AN: Welcome to the third, and so far longest, installment. Thank you for reading and reviewing. If you don't know what shougi is, look it up at wikipedia.
More comments at the end :p.
Last chapter: Itsuki leaves his companions behind, his heart full of regret. Haruhi has to face the truth of her real self. Kyon observes the carnage, the responsibility on his shoulders far beyond his powers... And no one knows the most important thing. What devilish force swung the pendulum of destruction?
"Make sure you don't ever mention this trip to me, alright?" Tsuruya asked cheerfully "I would be very sad if I heard others chatting about it, too, so try not to spread rumors" and she added "After all, it's for the sake of your job, sa!"
The flabbergasted driver could only nod his head fervently as he hurried to drive the limo as far away from the exuberant heiress as possible.
She hadn't expected the opportunity to present itself to her so soon and had been forced to cut some corners to make use of it, but here she was, all ready to make it happen. If those fellows had allowed themselves to slip a whole week before the point of no return, then so be it.
Tsuruya looked around the neighborhood. People passing by were giving her curious glances, but it was no wonder. She had driven here straight from a negotiation meeting, still clad in official attire. For the populace inhabiting the run-of-the-mill apartment blocks in the area, the sight of anything more than a simple summer yukata was likely a rare occasion. At the very least, they'd judge her as terribly overdressed if they knew her expensive kimono was to serve its purpose during an entirely casual visit.
Because "casual visit" was what Tsuruya liked to think of it as.
With this thought in mind, she challenged the staircase. It was only the second floor, but still she cursed the absence of an elevator. It wasn't that she was overworked, but still she found herself with little strength to spare, her heavy breathing reminding her of the fact. She had no choice but to make do, however.
In a few moments she was already before the door to number seven. She checked the nameplate to confirm it was the right address. And then she rested her back against a wall to catch her breath.
The coughing fit which caught up to her wasn't entirely unexpected, and she decided to just let it out of her system, covering her mouth with her hands to stifle the noise. The coughs were seemingly painful, but this feeling was somewhat muted, like everything else she had felt in the recent weeks.
There, on her hands, was blood. With bloodstained clothes, she would probably look like a serial killer trying to lure another victim out – an image Tsuruya didn't much care for. She frowned and closed her eyes. When she opened them again a second later, all the crimson was gone. After all, there had been a possibility for her to cough everything out without getting dirty. And as long as a possibility existed, it could be forced into becoming reality. Tsuruya was already getting used to the idea.
With a small sigh, she knocked on the door.
Chapter 3
Tsumi
(jap. Checkmate/Sin)
Even on this late hour, she was not kept waiting for long – the barrier of dark brown swung open, and in its wake came a pair of equally rich brown eyes. There was no welcome in this gaze and neither was there any surprise, any curiosity of this unexpected guest.
"Good evening" Tsuruya greeted.
"Good evening. May I be of help?" Sasaki responded levelly.
If there was any hostility, it was held back by discipline perfectly. And if there was suspicion, Tsuruya could not discern it.
That alone didn't mean much, but Tsuruya felt her spirits lift nevertheless. She was going on rumors alone, but if even half of what they said proved to be true, she would require nothing more.
Finally, Tsuruya reached into her kimono to retrieve her passport.
What reaction the usage of official documents instead of a self-introduction would garner from any normal person, Tsuruya could only guess. But she was long-aware that in a few days' time, all the faux pas in the world would be rendered moot. And she had bet enough on this gambit for there to be no such thing as going overboard.
"I apologize for the late hour, Sasaki-san, but could I take a few minutes of your time?"
She bowed lightly and handed the passport to Sasaki.
Sasaki didn't hold back taking it. In fact, her eyes seemed to momentarily brighten at the gesture, before they sharpened as they flew over the data and numbers gathered in the document, sometimes coming back to Tsuruya to compare details.
Sasaki nodded in recognition of Tsuruya's last name, and Tsuruya grinned at how absorbed the other girl appeared. This made her fang – another slightly infamous family trait, show. That clinched it.
