Chapter 6

"What is it, Ducky?"

Ducky's voice was heavy. "Tony is still in surgery. They may have to remove his spleen, and they are worried about possible thoracic spinal cord injury...in addition to everything else."

Gibbs rubbed his hand over his face. "And Abby?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

"Abigail is...she's in a coma, Jethro. The doctors have done all they can and they're hopeful that she'll regain consciousness, but..."

"But she hasn't yet."

"No. I'm sorry. They were able to reconstruct the broken bones in her face, and the burns will leave only minimal scarring." There was a long pause followed by a longer sigh. "Have you seen Timothy?"

"Yes. He's sitting about ten feet away from me," Gibbs said looking back. Tim hadn't moved. It was unnerving.

"He's what?"

"Sitting on the ground about ten feet away from me."

"You're still at NCIS, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"How long has he been there?"

"Since yesterday." Ducky sounded much too concerned, Gibbs felt, considering he hadn't seen Tim at all.

"Did you know that he checked out of the hospital against medical advice?"

"No."

"According to the nurse, he was out of recovery for less than an hour before he insisted on leaving."

"Less than an hour?"

"Didn't you talk to him, Jethro?"

"Yes, but he's not saying much, Ducky, and I didn't think I needed to ask him whether he asked permission to leave."

There was another pause. "I'm so sorry, Jethro. I...I called Jimmy's mother and told her the news. She already seemed to know. This isn't your fault."

"No, but I think Tim thinks it's his."

"Unsurprising, I'm afraid. They tried to get him to speak to someone here, and they tried to get him to stay, but he refused. I had hoped, after hearing about it, that he would have simply gone home. I should have known better."

"Ziva's dead, Ducky."

The sharp intake of breath told Gibbs how much that had shocked the ME. "Oh, dear. Oh...dear." Not even Ducky could think of anything to say.

The two of them fell silent, not hanging up, but not speaking. Finally, Ducky let out another long sigh.

"Jethro...could you get Timothy back here?"

"I can try. He may not want to go."

"Do what you have to. He should not be out at all...and especially not there."

"I'll get him back, Ducky."

"Are there any estimates of total casualties?"

"I don't know," Gibbs answered. "I think they're at around forty or fifty dead so far."

"Such a small number...but so large."

"Yeah. Be there soon, Duck."

"Very well..."

Neither hung up for a moment, but then, Gibbs disconnected and returned his attention to Tim. He walked over and put his hand on Tim's shoulder, as he had before.

"Tim, it's time to go."

Tim didn't move, except to shake his head in rejection of that idea.

"Yes, Tim. We need to go."

"Where?" Tim's voice was listless.

"To the hospital."

"No."

Gibbs knelt beside Tim. "They're almost done. They don't have much left to search."

"They're not done yet."

"Tim...Tony and Abby are at the hospital. Ducky is there, too, but he's only one person. He can't be with both of them at once. They need us...no one here does."

"How bad?"

Gibbs wondered if he should be explicit, but he figured after everything else, Tim couldn't feel much worse. He knew that he couldn't. "Tony's in surgery. He might be paralyzed and they might have to remove his spleen. Abby got burned pretty badly but they think they've got that under control and they were able to reconstruct the bones in her face...but..."

"...but what?"

"She's in a coma."

Tim nodded.

"So let's go."

Finally...finally, Tim looked up at Gibbs, his face blank...unless you looked in his eyes...deeply.

"I don't think I can, Boss."

Gibbs tightened his grip. "Tim...Ziva is dead. Tony and Abby are injured. Jimmy and Lee are dead. I don't want to lose anyone else from my team." He paused. "Please."

Tim stared at him for a long time and then nodded.

"Good. We'll have to take my car. They're not letting unofficial cars in and out. I still have the sedan."

Tim didn't reply. Instead, he began to climb to his feet...but he nearly collapsed, forcing Gibbs to put a quick arm around his waist...subsequently causing Tim to wince at the pressure on his bruised and damaged torso.

