
Sabure,
There are days when you feel like a piece of crap. Not just for putting up with work but for all the stuff you done too. I always tell you that you should be nicer to people and I doubt you actually take the advice. I can't even think about it anymore. Its so hard to even breathe. Every breathe I take another intake of poison enters. Poetic eh? Thats just who I am. It kills me inside sometimes... The things I did and the things I might do to people in the future. Somedays I'm just glad that I am tell you everything. Every little thing. Even if you're just scanning the e-mail it makes me feel a little better. Knowing that I showed myself to the person I trust the most. You mean the world to me Sabure, you might never understand how much you mean to Hanako. Don't you just wish you could fly away at times like these? These times when you think that the world is such a harsh place you just want to get out but you are the one that had somehow pulled me back to sanity.
Sabure,
One day.
One day I'll find you.
Please wait for me.
Hanako
The breeze swept her curtain in a waltz, the twirl of the curtain making light sweeps across the cold floor. Th moon gazed down at the world in mock interest and the clouds guided the light into the balcony of her house. It was silent as ever, the only noise heard was made from the woman and the wind. Cold yet warm breeze walked through the passageway of her house and tappedher on the shoulder slightly, caressing the woman and blowing its silent warning of illness that threatened to enter. She didn't stir and her eyes were open. Wide open. They stared aimlessly at the sky, fixing themself onto a faint hope, a thoughtful wish and a mix of emotions. From a different perspective everything thats happened till now has only been small but the memories that crawled itself to join with her once more had made it clear that nothing has changed.
Nothing that could be fixed.
Flowers.
Hues of blue and light lilac.
Ironic how they appeared, the moment she thought that something new started only something old came back. Back from the darkest realms of her mind and resided into her heart, breaking, eating, entering her soul and reminding her of the past. The past she never wanted to remember. Courage. The thing she lacked. She couldn't find the courage to stand up, it was like a baby with the potential to stand but refusing to stand. She claimed to herself it was the best. The best for who? She couldn't decide. Her life was a mix of colours, a splash of life and a hint of death. Everytime she looked at that blue sky she would remember that time. That time that could never be erased... No matter how hard she tried.
It stained her.
It stuck to her.
It was a part of her.
She dreamt of a different life, one where she could start over new and she took the first step to make it happen. She moved from that damned place she once called home and to a new town, leaving what she thought would never come back, cutting a rather large piece of her out as she did so. She was a dreamer. She admitts it. She knows it. Reality is cruel but when you have the chance to just ignore the cries of reality and sink into the calmness of dreams it numbs her pain ever so slightly. She had a place to go to dream, leaving the place know as reality and slipping into her own world. She would forget it during that blessed time but when damn comes along she longs for more time. Time to make amends.
Midnight blue.
A fan.
Fire.
Laughter.
Tears.
Blood.
Things that would send her flying into a depression would greet her in the morning. Haunting her like a shadow and her head would scream with pain. It was to much. Too much for even Haruno Sakura. She had done her degree in Medicine but ignore the diploma after that incident. She had taken a course in IT and business and that had gotten her this job. She was a fish on land, out of breathe and losing her will. Gaara was making things much worse than she would ahve imagined her boss to be and made sure that she had the worse amount of jobs that could easily kill any other worker. She admitted it was a good distraction from her past and proved to be a challenge that had temporarly distracted her from the shedding of tears over something that she counted as worthless but yet still had some what a large impact on her. She thought she was weak. Weak for remembering. Weak for not moving on. Weak for thinking that someone would be there to hold her when she falls. She had moved out of her family house after an arguement and she hasn't heard much of them since the break up of the family. She icilated herself, telling herself to get up from the ground and hold her head up high. It sounded so simple. Simply get up after hurting youself. Lifting herself from a pitiful state she found something she had wanted for a long time. Such a long time ago. She was a fool. A baka and one that could just fall down once and not learn from that mistake. She fell from that shaky hold she had on life and the fire was growing from the wind the fan offered. The fire had burnt her. She learnt from that and had left the fan lying on the floor, not caring to pick up the weapon of her would be death. She ran, like a frightened prey and the fan her predator.
She ran away, leaving everything behind.
She was going to make sure that it wouldn't happen again.
Damn stupid secretary...
Die in hell...