More than anything else, it was the patience and willingness with which her visitor underwent this inspection that endeared Tsuruya to Sasaki.
"Do come in, Tsuruya-san" Sasaki invited, returning the passport.
Entering the bright interior of the apartment, Tsuruya took off her shoes, and Sasaki offered her a pair of fuzzy slippers in their place.
"If you had intended to speak with my parents, I'm afraid both are absent. Father should be back in an hour or so, though" Sasaki informed, leading Tsuruya through a corridor.
But Tsuruya knew this. Sasaki's mother was abroad and her father had a business meeting. Calling in a few favors, she had even made sure the meeting would run especially long.
"Head" Sasaki warned, leaning her own head to the side.
Too puzzled to follow Sasaki's example, Tsuruya smacked face-first into a chicken hanging from the ceiling.
Soon after, she was trying to steady the decoration with one hand, check her face for permanent damage with the other one and give Sasaki a questioning look all at the same time.
"Good luck charm. Father's. Don't ask."
Tsuruya didn't miss the smirk on Sasaki's face.
The guest room contained no further surprises – it was orderly and well-kept, with wooden furniture and the walls a pristine white. Tsuruya noted the earthquake detector on the wall (safety first, sensibly) and the shougi board resting in the corner.
"Should I change?" Sasaki asked without really meaning it, or rather not believing Tsuruya would mind. Tsuruya smiled to confirm the girl's suspicions.
Certainly, they made up a queer pair, Tsuruya in her costly kimono and Sasaki in short pants and a plain T-shirt, the latter with a few slowly fading water stains decorating it.
Home alone, Sasaki had just finished washing the dishes after a self-prepared dinner. That explained the stains. Tsuruya suspected the informal clothing was Sasaki's usual at-home attire even when not doing house chores, though.
No, she didn't mind. She had taken those circumstances into account when planning her visit, and beggars can't be choosers.
"Have a sit, then" Sasaki offered, pointing at the sofa.
This time around, Tsuruya ignored the offer entirely, choosing instead to wander over to the shougi board and plopping herself in front of it. She traced the board's edges with her hand. It was the real deal: large, thick and made from fine wood. The polished surface reflected light cheerfully.
"Will you humor me?" Tsuruya asked with a small smile. And it was Sasaki's turn to be surprised, if only for a second. And then she went to join Tsuruya across the board.
"My mother's a professional player and a good teacher" Sasaki offered as a warning "Should I play with a handicap?"
Tsuruya shook her head.
"Don't worry, I know the rules."
This was not the answer Sasaki had wanted, but she had little time to protest as her visitor had already started taking out pieces and setting them on the board.
Sasaki moved into seiza – the traditional sitting form, entirely by force of habit. Not a second later, she saw Tsuruya follow suit. Both girls had good form, Sasaki's back being just a bit more stiff, as if betraying her uncompromising personality.
As they finished setting the pieces, Tsuruya had to look over at Sasaki's side to confirm her placement of the pieces was correct. To her credit, however, she had taken the jeweled general for herself and left the royal general piece, traditionally played by the more experienced player, to Sasaki. In everything but name and design, the pieces were identical and, compared to the western game of chess, served the role of a player's king piece.
"What kind of game?" Sasaki asked, hoping for Tsuruya to change her mind and request a handicap.
"Five seconds per move."
Sasaki blinked.
Tsuruya's hand wandered to the board before Sasaki could properly respond. She took her own rook and bishop, her two strongest pieces, and placed them away from the board.
Tsuruya looked up at Sasaki and her playful smile widened when she met the other girl's disapproving, berating gaze.
"Five seconds per move" Tsuruya repeated "Humor me, and don't hold back, Sasaki."
Sasaki's dignity hurting was evident on her face. Amateurs going easy on her simply didn't happen, and Tsuruya's suddenly direct manner of speech only served to irk her further.
And then the wisp of annoyance in her heart died, put out by a waterfall of Logic. Sasaki weighed the pros and cons, sought for Tsuruya's motive, found that the extremely fast variation would indeed benefit Tsuruya if she had come with a plan ready, and then allowed for the possibility of this being more amusement than challenge or insult.
