Tale Number 3: A Cullen Christmas Story

This chapter is told in Alice's point of view.

-Christmas Eve—December 25, 2008-

"Okay guys, time to open the presents I got you! Open them! Open them!" I hopped up and down in excitement.

Jasper and I just got back from Christmas shopping. We spent hours hand-picking gifts for every member in the family.

While I came through the door with beaming excitement, Jasper looked rather exhausted.

I guess I'll let him open his present later.(When I went to the store to get Jasper's gift, he insisted on coming along with me, so I had to blindfold him.)

"Whoa! A 39 inch teddy bear! Thanks Alice!" Emmett hugged the giant plushie to his broad chest.

"I got two jackets from Lacoste! Just what I've always wanted!" Rosalie said.

"Auntie Alice got me a paper doll set!" Renesmee squealed in delight.

By now, everyone had unwrapped and admired their presents.

"Carlisle, what's wrong? Don't you like it?"

All the Cullens turned to the doctor where he was sitting right next to the Christmas tree. He was holding up a nicely made gray tanktop, and he simply stared at it.

He had a "Jasper-in-pain" expression plastered to his face.

"Turn it around, Carlisle. Does it say something?" Bella asked.

Slowly, reluctantly, Carlisle turned the tanktop around.

On the front was a message in bold, capital letters woven in red fabric:

"I'M A WEINER FROM THE CITY MORGUE."

Every Cullen rocked back in hysterical laughter. Little Renesmee nearly fell out of Bella's lap with tears in her eyes.

"I remember that like it was yesterday!" Even Esme couldn't control her mirth.

I grinned widely as I recalled those hilarious memories…

-March 7, 2008-

I was ditching school with Jasper and Edward again. It feels good to stay at home once in a while. Carlisle's not so lucky, though.

He seemed to be in a rush as he struggled to put on his lab coat and hobbled down the stairs at the same time.

As soon as he was down he grabbed his doctor's bag and ran out the door shouting:

"ByeJasperbyeEdwardbyeAlicebyeEsme!"

Esme, who was baking cookies, peered suspiciously after Carlisle's Mercedes.

It tore down the street and nearly overran a stop sign.

"Grandpa forgot to say bye to me." Renesmee pouted.

"Carlisle's unusually hasty today." Edward casually commented as he flicked through our Comcast TV's 1000 channels and finally stopped on Nickelodeon.

Edward groaned as he hammered at the remote. "Oh no! I'm stuck on one channel! What could possibly be worse?"

The TV blared: "And now...it is time for the Spongebob Premiere Marathon Week!"

"Aaaaaargh!"

Edward was so over the roof, not even Jasper could calm him down.
"Man, I really wanted to watch that NBA game today. That's the only reason why I wanted to stay home."

"You can go over to Jacob's house and watch it from there." I piped up.

"Never mind. I'll be up in my room."

Edward dejectedly trudged up the stairs and into his room. A few minutes later the house seemed to vibrate with Linkin Park music.

Jasper sighed and rolled his eyes. "When Edward's depressed, he's always listening to Linkin Park."

I winced and shuddered when I remembered the days of the family leaving Bella and Forks. I'm telling you, for the past 3 months the song Numb got stuck to my brain.

I abruptly rose from the couch and left Jasper to watch Spongebob. "I'm bored. I'm going to see if I can entertain Carlisle today."
Jasper didn't take his eyes off the TV. Clearly he's very fascinated at the sight of Spongebob and Patrick driving a Krabby Patty car.

"Okay. Do whatever."

That's my boy.

I grinned evilly as I made my way up to my room. I grabbed my cell phone and flung myself on a pink beanbag. I dialed Carlisle's number and I waited to make my move.

I heard a shuffling sound on the phone, and then a "Hello? Forks Hospital..."

I tried my best to impersonate the annoying advertising guy from the Sterling McCall commercials.

"Hellooo! This is Ima Weina from the Forks city morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em!"

Carlisle didn't answer for a long time.

"Um...who is this?"

"Ima Weina, good sir!"

"I'm a weiner?"

"That's right! From the city morgue!"

"From the city morgue?"

I had to clutch my stomach to keep from laughing. From the hospital, the other people would only hear "I'm a weiner from the city morgue."

"How did those annoying ad people reach my hospital number…?" I heard him mutter.

With that, Carlisle hung up. I hope that he didn't know it was me. Then again, it'd be nice to see his reaction when he gets home.

5 hours and 10 Spongebob episodes later...

"Esme, I'm home."

"Hello Carlisle. Anything new?"

I was on the couch with Jasper, looking at the TV so that Carlisle wouldn't notice me.

I pretended to look engrossed at the fish screaming "CHOOOCLAAAATEE" at Spongebob and Patrick. I have to say, that episode never gets old.

"Well...some weird Ima Weina person called me during the afternoon..."

It was the doofus Emmett that blew my cover.
He made an obnoxious snort and said in an equally obnoxious voice:

"Nice job Alice!"

It took a full two seconds for the realization to sink into Carlisle. Then he slapped his hand into his face.

His voice came out muffled: "That's it, Alice. No more shopping for half a year."

-Back to the present-

"By the way Alice, I've got something for you too."

"Oh?"

Alice unwrapped Carlisle's present, and she held up a petite shirt that said:

"I DRIVE MY FATHER BANANAS."

Carlisle couldn't help but smile at his incorrigible daughter.

"No matter how humiliating and degrading this tanktop may be, I'll wear this as much as I can--just for you."

"Same here." Alice grinned.

Everyone "aaaawed" when father and daughter embraced each other. That Christmas night, both Carlisle and Alice wore their shirts with pride.

Long live the power and spirit of Christmas!