He cursed the woman once again and swore under his breath. That wrench had gotten the best of him and made him even had to go and call for help. It was more than just a silly prank or just a joke, it was WAY past that and she was making him walk on a very fine line. A line that had almost cost him major business. To Gaara this sort of thing he would avoid as much as possible, but now since Sakura is his secretary he was sure more trouble would come along and kick him up the ass whether he wanted it to or not. He needed protection from that crazy woman, who the heck would ruin their own company? It really was beyond him. he would ahve recommended that she go and see a doctor but her case is WAY above ones a doctor could solve. She had a glint in her eye that showed her edge and her willingness in participating in this 'challenge'. She was distant in a way, not just in her emotions but her behaviour was rather strange. It seemed to him that she edged herself to her own world, one that no-one seems to be able to reach. It reminded him of himself. The same lonliness. The same wall that separated themself to others and the same look in their eyes. The look that pierced into another's soul with such intesity it was almost unbelieveable. It said everything that it needed to in one look, one glance, one glimpse at their face and it was tatooed into their minds what they felt.
All the hate.
All the sadness.
All the confusion.
Caught inside that one glance.
But how could something that seemed so fragile and delicate feel this? It wasn't right. It wasn't the natural order of things. It couldn't be. To be able to stand up and hold their head high even with all these emotions twisted inside. It was practically carrying a 10ton weight while doing the marathon. He felt all this once, he knew it all too well. The darkness, invading the mind, body and soul like a disease. There wasn't any cure, it made sure that it left loneliness in your heart before tearing you apart from within. It felt like your body was melting in an inferno, your mind frozen in an iceburg and your soul locked away in a cage. The cage known as darkness. Tears didn't relieve the pain, it only marked the spreading of the poison, slowly lacerating you until it became so hard to breathe that you feel like you weren't alive and to an extent that is the truth. You have died. Died inside a pool of liquid known as hate.
What could have happened that could bring these emotions out of their hiding place?
What's happened to her?
Why her?
Questions with no answers. Answers that he was going to get. One way or another. One particular question swan its way into his train of thoughts. One that surely needed to be answered before he went too far into this little personal search for her origins:
Why am I attracted to her this way?
Slashed, left, right, centre and pulls the blossom locks and were expertly put up in a ponytail. Using some concealer to hide the tear tracks and a few eyedrops to soothe down the burning of her eyes and the redness that could only show more of her weakness, or rather thats what she thought. She hated doing this, if there was anything she hated it was the world of makeup. Just like putting a mask over her face and acting her way through the lies that wrapped around her like metal wires. Every little spec that clouded her pale complexion with an almost healthy glow made her sick. She wanted to puke, puke at the thing she became. Weak. She hated that feeling. The feeling that you had to rely on someone. To trust them completely. To put your faith in someone with the stakes of losing all of it in one bet. Life was a game. Thats how she saw it. A game of bets and risks. A logical game and an ironic game. She had lost enough in her life already. Wasn;t God supposed to be up there watching hetr from his heavenly couch? Why is he putting all of mankind in despair? Wasn't it bad enough she had lost her family, friends and the person she loves in that one second of destruction. She was on that verge of insanity and died deep inside from that wound.
This was all Gaara's fault.
He made her remember.
She could have put up with other forms of torture, she could handle all the torturous hours of work but he had done the one thing that she was weak against.
Her memories.
How much would she pay to get rid of them?
Everything.
Her sanity.
Her pride.
Her future.
Just to get rid of it.
Damn you Gaara... What have I ever done to you? Why must you bring all these things up when I thought I could finally escape from them? Do you want me to die? This is how I feel...
Smoke clouds evapourated in the cold air and danced in the atmosphere before dying down like flower petals in the spring. The creamy coloured coat that wrapped around the woman was pulled more tightly and the owner grabbed the ends of the sleeve in an attempt to keep warmer. Taps in the almost silent park made the local animals cower in fear and she walked on. The not so musical noise of the awaiting traffic jam became louder with each step and still she walked on. The office was not far off and the skyscaper could be seen from where she was. the icy cold water in the small pond was the only company the woman had. The crystals forming ever so slightly in the cold reflected the tall building and gave it an almost slanted view. The world was falling down from this point of view and it only increased the woman's misery. She was sniffing now. The soft sound like satin sheeks caressed grew slightly louder and a few tears could be seen hiding behind the windows of her body. She blinked them away, forcing the guilty water buds to retreat and she slowed down her march.
How many people could she fool?
How many can see everything inside?
How many can understand without doubt?
She looked at the mid morning sky and the clouds rolled by their greetings and left quickly as if they too have abandoned her. She deserved all this... That was what he said. He told her she wasn't worth even a penny. He told her she was useless. He told her she did nothing but hurt people. She needed him. He didn't need her.
The world has a sick irony.
She knew it all too well.
How could she fall for this?
This...
This monster...
She wanted to prove him wrong. She went to university. She made it through her education and had what she thought was her shield from his words. She got her job. She was helping people. She believed in herself.
How could so much change just by one action?
She lost it all.
Her employer's trust.