First and foremost, the calming voice of reason made her realize she had nothing to lose and was not afraid at all.
"If you so wish, I'll give it my all" She announced, giving a short bow afterwards.
Tsuruya responded with a bow of her own and opened the game immediately after.
The soft click of wood connecting with wood had yet to die down when it repeated from the other side of the board. Sasaki wasted little time grasping the pieces, and her arm moved with speed like that of a swordsman.
Tsuruya never stopped to contemplate her next move, calmly commanding her pieces as if it was something she had done a hundred times already, even if she paid special attention not to accidentally drop them. Sasaki had no such worries and made her initial moves lightning-fast, following a standard defensive opening to at least slightly offset the uncertainty the five-second limit would bring late-game.
Both were highly reluctant to actually engage the other's pieces, resorting to a quaint game of cat and mouse along their lines of defense.
Finally, either seeing an opportunity or simply fed up with waiting, Sasaki went on the offensive, pushing her army forward.
Tsuruya's pieces intercepted the attack, although for every piece she took, one of her own would be defeated. With their hands moving towards the same area on the board in a quick sequence, it seemed to be more of an elegant boxing match than a shougi game.
Sasaki emerged with the lead of a single pawn in the aftermath of their fierce exchange. But she knew initiating the attack had cost her optimal defense position, and a counter-attack was only to be expected.
Tsuruya hurried to oblige, dropping a captured silver general in the promotion zone on Sasaki's side of the field, leaving it like a single thorn sticking out of the wall of defenders. Sasaki unflinchingly placed her own silver general to the intruder's side where they couldn't attack each other, limiting the movement of her own rook, but freezing Tsuruya's attack in its tracks.
And then they went all out. Blows and parries went all across the board. No insult remained unavenged, except when the unending massacre moved onto another formation, breaking it apart, felling soldiers, leaving surviving pawns companionless.
This was not the way shougi was meant to be played. Not this mindless slaughter. Sasaki learned this anew with every tactically flawed move she was forced to make under the restraints of their crazy time limit. But it was far too late for misgivings, and she could only plunge forward. There, on Tsuruya's brow, was the slightest crease, the only visible sign of concentration. But if the perfect calm of her opponent was but a façade, Sasaki had nothing to fear.
The advantaged position she began with bore fruit.
Sasaki's pieces finally surrounded Tsuruya's jeweled general. Tsuruya hesitated for the first time during the match, but rather than escape, she placed another piece far forward, returning to the nearly forgotten threat she had made to Sasaki's rook in the beginning of their game.
Sasaki could escape with the piece. She knew Tsuruya would only pressure her further, building up a force deep in her fortress, though. And with her own royal general exposed and so close to victory, Sasaki decided to call the bluff.
She ignored the attack and took down the last of Tsuruya's defending golden generals. Tsuruya took the rook. Sasaki moved in to check her opponent.
With a sad smile on her face, Tsurya moved her jeweled general, not away from the attackers, but towards them. Sasaki blinked at the unexpected move.
With the imperfect attack capabilities of her pieces, Sasaki would not be able to checkmate Tsuruya in this new position immediately. But she swiftly retreated one of the attackers to compensate.
When Tsuruya returned the rook to the board not far from where she had previously captured it, Sasaki's first thought was predictable. Her second thought, striking her with enough force to make her eyes involuntary widen, was disastrous.
She had to protect her royal general, now in check. That she had predicted. But with the recent adjustment to her attack formation, it would cost her dearly. While she wasted a move to defend, the rook would move downward, capture one of her attacking pieces, promote and cut off Sasaki's offense in one fell swoop.
It was preposterous. Not because it was a good move. Tsuruya might have called herself an amateur, but she had been playing all too well throughout the whole game. Not because Sasaki failed to foresee its the full consequences. That was yet another failure she couldn't prevent in five seconds. It was preposterous, Sasaki knew, because the move had to be prepared.
