Due to many requests, I've decided to extend this into a collection of silly stories brought to you by the Cullens.

All characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer the Great!

Tale Number 2: Panties

It was the beginning of Christmas holidays, and the Cullens gladly took this opportunity to relax at home.

Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Bella and their bundle of joy, Renesmee, were watching Charlie Brown on tv.

Alice towed Jasper along with her to go Christmas shopping.

Esme was in the middle of taking a shower, and Carlisle was lurking somewhere in his office.

The tv watching went relatively well. That is, until Rosalie and Emmett started making out on the couch. A sickening wooden crunch could be heard when Emmett grasped the armrest.

"Guys, please!" Edward groaned and smacked a hand to his face. "Not in front of my kid!"

"Look Mommy, the couch is bending in a weird way!" Renesmee giggled. Bella quickly put a hand over her daughter's eyes.

"Look away, Nessie. You don't want to see that."

"Rosalie! Emmett! Do you want to have Esme pissed at you?"

Immediately the couple pushed themselves away from each other and exchanged a wide-eyed glance. It's been many a decade since they've seen their mother blow her top. A nuclear bomb in Hiroshima couldn't possibly compare to Esme's temper. Yes, it can be that bad.

Right at that moment Esme came out of the bathroom door and peered over the balcony. She had a towel wrapped around her pale body, and her dark, caramel hair clung to her shoulders from the wetness.

"I know this a strange question to ask, but has anyone seen my underwear? I had my clothes outside the bathroom, but now they're gone."

A chorus of "nope" replied back to her. Esme sighed and turned to look in her bedroom. She came back at the balcony, looking a little irritated.

"What's wrong, Esme?" Edward asked.

"My underwear drawer is completely empty! Who would have the nerve to steal from my room!?"

Everyone in the tv room froze in utter horror. There's only one other person who could have access to Esme's room, and that was…

"I have a pretty good idea who done it." Esme marched over to Carlisle's office with narrow eyes.

She opened the door.

And found her husband obsessively stretching a pair of white lacy panties. Carlisle was so involved that he didn't notice his wife fuming at the door.

"CARLISLE CULLEN!!"

Carlisle fell out of his leather chair in shock. He quickly hid the underwear behind his desk. "Uh…h-hello Esme…" he stuttered.

"Don't 'h-hello' me, Carlisle! I'm not stupid! Was that my panties in your hands!?"

Carlisle's mouth moved like he was about to say something, but it just moved up and down like a gasping fish.

"And let me guess, you've got all my underwear stored somewhere in your drawers, right!?"

"B-but, last night's hospital shift got me all whacked up…"

"I don't care!"

"And this morning I had tons of house calls of sick people over the holidays. I never have time to relax!"

"I don't care about that, either!"

"And I was bored…" Carlisle finished lamely.

"Whatever, Carlisle! You suck at making excuses!"

Downstairs, everyone listened to the conversation with amusement. Bella didn't even bother to cover Renesmee's ears. Emmett tried his very best not to guffaw out loud.

Then Esme uttered a truly fearsome snarl that could make Carlisle wet his pants, if that were physically possible.

"You. Stole. My. Panties. You. Will. Die." She growled.

Carlisle meekly shook the white lacy panties in the air.

"Can I at least keep this one? It's my favorite…"

"NEVER! NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU TOUCH MY UNDERWEAR!"

Everyone burst into uncontrollable laughter as Carlisle hurtled out the door screaming, with the towel-clad Esme tearing after him in hot pursuit.

In her hand was an antique baseball bat that was usually displayed in Carlisle's office.

"Esme could put Babe Ruth to shame." Edward chortled.

THWACK! THWACK!

"And she scooores!" Emmett whooped.

"Can I write this for my kindergarten holiday journal, Mommy?"

Bella winced as Esme brought down the baseball bat onto Carlisle's head once more. "Better not, honey."

Hope you guys enjoyed it. Merry Christmas, everybody!