Her tower of confidence fell down. Just like that. She was hurting people. She was hurting him. Him. What for? For what reason? She didn't know anymore. She thought she did what was right. What she thought was right was hurting him. Putting his company on the line. Putting his siblings on the line. What is she?
She was a monster.
She is no better than him.
Cold marble floors met her eyes as she walked through the automatic doors that led her to the offices. It reflected her whole self and she walked forward to the elevator and walked inside the metal machine. The shining silver and mirrors did nothing to please her mood and she turned around to stand on the corner to press the the 7th floor on the panel of red buttons;when a voice had called out loudly from on the other side of the door.
"Hold on!"
She flinched and pressed the button to close the door. It wasn't that she didn't want to help whoever was on the other side but this was not the time to do this. She couldn't even bare another person standing next to her let alone share this small space with her. Still she heard the person shout and the elevator doors started to shut, she sighed quickly inside and was shocked out of her little trance by the banmg she heard and her horror when the door was slamed open from outside by a pale hand. She fell down to the floor in shock and the hand renched open the door as if it was as soft as a tower of pillows and she gasped at the sight.
His hair was full of sweat and the crimson locks stuck stubbornly at all angles and different angles. The light of the crystal chandelier that hung high on the ceiling of the lobby made light streaks of his hair as it raised up and down as the person panted. His deathly pale skin made a comparison to his hair and the unmarred skin that was on him was as white as porcelain. Dark rimmed circles surrounding precious jade eyes that had small hints of aqua made him more interesting. The silver dog like chain that hung on his over crowded neck that shined over his blood red scarf. The fishnet long sleeved shirt clung to his body and the black t-shirt with a large design of a chinese red fire dragon layed on top. Darkish blue long jeans with cuts on the knees and ankles worn loosely on his hips and a pair of black with red streaks converse on his feet were reflected into her eyes. His gaze lingered on her for a moment before he rolled his jade orbs and smirked while holding out his hand for the woman in front of him.
"Told you to wait..." He said and reached out for her arms. He grabbed her hands and pulled her upright before leaning over her to press the button she had previously tried to press.
She was stuck to the mute button in her mind and he noticed the silence and smirked at her again. A small jot of the elevator made the woman jump and she stared at the intimidating man in front of her. It was as if she took another 360 degrees look to him and she just wanted to start sobbing at his feet for the crap she had caused him. The other side of her begged her to keep her pride and dignity and told her to glare at the man. She did neither and just stared blankly at the man in front of her. His tall figure seem to shadow over her and his aura that spread around the room like wildfire shook her entire being.
"Well...If you're not going to even mutter an apology then fine by me..." He stared at her. Amused by her sudden silence. In truth he was kinda of confused. All of a sudden out of the blue she's silent as if she was giving up on everything. She had flare and fire inside her just yesterday when she had won the little challenge with Makinova and he was suprisewd she hasn't rubbed it in at the moment. What the heck happened to her?
"Gomen nasai Gaara-sama..." She whispered and turned away from him; facing the wall of the metal elevator. She couldn't stand to be near him or to see her reflection on the mirrors. Her own sight disgusted her and his words gave her no comfort. She had said what she had wanted to say to him. For everything.
"Nani?" He looked at her for a moment and tried to turn her around to face him. He was heck worried. Not just because of what he thought he heard escape her lips but judging from her actions this morning something was definately wrong.
She flinched from his grasp and as the elevator stopped she ran off into the office and left him there; all alone again. She could never forget it. She could never let go of the past. No matter how hard she wanted to forget it. Some things leave behind a bigger impression than others. This was one of the things she could never let go. She can't touch him. She can't even share a small amount of space with him. She was impure. He was to her as white as snow.
She couldn't posion him with her dirty fingers and she couldn't even be fit enough to talk to him.
She was dirty.
He was clean.
He gave her flowers. The flowers in her mind. The flowers known as Forget-me-not. He wanted her to never forget him.
She will always remember him.
Forever.
(A/N:) Ok... this was not a useless chapter... really... it isn't... This chapter leads up to him and is important to the storyline. I think everyone should know who the mysterious guy is. Errr... everyone that watches Naruto or looks at thew manga. The flowers in this chapter are my favourite and thats partly why I used them. They are symbolic in their name and I think it can serve a purpose in Sakura's past.
Thx for all the support and the people that review! Everyone gets some new year's cake and I hope everyone has a gd 2007 to come and a happy one!
Happy New Year Fanfiction!
PS: Next chapter might take awhile to get typed because my finger got injured while I was helping out with dinner and I sliced abit of it on a grater so its in a plaster at the joint of my finger so I can't type well... Sors guys...
By the way!!!! I made a new year oneshot for all the GaaraSakura fans out there! Drop by and have a lil read!
BlueSkyHeaven