Tsuruya would have to threaten the rook's position and predict Sasaki sealing it – acting highly defensive. And then she could allow Sasaki to attack, creep as close to the jeweled general as possible, manipulating the attackers' positions by moving it. Only then, by predicting the sacrifice of the rook, a highly offensive move, would it become possible to finalize the strategy.
Not even experienced professionals, and Sasaki had played with many, had ever toyed with her like that. Sure as hell not handicapped.
It hurt, but Sasaki's hand nevertheless shot forward at the four second mark, as if something within her couldn't accept the disgrace of giving up.
"You don't have to" Tsuruya offered, and this remark made her eyes, and now they appeared genuinely tired, meet Sasaki's rebellious gaze "Whatever you do, no matter how great your skill and determination, I'll take your royal general in no more than eighteen moves."
The board might've burned, so fast did Sasaki recoil from it. But it was the dispassionate finality in Tsuruya's voice, and not flames, that opened wounds.
"Humiliating" Sasaki muttered. But it was the only cry of emotional anguish she allowed herself before she scrunched her face, took a deep breath and allowed Logic to take over.
"Humbling" she corrected herself firmly.
And without further comment, Sasaki took to gazing intently at the board.
Tsuruya watched this with an increasingly guilty conscience. She let out a quiet sigh and leaned forward, supporting herself on their playing field with both hands.
"And since you've seen this much, Sasaki, believe me, and this is the only thing I will beg of you, believe me when I say that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, this world will die in no more than a week."
Tsuruya had to wait half a minute for an answer.
"End of the world, huh?" Sasaki mused, and leapt forward to move one of her pawns.
And now Tsuruya paused in disbelief.
"The best move in the worst situation" Tsuruya murmured "You saw eighteen moves ahead, Sasaki."
Sasaki shook off the praise without even trying.
"I'd bet everything I have you saw forty-some moves ahead when we played, Tsuruya" she responded, grimacing.
"I did that and more" Tsuruya allowed "but I cheated."
"Did you really?" Sasaki was entirely unconvinced.
Tsuruya pushed away from the board.
"There are about thirty possible opening moves, for you and your opponent, which makes for a mere nine hundred possible combinations for the first turn" Tsuruya offered "Even if this number increases exponentially with each additional turn we take into account and captured pieces may be returned to the board, shougi games nevertheless end in a finite number of moves, giving birth to a finite number of possibilities" she paused "And so, a being capable of discerning the sea of possibilities may achieve whatever result it desires. "
Despite spouting such gibberish, Tsuruya gave the impression of being entirely serious.
"With a power surpassing human comprehension, I foresaw our entire game, chose the path of action leading to my flashy victory and followed it like a script of a play until the very end."
"Did you really" Sasaki deadpanned "You're not making that up out of pity, are you?"
"Sure not. I might know the rules enough to play, but…"
Tsuruya cut off when she noticed Sasaki developing a nervous tick of her left eyebrow. Apparently the idea of losing to someone who "might know the rules enough to play, but…" didn't sit too well with her.
"Nyoro?" Tsuruya gave out, along with some nervous laughter.
Sasaki switched from seiza to sitting cross-legged, put her arms behind herself for support and raised her head to stare at the ceiling.
She heaved a heavy sigh.
"I believe you. End of the world, sea of possibilities, anything."
"You do?" Tsuruya couldn't help sounding relieved.
"I suppose I do. A few months back I had a queer group approach me with convincing arguments for me being a God-candidate and even better ones for the existence of time travel, extraterrestrial beings and superpowers. I'll feel better believing you, I think. And you do give off a similar feeling to them."
"Women's intuition?" Tsuruya sounded disappointed "I thought you were more discriminating."
Sasaki didn't seem bothered by Tsuruya's tone.
