After an inexcusably long break, the third chapter of Abnormalities is finally up! By the way, since I lack the creativity to be constantly coming up with new characters to fit the story's needs, a good majority of the "original characters" in the story will simply be ones borrowed from other anime. Yukito was original, but one of the new characters introduced in this chapter isn't. See if you can guess who he is before I reveal his name.

Chapter 3

I didn't have any better way to react to this situation than to simply stand there, mouth agape, staring at the three people who had broken and entered into what would have been my room.

Upon giving them slightly more than a first glance, I realized that I already knew two of these people. Two of Itsuki's colleagues that I had met once before on our infamous summer-retreat-turned-murder-mystery excursion: Sonou Mori and Yutaka Tamaru. They were both in formal, business-like attire (a sharp contrast to Mister Yutaka's casual wear and Miss Mori's maid uniform from before), as was the second man, who I had never seen before. He gave the impression of an insomniac, with disheveled hair, shadowy eyes, and ghostly white skin that made it look like he hadn't seen sunlight once in his life. To be honest the suit he was wearing went about as well with him as emotions (of any kind!) did with Nagato. It simply did not work.

I almost wanted to give the two familiar faces a greeting of some sort, but I thought better of it. I didn't want to encourage whatever one would call this type of behavior by being friendly. Besides, they probably wouldn't have even answered me if I did. In fact, no one among the three intruders even gave me so much as a passing glance as they casually and delicately swept the dust off their clothes and began to speak to each other in hushed tones. It kinda pissed me off. Hello! You just smashed your way into a house! Shouldn't the owner of the room you smashed into get an apology, or at the very least, some acknowledgment?

I soon heard the thumping of multiple people racing up the stairs and down the hall, and as I turned, I saw that Itsuki, Yukito, and my sister had appeared at the door. And Shamisen, weaving carefully between their legs, seemed to have followed suit.

I found myself eying Itsuki's expression carefully, trying to figure out what he thought about all this. It was hard to place. Of course he was smiling. There was no doubt about that; he was always smiling, but when you're dealing with someone who only wears one expression, all the time, you pick up some nuances. And this was a forced smile if I had ever seen one. It looked more than anything like a grimace, and told me that no matter how he tried not to outwardly show it, Itsuki was angry. And putting myself in his place, I can only imagine that it was for a good reason.

Meanwhile my sister had her hands cupped to her mouth in horror, and Yukito seemed to be attempting to suppress laughter. And me? I was most likely staring blankly into space with a dumb expression on my face.

After an awkward silence spanning an unspecified but most likely rather long period of time, the trio of Yutaka and Mori plus Creepy Insomniac Guy turned towards us. Creepy Insomniac Guy looked over each one of us with his empty, unblinking eyes that looked as though they could take X-rays or read minds. My own eyes, for whatever reason, drifted down towards his feet. And much to my horror, I realized just then that he wasn't wearing any shoes. What was with this person? But my attention was immediately diverted back to his face when he finally spoke.

"So it's true then. Miss Suzumiya's chosen one has indeed come to live with the Koizumis."

Talk about soft-spoken. I had to strain to hear that. And "Miss Suzumiya's chosen one?" What did that have to do with anything?

"We do apologize for approaching you so rudely, Koizumi, but this is a matter of importance, as you should understand."

Okay, yeah. Itsuki may understand, but I on the other hand am completely lost! Why don't you actually make the context clear next time! Oh look, it seems that Itsuki has something to say; maybe you can give me some answers.

"True it may be that this puts me in an awkward position regarding Miss Suzumiya and our friend Kyon here, but I assure you that no undesirable effects will come of it. This is merely a kind gesture for a friend of mine. Nothing more."

If any three sentences could bring the world to a grinding halt, it would have to be none other than the three sentences that I just heard come casually and bluntly from Itsuki's mouth. If I could have collapsed on the spot without sustaining a serious head injury, I would have. I frankly didn't know whether to be relieved that Itsuki was proving my suspicions about him wrong, or horrified that the subject had even come up in the first place. But could I really take his word for it? That could very well have been a lie just then. I certainly wouldn't have put it past him.

In fact, as I noted his awkward smile faltering a bit, I was positive that he was lying. But calling him out on it would be a bad idea, because it seemed that our visitors' intentions were to kick me out of the house if there was anything going on between us. I didn't particularly want to go house-hunting again. So I kept my mouth shut.

"Hmm, very well then," Creepy Insomniac Guy said as though he was accepting Itsuki's explanation. But his skeptical expression said otherwise. "I do have to warn you to watch your step though. We have no way of knowing how Miss Suzumiya would react if her chosen one turned out to be in a relationship with someone else, let alone another boy. I'm only telling you for your own sake, please keep that in mind."

