Only one word could describe how I felt right then, bliss. It was either the darkness that had cover my very body itself, or the cold heat coming from the flames. My smile still was plaster onto my face, but I knew under it all I was still a black hearted, cold blood monster. No amount of good deeds and happiness could change that. Just like that fact that I knew that even if I didn't die, Esther would still never love me. She has seen what I can do, and remembers well the fear that had overwhelmed her very being. In retrospect, nothing would have change even if I did survive Cain's last attempt, and triumph, to take me to Hell with him. I closed my eyes hopeing that we wouldn't fight after I got there, that just maybe we could settle our fights with words. Then it came to me, that he might be himself again, before his nano's drove him insane.
The light came again, and it disrupted my thought's entirely. No voices where around me but I did hear something. It sound like silent crying. I tried to just think it wasn't there, that is, till I heard her voice. "Oh, Abel...........", it was Esther. I felt my eyes fly open as I saw what was happing. It was the battle ground, the last thing I saw. I saw that my face was cover in my own blood, a large puddle blood on the ground. Then I saw it, my eyes where still wide open. My eyes gray, like my very feelings and meaning had been drained from my body. As if it where just an empty vessel.
"Oh, Abel........please......you can't be dead......no, you can't.", her tears where mixing with my blood, "Abel......"
Asta stood behind her, she was fighting her tears, but I could tell she was losing. "Damn it.........you pumpkin head........you weren't suppose to die. You where suppose to die on me.", she whispered between deep breath. Then I saw it, William and Cardinal Caterina where also standing there. William was holding Caterina in his arms as she sobbed ,his own tears falling down his cheeks. He whispered something I couldn't quite hear, and leaned over to my body, slowly closing my eyes. That's when I lost it, I cried. It hurt me even more to see them crying over me, but even worse, to see Esther in such pain. To see her in pain over a monster like me. Even after death.
The light didn't come back around me, so I stood and walked over to where they stood. I placed a hand on Esther tiny shoulder and leaned down to he ear. "Don't cry over me........", I whispered, "......I'm a monster, I don't deserve your tears."
After that I was taken back to the darkness. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted this to end. End my life, end my pain, end my suffering, just end it all. "Please.........just end this.....I can't watch more of this. Just send me to hell and get it over with.", I whispered thought my tears, "Please."