If five blankets and a silencing spell couldn't keep Remus shielded from the world, he didn't know what would. His hunched shoulders were engulfed in a scratchy, padded enclosure, yet shivers rippled ceaselessly through his body. He felt clammy and pale and his eyes hurt. Sniffing every so often, he stared blindly forward into the thick folds of his curtains. He promised himself he would eat when he could stomach the thought of crawling out of his bed.

His index finger dragged back and forth along his lower lip. He could almost feel another's lips, pulling, pressing, gone. Gone.

He couldn't go outside the curtains. Beyond the velvet veil lay a world of fear and pain and betrayal. He was missing classes, he knew, a fact worrying in itself – but he didn't care. There was a dull thudding ache in his chest, that was true, but he didn't think it was guilt.

James had been worried, though. James had pulled aside the curtains only that morning, tie askew, and over his shoulder, Remus had seen Sirius slink out the door without a glance behind him. James had started to say something, Remus couldn't remember. He hadn't listened to a word after seeing Sirius leave. There had been a pressure behind his eyes, red and bright and blinding, and James had left after that.

Remus didn't care. He wished they would all just stay away and leave him alone. He couldn't face his classes, he couldn't face the awful possibility of seeing Snape, or of seeing the judgment in Snape's eyes. He couldn't face-

His finger stilled, pressed lightly to his mouth, as he heard the dormitory door creak open. His eyes widened in the dark, and the pain in his chest intensified.

Shoes padded softly over floorboards. They seemed to meander, pausing now and then, maybe hesitant, maybe cautious- maybe curious?

"Remus," a familiar voice breathed uncertainly into the silence. "Are you in there?"

It was Lily. Of course it was Lily. Of course.

Remus released a breath that he hadn't been aware of holding, and it caught in his throat a little. Violently, he dashed at his wet cheeks with the corner of a blanket before Lily could take a peek inside.

Light spilled across his sheets as, with a soft scraping of metal, the curtain pulled across the rod. Reluctantly, Remus raised his puffy eyes and blinked in the sudden brightness, gradually piecing together a complete image of Lily, whose face contained too much pity to bear.

He looked back down to his blankets, wrenching them more fiercely about himself.

The silencing spell was broken. Deep down, Remus knew that no amount of blankets could prevent exposure now.

"I- I brought a plate," Lily said, giggling nervously as she slid a porcelain dish onto the bedside table. "I've never come up here before – obviously – and I feel like this is a housewarming present or something."

Remus was silent. Lily's awkward efforts to lighten the situation seemed utterly foreign to his current numbing misery, and he couldn't fathom a suitable way to react.

Bodily reactions tend to speak at a higher volume than methodical responses, anyway.

His stomach growled loudly at the wafting scent of shepherd's pie. Lily laughed, and seemed to relax slightly. She grabbed the plate and lowered it temptingly under Remus' nose.

"It's not poisoned, I swear. And James says you haven't left the room all day." Lily paused. When she next spoke, her tone was far from light and cheery. "He said that he couldn't talk to you himself. He basically begged me to come up here, not that he would have needed to, the berk. He- he was sporting a rather impressive black eye."

Remus gazed down at his fist, and pressed it into his chest absently. The knuckles felt tender. He thought of James, and the haze of the morning cleared somewhat, and he was suddenly brimming with undiluted guilt. He groaned, shoving his face into his hands. The mattress shifted slightly, as if Lily had been startled by the sudden movement.

"I don't blame you at all, don't worry about that," she said hurriedly, consolingly, placing a hand gingerly at the centre of Remus' back, stretching across with the other to place the pie on the table. "I'm sure that he deserved it for whatever he's done, him and the other two."

"No," Remus moaned into his palms, "you've got it all wrong. James – he should have taken a swing at me, you've no idea."

The palm at his back halted its tender smoothing motion, and Lily moved forwards, her knee jabbing into his blanket cocoon.

"What happened, then?" she said, sounding bewildered. "Do you feel guilty, is that it? For what?"

"I can't. I can't tell you. Don't blame James. Please. He deserves so much better. He – he saved – everything."

"Last night was a full moon."

This was a statement, and it seemed horribly bleak to Remus.

"Yes," he whispered.

"You transformed, and something went wrong."

"Yes."

"Someone was there."

"Yes."

A pause. "Was it – James?"

Remus was momentarily startled by the strain that was suddenly tight in Lily's voice. It had almost wavered, almost, on that last word…

"He was there. But Snape – Snape was there – first."

There. He had said it. He couldn't believe he had said it. His fists loosened slightly around fat tufts of blanket.

"Oh, God," Lily said, and her voice finally cracked. From his peripheral vision, Remus saw a pale hand flit up and swipe across a freckled cheek. He looked up properly, heart heavy with guilt, brow lifted with surprise.

"You're crying," he stated dully. Then, with a flicker of hope, "You didn't already know?"

"What? No. No, Snape hasn't said anything. Nobody else knows you're a werewolf." As that dreaded word passed through her lips, Lily seemed to regain control and a sense of her purpose. "Oh, Remus, is that why you're holed up in here?"

Remus dropped his head down into his blanketed lap and fought the pulling tide of memory.

"No. That's – that's not why."

And it wasn't. Not really.

"Then – why?"

"Sirius." The name spilled in a whisper through his shaking lips as he huddled in on himself. He felt a warm hand creep onto his knee, and then another on the small of his back, and then he was being pulled over into Lily's arms, and she was cradling him to her chest before he even noticed the hot tears streaking down his cheeks.