"We're stopping to get you something to eat on the way."

Tim shook his head again. "I'm not hungry."

"I don't care. I'll bet you haven't eaten anything since yesterday."

"Nope."

"You need to, McGee...even if you don't feel hungry."

Tim shook his head again, but he could hardly protest as his weak limbs did very little to assist him in getting to Gibbs' car. As they walked, Gibbs noticed a familiar person turn away from the ruins and give him an encouraging wave. He nodded back and then focused on assisting the one living/conscious member of his team.

Once Tim was settled in the passenger seat, he seemed to shrink in size as he slumped down...whether from exhaustion or grief, Gibbs didn't know...and he didn't ask. He just put the car in gear and drove away from the carnage. On the way, he stopped at a Starbucks and got himself more coffee and Tim a pastry. It wasn't much, but it was more than he had. Tim took a bite but no more. He set it on his lap and stared out the window, obviously seeing nothing. Gibbs was about to force him to eat more when Tim spoke.

"There was more than one," he whispered.

"More than one, what?"

"More than one explosion." Tim closed his eyes, as if seeing it all again...which he probably was.

"How do you know?"

For a moment, Tim bit his lip and Gibbs cursed his own thoughtlessness at making him relive it.

"The glass...rippled...before it broke. I've never seen anything like it." His voice was breathless. "It rippled...from right to left...and from left to right, starting in the middle. When I woke up...there was another one...on the left side...and it was gone. It was all gone."

"You remember?"

"Boom. Boom. Boom." Tim still wasn't looking anywhere else. "It happened so slowly...I seemed to have forever...just to watch it happen...and then, it was all happening at once. How is that possible? Things happening all at once and not at all...at the same time?"

"Happens more often than you might think."

Silence descended once more and Tim looked out the window.

"Where were you, Boss?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're not hurt."

"Getting coffee. Tony spilled mine. He saved my life." Gibbs smiled. Tim did not. "You know this isn't your fault, right?"

"I know."

Gibbs had never heard a less convincing lie...and since it was the truth, it was quite an achievement. Tim did know it...but he didn't believe it. He didn't bother to point out such complexities. Instead, he concentrated on driving...because driving kept him from thinking about how many people had died, how close he had come to losing everyone...how much closer he could still be. He had seen Abby and Tony. He had thought Abby must be dead. He had no idea how the two of them had managed to survive for nearly a day. Ziva...she had been working in the bullpen. If only he had sent her down to the lab as well. If only... As terrible as it was, Gibbs had lost enough people to know that it wasn't his fault that they had died. This time, there was nothing he could have done. If it had been possible, he would have changed his life for theirs, but it wasn't possible. That was the way life was.

Gibbs knew that...but he didn't think Tim did. He remembered Tim's expression when they had realized that Ari nearly killed him as well as Kate. There had been just a moment that had flashed by so quickly no one else caught it. Tim had felt guilty...because he had lived and Kate had died. He remembered the repressed tears in Tim's voice when they had realized that the man Tim had fired upon was a cop. It was that guilt again. The problem was that Gibbs didn't know how Tim had moved beyond the guilt before. The sheer mind-numbing horror of what had happened was enough to catapult Tim headlong into a depression if it wasn't stopped.

"Tim...do you really?"

"I watched the building explode," Tim said softly. "It blew up...literally, in my face...but I was outside looking in. Everyone else was inside...looking out...and the glass rippled. It was...I've never seen a shockwave move through solid objects before, not like that. I've never felt that before."

Gibbs didn't reply.

"How long?" Tim asked.

"How long, what?"

"How long do you think they felt it? How long were Tony and Abby conscious? How long did Ziva survive before she died? How long did it take for Jimmy to die? How long?"

"I don't know, Tim." Gibbs sighed. "You and I...we'll never know."

Two minutes later, they arrived at the hospital.

They didn't admit it...but neither of them wanted to go inside. They didn't want to see what had happened to the ones who had survived.