Could we please move this conversation along? Itsuki's already denied it, so why not just let it go? Why do you even care? Frankly this whole thing is beginning to send me into a state of panic. I'm not interested in Itsuki, I've already said that my attraction to "the same team" might as well be nonexistent! No wait, it IS nonexistent, there's no "might as well be" about it. Oh crap, now Creepy Insomniac Guy was looking at me. What did he want?

"It was quite rude of me not to introduce myself. You can call me Ryuzaki. Koizumi, Mister Yutaka, Mister Keiichi, Mister Arakawa, and Miss Mori all work under me in the Organization. They've all told me good things about you, and it's a pleasure to meet you at last. To keep things simple from this point on I'll call you Kyon. Is that reasonable?"

He's acting like I played no role whatsoever in his conversation with Itsuki. This Creepy Insomniac, or rather, Ryuzaki, was really beginning to unnerve me.

"Good. I will make an effort to fix the window, and hopefully I can make up for what I'm sure was a bad first impression of me. But if you will excuse me, Mister Yutaka, Miss Mori, Koizumi and myself have to go aside for a few minutes. There are matters that need to be privately discussed in more detail."

With those parting words, Ryuzaki left the room with the others. I was left alone with Yukito. Shamisen must have lost interest and left sometime earlier, and my sister I'm guessing had followed him.

"Try not to worry about them," Yukito said with a gentle (and perfectly sincere) smile.

"I'm sure that no matter what, Itsuki wouldn't have let Ryuzaki kick you out."

I didn't even bother reacting to that statement. Under normal circumstances I would have been compelled to say something like, "What do you mean by that? You can't seriously be telling me he cares that much about me! That's just gross!" But at this point, I had heard enough about this subject, and figured I'd just ignore it and somehow it would go away. That said, I felt that changing the subject was perfectly justified.

"So, Yukito, are you an esper too?"

"Afraid not. But living with one and knowing several others, I do have a general idea of how the concept works. It's quite fascinating. But no, I'm just a writer, working for a couple of small publishers."

His voice shifted into a melodramatic wail, and I had seen enough anime to know that this meant he was about to go on braggadocios and at the same time self-pitying tangent about his work and his social life.

"Yes, yes, all day long I slave away at my computer just to keep my adorable little cousin and myself fed! My editor, a wrinkled, grouchy hag busts down my door on deadline days, screeching, 'Where is the manuscript!? Give me the story; it's due today!!!' I get locked in my office, typing out 500 pages with my exhausted hands. . . they blister, go raw, and start to bleed, while my editor cackles at me, bullwhip in hand! I'm never allowed out of the house, never allowed to see the light of day! It's true, in my 24 years I've never even had a girlfriend! Or a boyfriend! There's no hope for me, no reason to go on except to see my paycheck, promising a bit of bread and some meat if we're lucky, and little Itsuki giving me his endless thanks with tears in his eyes, his valiant gratitude for what little we have makes it all worthwhile!"

I had hit the nail right on the head. Congratulations, Kyon, you just managed to get yourself stuck in a house with not only Itsuki, but a living embodiment of one of the most annoying character archetypes in existence: The narcissistic, melodramatic, blithering idiot.

It was all too much. I found myself slipping silently out of the room, and into the hallway where Itsuki and Ryuzaki stood.

"Oh good, you're here," Itsuki said cheerfully. "I'm hoping Yukito didn't give you too much trouble. Try not to take him too seriously. His editor is actually a very nice person, and we as you could probably tell are neither poor nor underfed. And his single status is his own fault. Trust me, he is in no way a victim of his own career."

Thanks, Itsuki, but I had already figured most of that out.

"Anyway, it's good that you're here because after we finished talking and Mister Yutaka and Miss Mori went to find themselves rooms to stay in, we began contemplating dinner. We were hoping for your input and possibly your help. Come join us."

I opened my mouth to agree, but a particularly poorly-timed call to my cell phone cut me off.

"Go ahead and answer the phone, and come down with us when you're done, alright?"

With that, Itsuki and Ryuzaki descended towards the kitchen, and I answered the phone.

"Kyon!" It was Haruhi. "I tried to call you on your home phone, but I just got some message saying that your house's phone line had been disconnected or something! Where are you?"

"I'm at Koizumi's house. Something happened, and I have to live here for a little while," I said quickly, trying to be as vague as possible so the incident from earlier today didn't float into the conversation.

"Really? Be sure to tell me about it, I need to know all the details! Mikuru, Yuki, and I will be right over."

"Huh!?"

"Must you forget everything, Kyon? We were planning on meeting at your house today to discuss what we're going to do with our next movie! Should it be a sequel to The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina, or maybe this time around we should go for something that will get us more fangirl appeal!"

"Hey, Haruhi, you know I get charged by the minute for usage of this phone, right?"

"Okay, okay! See you in a few then, Kyon!"

And thus began my never-ending hell, as the SOS Brigade and Itsuki's strange colleagues, the worst of both worlds, were now set to be conveniently gathered together in one place.