As soon as I got home, I took out the frozen fish from the fridge and left it in the sink to thaw.
Tonight will be fish and chips night. I smiled to myself, knowing that this was Charlie's favourite dish. It would be almost a year now since we had started to live under one roof and despite my apprehensions, I knew I had made the right choice. Renee was like a sister to me than a mother but with Charlie, it was as if there was an invisible guiding hand manoeuvring me to a warm, familiar course. He wasn't a man of words but I saw through him – his great love for a daughter he had barely seen – when he put snow chains on my truck, the panic in his eyes after the van accident, the solid pain and concern he emanated when he saw me in my distraught condition... I knew there was a strong connection between us that couldn't be broken.
I looked up the ceiling to hinder the moistness threatening to escape from my eyes. I didn't want Charlie to come home and see me red-eyed.
I still had one hour to kill before I started dinner so I made my way to my room and switched on the computer. Knowing that it would take a while, I went over to my bed to clear the clutter on it. That was when I noticed the window.
It was open.
I didn't notice it this morning when I got up until now. I could feel the chill of the wind blowing past it as I walked closer to it.
I searched my brain for an answer. I knew I had closed it last night before going to bed. Hadn't I?
I felt my pulse quicken as I finally approached the window. I studied the four sides of it as if I were a police officer investigating a crime scene. Did someone open my window? Nothing seemed out of the ordinary but of course, I had but only imperfect human eyes. I could only think of one primary suspect who could have done it. And he was none other than...
I clutched my throat at the whirlwind of images clouding my vision. Images that lifted up my spirits because of the knowledge of a chance. A pleasing possibility that he might be back. A tiny ray of hope glinted in the horizon telling me that he did love me in the truest sense of the word. Not as just an annoying, clingy distraction.
I jumped at the sound of the message alert in my computer.
It was Macto.
Macto: Hello, Bella. Back from school?
Bella_Swan: Hi.
A little tongue-tied today?
Is there something wrong?
Something weird happened in my room.
What do you mean?
I hesitated on what I would say to him. I needed to be careful with my words so I wouldn't be giving away anything that he had no right to find out.
Nothing. It seems my memory is failing me again. Probably coz of too much derivatives racking my brain.
How was your test by the way?
It was fine. I think I could manage a B+ at least.
Didn't you have a test too?
I wasn't in school today.
Oh. Are you sick?
I'm fine. I went for a short trip.
So what happened in your room?
Nothing. I was just reminded of you-know-who.
Why is that?
I sighed. How would I explain to him that my bedroom window was open and that there was a tiny possibility that Edward had visited me last night? I mentally kicked myself. Charlie might have opened it this morning! But he left before I even woke up...
I don't know how to explain this to you right now. But I have to go somewhere.
Where?
An old friend's house.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
I wasn't an advocate of speeding. No matter the time, the place, or the emergency, I believed that a driver should exert his greatest effort to be disciplined on the road. However, at this moment, I was willing to push my ancient truck to the limit. There was certainly no emergency but it would be aptly called a magnetic attraction. I was like a helpless object getting pulled naturally by an invisible force to another object, which in this case, the bare reason of my being.
I drove along the overgrown lane of tall trees on both sides of the highway. I noticed the way the branches of the trees from both sides met each other to form an arch. It was as if they were holding hands. I clasped the steering wheel with my hands until my palms were white. I was nervous, and giddy. I was almost bouncing on my seat in tempo with the soft lurches of the truck.
I knew this was make or break. But what could be any other reason why my window was open? There was none. But my mind couldn't help but wonder why he still hadn't appeared to tell me he was back. How about Alice and the rest of the Cullens? Or was it just Edward who had returned?
The drive took so long I briefly thought that I had already missed the big house. It was my birthday the last time I went there and I might have slipped. But so far, I hadn't seen any opening yet. I was sure of that as I was keeping track of the path on right side of the road.
Finally, I saw the break in the trees that my eyes had been watching out for. If I hadn't been observing carefully, I really would have missed it. The flora was already growing thick and the tall ferns were already reaching for its claim to the house.
I saw the house. I was a bit surprised that it was still there. Edward didn't leave me with anything to remember them by. But this house. This house was a proof that they did exist. That I did love him, and for a time, he did to me too.
Like an ordinary human that I was, the empty edifice before me looked very creepy. Looking from the outside, anyone would clearly see that no one was there. No sign of any living or dead.
I hit the brakes but kept the engine running. I didn't want to stay long. I walked up to the porch and looked in the windows. I could see white sheets covering the couches where we used to sit. I craned my neck to check the low platform for the piano and there it was – covered with a great black sheet which was a contrast to the sea of white inside.
My hands started to shake. I ran back to my truck and rested my head on the steering wheel. I didn't feel my heart breaking this time out of frustration. But there was something greater and deeper than that going on within me. Despair. Hopelessness. Like my life ended here. The cord was suddenly cut off and there was no more.
Two months was a long time. If he did love me, two months would be a depressing eternity without me. He shouldn't have been able to survive without me. But he could. He managed.
I went out of my truck again. This time, I wanted to say something before I left. He couldn't hear me but at least I had the trees for an audience.
"Edward?" My voice sounded so small. "I'm stupid, aren't I? For coming here." I fought back the sobs that wanted to escape my chest. "I didn't mean to love you this much that it hurts so badly. And what's worse is that I still want to love you. I still do." My voice ended in a whisper.
Without feeling entirely satisfied with my monologue, I re-entered my truck and drove the long way home.