"Admittedly, the concept of a "feel" applicable to every person is of a dubious nature" Sasaki allowed "It would be more precise to consider it in terms of an ability of absolute influence upon targets – charisma, a constant quality which affects evaluative judgment – aura, or a combination of both. In terms of the first, I measured your actions and words which were supposed to affect me. In what way do they reveal your own persona and intentions, to what extent were they calculated or honest and how much did I allow them to affect me. As for the second, I observed your reactions to stimuli you had not anticipated and the degree of change in your behavior after it was confronted with my own. The conclusions I drew from both these trials allowed me to judge your "feel" and so I decided on trusting you."
Tsuruya had adopted a gesture of surrender halfway through the discourse, her hands in the air and shaking lightly.
"I take it back. You were just slyly hiding your true colors." she accused, not sounding bothered at all.
Sasaki shrugged her shoulders humorously.
"Kyon once advised me not to scare people away by being myself too much" she smirked "so I've been holding back."
"Kyon? So even you don't use his real name?" Tsuruya asked.
"He has one?" Sasaki shot back.
They both smiled.
"But even had I not believed you" Sasaki returned to her usual serious tone "would you not have manipulated the possibilities of our conservation until I did?"
Tsuruya put on a pained expression, as if she had been expecting the question, but had hoped she wouldn't have to answer it.
"I have nothing but my word for it, but I wouldn't be able to" Tsuruya admitted "That game alone took a lot out of me, even if I don't look like it. And with free will being a jerk, human conversations are infinitely more complex than board games. I don't think I'd like to have a go at controlling them just yet."
Sasaki nodded, seemingly satisfied.
"And so," she spoke up again "maybe you should elaborate on that end of the world of yours. And how it relates to you, Suzumiya Haruhi, me and my" Sasaki wondered briefly whether using the name Kyouko had made up was entirely appropriate "Sasaki-dan".
It was sad but inevitable, Tsuruya knew, that they would eventually breach this topic, the true purpose of her visit.
"Suzumiya Haruhi will be used to bring about the destruction of the world."
Even as she said that, Tsuruya grimaced at the sobering thought.
"Conversely, I will be the one goading her into doing it."
Sasaki had no visible reaction to this news. Tsuruya, on her part, only now realized the horrible difference between simply knowing the fact and stating it out loud.
"As for your companions… it would suffice if they just vanished, but they'll help in neutralizing the factions surrounding Suzumiya Haruhi in the process."
Tsuruya cleared her throat, avoiding looking at Sasaki.
"And, Sasaki, I'd like you to… die for me."
Late into the evening, the quiet apartment was filled with hysteric laughter. And the sound which should have been carefree slowly grew forced and grating, as if coming from the depths of insanity.
Tsuruya stopped laughing only with obvious effort, chocking back further bursts.
"Sorry, Sasaki. That was a really bad joke. No idea where it came from." Tsuruya chattered, panicky, pushing herself off the floor and preparing to stand.
Sasaki wasn't impressed.
"No" she barked.
Tsuruya faltered, chuckling weakly and waving her hands apologetically.
"I didn't intend to say that, really-sa. Don't make anything of it."
But Sasaki left no time for silence to set in.
"Will I be any less screwed if you run away now, Tsuruya?"
If Tsuruya's pained, horrified expression was any indication, she wouldn't be.
And so the long-haired girl slumped, covered her face with her hand and spoke in this manner. Sasaki listened well, never letting a word slip.
"The one dealing the cards is the Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence. For you, it'd be best to think of those fellows as Suou Kuyou's employers. And for me" Tsuruya raised her free hand to point at her heart "they are the ultimate parasite."
Tsuruya's tone changed slightly as she slipped into the well-rehearsed recital of the plan.
"The time travelers will be eliminated first. Asahina Mikuru through me, and the man you know as Fujiwara through Suou. They will both be infected with a fifth-dimensional vector. Because a time traveler's existence relies on a pre-established chain of events, erasing them through a change in the possibilities within the space-time continuum is child's play. At least for those five-dimensional fellows."
