Bella_Swan: "You have left me so long to struggle against death alone, that I feel and see only death! I feel like death!"

Macto: Still ranting, aren't we?

I smiled. Macto and I had been chatting for a week now and for some unknown reason in this unfathomable brain of mine, I trusted this faceless stranger, or friend as how he wanted to be called. My mind certainly didn't react naturally to danger around me. But I didn't really see anything wrong with finding a friend online.

I can't help it! There's just so many things I'm bursting to say!

He knew I loved to read books and suggested that I scan my collection for character quotes that would exemplify how I felt. He had told me it was a good way of diverting my depressing thoughts by relating myself to the characters.

Who are you quoting this time?

Catherine Earnshaw. Wuthering Heights.

I've heard of it.

I raised one eyebrow and giggled.

Really, now. You told me yourself you don't like to read.

I'm talking about the title.

Why don't you like to read? It's a nice hobby. It takes you to places you've never been. It releases you from this dumb world we live in and lets you escape to another dimension.

I'd rather be in the action of things.

Is that why you read? Because it's an escape?

I bit my lip. I should never underestimate his perceptiveness.

As a matter of fact, yes. Imagine having to grow up so fast because you have to be responsible for yourself and other people. Imagine finding your one true love but all too quickly, the carpet was pulled from under your feet. Wouldn't you want to escape?

This was the longest statement about myself that I'd ever made to him.

Suffering is ennobling. We learn a valuable lesson from our pain.

Yes, like talking to a stranger in the middle of the night.

I'm not a stranger.

Yes, you are. Tell me this. Are you a man or a woman?

I'm hurt by that question. Haven't I made it obvious yet?

Just making sure.

I'm all man.

I pinched my lips with my thumb and index finger to resist the urge to smile. He wasn't off the hook yet.

Are you from Forks High?

I waited. But half a minute was too long.

Come on now. You knew about the History homework.

I've seen you around campus.

I bit the side of my right index finger to keep myself from typing my reply right away. I needed to plan my next turn.

Why don't you approach me in person?

At your current state, I don't think that's advisable.

My cheeks flushed and self-pity washed over me. I hadn't been eating much and obviously lost at least 10 lbs. I had always not cared about my choice of clothes and pulled whatever clean shirt and pants I'd got in the closet. But now, even worse, even wrinkled clothes were acceptable to me and I went to school with no regard of my appearance.

I'm doing better now.

It's the least you can do for yourself.

I was about to type my reply when I heard a loud rap on my door.

"Bella?" Charlie called.

"Yes, Dad?" I answered. "Come in." I quickly typed "GTG" on the keyboard and switched off the monitor.

"What are you doing still awake?" He inquired as he walked over to my seat. It looked as if he wanted to wrap his right arm around my shoulder but after raising his arm two inches, rested it on his side. He was never really the touchy type.

"I was just doing some reading," I lied and focused my glance on the black screen in front of me. I was really reading – and typing.

"How's the case you're working on?" I asked to change the topic.

His face became serious and he replied, "We had a few suspects lined up but all evidences were circumstantial. We had to let them go."

"Is there any…?" I couldn't finish my sentence.

He understood my thoughts. "Yes. Last Wednesday. This is the fifth victim. Based on the autopsy made on the bodies, the time of death occurs at night."

I gulped. It seemed crazy to even think about it. James' body was already burned. He would and could never come back.

"Go to sleep now, Bella. You've got school again tomorrow," he said to me gently.

"Okay, Dad." I stood up and started for the bed.

"You know, I'm glad you're back to being the old Bella." He smiled as he said to me. "I almost…I almost asked Renee to take you with her."

I was astonished. "Dad! How could you?"

"Well, I couldn't help but think of a last resort. I wasn't being any help to you." His grin became sheepish.

"Dad…I'm staying with you. Here," I spoke more softly this time. I couldn't be impolite at my own father who wanted nothing but the best for me.

"Thanks, Bells. Good night now. For real." His mood became lighter this time. He went out and closed the door gently behind me.

I lifted the covers of my bed and lay down. I knew I hadn't recovered fully. I would never be the same. But if I needed to be better for Charlie's sake, then I would. I was the only thing that would keep him sane and happy.

I sighed as I drifted off to sleep.