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Hisoka x Illumi

NOW AND FOREVER

by SEMON

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3.

Hisoka never considered making a change for anyone, even after he had Illumi, he still thought like that. He preferred a life of freedom, unfettered by responsibilities, and Illumi never interfered. Hisoka still smoked chronic, indulged in hard liquor, shot up on H, sometimes he passed out, and his buddies had to call Illumi to help carry his drunken ass home. Illumi never mentioned this, and Hisoka was pleased to find him so low-maintenance, deciding that he had found himself a perfect lover.

Until one day, Hisoka caught one of his band members teaching Illumi how to shoot up. He immediately rushed up, knocked his friend over with a single kick, followed by a vicious punch to Illumi's face.

"Fuck you! Don't fucking touch this shit!" That was the first time Hisoka hit Illumi, and also the last.

Neither crying, nor expressing any emotion, Illumi eyed Hisoka stoically, felt the cut on his lip, and calmly stated, "I only wanted to know how they taste like, the drugs that have got you so mesmerized."

---

The next day, Hisoka gave away his whole stash of smack, I mustn't let Illumi have any contact with them, he thought. Quitting cold turkey was an absolute nightmare, in his delirium he would smash things up, only to see wreckage all over the room when he sobered up. Hisoka thought the whole situation was rather amusing, but as soon as he noticed the wounds he made on Illumi's arms when he had to be restrained, laughter died in his throat.

"Illu-chan, leave me be, let me be sick by myself."

"Um-hm."

"Illu-chan, go back to work tomorrow, don't stay at home, you don't need this."

"Um-hm."

"Illu-chan…"

"Um-hm?"

"Does it hurt?"

"…Um-hm."

---

In Hisoka's eyes, Illumi may well be an angel, as pure as snow and as perfect, Hisoka decided to protect him as he would protect a precious treasure.

Sometimes, Hisoka felt a little weird, no more weed, no more hard liquor, no more smack, could this really be him?

What the fuck, I'm turning into his freaking wife, he thought hatefully.

But his band mates seemed to approve of his change. Everyone knew Hisoka was a volatile fellow, he liked to play devious tricks, he felt no shame even if he seduced an associate's girlfriend for a one-night stand. Hisoka always wore a smile on his face, but no one could tell what he was thinking about. One minute, he could be laughing and chatting with you, and the next, smashing a chair over your head. No one knew whether this was due to his own character, or the effect of drug abuse, but his gestures were always so excessive, frequently, his buddies were unable to stop him from his rash acts which usually amounted to self-destruction. They liked him a lot better nowadays, not only was he more reserved, even his character became less arrogant.

---

"Hisoka, lately your vocals have been getting better."

"Oh yeah?"

"Probably because you stopped taking drugs. What do you say we put more effort into going professional? Who knows, we might make it big."

"Yeah right, dream on buddy. Do gumballs fall from heaven?"

"Hey, hey! Hisoka, I'm being serious, don't just walk away, Hisoka! Hiso-!"

He didn't show it, but Hisoka actually felt a little happy, after all music was the only thing that he had been admired for in all his decadent life. Maybe I really can succeed. The notion occurred to him for the first time in his twenty-odd years of life. That night, he vaguely remembered having a couple of drinks, and also a long conversation with Illumi, but afterwards he remembered nothing of what he said, only the silent way that Illumi had listened to everything, his inky black eyes sparkled brightly in the dark night, and then tilting his head, he mused carefully, and nodded heavily.

---

4.

Illumi had a head of beautiful long hair, crow black and luxuriant. What Hisoka loved best was to bury himself into the pile of silky black strands, and enjoy the feel of Illumi's fresh and dry body heat.

Illumi didn't like talking, or maybe he just wasn't used to expressing his own views, that trait combined with his sweet expressionless face, always gave people the impression he was a lifeless, soulless doll. Sometimes Hisoka figured that Illumi must truly be as cold as numb as he looked, because he always wore the same neutral expression, he did not smile, nor cry. Sometimes, Hisoka wanted to see his tear-stained face so badly, he would purposely hurt Illumi while they were making love, but it never worked, Illumi just desperately bit it down time and time again, even if he tore his lips he would never shed a single tear.

"Why can't you ever cry?" Hisoka felt unsatisfied at not getting a reward for his schemes.

Illumi stared unblinkingly and thought for a long time, before finally revealing to Hisoka, that when he was a child he was trained never to cry, because members of the Zaoldyeck Family were forbidden to show any signs of weakness. Each time he cried, he would be locked up in the black house, to cry until he couldn't cry anymore. Over time, he got used to it.

"Rich people sure have some fucked up ways," Hisoka curled his lips scornfully, hugging Illumi tightly to his chest.

"But you can cry now, no one's going to lock you up."

"… … That's true." Illumi said and then nodded his head.

"Illu-chan."

"Um-hm?"

"Can you try smiling for me sometime?"

"… … Um-hm."

---

Despite his words, Illumi didn't change; he still did not smile, nor cry.

I'd pay anything to see Illumi's tears and smile, Hisoka thought to himself.

---

The first Christmas they shared after living together, Hisoka made the unprecedented gesture of taking him out for dinner at a classy French restaurant. Although Hisoka never felt himself responsible for Illumi's running away from home, the thought that Illumi who was once accustomed to fine dining was now reduced to munching on hamburgers day after day, made him wish that he could treat him better. On that day, Hisoka even put on a suit and tie, when he showed up in his finery at the bar where he usually worked, two-thirds of the guests were so shocked they dropped their drinks, while the remaining one-third were so scared that they fainted dead away.

After they had their feast, which Hisoka honestly thought was more troublesome than delicious, they began to stroll down the street under the softly falling snow, Hisoka purposely stomped on the fresh snow piled up by the side of the pavement and made it grey and dirty. Groups of laughing or bickering lovers walked past them, Hisoka hugged an arm around Illumi's shoulders, whispered jokes into his ear from time to time, while arrogantly flashing the finger at those who dared to give them strange looks.

The billboard above the main street was broadcasting slick commercials and sound clips, a lovely female vocalist seduced the world with her gentle alto. "I want to love you like it's now or never. We don't need to be together, forever."

Hisoka burst into laughter. "Damn right, is there anything in the world that truly belongs to anyone? What counts is that we're happy right here, right now. Isn't it, Illu-chan?"

Illumi only gazed at him for the longest time, but did not nod his head.

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To be continued...