"At the chosen time, both of them will simply blink out of existence. But the change in possibility will disguise itself as a natural occurrence, and inevitably, the two time traveler factions will suspect each other of breaking the ultimate taboo: changing a pre-destined event. This will likely result in the first and last Time War. Almost certainly, the damage dealt to the fabric of time as a result would be enough to cause the end of the world by itself. However, the collapse of time would have to start in the future which, come next week, will have lost the chance of ever happening. This is the absolute advantage a five-dimensional being holds over those capable of four-dimensional travel."
"The Integrated Data Thought Entity, the fellows' counterpart, is likely to notice this and recognize it for what it is. And therefore they will have to be dealt with next. A rogue agent of the Entity will assist those fellows in uploading a junk data attack. Those fellows currently lack the sophistication to significantly hurt the Entity in this way, but the Entity does not value Suzumiya Haruhi over its own safety, and is likely to devote most of its power to analyzing the junk data completely. Suou Kuyou will directly confront any interfaces not taken up with this task. The curtains will close before the Entity feels secure enough to make its move."
"And lastly, the esper factions. I will approach one member of the Organization under the pretense of confirming my family's interests. Whoever it is, those fellows will enslave them completely, allowing for the transfer of some power between Suzumiya Haruhi and you. We expect your espers to jump on this opportunity to establish you as the true God… and whatever the factions do to each other afterwards is entirely inconsequential to those fellows."
Tsuruya removed the hand from her face and started looking at a wall in the general direction of Sasaki, not halting in her speech.
"Since when they first noticed her, those fellows wished to use Suzumiya Haruhi for their own purposes. But they cannot communicate with humans directly – they've been trying for months and all their subjects died in the process. They couldn't risk destroying Suzumiya, divinity in a human's shell, before getting what they wanted. And so, they sought a vessel acquainted with supernatural powers, capable of holding them. Until through sheer coincidence and some really bad luck, they stumbled on me."
In Sasaki's first outward response to the story, she allowed her brows to furrow.
"In other words," Tsuruya concluded "the being you are speaking with now is neither the human known as Tsuruya nor the Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence, but a mixture of both."
Now Sasaki's frown grew, and her answer was cold and guarded.
"Is that so?"
Tsuruya's depressed expression almost switched into a smile, giving Sasaki the impression her sudden distrust brought the other girl satisfaction, or at least some form of reassurance.
"Indeed" Tsuruya confirmed "However, what consciousness rules over this body is another matter altogether. At this moment, those fellows cannot overrule my awareness for more than twenty-one consecutive hours, at which point I regain power over myself fully for three to four hours, like now. As we are one, we cannot hurt each other even while the other side remains dormant. As the aura of possibility originally belonged to those fellows, I have only little access to their powers. But as the mind of this body originally belonged to me, they cannot access my memories, and will therefore never become aware of me being here or the words we exchanged."
Tsuruya locked eyes with Sasaki.
"I'm telling you this because you need to realize how great a risk those fellows are taking, and how great the desire behind this foolishness must be. If you realize that, you will also understand that they will stop at nothing to get what they want."
She broke eye contact to resume staring at the wall.
"Their ultimate objective is to completely enslave the mind and powers of Suzumiya Haruhi. A being aware of the infinity of possibilities getting its hands on powers of infinite potential… I'm sure you can imagine the consequences yourself – a true self-aware God, ready to erase as all at the drop of a hat."
Finally, sensing another oncoming pause, Sasaki decided to cut to the chase.
"How does my death factor into all of this?"
"For the plan to succeed, three conditions must be met" Tsuruya recapped, stalling for time "All factions powerful enough to interfere must be prevented from taking action. The Existence must act through a human to enthrall another human's mind. Arrangements for those two you already know."
She clenched her fist.
"Lastly, Suzumiya Haruhi's powers must be fully or nearly fully awake at the moment she is enslaved. And your death will allow for fulfilling this condition. In a few days, those fellows, no, I will come to you again and perform the procedure planned for Suzumiya."
She had gone over this part so many times, it was all ready in her head, why, why did the words not want to come out!?
