Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Artemis Fowl

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Artemis Fowl.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Chapter 5 Don't Mess With My Coco Pops

BBE – Day 2 – 8:45 AM

Juliet groaned and stretched, wincing at the ball of hunger stirring in her stomach. Time for breakfast. The room was filled with a kind of half-light, coming from – well, somewhere. It wasn't as if there were any windows in this place. Throwing the bed cover carelessly to the floor, she stumbled out into the corridor. All was quiet, except the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. That would be Dom – ever the early riser.

With a yawn Juliet entered a kitchen that could have catered for a five-star restaurant and full of more high-tech gadgets than NASA. She sniffed. They better have Coco Pops in this place, she thought as she began slamming open cupboards, showing no respect whatsoever for the other people who were still sleeping. In the last one she found what she was looking for. Bright yellow cereal box clutched in one hand, she turned to the cooler.

A scene of catering carnage lay before her. Juliet hadn't noticed it at first in her furious hunt for the Coco Pops but now it was painfully obvious. Food of both human and fairy origin lay where they had fallen like casualties of a terrible war. Some of the bottles had broken, now oozing their contents on to the shiny floor. Desperately scanning the chaos, Juliet felt her mouth drop open. There on the floor was a smashed bottle surrounded by an innocent white puddle.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

BBE – Day 2 – 9:00 AM

Some people are very particular about their breakfast and are extremely offended when someone ruins it for them. A reasonable person would have thought about this before embarking on anything that would cause such disruption. Opal Koboi was not reasonable (she was also not entirely sane) and hadn't given it a moment's thought before emptying the entire contents of the cooler on to the floor. Including a highly breakable glass bottle of –

"Milk! I mean, how could you? How will we survive? What if they don't give us another one? What about my Coco Pops?"

Butler sighed. There were two things Juliet loved as much as her brother – wrestling and Coco Pops. The rest of the group were stood around the kitchen, still wearing slightly bemused expressions.

Juliet's scream had rudely awoken almost all of the sleeping housemates. Thinking they were under some kind of attack, they had all dashed through to the kitchen to investigate/ Root had even brought out his hand gun. (At least, he thought he had; it was actually someone's sock. He'd quickly dropped it, hoping no one would notice). There had been a moment's pause as they took in Juliet's contorted face and the mess on the floor. Then Butler had emerged, fully dressed. He surveyed the scene over the heads of the fairies.

"What," he said "has happened here?" An excellent question, thought Trouble.

Juliet glared at the group.

"Well? Own up, whoever did this! Don't make me show you my full Nelson!" Everyone looked around at ... everybody else. It wasn't me, their facial expressions said. Then someone in the doorway yawned loudly.

"Must you make so much noise? You've interrupted my beauty sleep." Opal Koboi had at last emerged, hair artistically tousled and clad in a vermillion silk dressing gown (it clashed terribly with the orange kitchen decor, but nobody really noticed). She looked around at the gathering, then at the open cooler door.

"Don't leave it open! My truffles will melt!" She pushed pass the others to reach the cooler as Juliet hissed like a cat that had had its tail stomped on.

"So it was you!" The pixie sighed in exasperation.

"It was me what? What exactly have I done?" She seemed oblivious to the havoc she had wreaked and the very hostile glares she was receiving.

"You've ruined the only jar of pickled pit slugs, that's what!" said Mulch, waving the now lukewarm container at her.

"And the nettle smoothies!" cried Holly (another person attached to her breakfast!. Opal looked confused.

"But I needed somewhere to put my truffles or they would have melted! How dreadful!"

Even the usually good-natured Chix was beginning to look just a little bit irate. Unfortunately Juliet had driven straight past the irate sign and was heading full speed for homicidal. A red mist rose before her eyes and Butler blood pounded in her ears. She leapt for the pixie with an enraged screech.

BBE – Day 2 – 10:00 AM

"Yesterday, did Big Brother say we'd need team work for this first task?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Damn. I think then that we've already failed." As much as she hated to admit it, Holly had to see that Mulch had a point. This morning had been a total disaster. It had taken Butler, Root and Trouble to separate Juliet and Opal, who had been going for each other like a couple of angry she-trolls. Now they were each tied to a chair at opposite ends of the table, glowering at each other. The others had agreed to keep an eye on them until they calmed down, but no one seemed to want to get too close – it was as if they were worried that the madness was contagious.

And any minute now, thought Holly, Big Brother is going to come out and give us some insane task to do. Wonderful. Chix was the only one who didn't look to be in the depths of depression. In fact he was staring avidly at the Mud Girl, an expression of dreamy delight plastered to his face ... Oh Frond. Now Chix has succumbed to the madness.

"Good morning house mates!" Everyone look around, the cursed themselves for looking for someone who wasn't there.

"What is it now?" growled Root. He was not a morning fairy; he thought that whoever invented mornings should be arrested. Possibly for 'behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace'.

"There is some more information I must impart."

"Just get on with it!" snapped Cudgeon.

"Very well. I will only speak to you when necessary, but if you wish to contact me you may use the Diary Room. Anything you say is, of course, in the strictest confidence."

Yeah, thought Trouble, you and every fairy under the world.

"And now I will give you the first task. You must, as a group, produce an aerobic dance routine lasting at least one and a half minutes, to be performed on Day 7. Everyone must take part. Appropriate music and clothing has been provided in the Diary Room. Good luck!" A cheery jingle played for a couple of seconds and then Big Brother was gone. Awkward silence rushed in to fill the gap.

"He didn't just say aerobics did he?" asked Mulch. He looked as if he were about to be sick. "Not as in 'star jumps and sweatbands' aerobics?"

"I don't think you get any other types of aerobics," replied Trouble. His nut brown skin had acquired a pale, washed out look. Root's rage-o-meter was cranking to a dangerously high level. Laughing nervously to alleviate some of the tension, Holly glanced around at the mismatched group. Two of them had already required restraining and the others were about to follow them over the edge.

"It can't be that hard, can it? I mean, star jumps aren't that difficult, right?"

Famous last words.

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry! This took much longer than usual... And we still haven't got that far! I wasn't going to start anymore fics until I finished this one but ... I lied. I'm not going to write about every day in the Establishment... that would take waaaaayy too long.

I would have updated sooner, but I was distracted. I was reading Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox. It contains several squee moments and that is all I will say, because it doesn't come out until August ... XD

Don't forget to review and tell me what you think of this chapter! I'll cry if you don't...