He breathed deeply, shakily, his head nestled in the comforting dark. Lily's chest rose and fell evenly, and he thought of her earlier assumptions, and he thought of James. Lily thought James was to blame. He hadn't thanked James. He had punched James in the face. He felt sudden energy course through his body, and heat, and guilt, and anguish, and he remembered with piercing clarity the absolute bliss of friendship, and he needed to remove the blankets. He pulled his head away from Lily, and he could hear her self-restraint as loudly as he could hear the questions that she wanted desperately to ask.

"I've got to go out there," he said breathlessly, heaving himself awkwardly to the side of the bed, his feet dangling to the floor, and the sudden cold.

"Yes, but, Remus! You're still in your pyjamas!" Lily looked shocked, her hands still clinging to the air where Remus had been until moments ago.

"I don't care," he muttered, his mind hanging on those three words. He wouldn't do this. He wouldn't let this ruin things. He wouldn't let Sirius ruin things. He owed this to James.

"James," he said, his voice sounding oddly loud to his own ears. He looked at Lily, and saw that she was watching him intently, a slight frown upon her face. "He saved Snape. From me. Dumbledore said he almost died."

Did he overdo it? Remus didn't think he had. He didn't think it was possible to repay James for his actions, but he could start here.

He watched Lily's face as amazement, fear and disbelief widened her eyes in succession.

"He what?" she gasped.

"Saved me." He was walking now, across the room to the door, kicking scraps of parchment along the way, grabbing for his wand as he passed the dresser at the end of the room. He wondered absently if it was food deprivation directing his actions, or some form of insanity that had descended upon him during the misery and the blankets. Strangely, this thought was comforting.

"Sirius told Snape," he continued, pausing at the door and turning back to Lily, whose face drained of colour at the words. "He wanted me to kill him. Or something. I can't talk to him anymore."

"Where are you going?" Lily whispered, seeming to find her voice again. "What are you going to do?"

"I have to thank James for saving my life, remember?" Remus said almost fiercely, gripping the doorknob. "As long as one friend wants me around, I shouldn't hide in blankets, should I?"

He ripped the door open and froze. From the bed, Lily froze too. Loud voices carried through the open doorway from the common room below. This discussion was far from discreet.

"You sodding bastard!"

"I know, okay? Do you think I'm gloating or something?"

"Why couldn't you just leave him alone?"

As James' voice thundered up from below, Remus was startled to see Lily dart around him onto the staircase, and begin to quickly descend. He breathed once, the icy grasp of emotion having returned at the sound of his voice, and forced himself to follow her. He came to a halt immediately behind her at the foot of the stairs, peering over her hair to see that they were not the only spectators for this argument.

James and Sirius stood ten feet apart at one end of the room, hands clenched, cheeks flushed with colour, each seething. When Sirius made no immediate response, James clenched his jaw and threw a hand into the air.

"Moony's up there alone, Black, he's practically comatose with misery, and it's all because of your stupid decision to get Snivellus-"

"I know," Sirius moaned, and Remus' chest constricted. "I know, I know, he hates me, I know, but don't you see why I had to –"

"No! Nothing could ever justify-"

James didn't seem able to finish his sentence. His shoulders were heaving with rage. His black eye looked terrifying. Turning, he swung one arm into the air, and smashed his fist through the plaster.

The staring common room became silent.

"Ow, buggering ow, ow!" James said through gritted teeth, bouncing from foot to foot as he grasped at his knuckles.

But the greater shock came when Sirius started to cry, beginning to sob helplessly, shaking from the core of his body. It was worse, Remus thought, it was so much worse than yesterday, because yesterday Sirius was crying with him, and today they had both sunk through the floor, down to the floor, miserable and alone.

He felt sick.

The faint gasp that flew from Lily's lips – in surprise, in sympathy, Remus didn't know – seemed to startle James from his disgust, and he glanced up to the foot of the stairs, still cradling his fist with his other hand. His eyes bulged at the sight of the pair, and he looked so guilty, so helplessly, hopelessly guilty, that Remus might have smiled in another situation.

Double prefect trouble. Hole in the wall. Oh dear.

The next second, all thoughts of smiling disappeared. Sirius, who had crumbled to the floor in front of the entire house without shame or control, followed James' gaze, and in a moment, his eyes had locked with Remus'.

They stared at each other, Sirius still shaking silently. Remus felt numb. He couldn't summon the will or the energy to tear his eyes away.

And Sirius was mouthing something, incomprehensible, through quivering lips.

Remus' hand flew to his own lips automatically, and he remembered the shape of Sirius' mouth. Sirius had said something afterwards.

"I thought you wanted-"

Had it all been part of an apology? A conciliatory gesture? Did Sirius not want to – The thought stuck. It was painful, like a bone lodged in his throat. Had Sirius only kissed him because he thought Remus wanted him to?

Forget about the kiss, his brain screamed, remember Snape, the betrayal that counts.

But looking down at Sirius' blotchy face, his shuddering chest and pleading eyes, Remus could not feel the same ache of betrayal that he had felt only yesterday. There was a sharper pain that now sliced incisor-like through his ribcage and into his heart, and, although his face remained dry, his finger stayed at his lips, shaking.

A/N: Ouch. This was hard. Please review, and make me feel better about this. I give you licence to rant at the fluffless depravity of it all.

Still… boys + tears = adorable.

And I loved James' loss of control. Even Lily's got to love that. Surely.

REVIEW!

xx Froody