"All your… emotions… wants and needs… fears… beliefs… everything will be taken away, mutilated, violated. And then they will be returned, rehashed, a grotesque caricature, merely to begin the process anew, until, finally, your self-awareness is stifled, so oppressed by what could be that you forget what is."
And when the words did come out, Tsuruya never noticed herself switching from what was supposed to be a stoic description into a shaky remembrance of the night on which she had died for the first time.
"And once you've served as a guinea pig for the process and become a living doll" Tsuruya almost whispered "they will send you against Suzumiya. In a life-or-death situation, the destabilized powers of Suzumiya Haruhi will surface and she will certainly act in self-defense. This opportunity will also be used to measure the limits of Suzumiya's power, but there is no doubt that no human being, no matter how powerful, can kill her. Whatever is left of your existence will end on that day."
Half-stunned trying to process what she had learned, half-absorbed by the disheartening display of the shaking girl before her, Sasaki was not entirely aware what she was doing as she leaned forward, looking for some way to comfort her guest.
Tsuruya leapt forward madly, smashed her hands on the shougi board, sent all the pieces flying.
"Like hell that would happen!"
Sasaki jumped back in fright as the girl before seemed to transform every bit of uncertainty within her into fuel for her screams.
"Those fellows know nothing! Oppose them, and they cannot have you! Spit in their face like I had! The spark of life in your eyes, it is so obvious, they cannot even comprehend! If not your life, then at least dignity is yours to keep until the end!"
Shouting all this with her full might, Tsuruya went red in the face. But not a second passed after her last word before she deflated again, embracing herself with her arms, touching her knees with her chin, seemingly half her previous size.
"But still… I… I want you to give up."
Sasaki watched in mute bewilderment and worry as Tsuruya trembled.
"I want to believe a mind like yours can never be completely broken. And if even a sliver of that beautiful will remains when the time comes, the small things you can do, the things you can say to that girl to bring us one step closer to salvation! I think about it all, and then I truly want you to give up everything, to writhe in the ultimate anguish, for the sake of me and my gamble."
And, in the smallest of voices,
"If air passes through these lungs, and my lips form that horrible plea… Sasaki, will I be the most wretched of all?"
Neither girl was composed enough to measure how much time passed before Sasaki replied.
"If you want to be selfish and do end up asking for it, then allow me to be selfish too."
Tsuruya looked up at her dejectedly.
"I will do whatever you want me to, Tsuruya… if you tell me exactly how heavy the burden of a monster's soul is."
Tsuruya started, she wanted to apologize, take her words back. But she saw Sasaki's face – so puzzling, bright, pained, yet lacking in anger and full of pity.
And she understood the words asked not about Sasaki's fate, but Tsuruya herself.
Tsuruya didn't like being picky, which was probably why she never admitted, even to herself, how much she disliked salt. It was everywhere, in bread, in pasta, in soups, sneaking up on you, and then the taste fills your mouth as you choke, but still more comes with the wild rivulets, and you can only follow, so very powerless, the itchy trails of each salty, salty tear.
Tsuruya didn't know when it happened. Neither did Sasaki, but there she was, embracing the crying girl and striking her hair comfortingly.
How mundane it had seemed, the quiet evening which lead to it all.
"My father will be late, right?" Sasaki asked.
Tsuruya nodded weakly, admitting to having it arranged.
"And you should have some two hours left."
Another weak nod.
"Let me get us glasses. We'll drink for future prospects, or something" Sasaki laughed, although her own eyes were getting watery "And you will tell me everything."
Tsuruya returned the embrace and, even minutes later, kept on crying and nodding.
AN: It was hard to write this chapter, after the victorious Tsuruya in Elusive Dominion and hopeful Tsuruya in Architecture, we now see an entirely different image. The responsibility is great, and it scares her. But the chaos can no longer be stopped. We are at the halfway point of this story, what waits ahead? Only time will tell.
Preview:
In the end, he never asked her why it was snow of all things she liked so much. And now, there would be many more things he would never be able to ask about.
He couldn't embrace her, she was near and far away.
He couldn't stay to say goodbye.
Haruhi was waiting.
See you next time!